As I mentioned in previous post in which I wrote of my personal thoughts and decision to be made regarding having a pet, I find this sermon by St. Anthony of Padua to be worth reflection.
As for my decision on a pet or not, I am still pondering, for there are aspects of my suffering that would benefit, but of course other aspects of my pain situation that would be "sorely" tried! And, I very much consider my desire as a privately professed, consecrated Catholic hermit, to attain to the heights of holiness in whatever way the Lord may bless and allow. But I, of course, yet do not know if having a pet would provide more example of spiritual life in some aspects, or would be too much a distraction and of course, added work and effort.
So I've reached out to my longtime friend who is also a perceptive and talented clinical psychologist of many years' experience, as well as to a longtime friend who is not at all religiously inclined and probably agnostic if not atheist, but who is quite pragmatic and utterly realistic, and hesitates not to be forthright. I also considered that my surgeon's staff would provide input, of which I am assuming they'd say not a good idea, physically.
And the fact that I am seeking others to shut down this idea, this plan of having a pet to force me into action and mobility, into walking the pet a couple times a day, to be less selfish or centrifugal--is in itself a signal that I yet do not have quite the courage, perhaps, to relinquish the deposit and tell the breeder that the pup can go to someone else. I also still, obviously, want to push myself if God desires, or somehow gives me indication--which seems unlikely after the not-typical situation of the first breeder selling me a sick pup--that He sees in my pursuing a pet to be something that I need to do, to learn something of spiritual value or tough temporal lessons that I yet need to feel, experience.
Reality tonight is, that I stretched the hours between pain meds, drove today to Mass, sat, sat yet more, drove more on two additional errands--necessary, but still pain-increasing. So have been dealing with pain way high and hard to manage. I'd not be able to risk that if responsible for something outside of myself. Well, may the Lord guide me; but perhaps more importantly, may I be clear-sorted for listening.
Sometimes, it does surely seem, that some choices and decisions to be made are as if the Lord gives much leeway, as the person, the soul, will benefit either way in growth. Dying to self can occur not in either or situations, but often in both-and ones. But must discern which is best, if possible. Sometimes the path of greater suffering brings the greater dying to self; but one must then discern which path is that?
Now to turn my thoughts, heart, and soul to St. Anthony's Sermon for the Feast of St. John the Evangelist. When I've read it today, and now write it out, I can apply it to my dilemma and think being free from every hindrance could certainly mean an additional living creature! But I'm tired, and have been maybe overthinking the situation, so will ask for these words to permeate me in peaceful darkness of night and hope-in-God slumber.
"'Follow me!' Jesus says these words...to every Christian. Follow me, naked as I am naked, free from every hindrance as I myself am. Jeremiah said: 'You will call me "My Father" and never turn away from me' (Jer 3:19). So follow me and put down the burdens you are bearing. For, laden as you are, you cannot follow me who am running ahead. 'I ran in thirst' says the psalmist about me (Ps 61:5 LXX); the thirst to save humanity. And where is he running? To the cross. You, too, run after him. As he bore his cross for you, take up your own for your good. From whence these words of St. Luke's gospel: 'If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself' by renouncing his own will, 'take up his cross' by mortifying his passions, 'daily,' that is all the time, 'and follow me' (Lk 9:23)....
"Jesus speaks to us like a mother who, wanting to teach her child to walk, shows him a piece of bread or an apple and says to him: 'Come with me and I'll give it to you.' And when the child is so close that he can almost catch hold of it, she draws away a little, showing the thing to him and repeating: 'Follow me if you want it.' Some kinds of birds lead their little ones out of their nest and, by flying, teach them to fly and to follow them. Jesus does the same. He shows himself as an example and promises us his reward in the kingdom so that we might follow him.
"So 'follow me' for I know the right way and will guide you. We read in the book of Proverbs: 'I will show you the way of wisdom; I will lead you by the ways of equity. When you have entered, your steps will not be constrained; and when you run you shall not meet a stumbling block' (cf. Prv 4:11-12 LXX).... Therefore, 'follow me.'"
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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