Catholic Hermit: The Lord Corrects

Hermits are far from flawless.  This consecrated Catholic hermit has been wretched lately.  While increased pain can sensitize all the more that which is around--whether in person or in correspondence--the sensitivity can also include seeing just how flawed am I.

It is no small statement made by a hermit of centuries past:  Go into your cell, and your cell will teach you.  

Of course, it is the Holy Spirit of God the Father and of the Son Who teaches us (as long as we are not subjecting ourselves to the devil's tutelage).  And it is solitude that assists in removing distractions to focus our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls through, with, and in God.

I really do not recall much of the past week other than was sick with pain but more so was unable to be very kind and charitable.  My fuse was nipped to the nub.  My ability to handle my own issues weakened, I could not at all do well with others.

This morning I placed a phone call to a last remaining aunt.  I wanted to know if she had avoided the flu that was rampant in her retirement care facility. Yes, she had--but she wanted to tell me of her waking up a week ago Saturday and recalled the time precisely.  On her mind was a strong urge that I needed prayer; so pray she did.

I explained that I cannot much recall the bulk of last week due to pain and the mind and emotions doing all to cope with that, while at the same time I tried to keep working even if in small segments.  But, I am convinced that her urge to pray was from the Holy Spirit, and my struggle to maintain during such pain was made possible thanks to her prayers and God having mercy on me.

The couple brought His Real Presence yesterday.  They grasp more since I did send a message explaining the never-knowing aspect of my daily existence.  None of us know, but most people are able to make a plan and usually fulfill it; set a goal and meet it.  And most people do not function in a quite slow pace, if functioning at all.

It is good, and as the pain lifted a bit, I could see all the more the reality of the frantic aspects of pain, especially of the horrible spinal headache.  

Aside from pain making the temptation to think wrongly, there are all kinds of choices that are made each moment; and there are streams of thoughts that are of varying degrees of goodness or badness.  I do not nearly discern enough while thoughts flow.  I do not always guard the entrance of the intellect from the various wrong-thoughts that can sneak through.

Yet I daily read the Scriptures, and I pray, and I am a consecrated Catholic hermit of over 17 years living the vocation--and yet the flaws persist.  The Psalm [50: 16b-c, 17, 21] reading of today's Mass hit home.

"Why do you recite my statues,
and profess my covenant with your mouth,
Though you hate discipline
and cast my words behind you?

"When you do these things, shall I be deaf to it?
Or do you think that I am like yourself?
I will correct you by drawing them up before your eyes.
He that offers praise as a sacrifice glorifies me;
and to him that goes the right way I will show the salvation of God."

Of the persons and situations for whom I groused, there are aspects that belong to me to attempt change.  I can be responsible to keep communication elevated and turned toward God.  I cannot expect others to do that; but I can and should and am trying with renewed prayer for the discipline.

Another means of trying to at least hinder the oppressing obsessing over some aspect in myself or others that is flawed in some way, is to ask a long-time friend to remind me next time (and unless death or a miracle healing of back pain occurs) that I am obsessing, that I am doing so from way too much pain, and to remind me to turn all to God.

So I am setting up some safety-net reminders.  I want to safeguard against sin.  

And as to hating discipline and casting the words of the Lord behind me, yes, that describes me at times.  While intractable, sickening pain can be a reason and cause of weakened discipline in listening to and obeying God, pain is not an excuse to not try to heed His correction.

I had a dream the other night.  In it God had a stream of animals--live and large cardboard cut-outs--that had been painted with black stripes.  White dog, white goat, white llama, white bear--bobbing across a stage with their imperfectly painted and smeared stripes.  It was quite humorous when I awakened and realized the Lord had drawn these faux zebras, drawing them up before my dream-eyes, and was correcting me in my inane concerns about that which when the pain eased off, I did not mind at all.

When I had altered my view to consider the spiritual aspects and to turn all the God and to the spiritual life of souls--the correction turned into my praising God.  I had a renewed desire to laugh at my foolishness yet know that I may not do better in a pain sieges again.  Yet, my desire to turn all toward God in praise and gladness.  

And true it is that praise can be a sacrifice in itself.  It is not at all easy to praise when sick with pain or ensnared in some personal problem--even others' problems, frustrating and worrisome as they can be.  To praise as a sacrifice is a step up the stairway to heaven; God says it glorifies him to praise as a sacrifice.

I will praise God today despite the awful nausea that is hindering me from even wanting to get up.  There is discipline in such praise that is more difficult than to praise God when we are in good form, are obedient and disciplined to His will and to living the Gospel Rule of life.

Love in His Love.

Thanks be to God for His correcting us!  It is humbling, shameful, and even embarrassing to face what we have done that needs correcting by God.  Yet it is through His correction that we learn to get it right--to be able to proceed in the right path that leads to salvation.

Hermit Weary: Bring God Praise!

It has been a few days since writing, although the soul never ceases to exist and to grow.  That is a marvel to ponder!  No matter what occurs with our bodies on this earth, our souls will never die, never forget; they will never be forgotten or abandoned by His Real Presence.

I've been working very hard on Te Deum House projects.  A daughter and her husband dedicated a very long Saturday to installing some wood flooring and then placing and hanging the first three cabinets.  Each person brought some experience to the project, and together we succeeded in a good start.

I'm worn out.  The pain level has escalated and along with it the tendency to struggle with managing it.  I lost meekness with upset over a wall that the electrician talked me into constructing.  As a result there is a half-inch of too little space for cabinets to fit between that wall and the end wall. 

 

I became angry with myself for being so weak and not sticking with my first instinct.  Don't build the wall because in an old house, no matter how carefully one measures, no one stud or wall is plumb, no piece of drywall will screw in exactly flush.  Each fraction of an inch adds up.  I shared my upset with the electrician in a phone call.

 

He did not deal with it well. To me, it seemed a good thing to express, for he has the habit of getting involved in and second-guessing what I am working on rather than sticking with electrical wiring, although he meant well, I'm sure.  I am at fault for letting myself be distracted and then complaining.

 

 

However, in the end, I decided to not tear down the wall.  The wall has its good points, and I will instead need to get help "ripping" 1/4-inch off two spacer boards, finding a paint match to the cabinet finish, and hoping it looks all right.  If not, a new spacer will need to be ordered and purchased.  Seems there is always some glitch no matter the effort here.

 

That is why, somehow, His Living Word speaks to me today.  I am wearied.  I am wearied from all the heavy and hard work for a body that is weak and worn out with constant pain in addition to being old!  

 

Even with the dilemma over the wall being now in the way of just placing cabinets without end-space restraint, I did realize it was just temporal stuff.  

 

One way or another, the problem will be solved. 

I'd spent hours and hours and expense in that wall:  Construction, wiring, drywall, mud, sanding, priming, painting.  I can relate with how the Israelites felt after the years in captivity and then yet more trials and years in the desert.  

 
The temporal aspects weighed heavy, and they forgot all that God had done for them and the value of being redeemed from slavery.  He had given them great and holy leaders to guide them from Egypt to the Promised Land:  Moses, Aaron, and Miriam.


The Prophet Micah declared to the people:

"Hear what the Lord says:
   Rise, plead your case before the mountains,
   and let the hills hear your voice.
‘O my people, what have I done to you?
   In what have I wearied you? Answer me!
For I brought you up from the land of Egypt,
   and redeemed you from the house of slavery;
and I sent before you Moses,
   Aaron, and Miriam....'

Micah addresses his people with various thoughts on what more could be sacrificed to atone for all the sinfulness of the people and also asks:

"'Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?’" Micah 8

The Psalmist in Psalm 50 sings:

"‘Mark this, then, you who forget God,
   or I will tear you apart, and there will be no one to deliver.
Those who bring thanksgiving as their sacrifice honor me;
   to those who go the right way
   I will show the salvation of God.’" Psalm 50

It is all too easy to get off track when weary and becoming too caught up in the temporal obstacles.  We forget that the process is as much or more value in progression as the temporal conclusion.  

In fact, at this stage of my life, the end result, such as having a kitchen in which to prepare food and store "stuff", means not all that much to me.  Maybe having this house salable so I can move on either in life or death, is the main appeal.  I have no idea where on earth I'd go. No "place" on earth is a promised land other than within His Real Presence, and He is in us and us in Him.

Perhaps the Israelites were facing realities, as I am.  After awhile, the temporal is seen always as passing away--not just sometimes.  But when I lose track of the purpose, to glorify God, and I forget the salvation He has won for me, and the ultimate freedom of my soul to exist forever in His Real Presence--then I am down for the count.

Yesterday, the Sabbath, I literally was forced to take rest.  Losing meekness over the detail of that wall--while in some ways a huge detail--was nothing worth losing meekness.  The temporal problem will have a temporal solution, one way or another.

Today, however, His Real Presence in the Sacrament of His Living Word, reminds me as to why I am weary, and it has nothing to do with what God has done to me!  He has done nothing but goodness and love to me, even if my life has been rather challenging and filled with some hard lumps and bumps.

This morning passed with my praising away the discouragement of a pained body and weary mind.  Memories of better times, way in the past, or memories of very hurtful situations--each tugged at my mind and heart as I weeded and watered.  Praising God silently met each memory as they individually popped into consciousness.  It became quite the interchange:  overcoming unpleasant yet realistic memories by praising God.  

I can bring my thanksgiving to honor His Real Presence.  He Is with me always, right here, inside and all around me, in the abode He has made in my soul, and my soul thus in His abode.  I must go the right way--and that means the way of love, always:  love of God and love of others, loving God in Himself and thus in all His creation.  

God created all, and that includes a pained body.  Pain itself is not sin, even if sin can cause pain.  And pain in other levels and dimensions is sheer joy.  He has told me that in supernal ways.

His Real Presence will show the salvation of Himself to our souls if we go the right way, that of God-Is-Love.  

(And if all this just seems like idea words, it could appear that way.  The truth is, the challenge is, to know and understand that the words are very real and active, not just idle sentiments.  We have to put life and faith into His Living Word to make it sacred in the very eternal life of our souls.  Read, hear, believe, live His Real Presence, the Word.)