Was so refreshing and blessed reading more of John of the Cross' purpose, knowledge, and symbolization. He wanted in his life what my heart desires. A thrill to discover our shared hopes in God and desires of our hearts, across the centuries but a thought-flash and moment right here, his friendship and mentoring with all but my seeing him in temporal vision.
I want to share more of his understanding of memory, and of his ideals and desires for his raison d'etre, but I will read more tomorrow. For now I've been pondering much other, and texting far too lengthy of thoughts to the spiritual father. I suspect he does not know me well enough yet, to be praying for my deeper thoughts and the discernment--I think the outcome of the confessor having me pray for a week about my vocation!
When we pray, things happen!
Dr. H. called, and also commented in amazement at my ability to text lengthy and deeply expressed messages. I laughed and told him to just "delete", for I write rapidly, and the writing is--as he termed it, "like an out of body experience." Well, that is his phrase; mine is more that the Lord lifts me out of my body, out of the pained body, and the thoughts flow. However, I acknowledged that people need to delete if they wish, for I consider myself rude for writing with abandon even if what I am writing might be of some help or worth--not of me, of course, but the Holy Spirit who can be inspiring if I am myself out of the way.
What is an answer to my own prayer of a desire, if God willed, of course, is that Dr. H. would understand what I was expressing in some texts today, to him, explaining why in my situation, my odd little mystic victim soul situation, that God has never suggested He would take away the pain but rather has given it to me for a purpose--His purpose--and I have in some levels and dimensions, including at times in the temporal, agreed to the suffering He's offered me and asked of me to bear in this temporal life.
We talked of many things spiritual then, on the phone this evening, and he also was grateful for the research I did on the writer who took a positive aspect of the focus of love and positive thoughts, but bastardized it essentially by commercializing it, selling, as it were, a chance to have a miracle or one's "wish" granted. I wrote of this in a previous blog, so won't repeat. This was validation of my long-held inner sense of Dr. H's humility, intelligence, and unconditional love of others. He is an extraordinary clinical psychologist, adept in the supernatural, but knowing me has been a bit of a different experience, as it is turning out. Yet he grasps what is most difficult for most people to grasp, or people who cannot absorb the other-worldly aspects of what seems natural to me, or more real than what is anything real in this realm.
So, he is still part of my earthly, spiritual experience and a friend in deed. And for some of his clients, what I can share of the mystical life and the life of prayer and suffering and of Christ's reality, he can utilize in whatever ways he needs to filter or re-word for the benefit of the many people he helps who are in a whole array of temporal, psychological, physical, suffering, mental, and emotional "jams."
All is well, and all shall be well. ~ St. Julian of Norwich
As for the Consecrated Life of the Church and the trend of Catholic hermits in the Consecrated Life of the Church, while the privately professed hermits and the publicly professed hermits are included, or in the negation "set" of stating, neither are excluded. I did some research, and have done so in the actuality of the temporal world, and that in this case means the temporal Catholic world. The trend is definitely in the direction of hermits seeming legitimized and credible, made authentic, if they are seen as "approved." The term "canonical approval" has been used extensively, and is noted; and of course humans, always will gravitate toward and feel secure with that which is deemed "legal" or by "canon law."
There is rarely a time in society when trends have shifted, once laws are created. Even in the U.S. Constitution, regarding the Roe v. Wade abortion law and issue, some aspects of that law will not likely change; all that can occur is through some state law adjustments or attempts, and these are often then overturned by higher courts. However, public education can occur, and prayers are powerful, and prayerful vigils outside abortion clinics have proven miraculously successful, with even Planned Parenthood directors or employees of abortion clinics, having conversion experiences. The woman at the center of Roe v. Wade Supreme Court battle, later converted to Catholicism, in fact.
So I am praying for the Lord to show me what He wills of me. Since the tides are turning and perhaps already shifted to diocese hermits becoming the "orange is the new black" of hermit profession and hermit vocation, my director and I are considering God's will. My director texted back a question, but I cannot answer as discernment, prayer, and listening is needed until the Lord makes clear to me what He wills in the matter.
It has even come to thought that perhaps the Lord is asking of me what He asked of various hermits in history, and that is to leave the hermit vocation for something other He needs and wants, something of greater purpose in His plan that never involves just us--but involves the entire world, the universe, the other side of souls in purgatory, as well. Always, God's plan involves the salvation of souls and to redound in His glory, all of God's creation, and of His Son, and through the Holy Spirit.
My director texted at one point the suggestion of just having the bishop approve me. Well, that would solve the nitpicking and the frustrations of the one diocese hermit...possibly. I suspect there would be more bullying and attacks, more contrariness and discrediting, more detraction and other negative labels the person would crown me with. (I'm laughing, as it is likely, as some souls simply have trouble with the concept of sharing with others: air, proximity, cyberspace, kindnesses, life, Christ. Some due to an unrecognized inner lack, have a need to feel superior, sometimes at others' detriment.
That aspect does not bother me in the least. It would be marvelous to release what might be at least the major issue the person finds so upsetting--that of privately professed Catholic hermits not sharing in or being part of the Consecrated Life of the Church. And that trend, I recognize, is becoming ipso facto, the way forward. Canon law and public profession will trump and replace in time, private profession. I must kiss the tried and true of the historical, traditional way of the hermits, good-bye. Societal norms have always been swayed by externals, and if a hermit in our times desires the graces and spiritually beneficial aspects of being, so to speak, at the "table of blessings of the Consecrated Life", then one must go the way of the canon law 603, to remove the shell of the lobster to be able to eat the delectable flesh.
If I want to be included at the table, if I want or need lobster. Only God knows. Of course, as I mentioned to my spiritual father, I'd choose heaven over the Consecrated Life of the Church. But I do not know if God is asking me to choose between the two--not yet. But I do recognize that the way of the privately professed hermit is overruled by changing times and canon law, which one can justify that for whatever reasons, the bishops wanted more control over these persons who are called by God to the solitary religious life, to the hermit vocation.
Perhaps there were some privately professed, traditional, historical hermits who were molesting children in their cells, or hermit huts. Perhaps there were hermits begging for alms and using it for booze or drugs. Maybe there were hermits doing bizarre things like claiming to be the reincarnation of Elijah, or writing books filled with heresies. It is all within the realm of possibility, as people do the darnedest things. Consider the plight of the mentally ill to consider, who cannot help themselves, but are not necessarily going to be successful in a challenging vocation such as can be the hermit life for many if not most people.
Whatever the bishops' reasons for creating a canon law that is changing the terrain of hermit vocation, creating a legal aspect that the privately professed eremitic path did not and will not now have, we must consider the winds of change, and putting spittle on the finger and holding it up, the winds say there will be increasingly, if not at some point sooner than later, only publicly professed, CL603 Catholic hermits, and for them only a place at the table of the Consecrated Life of the Church.
One can remain on the path of the past, good as it was, but one can be a realist and a calculated risk taker, and consider the benefits of being included at that table of which many may never realize that it is not for the succulent lobster drenched in melted butter, but for the mystical, unseen, spiritual considerations of what I read has been, or used to be what the consecrated life meant for Catholic hermits who did not even think in terms of private or public profession until the canon law defined public profession.
And again, I do realize it was for some reason--even if not felt necessary by all in the hierarchy who make such decisions--bishops, canon lawyers, and the like. Perhaps even a contingent of hermits who desired some type of designation or regulatory safety net for the vocation. So why not "go along to get along"? I'm asking the Lord what He wills of me. He will answer. He always does, in some form or fashion. What I was told in locution in vision in 2011--I think it was--may not be what He wants today. How do I know that, again, He may be calling me forth as He has done in past hermits over the centuries, for some greater purpose--or at least in His Sight--preferred purpose of His Will in the Order of the Present Moment?
Regardless, my heart flutters a bit with the beauty of the following description of what it is to be consecrated, as in the Consecrated Life of the Church--which was the topic of the following excerpt. It is not meant to be considered literally; such as, the martyrdom mentioned is not necessarily a loss of physical life, as in earthly death. But rather, the sacrifice can be such as Catholic hermits--and if one must get with the program, so to speak, in order to be individuals are sacrificing themselves to and in Christ to be a living sign of Christ and His Church--such as hermits are to be--then together in unity in the consecrated life of the Church, perhaps more an offering and greater results for humanity and Christ, than not in unity.
Thus, if private profession is not "by law", and going "by law" is of course going to predominate compared to even the inference of "not legal" of which "illegitimate" carries yet more negative implication, then hermits practicably ought consider going with the flow and become hermits "by law." If in future centuries, the law is negated, which I realize given secular laws' precedence, is not likely to happen, but if it were such as prohibition was repealed, then those hermits can return to the "old ways" of hermits quietly living their vocations (private profession) to an absolute ideal.
Well, read this and appreciate how desirable and delectable is the interior worth of precious consecrated life in the Church, regardless any of the outer trimmings that might appeal to some more than others who are always seeking something more.
The choice of an absolute ideal, and an offering of self to God and the service of others, is a source of meaning which humanizes and is a gift of self to humanity. For this reason, persons consecrated to a single ideal, which does not pass away, are living signs of those transcendent values for which a person lives and even dies. In our day there is no lack of persons who have followed Christ to the point of sacrificing their life, rendering through their martyrdom a sign which is the supreme proof of love."
Please pray for me and my spiritual father, as I know my late, dearest spiritual Da is here with me, also going to assist and advise for he sees now in the Light of Christ in Heaven. The Lord will make clear, what He will for me in this discernment which has three major facets: hermit, victim soul, mystic. All three, or two, or if one and hermit, then become "by law" a hermit with the bishop. My spiritual father suggested that as if quite a simple solution. Just have the bishop come and receive my vows and profession of the counsels. Yet, I need the Lord to be clear, as the reality of His previous messages of the past--perhaps pertaining to that specific bishop in that diocese, as that was the one shown to me in the vision--or perhaps that message remains firm. Oh well! Pray. listen, discern.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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