Having much fatigue from increased pain but also I am battling a spirit of discouragement.
Rationally, there is no reason for feeling discouraged. I am striving each day to keep going here, to try to do what manual labor I can in order to "finish the race" on this old farmhouse--my Te Deum Hermitage these past five-plus years.
I know well that discouragement is a "spirit" of the dark forces, sent by the devil to try to defeat from within the mind, heart, and soul. These aspects of our beings (mind, heart, soul) can greatly affect our bodies. All is connected--the temporal and the spiritual--while we are in our bodies on this earth.
I also know that praising God is a tremendous antidote against the spirit of darkness, which in effect is the disgrace of discouragement.
Yesterday I struggled with not allowing discouragement to affect the mind and emotions, yet the obstacles infiltrated all the same. The devil can gain entrance through subtle cracks. Fatigue is one of them--fatigue from pain as pain is quite tiring. Upon waking, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit's body is exhausted. Pain does that.
The devil also can gain foothold through even the most fleeting thought of past or future. Thus it is crucial to remain in the present moment. However, a memory was introduced via a present moment event--a reminder of someone in the past who quite cruelly mistreated, causing quite difficult challenges not only for me but for others--children then, now grown. I found myself praying yet again for the person yet noticed that while years have passed, praying for the person remains in itself not easy in purity of loving concern for a soul. But that is the goal in prayer--to have purity of loving concern for whomever we pray.
Then the devil tried to creep in (and got part-way through the cracked opening) through obstacles in the manual labor. Raphael who had said he would come yesterday to help figure out how to get the screen out of a skylight his workers had installed (need to now clean the window after a couple years of dust accumulation--like the spirit of discouragement, subtly but increasingly noticeable build-up). He was also going to screw in the 6" screws to secure stair newell posts, as my right hand and elbow are not up to the steady strength required to maintain power of drill on head of 6" screw in such a crucial stair post setting.
He did not come; and in the meantime I also could not finish the upstair's hall flooring at a threshold until I can remove the pocket door which needs trimming at bottom to clear the new floor height as well as is catching on something within the pocket construciton.
So I tried to switch to other tasks needing completion. I decided to set the final door frame in opening to upstair's bathroom. Got it shimmed, plumb, and level--screwed into doorway--only to realize that I needed to saw off a half-inch at bottom of frame. So I removed the screws and shims that took quite awhile to get just-so in order to have the frame as perfect as possible to hold the door itself. Went to pole barn to retrieve the hand saw, set the removed door frame on the floor with padding so would not scratch floor, and sawed off the half-inch. Reinstalled the door frame--re-shimmed, put in setting screws, and decided to paint final coat on door laid out on sawhorses in living room.
Painted it but was distracted then in another task. Later when I walked by the painted door, I noticed some paint had started to run in the door's inset panel. It also had dried enough that I will need to sand and re-paint that door, at least in the three places the paint had left "run" marks. Must wait 16 hours between coats of this trim paint, so more delay in this project, as well.
Amidst these various attempts for the spirit of discouragement to gain entry to within from without, a thought returned of which I'd been reminded for awhile now. It was that of the elderly woman who passed in here six years ago. She has made her presence known a few times, rather obviously; and her soul is not one that is settled nor at peace.
I have been praying for her to be at peace and for the repose of her restless soul, well as to reassure that there will be others to live here when I'm no longer. There has been confirmation through others, and some tangible aspects, that in earthly life she was dabbling in non-Christian beliefs and actions. The devil uses all weakness to attack. I have sensed that this soul has been disturbed by my effort to finish and to leave, thus I've experienced strange but real obstacles in addition to the more logical ones.
Despite the various ways the devil approaches and proceeds to try to gain entry into our daily lives, through spirit of discouragement or whatever other spirit of darkness, we must persevere in praise of God as well as in prayer for others and even ourselves. Lord, have mercy on my soul! Lord, save us! Lord, have mercy; Christ, have mercy!
Praise God from Whom all blessings flow. Praise Him above and here below. Remain in the Order of the Present Moment. Keep going, simply keep going. Even if the daily, temporal life events seem disjointed and haphazard--seeming without meaning or purpose in a spiritual way, or in our holy vocation or God-willed mission in life--these events and tasks are what God has allowed and of which are set before us to be tackled and from which we learn invaluable spiritual lessons.
Today is a new beginning, a metamorphosis from the night's dark cocoon of resting in some other realm, somewhere between temporal and mystical or combination therein. Dawn brings new life, new hope, a new chance for increased faith, new conversations in prayer and new praising of God.
And today brings new challenges against spirits of darkness no matter the types.
We persevere for the love of God and strive to think, do, and be all for God, all for His glory, all for His love. The temporal outcomes (such as whatever occurs with finances, health, finishing (or not) but yet relocating (unless death precludes) do not matter nearly as much (or at all) as does the process in which we proceed and unfold in each present moment of life.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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