When I read this Midnight Canon, 4th Ode, SC 486 from a 9th century Book of Hours of Sinai, the sentiments matched mine. As if an echo from 12 centuries ago, each thought, each word, each plea and admission, are mine.
I desire God's precepts and forgiveness. I plead for mercy and reach out to Christ's extended, Divine Hand. Lift me up, O Lord! Life me from the intensity of physical suffering; lift me out of the darkness of drowning without dying. You gift me with the desire to love and serve You, My God, and I have no one and nothing to embrace or delight in but His Real Presence and the assurance of His Saving Grace for my soul.
Book of hours of Sinai (9th century)
I have sinned, I have failed you, O compassionate one. I have sunk in the abyss of despair; but show me in the midst of my night, as you did for the disciples journeying on the sea, O Word, and give me your divine serenity! My soul in each moment is in your hands, O my God and my help. You who sound the depths of my heart, you who know my thoughts, you know the waves, the storm, the furor of my thoughts; but I have seen you, even now, on the agitated sea of my heart. Behold, I have desired your precepts, in your righteousness make me live. Forgive, O Creator, be indulgent--you who formed me; have mercy because I am on the sea of this life. Extend your divine hand, like Peter, and lift me up. Glory to the Father and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit!
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