Such horrific experiences of clarity of the holiness of a Mass that is disrupted by unholiness or even what is not that which is in union with a priest at the portal, pointing the way from the temporal to the spiritual realm, takes a bit of recovery time.
By late yesterday when up on the roof painting siding, the inner peace returned. Yet this morning, awoke asking the Lord if this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has any responsibility beyond praying for the priest and for the parishioners. Don't yet know the answer.
Could do a bit of casting of the nets to discern. Could call a priest who is solid in his vocation and who is aware of the parish priest and his issues, and seek his counsel. However, am not convinced ought to even do that much. Prayer is quite powerful as is suffering. And this hermit has suffered greatly with a growing compassion for the parish priest who is not able to fulfill totally a vocation that requires death to self and teaching and preaching and leading people through, with, and in Christ Jesus.
To have a disorder that precludes being comfortable or willing to be around people personally, is not helpful for a priestly vocation. To have one's heart in poetry and theatre and in personal performance is not helpful. So there are some hurdles that would need to be leapt, and it may not be in the personality or desire to do so.
This Catholic hermit very much empathizes! It tried and tried, years ago, to please the parents as well as to try a vocation as a classroom teacher. But something deep within knew it was not its true calling. Yet, the practical aspects for a classroom teacher are quite clear-cut, and the hermit's mother was a very successful classroom teacher, as was it's husband, years and years ago. It all made practical sense--all the reasons to be a classroom teacher, and the hermit could do all that was required. However, if it is not one's true vocation, there is not the innate quality and success, the heart is not filled with the quench of natural contentment even if the externals are accomplished.
So the Lord plucked the hermit out of the classroom when it did not have the courage or wherewithal to do so. And the Lord made more clear the hermit's vocation. Yes, it is to teach--but to teach men and women how to stabilize their emotions through spirituality.
And to this, the Catholic hermit must review and refine it's own part in this calling. Writing is mostly the means of this teaching, and prayer; and the hermit must pray more about fulfilling the calling. Distractions pull the hermit off-course.
Today's Gift of the Holy Spirit as spiritual gift for the hermit's friend, is the gift of "knowledge." The Catechism of the Catholic Church clarifies this on knowledge: with the gift of knowledge, we understand the meaning of God. The gift of knowledge is more than an accumulation of facts; it also helps us to choose the right path through life.
Somehow, with the horror of what occurred in the bastardization of a Mass, the hermit lost over a day of its life and got confused on what chapters to read with what intentions in the spiritual gift. So today the hermit is reading/praying Chapters 9 and 10 in The Letter to the Hebrews. Chapter 10 is particularly rich, deep, and moves the soul. It relates meaningfully with the gift of knowledge.
The Catholic hermit needs to rise from the mattress. The pain level is quite high this morning, but it will rise, dress, and continue caulking the trim on the porch area as well as re-do the window trim and flashing, as the hermit got the flashing in the wrong place. All must be done omnia pro Deo: all for God! To do something wrong and to leave it not right, is not the best one can do for God...or anyone. But doing our best and giving our all for God is our primary duty and ought to be our main desire, as well.
God bless His Real Presence in us!