Catholic Hermit: A Delightful Scripture

As the prayer concerns flow in, from whom God brings and wills, this Scripture from the First Reading of Holy Mass the other day, covers in particular, some of the persons for whom I pray and praise God.

Brothers and sisters:
Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly,
and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.
each must do as already determined, without sadness or compulsion,
for God loves a cheerful giver.
Moreover, God is able to make every grace abundant for you,
so that in all things, always having all you need,
you may have an abundance for every good work.

As it is written:

"He scatters abroad, he gives to the poor;
his righteousness endures forever."

The one who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food
will supply and multiply your seed
and increase the harvest of your righteousness.

~ 2 Cor 9:6-10

I especially consider the words, the meaning of the truths:
"each must do as already determined, without sadness or compulsion,
for God loves a cheerful giver."

This is so difficult for some--to do for another without sadness or compulsion but to give and do out of love--even if it must be unconditional love when one has fallen out of love or has not forgiven someone.

This past week, I've prayed for two spouses who have given unconditionally to their ailing spouses.  I've also prayed for spouses who've had some love issues.  There has been personality differences for a long time, I realized, but until recently did not know the extent of the loved lost.  The one is now ill, and the other does out of compulsion the necessities, including hiring people to contend with the spouse.  Granted, it is obviously too much for the one spouse.  

Who knows what all has unfolded over the years, or what illness of sorts comes to fill in where love once was, of which one who thinks the self quite healthy and justified, does not even recognize that the self may have developed a type of illness, as well.  It can be a personality trait turned into a disorder, or a distaste for the other person so that there is no cheer left. 

Then there are those who tend an ailing spouse to such a high degree of desire to lovingly serve, to spend whatever time even if the spouse does not recognize, no matter the trials that have occurred in the marriage over the years.  There is a joy in the giving, and whatever compulsion there is, it is that of not wanting to leave the spouse's side, but to advocate for the spouse in whatever needs are present.

One of the saintly spouse's loved one passed nearly five months ago.  The other saintly spouse is quite elderly yet spends hours at the hospice ward bedside of her ailing husband, holding his hand, considering how sweet and vulnerable he is, lying there as he was when he was born into this world.  He is being prepared to be born into eternity.

But the spouse who has lost love, although a Christian, does for others but seems stressed to go much further in tolerating the ill spouse being in the same space.  Yet out of duty, all is done--the groceries there for the ill spouse to fix breakfast and lunch and eat in medicated stupor, or to go out with the hired aides six of seven days a week.  

Still it is increasingly too much for the other spouse.  Notice is being taken of any odd change in the one, to be reported to the doctor with the idea the spouse will be committed to a hospital.  Thus far, the doctor has only said to increase the medication.  Another reporting of odd behavior will be made this week.

I simply pray for God's will, for there is no way to know for sure, other than the aides and the case manager thus far are probably seeing into the couple's situation and dynamics.  God will know what is best for both persons in this instance or in any instance.

The other prayer I offer in this situation, is to encourage the one whose love is lost and probably has been for years--love lost for the spouse but not for numerous others who receive bounteous love and acts of kindness.  Truly, whatever has gone on has perverted the situation tremendously, enough for disorders to take root and grow in varying types and degrees.

I certainly know for sure one thing about myself:  I have no idea if I could live this Scripture with the faith and selflessness that God would desire of me and would provide to me in grace and love.  How would I serve if I'd lost love for a person the Lord had determined for me to serve?  I do not know other than in situation by situation, in whatever ways the Lord places in my life.  Already, I have seen how I have done over my life time.  Usually there are phases within the service--ups and downs as to my cheerfulness or not. 

But regardless the case studies I present here, if you will, what is ultimately so powerful and delightful of the above Scripture, is stated in these words, this truth:

"Moreover, God is able to make every grace abundant for you,
so that in all things, always having all you need,
you may have an abundance for every good work."

So it is this truth with which I pray for the one spouse who has lost love and is weary of the change in their lives, and I pray for whatever has been unkind in the past, in the spouse who has become ill with depression.  There is past history in the marriage.  For any person who is a caretaker--of which we all are caretakers of loved ones and strangers, near and far, known and unknown--might find it difficult to love someone who has hurt, or who has not been able to forgive many faults, or who has developed ways of being distant while living together--God provides!

I sent this Scripture selection to the one spouse, for rather than confront the issues going on, perhaps the best I can do is to encourage and remind what the Living Word of God says and provides.  God is able to make whatever grace needed, abundant in that caregiving spouse.  God will, in all things, always provide what is needed.  God will provide so that there will be an abundance for every good work.  

I know the one spouse has it somewhere within, although an extremism has developed over time that may preclude, obscure, doing the right thing.  There is a deception growing, that the one spouse is at a point that the self can "take no more."  Yet any suggestion such as hiring an aide for the seventh day of the week, also, is not acted upon.  Doors now have locks so that the ill spouse is not allowed to enter where the caregiver spouse keeps items and does the hobbies enjoyed, and where the caregiver sleeps and bathes.

Nothing can be done by me (or any of us in most cases, really) but to pray.  Perhaps the spouse who is the diagnosed one, will have a better life hospitalized.  But the other spouse--as a Christian--how long will the caregiving struggle persist?  God knows; only God knows.  For us, though, time will tell.

Such a delightful scripture is this--when we strive to embrace each word, each line, each thought, as if a holy instruction and delightful goal, especially when the effort to love unconditionally will be the requirement for success.  It is easier to do for others when we love them, and even then we can become weary physically and emotionally as we are imperfect humans.  

One major point in considering the above Scripture is this reality:  Sowing generously or sparingly depends upon the person doing the sowing.  Being a Christian is not really meant to be about picking and choosing.  It is not that we should shut off the generous sowing when it comes to someone who has hurt our feelings or with whom we have lost love.  It might be very hard to sow to such a person, but that is rather the point of the Scripture's challenge and truth?  

What happens to a soul who chooses to sow based upon wanting to sow in abundance to only those personally chosen, and to sow sparingly to those with whom one harbors resentment or dislike?  Especially, what happens to a Christian soul who is a selective sower?  Will all the good deeds in the world make up for unwillingness to at least try to love unconditionally and to forgive over and over for as long as it takes to be open for God to fill us with all that we need to be a non-selective, cheerful giver?

For when love is not there, surely the devil will do all to fill in whatever thoughts we have of ourselves as Christians, as cheerful givers, with a deception of ourselves as doing so when we are instead trying to justify a means to be rid of the opportunity to serve.  We then disallow all that grace that God has for us, to make abundant whatever is needed to give of ourselves, for then it is not what we want to do, or what we are used to doing with our days and nights, or for us to chose whom we want to gift.  

Instead, the Lord sets before us the provision to let Him choose for us, whom we are to serve.  Then it is our choice, if mentally well ourselves, I suppose, or not deceived by the devil, or not chained by lack of ability to forgive wrongs--then it is our choice to accept all the graces God will give to be the cheerful giver--not out of any compulsion other than out of love of God, love of others in God, love of God and others over self.

That, my dear and prayerful readers, is what makes the above Scripture so utterly delightful!  And for sure, I'm still in soul school on it, for the type of love and faith the Lord desires of me, is yet for me to desire, learn, practice, receive.  Also, I must keep seeing myself as I am, to see my flaws, for the devil is ever so clever at having us believe that we are cheerful givers to all, and justified sometimes, in selecting who we want to serve and who we do not.  We can so easily convince ourselves that we can "take no more", or that someone ought to be put away somewhere by picking on any aspect that might be proof enough to someone who has the power to rid us of whom God has put before us to lovingly serve.

What makes Scriptures, such as the selection cited, is what we make of them.  How and if and to what degree we cooperate with internalizing and living out His Living Word helps the truths of God delightful and sweet.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  

Catholic Hermit: An Insight

Much suffering has occurred in the past couple of weeks.  It is mostly physical suffering of various types, and the death of this consecrated Catholic hermit's will magnifies the marvelous reactions to such suffering.  God's will, in replacing my will, continues to react quite differently than before.

Increasingly I seek God's Mind, His Wisdom, His Insights, yet my intellect, mind, ideas, thoughts continue in the process.  The prayer remains that His Mind replace mine.  That is the spiritual good, the desired goal, for then the intellect and the will can cooperate fully.  Prayer at all levels of intimacy then become fully empowered.

Back in April, shortly after that Wednesday on which my will finally died, God's insights came more frequently and clearly.  Yes, this takes discernment and practice in assessing, much as it surely must take adaptation when one has lost a limb and acquires a prosthesis.  For us mortals, even the spiritual processes can take temporal time; and the death and replacement of such as our will or intellect, or all the other components of our soul that must be replaced with His Real Presence--it involves not only temporal time in our temporal realities, but also suffering of various sorts.

Even though we may read in some mystic or saint writings of various spiritual experiences and progressions, we must keep in mind the passage of time involved as well as profoundly deep suffering.  Being emptied out of such as one's will entails far more than what the word "emptied" may effect in the reading of it.

About a week after the death of this old consecrated Catholic hermit's will, when I was out in the gardens weeding, I happened to be considering the soul of one of the adult children.  I wondered at how the person's soul might be touched enough to shift to more love, forgiveness, or whatever needed to put behind resentments or anger--whatever it is that keeps the person from a healthy relationship with me, a hermit-mystic-parent.

But instead of that adult child remaining the focus of prayerful, loving meditation, into the thoughts came an unexpected insight.  It was an insight intended for a cousin who has had rancor toward her mother for years.  The mother is now 93 years old but remains bright and clear-minded but hindered somewhat with mobility.  The mother and daughter have different personalities, true.  But the daughter who is nearly 68 years old, is fairly eaten with misgivings over just about anything the mother might mention or do.

Just a simple shared lunch at the retirement facility can cause the daughter to have numerous criticisms regarding her mother.  It is all picayune, really, but to the daughter it is infectious perhaps to a point of a bit obsessively diseased within her mind and heart.  It seems I have tried various angles to hopefully help the daughter see that letting such personality differences or little ways of being cause detraction and frustration, and anger to the point of hate--get to her--but really to no avail other than the daughter holds back, at times, complaining as much to me about her mother.

Yet she complains about and criticizes her mother over nearly anything that others would simply ignore or even appreciate, for she seemingly cannot help it now, after many years.  Her mind and heart are fairly riddled with the  mother-triggers which haunt her.

So in the garden, weeding, came the insight that the reason this hermit's aunt continues to exist on this earth, beyond what other family members have existed, is not so much for the aunt's soul's progression but for her daughter to have any bit of more temporal time to get her own soul in better order.  Her soul is being given much-needed time here on earth to strive to simply accept and love her mother as she is.

And actually, other than her mother being an extrovert and the daughter more an introvert, and the mother being a visual person who loves outer appearances, color, fabric, design, and has had in her life a bit of vanity (who is without a vice if not many, among us?), the mother has been increasingly spiritually advancing in prayer life and loving encouragement of others, in grace and desire.

Yet the daughter sees none of this in her mother.  Too ingrained are the infected aspects of comments or ways of being, of personality, made years ago, perhaps, or hurtful things the cousin has held onto rather than being able to let another person's essence be a source of interest--and, if nothing other, a practice opportunity for unconditional love.

The elderly mother has had some heavy-duty suffering in her life, maybe more than the daughter in some ways, although the loss of the mother's son and the daughter's brother, years ago, very rough for both. And the mother's husband and daughter's father leaving the family shortly after, in shameful manner, also a source of suffering for each in their own way.  But the daughter's adult life has been filled with blessings, up until something else occurred, brought on by herself in a life-altering, unfortunate way.

Well, this is a lot of background, but what human life, what soul, is without background? And we need to consider the backgrounds of souls in order to have compassion and understanding.  It is not that any of us is perfect, nor are we to be considered fully at blame because there are always situations and perspectives interplaying all of life.  The devil, too, is always more than eager to enter into any bit of weak point in a soul--the soul's will, intellect, understanding, emotions, imagination, memory, and senses.

I knew within I was to share the insight with my cousin.  Remember the insight after all this background information?  It is that her mother remains on earth not so much for the mother's spiritual progression, for her soul is progressing well.  The mother remains longer on earth in order to give the adult daughter more time to get her own soul in better order, to strive for unconditional love of her mother, to rid out the rancorous and critical thoughts and comments that goad her deep down in.

Far better for us to do what we can with our souls in this temporal-spiritual life than later, at judgment and beyond in purgation or sometimes, even no opportunity in hell.

The insight remained with me, yet I understandably did not look forward to sharing it with the cousin. Who would?  It could go either way--accepted and bringing change, or not accepted and bringing distancing in our relationship.  But with God's insights, they do tend to stay with us; and if a message we are to impart no matter how difficult or sensitive a topic, we will not have freedom from it until the message is delivered.  

I waited.  A few days later the cousin called.  I had decided to wait for her to call, and at that point I mentioned that I'd had an insight that I am fairly sure is from God, and it is for her specifically.  I shared what it is, and the cousin listened quietly.  

I shared it after one point when she was complaining about something rather small that the mother had mentioned. (It had to do with a doctor telling another nursing home resident that getting a roast beef sandwich at Arby's a couple times a week would help increase iron in the body.  The cousin found what her mother said to be irritating and had snapped at her mother, telling her an Arby's roast beef sandwich would NOT provide the iron her mother may need.)

So we see at what level of rancor to which this has been reduce.  When I mentioned that this is an example of trying to have empathy and also let things roll off, the cousin said, "Well, I just won't even say anything at all when my mother says things.  I just won't talk at all."  I asked, "Why go to that extreme?  Why not simply say 'That sounds like at least a fun idea' or 'Those sandwiches always taste good.'"?

She let me finish the insight as I tried to give examples.  I did implore her to consider it, and said that I, too, could benefit as I have many relationships that I can do far better in striving for unconditional love and to have empathy and more understanding of differences, and to accept people more as they are.

After that phone call, I felt an immediate relief.  It was a total freeing of space in the mind and heart.  I knew all the more that, yes, it was an insight from God not only by the marvelous content, but also from the liberation after having delivered the message to the person I was shown within the initial insight--my own dear cousin.

The next day the cousin called.  She said she had been thinking about what I'd said the day before.  "Yes?" I responded questioningly, waiting....  She said, "I don't need to do what you said or accept it if I don't want to, right?"  

I responded, "No, not at all.  You do not need to accept it or act on it; but I had to deliver the message.  My task is done.  I felt a tremendous sense of freedom after I gave the insight, and I also realized that an insight such as that has great use for me, as well, in many ways.  It also has helped me learn more the difference between an insight from God and just some idea I might have from my own thoughts--which are different and not always productive.  But no, you do not at all need to accept or act on it.  That is up to you to choose."

We changed the subject, although she remained miffed in tenor.  I had even told her that it was very hard for me to give that message because I knew she might not like it, and also, who am I to be giving insights to her?  I'm just her cousin.  I said that is how it has been, mostly in my life, that what I am to do or say or write is often not accepted.  And, also, I am far from perfect myself, but part of my purpose is to pray and to listen and to have courage to speak or share if God lays something on me, and especially when it is not relieved until I share it with the person involved.

When our conversation was finished, on different topics relative to various temporal activities and such of daily life, I admit I marveled and even laughed a bit, at how we humans can be!  I considered what aspects of my own life do I choose to cling to some way of being or vice that even if not major, is a hindrance to my own soul.  I wondered at how anyone could reject an insight of striving to love one's elderly mother with more compassion and acceptance, forgiveness, and in desiring to attain to unconditional love?

Yes, it is a marvel and conundrum both.  I realized just how much of a sense of humor His Real Presence must have, dealing with us mortals and our self-wills and our ingrained minds.  And, I praised God for His mercy upon us, for we all have great need of His mercy in each present moment.

Since then, I have been all the more striving, myself, toward unconditional love of others.  It certainly helps that the Lord has replaced my own self-will with His Will, and He is in the gradual (and in many ways embarrassingly painful) process of replacing my intellect with His.  At least I am more able to discern the signals that delineate which are His Insights and Thoughts and which are my ideas and notions.  It's a glorious start....

And my cousin has not called as much since then, but this is the way it can be for any of us when someone has said something that is good for us but of which we are not ready to accept.  Perhaps there's been a phone call or two since, my initiating one in good will, not mentioning the insight and but rather keeping matters at the level of the temporal. 

Of course, at some future point prior to her mother's passing which at age 93 is sooner than later, perhaps my cousin will have a change of heart, mind, and soul and will be able to forgive whatever hurts of the past, or perceptions real or perceived in childhood or teen years or adult years, and be able to rise above and be cleansed of the obsessive inner rancor.  

Perhaps she will then be on the path to unconditional love of her mother, accepting and appreciating her for all the many fine qualities her mother possesses--and even chuckling over the niggling ones--the kind of human traits we all have of varying types.

But still we can sense that with any human resistance, and even in that resistance of my cousin, resistance can indeed teach us (if we are desirous of learning).  Seeing the seeming futility in such resistance to doing what is good and best to do, we may all the more see in what ways there may be or has been resistance in ourselves in various situations or with sundry persons. 

We can reflect upon instances--even in the present moment--when we have not wanted to accept or do something that is of the straight and narrow path to which Jesus calls us daily and nightly.

God bless His Real Presence in us, little children! Let us love God above all things and one another as Jesus loves us! Let us pray for His will in us, not our will, be done on earth as it is in heaven.

What Is Our Job?

A friend emailed, asking prayers for her to do a better job of helping her spouse be more spiritually inclined, to want to pray more as a family, but most of all to go to confession.  The spouse does not like to go to confession.  He also does not particularly like to pray the rosary.  He likes to read Scripture.  The friend is worried that she is not doing enough to save his soul, and that if something happens to him, somehow she will not have done her job.

So it brought up an inner discussion, plus some correspondence with the friend.  This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit had to consider what is its job, what is anyone's job?  For a parent, that becomes more clear when there are young children to rear by teaching, example, and whatever means.

The friend's spiritual director said they should start praying the rosary as a family.  Perhaps this has stirred the friend's concerns about her spouse and the state of his spiritual life.  Seems that it has brought up a worrisome aspect that we all can face at some phase or other in our lives.

The words "unconditional love" have come to this hermit's thoughts lately.  The physical pain and the accompanying emotional pain have been very high again.  The hermit remembered messages in the past from Teresa of Avila and also St. Luke, the Physician, that said that when this soul in here, in this body, would attain to unconditional love, then it would be able to transcend the earthly pain.

Obviously, this nothing hermit has not attained unconditional love.  Yet, it is a new day, and the hermit desires very much to strive more to unconditional love--of self, of others...and of God!  Yes, it is important to have unconditional love for God Who has unconditional love for us.  Sometimes we can put some conditions on our love of God and on His will and designs and desires for our lives.

Today's first reading from the Acts of the Apostles includes:

The hand of the Lord was with them
and a great number who believed turned to the Lord.
The news about them reached the ears of the Church in Jerusalem,
and they sent Barnabas to go to Antioch.
When he arrived and saw the grace of God,
he rejoiced and encouraged them all
to remain faithful to the Lord in firmness of heart
for he was a good man, filled with the Holy Spirit and faith.

When it comes to our children, yes, they are our "job."  But our spouses, am not so sure, especially if it has one thinking of the other as lacking in some aspect of being devout enough--even if some aspect of devotions are not happening, not a part of that person's daily life.  True enough, some people are more spiritually inclined than others; and circumstances in life such as upbringing and life experiences, particularly suffering, affect our inclinations:  to the world more, or to God more.

One thought that came to mind, is that of someone filling in where a perceived void exists, such as praying the rosary.  It seems that instead, asking the spouse who likes to read Scripture, to read Scripture to the family and discuss it some, or to pick a Bible verse that they learn and put into practice each day, would fill the void by utilizing what the spouse brings to the marriage of his spiritual positives.

After all, in Mass there is the Living Word, and then the Sacrifice.  The Living Word of God is given prime position in the first half of the temporal aspect of time in Mass.  The rosary is a marvelous prayer and devotion, but it is the Lord's Prayer that is prayed during Mass and is the prayer Jesus teaches us to pray.  (This is not at all to devalue praying the rosary, but it is to help understand in some way, that unconditional love might bear in on this situation.  Don't place conditions on what others are to pray and then feel pressure that somehow they are lacking if they do not.)

As for not going to confession, that is another issue of whose job is it, and is the soul in jeopardy of salvation if he or she does not go to confession often, or at all?  For children being brought up in the Catholic faith, the parents hold that job of teaching and leading by example, and having the children learn about confession and provide a way for them to get to confession.  That is, in our time period, in this century and the past several, how it is.

It seems our job is ourselves, our own souls.  This nothing hermit added in the correspondence, for the friend to take a realistic look at this hermit's own life!  Two of the adult children have nothing to do with God, with prayer, or with any church.  One does, but it is of a different level and aspect, of a different faith background with different "rules" of engagement, as is said....

Or, perhaps our job is to attain to unconditional love.  And that means a love of God, others, and ourselves in as much as we are God's created beings.  In being a light to others, and in teaching others and leading by example, we have the tremendous power of what affected the Church in Jerusalem, what turned their heads, what impressed Barnabas and thousands of others.

He arrived and he saw the grace of God....

If we remain faithful to the Lord, in firmness of heart; if we believe in Jesus Christ; if we are good and filled with the Holy Spirit and faith; then the hand of the Lord will be upon us.  Others will "see" even if not with their temporal eyes but in some other aspect sense or hear--the grace of God.

Our job is to do what will help others see the grace of God.

Sure seems so, and unconditional love is a powerful showing of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit: His Real Presence.

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is not there yet, but the desire is there, and it learns so much from the friend who stimulates such good inner questions and discussions--and helps this hermit to deeper conversion and contrition (Lord have mercy upon me, a sinner!) and desire to learn and do better with whatever life it has remaining.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and attain to unconditional love.  Remaining in His Love is a good way to learn love from the Master.   We are His job, each of us.  He does perfect work; we only have to be willing to remain in His love and be humbly willing....