Went for a walk and thankful to finally after several days of bedrest, to do so. Walking energizes my body and my spirit; I praise God for being able to enjoy the fresh air now and then and to thank Him for the many blessings something such as a simple walk provides!
I met two neighbors along the way. One woman's little dog, Pardner, came to me for some attention, and that brought a bit more of interaction with its owner. We decided that my walking with her toward her house would encourage Pardner to follow along, and I was glad to oblige in the humor of the tiny but in-charge dog with "attitude"--convincing him that he was choosing to come along and not following....
The other neighbor I encountered is a man closer by who has been hard at work with major project in his back yard. He commented that he would try to get the "mess" cleaned up off the street (sand and gravel as part of the stone patio construction), and I told him the street can wait--his hard work and efforts are uplifting and inspiring.
I do love to be of Christ whatever I am able, when able, in the delight and, also sometimes, the challenge of uplift and encouragement.
This may seem odd, coming from this pained and worn out, consecrated Catholic hermit. Much of my writing is of trying to keep going, praying for God's graces to manage pain which is from the research on the now-increased pain symptoms of Adhesive Arachnoiditis--a veritable living death sentence. However, writing about confession, forgiveness from God (we cannot count on or expect it from humans--this grace of forgiveness and forgetting wrongs committed--although a gift if such occurs) has uplifted my own spirit and given me encouragement.
So while walking along, I praised God that I have always been given the ability to forgive others. In years past, probably the most difficult one to forgive was the earthly spouse who had been living a double life of sorts, unfaithful in many aspects, and shortly after our car accident and my injury, said he no longer wanted to be married. It was not so much that he did not want to remain married, but it was the continuation of cruelty and harassment that made the forgiveness process prolonged.
I was willing to forgive from the beginning, and even willing to put the infidelities behind--but the earthly spouse still did not want to remain married, and would not agree to stop leaving myself and our three young children, then returning only to leave again. So he left once and for all, yet did not leave off the vindictive and on-going harassment. By the grace of God and a court miracle, the children and I were allowed to move a good distance to live where there would be family and friends and a life of security and calm for the children: a fresh start.
Very much is God in charge of forgiveness and of forgetting. Being able to forget others and ourselves, the sins of all types that can be committed in daily life, intentionally but mostly unintentionally, requires a desire to be able to forgive readily and also to be able to forget. Yes, it takes a desire and a willingness to embrace what God shows us by His forgiveness and fully washing the slate clean, so to speak.
Sometimes we must be open to His nudging us to make changes, such as the Lord, after four years of ongoing harassment despite the divorce over and done, would show me nightly in dreams--repeatedly for a year--that we were to move to my hometown, two thousand miles away. When I'd in the day think of or make inquiry in other locations and not the small hometown, the dreams would persist--only the hometown. Even when it seemed as if we would not be allowed to leave the state we were in, there came the miracle in the courtroom.
So yes, sometimes we need to remove ourselves from those who are sinning, when they do not wish to stop their wrong actions or words or ways of being. Sometimes we need to remove ourselves when we are the ones sinning--remove ourselves from situations or even people that tempt us to sin to a point that we fall to doing wrong. We keep ourselves from the temptation of sin in this way; but even that ability to remove ourselves from temptation is a grace and strength given us by God.
But for the most part, the changes that are required in order to fully forgive and also forget sins of others and ourselves, are the changes that occur within our minds, hearts, and souls. The change relies upon desire and willingness to truly forgive and forget, and a faith in God that He will provide all the grace necessary for our minds, hearts, and souls to truly forgive...and also forget sins.
I've been pondering some verses in the Gospel of St. Matthew. Jesus had called together his twelve disciples and "gave them authority over unclean spirits to drive them out and to cure every disease and every illness" (Mt. 9:35). The word "authority" struck me especially.
Jesus in the Gospel [my hermit rule of life is the Gospel Rule of life--a never-ending source of truth and life in striving to live the Gospel] gave them authority. In this particular time and situation, Jesus gave his disciples authority over unclean spirits--to rid them out--as well as authority to heal.
I recall once when blessed with one of the many visits with my late spiritual da, that he had been questioning why it is that not more priests do not have more spiritual gifts. We discussed the possible reasons for this, including God giving various graces to various persons, or of our lack of faith, or also of God's providence and will in particular situations for particular purposes. But it was a good question, indeed.
So also is my wonderment when considering this one brief clause in Matthew 9:35: Jesus gave them authority.... It is Jesus who gives us authority. Jesus chooses those to whom he grants authority. In Jesus Christ, we are given authority. We are authorized by Christ.
Being given authority is something of which we can ask, much as we ask for graces, for virtues, for help, for forgiveness, for love...for God's will in our lives...for deeper conversions in Christ.
Have I ever asked the Lord to give me authority to fulfill any aspects of His will, of my God-desired purpose and mission in life, in my eremitic vocation, in my being His follower, a disciple of and in His Real Presence?
I have never thought to ask the Lord to grant me authority in any way He may desire or will, in undertakings He asks of me--such as He might give me authority to bless those around me in temporal or in spiritual presence. He might want to give me authority over my or others negative thoughts--to drive them out. Or Jesus might want to give me authority to uplift and encourage those with low self-esteem or who are suffering or weary.
Jesus might want to give me authority in greater faith in prayer, or authority over my self-will so that I do more His will than flounder, or authority over discouragement that keeps me from His love.
I'm going to pray ask Jesus to give me authority over whatever it is that He might desire of me for which His authority is needed. I rather think His authority being given is quite necessary for nearly if not all aspects of my life in Christ, as His child and follower, as a Christ-disciple parent of adult children, grandparent, and most definitely His consecrated Catholic hermit and writer.
Perhaps Jesus wants to give me authority over the words that I write, speak, think. Jesus granting authority of full obeisance to the Holy Spirit--whose inspiration ought be the only genesis of whatever comes to mind and out the mouth or through the fingertips on this laptop, and on out into the internet of universal information.
Well, Jesus gives authority. That is truth. And He gives authority for whatever the Father wills, and to whomever. I simply have never considered that one can be open to receiving whatever of His authority He may wish to give us, for whatever purposes of holy furtherance of His Real Presence among us.
I remain open to Christ in whatever way He may desire of me. For one thing, though, I know He is the authority of my life and my immortal soul. He has authority over my nothing to His All. He is author and perfecter of our beings. And I praise Him for His being my loving authority, now and for all eternity. Jesus does give me that--He is Authority. He gives His being forever as my Beloved Authority. He gives to all of us Himself, as our authority.
I ask Jesus to give me whatever authority to be and whatever He wills of me. In faith and trust, His authority given me may be authority in suffering, authority in writing of hermit life or whatever other of thoughts and love of Christ or temporal struggles of and about which Christ Jesus always cares. I won't know what authority He may wish to give me until I ask.
Now consider (in conjunction to Jesus being our Authority and our being open to receiving His authority, open to His giving us authority in whatever of His Divine Purpose and Will in our individual daily lives)--that Jesus states and exhorts: "Without cost you have received; without cost you are to give" (Mt. 10:8).
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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