Always, ever--somehow supernaturally--Jesus always answers my every need. It might not be a need of the body or of this temporal realm, but always Jesus responds and provides answers to the most important of all needs: those of the mind, heart, and of the spirit and soul!
He does this answering our every spiritual need, for all of us. He answers through Scripture, through the writings of saints who, just like us, suffered greatly but in turning always to Christ, found in Christ all answers, all provisions, all love.
Here, in the early morning hours when this body awakens with more pain than can be humanly tolerated, Jesus takes my mind from severe headache and spinal agony, from the burning legs and feet, from the crackling in the lungs--He takes me away in His Love through the spiritual writing selection of St. Raphael Arnaiz Baron (1911-1938).
This Spanish Trappist monk writes of just how I feel and provides support and authenticity to my own way of being. He does so with positivity and truth; he shares and uses the very words that a mean-spirited person uses in negativity of criticism and attempted derision, always. So as the mean-spirited human write negatively and proudly as if entitled to pronounce verdicts on others, the Saint Raphael Baron writes of humility, of the most beautiful and necessary aspects of solitude and isolation, of recollection and silence.
Indeed, this saint who suffered greatly in life--a true spiritual soulmate across the thin veil from my hermitage bed and his expanse of heaven--writes of our needs--of my need--being none other than the life of Jesus of which our souls--my soul--must be hidden from all. This dear saint writes in truth that our souls--my soul--needs "to be hidden with Christ, to seek out some corner of the earth where the world's profane stares do not reach and there to stand alone with its God."
I love to write these selections out, word by word, for in so doing it is as if Jesus helps me make the thoughts so rich and deep coming from the Holy Spirit into such as the mind and heart and soul of St. Raphael Baron and then as if into my mind and heart and soul. But certainly, in even the very choice of words, Jesus is answering my every query, my every wonderment, my every need and reassures me that this path He has me on is His chosen path for me and was His path chosen for His saints.
The positivity and supernatural effects of the irony of earthly timing for these words uplift in Christ's truth whereas mean-spirited negations, spurious innuendos and derisions reveal the insecurities and self-pride within those who have need to express themselves in such manner. What is Jesus telling me of my path, of what is my heart's desire? What does Jesus find of me, of where is my mind, heart, and soul and of myself in Him that He loves for me to share with Him and with others?
All the while I find Jesus in my pain, just as the Virgin Mary, with her son Jesus, united with her, together, told me this great truth years ago: You will find Him in your pain. And while this is true for everyone who seeks Jesus and who suffers--for we all suffer--some find Jesus in their pain in every present moment. And this recognition is of pain and of Jesus, for never is Jesus separate from Himself; nor is He separated from me as I find Him in my pain.
"Just as Jonah was in the belly of the whale three days and three nights, so will the Son of Man be in the heart of the earth three days and three nights" (Mt 12:40); and so will I remain in the Heart of Jesus as victim soul of His Sacred Heart, finding Him always in my pain, three days and three nights, the Trinity of my life here on this temporal earth. The reality is of union with Jesus in the pain, not in the pain of itself as if devoid of Jesus our Savior, our Beloved--my love, my Love, my only LOVE.
This is for everyone, but especially is it prominent in those who are called to suffer greatly in this life. When one suffers to the point of the pain riveting us to, with, and in the Sacred Heart of Jesus, then we find Him inextricably intertwined in our pain that is His Pain, His Love, our pain, our Love, our painfully loving union in Christ Jesus. My existence, my message, my clarion love song, calling out plaintively, painfully: The cross the cross and only the cross! My love, my Love, my only Love!
Yet I also see the good and the truth in what St. Raphael Baron mentions of not filling the world with sorrowful groans or let the world know of our afflictions other than in the expressions of sharing with Jesus. For Who understands, who always listens with compassion and mercy, who always knows how very much it hurts and that all the more we find Him in the worst and most difficult pains of the suffering? He Who Is Jesus is the answer! We know Him intimately in our sufferings.
But yes, the world and those in it whom we encounter when out and about do not need nor in most cases want to know of such as an old hermit's excruciating headache or intractable spine pain. But as examples, of the persons who brought me meals after the spine surgery, some benefitted from seeing, asking about, and listening to what had occurred in my suffering body. Through the opening of visually seeing me and of my verbal expression, they then felt comfortable sharing their earthly suffering, of their and their family's trials, of their prayer needs. They benefitted in the spiritual insights that suffering is an opportunity, suffering is positive, and that in suffering, we will find Jesus in our pain.
But it all depends on the others and their needs, depends on the setting and situation, and depends on our sensing in the present moment what are the needs of others. Those who lack compassion or who have not suffered perhaps great degrees of pain, tend not to cope with others' expression of suffering. I know that I must strive always to find Jesus in my pain, and to be a silent preaching of Christ--and in fact, of Christ crucified. For those with suffering which does noticeably and notably affect our temporal (and spiritual) lives, there is no way around hiding suffering, such as the man who was blind and using his hands to count the rows and bins above the seats and tapping his white caned, found his seat on the airplane.
"To dedicate oneself to an art or go deeper into a science, the mind needs solitude and isolation, it need recollection and silence. But for the soul in love with God, the soul that sees no other art or science than the life of Jesus, the soul who has found the hidden treasure in the ground (Mt 13:44), neither silence nor recollection in solitude is enough. It needs to be hidden from all; it needs to be hidden with Christ, to seek out some corner of the earth where the world's profane stares do not reach and there to stand alone with its God.
"The secret of the King (Tb 12: 7) is spoiled and loses its luster when it is unveiled. It is this secret of the King we must conceal so that no one can see it, this secrete that many think to be made up of divine communications and supernatural consolations; this secret of the King that we envy in the saints often comes down to a cross.
"Let us not put our light under a bushel basket, Jesus says to us (Mt 5:15).... Let us cry our faith to the four winds, fill the world with shouts of enthusiasm for so good a God; let us not cease to preach his Gospel and say to all who would hear us that Christ died loving, nailed to the tree, that he died for me, for you, for that other one. If we truly love him, don't let us hide it, don't let us put the light that can lighten others under a bushel basket.
"To the contrary, blessed Jesus, let us carry interiorly, and without anyone knowing it, this divine secret, the secret you entrust to the souls who love you best, this particle of your cross, your thirst, your thorns. Let us hide in the remotest corner of the earth our tears, our pains, our sorrows. Don't let us fill the world with sorrowful groaning nor let the tiniest bit of our affliction reach anyone.... Let us hide ourselves with Christ to make him a sharer, him alone, with what, strictly speaking, is his business alone: the secret of the cross. Let us learn, once and for all, as we meditate on his life, passion and death, that there is only one way of coming to him: the way of the holy cross."
This last portion of which St. Raphael Arnaiz Baron writes, has to do with suffering and of how to keep pain and trials more hidden from others, from the world. Of these thoughts, I have some thoughts, as well, and I will share more fully in particular this section of the saint's writings on this aspect in the preceding blog post. I have written some of my thoughts to the spiritual director, along with this entire selection from St. Baron's spiritual writings.
I generally do not receive responses or personal input or specific guidance; rather this new spiritual director tends to occasionally send quotes of saints or portions of Scripture which remind me to focus on Jesus, on God alone. I appreciate that reminder, although I yet am working out thoughts and aspects involving applications of the spiritual to the actual living out the temporal life. Perhaps the new spiritual director is more living out the spiritual life in the spiritual, having transcended the temporal life for the most part. That is a possibility as to why no temporal life type guidance nor comment.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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