I awoke quite early here in Solus Deus Hermitage. Seemed mighty chilly. In fact, late yesterday seemed chilly in here. Sure enough, nothing showing on the thermostat--digital as most gadgets are these days. Furnace has gone out. Made a couple phone calls, and a furnace man named Charles is on his way.
At last I kept fidgeting with the gas-log fireplace that I'd been told needs a new part. Probably does, but by repeatedly turning the knob could get the pilot to shoot into flame--and enough times of turning the knob at a certain moment--and the flames did not go out. A little warmth and am praising God! So much going on; my life not as simple as I'd like, but then, it is not best for me to stay in bed which is where this body is most comfortable.
No, I have to force myself to do the projects around here, that makes the body remain mobile even if for an hour or two of the day. It is the added decisions that must be made, though, connected with the pray-and-work mode that is so positive an element of this illegal-Catholic-God's-hermit's life!
When reading the verses in James 2:14-26 this morning while bundling and waiting for furnace help, I consider that I have not been helping to feed and tend the poor in body. Do my prayers help feed and tend the poor in spirit? In faith, yes, they do. But I want to also do works of helpfulness, tangbile.
Well, Charles came and checked the thermostat. Simply needed new batteries. I've not dealt with thermostats before; had a heat pump prior in Te Deum Hermitage, with a remote control. Learning something new all the time, and this one imprinted a bit more with $85 fee. I did tell myself what St. Padre Pio always advised: Pray, hope, and don't worry. True, in the morning when I awaken, the pain takes all mind and heart to contend with the body for several hours.
I had tried remove the thermostat cover, but there is a little trick to it. Doubt I'd have figured it out with my morning pain level; but also I'd not have met the kindly Charles, an older man who told me the trick of how to get the thermostat cover removed. And, I realize that I am helping financially with persons' businesses and employees' incomes. That is a form of charity, after all!
The added work of drywall removal has put my pain level at higher than the usual, which is my own doing, of course. But, I pray and hope in God that the back muscles might be a tad bit stronger than had I not attempted the manual labor. Otherwise, the hermitage is still cluttered with stuff not put away, for the bending to pick up items still from unpacking phase--is absolutely too much for the spine. Easier to stand and remove drywall, using upper back and arms! So it goes.... Pray and work, and at some point order will return in the externals, while most of all I must tend to interior "order" of mind, heart, and soul.
And for that, all the"busy about many things" Martha-aspect must be kept in lesser position, and the interior, contemplative, prayerful and praising aspect of Mary-has-chosen-the-better-part in prominence. Within the better part is the good of denying self, first and foremost, and then taking up the cross and following Jesus.
Following Jesus requires knowing Jesus, and to know Jesus means to read about Jesus and to read Jesus' own words in the Gospels, and to read what others have written--the apostles, those who knew Jesus while on earth, as well as to read what the saints and mystics write about Jesus from knowing Him intimately through their writings of their spiritual lives in progress when alive, and through their coming to Divine Union with Christ.
Above all, knowing Jesus means very much, perhaps mostly, coming to intimacy through prayer and praising, through stilling the mind and heart and resting within Jesus' Love--the soul abiding in Jesus' Heart, Mind, Soul. Being in love with Jesus is knowing Jesus. Thus following Jesus and carrying whatever crosses, becomes an easy yoke and light burden.
What could I give in exchange for my life? I can give my mind, heart, and soul to Jesus. Thus it is that these aspects of what Jesus teaches us and how He lived His life on earth, and how we learn and grow in the Holy Spirit Whom Jesus sent to be with us after He ascended--these matter more to me than such as canonical approval as a hermit in what is a temporal vocation. God already chose and approved me years ago--including His chastising me, correcting me, and forming me in the hermit life over the years.
This current phase is also of His guiding and forming me, choosing for me His will. He's pointing me more to the spiritual and of the interior of His Son and of the hermit saints than to the yet-unfolding of a more recent canon law. While the canon is fine and evidently felt by bishops to be needed for some purpose, such as for supervising hermits in their dioceses (of which that part of the canon being upheld tends to depend on individual bishops and individual hermits), I marvel at the Scriptures and their emphases tending away from added layers.
I've never had to deal with a bishop needing to be responsible for my hermit vocational supervision and direction; for as God's hermit, I have Him supervising me constantly, even if I have caused Him to remind me or form me with firm and strong means--often situational. He's taught me the ways of spiritual combat, and of the power of the Virgin Mary in such matters, and always the merciful and loving omnipotence and omniscience of His Real Presence in all things of earth and heaven.
However, I do not discount the good for those who desire also the more external aspects such as diocese bishop approval and being recognized by the ecclesial law, CL603. I'm weary of adding on exterior aspects to what has been for over twenty years and plenty for me to learn and to strive in, with God always present and keeping my guardian angel on my case! Perhaps the level of physical pain, also, allows me to yearn for simplicity even in a matter of a single canon law and adding in yet another person, granted a busy and important prelate of a diocese, or more likely his chancellor, and whatever involved per how they would want the canon law to be effectuated. This would be likely a first for them.
Dying to self, laying down my life and not resurrecting more of me to such processes, has its appeal and sense of peacefulness. St. Gertrude writes of her love of "death"--which when one reads what she writes, must not misconstrue that she is glorifying her temporal death. Rather, she is indicating a desire to die to self and exist, to live, only in Christ.
"O dearest death, you are my happiest lot. Ah, let my soul find a nest for itself, may I always have hope under your wings. O saving death, you are my dearest ransom. Ah, may you absorb all my life in you and immerse my death in you...." ~ St. Gertrude of Helfta, Exercises VII, SC 127
I can relate with that tremendous desire for interior dying to self and living in Christ. Today, yes, particularly after having gotten this body to the title company to sign documents for a mortgage refinance of which not just the lower interest rate was prudent in this temporal world of hermit handling own finances, but also to get the title into a trust which was also prudent, making my death and the legal paperwork involved with someone's physical death, less complex for whomever has to deal with it. Another act of charity to others, it seems, to consider their earthly time and hassles in concluding the financial responsibilities of my earthly existence, once am dead and buried.
Also, this morning, early and reminding me within, the Lord brings up the question the confessor asked of me, regarding the nemesis of nearly 12 years whose focus and views on probably more than hermit life, have seemed to irk the person repeatedly. He asked me, regarding that person, "Try to figure out what it is that might cause the person to become riled, then if you could avoid that." Well, I think my writing of much anything at this point, will rile the person; but if I write my views of my hermit life, my thoughts and perspective regarding the hermit vocation, canon law or otherwise, that irks the person.
But at this point, after all these years, even if I'd cease my willing embrace of an illegal Catholic hermit, not at all recognized by law or recognized at all in my anonymity, the person might yet be riled to react. I suspect we differ in more than spiritual aspects, so pray and love are best recourse. Simply keep writing of my spiritual progression in my God-chosen, God-approved eremitic vocation in this lifetime. Keep striving to live my rule of life, the Gospel Rule, with the Nine S' in place; die to all else. But above all, love God in Himself and love others as He loves; live to exist, in Christ Jesus, by and of the Holy Spirit.
From the Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to St. Mark (8:34-38, 9:1):
"Jesus summoned the crowd with his disciples and said to them, 'Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and that of the gospel will save it.'
"'What profit is there for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?
What could one give in exchange for his life?
Whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this faithless and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of when he comes in his Father's glory, with the holy angels.'
"He also said to them, 'Amen, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God has come in power.'"
God bless His Real Presence in us! Jesus, I trust in You!
1 comment:
Your post was like a drink of fresh, cool, spring water! There is much being written about the eremitical life today, perhaps even a surge of interest. There is even a Google to WIKI-HOW on how to become a hermit. The Canon seems to be a late attempt to show approval and get control over a way of life lived by the early Church Fathers and then disregarded and maligned for centuries. Even at almost 72 years of age, I still had to defend and explain, the persistent call to a life of silence and solitude in Christ that I have always desired— particularly to my parish priest. He had all the standard worries and hesitations, not quite seeming to see the value in such “isolation” and withdrawal. Because I do honor the Church and the need for some accountability or “obedience”, I have only recently “received a blessing” to discontinue teaching adolescent religious education, forgo the Ladies Guild meetings, drop the knitting circle, and withdraw from the monthly seven family potluck bible study so that I can officially pursue a solitary life of prayer.
Previously, I just started living as best I could what God would show me to be the life of prayer of an urban hermit. I read about living on the margin, letting go of societal and cultural conditioning and other people’s rules of life. I soon found a whole new list of labels, expectations, and levels to the rights and privileges of calling oneself a “lay hermit”, a “canonical hermit”, or just “a solitary”—alone, alone with others, married but a hermit, etc., etc. It felt like a deluge of “fussiness”.
I was led to more and more simplification, hiddenness and ordinariness. I do not wear a habit or anything that looks like one. I mostly wear jeans, sandals, and a tee-shirt. I eat and live frugally, as best I can. I pray simply, very simply and listen for the Beloved’s voice moment to moment, day to day. To forget myself completely and not care what I am labeled as, or who knows about me and my life, seems a pretty good idea. I trust my Spiritual director given me by God, knowing God is truly my Guide.
You said, “I'm weary of adding on exterior aspects to what has been for over twenty years and plenty for me to learn and to strive in, with God always present and keeping my guardian angel on my case! “ ...” Dying to self, laying down my life and not resurrecting more of me to such processes, has its appeal and sense of peacefulness.” How I identify with that!
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