I continue on, having discussed a' plenty the value a Catholic hermit of being and remaining "hidden from the eyes of men [others]. What the Church asks her hermits--privately and publicly professed, either being in the consecrated life of the church--has validity and wisdom in helping Catholic hermits live our lives, in the vehicle of our vocation, to best form and outcome for God, for His Church, for others, and for the hermit, him- or herself.
Now I ponder again, that statement from Section 921 of "Eremitic Life" under "Consecrated Life of the Church," the following:
"Hidden from the eyes of men, the life of the hermit is a silent preaching of the Lord, to Whom he has surrendered his life simply because He is everything to him."
So, as for myself, a consecrated Catholic hermit, professed now close to 19 years and having discerned the life in practicum for over 20 years, I ask the Lord to help me consider and digest in all aspects of my being, what it is for my life to be a "silent preaching of the Lord." I also ponder and respond in my temporal and spiritual reality, right now, the reminder of my place, my stance, my utter reason for my existence.
I've given myself to Christ, to whom I've surrendered my life--simply because Christ is everything to me. This is what all Christians, effectually and substantially, ought claim as our own action and stance. As Christians, we give our lives to Christ; some term it "asking Jesus to come into our hearts, our souls" or "committing ourselves to Jesus Christ as our personal savior and Lord."
A consecrated Catholic hermit is thus being reminded that he or she "has surrendered" his or her life--and for the simple reason that Christ is everything to the person who has made profession and is living the eremitic life as outlined, prescribed, as in the consecrated life of the Catholic Church.
Well, we do so live out our life, surrendered to Christ, and in keeping as best we area able as to the entirety of all the aspects of which the Church has stated in The Catechism sections 920 and 921, and in consideration of what we know and read of saintly and holy hermits over the centuries--taking example from their lives in ways that edify and improve our own vocations. But most of all, we pray and receive guidance from the Lord to Whom we've surrendered our lives because He is everything to us--everything, when it is all said and done.
The Lord surely does guide us when we surrender ourselves to Him, and He provides through the love of the Holy Spirit for us, for Christ sent the Holy Spirit to mankind to be our Paraclete, teacher, His Spirit , the Third Person of the Holy Trinity, to be with us on earth following Christ's ascension to heaven. So we have guidance and direction in living out our vocations as consecrated hermits, in all the means and ways given us by God. This help comes in correlation to our openness, our docility to the Holy Spirit, our depth and willingness of surrendering our totality to and our love of Christ.
In other words, our extent of surrender and amount to which Christ is everything to us, is fluid. We are always in process and motion, making progress. I point out we are making progress, when it might seem as if we are backtracking, or are stagnant or any of the many aspects of surrender and devotion, or of our "everything" seeming to miss some things.
The truth is, we are in process, and we make progress even when we sin, for that is a process, also. When we do not return to Christ, when we shut Him out without seeking again, when without repenting of our sins, without loving Him, and remain as such through our last breaths, of course we have ceased the surrender of our lives to the Lord. We have hindered our souls, have hindered our love, by holding back from Christ being our everything to us.
This is the on-going process and plight, if we can use that term in positive aspect of which I intend it here, of the consecrated Catholic hermit. It is the plight of any Christian, as Christ asks all Christians to follow Him fully, to love God above all things with all our minds, our hearts, our strength, our spirit and to love others as ourselves. Yes, this is the greatest commandment, Jesus confirms in Scripture, the Living Word of God.
But for a hermit, we have the added impetus of our vocation and our profession of the the counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience. And we enter into this vocation in all its tradition and meaning, that which has been lived out as in stricter separation from the world, in the silence of solitude, in being hidden from the eyes of men, and of these aspects less externally distinctive, such as that our lives are to be a silent preaching of the Lord.
So it is in this discussion that we find, also, the silent aspect and of silent preaching that our lives are to be. We can see more of the interior way of our hermit vocation as distinct or with differences than the lives of Christians in general, or also as distinct from some of the other forms of the consecrated life of the Church, as well as holy orders. These other lives are more active, more public, more heard and seen, a visible and audible preaching, in addition to the various other visible and heard and active aspects of those in active apostolate, married and single vocations of lay persons, in those of consecrated virgins and widows, of religious orders and holy orders and the various institutes and apostolates in the Church, the Body of Christ.
We must on-going, examine ourselves--those of us who are consecrated Catholic hermits, either publicly or privately having professed the evangelical counsels, having been called by God to hermit vocation in the Church and are living to whatever degree in process and progress the hermit life.
We now might do well to examine not only how truly "hidden" we are from the eyes of men/others, but examine to what extent or degree we have or our lives are currently "surrendered" to Christ. And in that, we can examine, also, to what degree in past and present, Christ means to us. Does He truly mean everything to us, and are there any "things" that mean a bit more in actuality of our daily lives--be they hidden deeply in our souls in some way, shape, or form?
And I do realize that when we examine ourselves and find aspects or degrees of aspects of our surrender to Christ, we will always find aspects in which we could be more fully surrendered. We are hermits are human, after all! And we will likewise find that our "everything" of what Christ means to us, has some weak spots if not some actual leaks or intrusions of other "things" that either threaten or have already breached the walls of our full surrender and total focus of His being all to us.
This is our on-going process as consecrated Catholic hermits, for these terms, these words such as previously examining "stricter separation from the world"--that we find fluidity and motion, and the element always, to more or less and less or more. The Lord has given us free will, even within our eremitic vocation, even within the honor of being one of those honored who are within the consecrated life of the Church! We all share in and bear the responsibility of our consecrated lives in the Catholic Church and in our specific vocations therein.
So this day, as I may feel or think I am not making progress in my hermit vocation, even as I have been "in the dumps" somewhat, and maybe quite a lot, as the suffering is relentless, and I'm continuing to try to make sense and worth of it in God's view--seeking His view which in itself can be nebulous given my imperfection as a human being. But I am making progress even if slow, or even if backward or in unknown-to-me areas or sense of direction or degree or good-or-not-so-good of progress.
I've considered to not go for walks, to simply remain in bed other than up for some food, water or coffee, bathroom, mailbox. I'm ever so fatigued from pain, and I have wondered if this is the time in my physical, mortal life, to stop pushing my body as anything I do such as walking or standing much, or trying to drive a short distance, only and always increases the pain. If I turn off the ice pump, within several minutes as the pad loses its coolness, the nerve pain makes itself known with seeming vengeful reality of debilitating--maybe more so, demoralizing--pain.
Yet I might try again today to walk, after I get dressed. For two days I've gotten dressed in the afternoon, thinking that would encourage or motivate me to go for a walk. The idea does make sense and is a fact that walking will build up muscles; and remaining bed-ridden will not. However, how much of this pain is the arachnoiditis of which the trajectory is eventually being bedridden from the pain, and how much is this post-surgery pain, nearly four months after? Is the walking, thus, purposeful, helpful, other than in my mind or to others I can say I am trying, I make myself go for a walk once a day.
And in reality, then, am in bed all the other time, for motivation has left to attempt household tasks that mean what? Does it matter if I put books from remaining boxes on shelves? Will there come a time when I will get some help to remove the old carpet and only have to remove books and move shelves off carpet to get it out? Have I read much of the few books piled beside me on the bed? The answer to that is no, I have for two days, or has it been three now, simply remained on the icy pad and distracted myself sometimes with whatever earthly distractions, or other times just been here, not sure of what is on the mind, which is at least hopeful in that unknowing.
Now I have other examining to be doing, and that is of the amount of my surrender to the Lord, and of that part of me that can ascertain if He truly means "everything" to me in as such as what "things" vie for my thoughts and attention. And that, of course, is always going to come down to one's self-love. How much of the "me" is "myself"? How much of everything belongs to Christ, and is something or several things still me, and mean myself to me? Of course, I know that answer!
There is always room for more surrender and more of things in everything, that can be of me, in and to Christ. There is always a process and a progression of more of self to die to self, and more to live and give to Christ. There is less talk, such as once again I used words (even if written, not spoken, but in past have been spoken) to someone who wrote of a bit of upset in a situation in their lives that I have been honest about all along. Yet the words fell on deaf ears, which is how we tend to be when we are not ready to hear or to act or to face ourselves, yet continue to ask or be upset about situations of which we are very much a part and could say or act in order to alter the unhealthiness.
So the preaching, the silent preaching that is part of what a consecrated Catholic hermit, is to be of the Lord. That is my error in what I wrote in response, this time, to the upset and issues of those who have been enabling another adult in emotional and psychological sickness. I have pointed out in past, when the person would bring it up, the concerns, and have encouraged when the person/s have stated they are going to stop enabling the one with psychological sickness that is obvious in outer appearance and has been for several years as well as in behaviors. But they cannot seem to do it, to do what would force the ill person to take hold and have self-respect and confidence rather than to continue in greater sickness which negatively affects a child directly.
My silent preaching of the Lord, must remain of the Lord. There is nothing more to be offered other than the promise of praying to the Lord for these persons strength and for deeper conversions, to turn to Scripture for answers and strength, themselves, and perhaps a reminder of what has been spoken and/or written in the past as to addressing and encouraging counseling for the person and to cease enabling the person to remain and worsen in the unhealthiness.
My silent preaching of the Lord must remain in the Lord, regarding my vocation and my own, poor soul. I am weak in will and discipline, weak in what is full and what is total and complete of "surrender to the Lord" or in truly that "everything" of which He means to me. But each day I try again, and there is progress in being hidden from the eyes of others. And in that, I am recognizing how insignificant I truly am! This is a glorious recognition at a deeper level than prior, of my nothingness, and then of course, in consideration that He is to be "everything" to me, I recognize to greater impact, Christ's ALL to my nothing.
And when the phone rang here beside me, and I saw it was the elderly aunt, I had the will to not answer. I was yet trying to get custody of self over pain, custody over my feelings and thoughts of which were lingering aspects of that of the person who is so ill--but at least is now getting some counseling, the first steps of a lengthy unraveling of wrong-stitches over the years. Hope in God that the unraveling continues, for this is what I mean by fluidity and motion in progress. It can go various ways, forward, backward, sideways, up and down, on and on unless we cast ourselves into hell. All else is hopeful in God for progress in process to union with Him, even unto the end of time.
Later I listened to the message the elderly aunt had left, of her not feeling well and not to call her back, that she was returning my previous call; she will try to call back when she feels better and assumes I am doing better. I have noticed that others, and perhaps I, have assumed I have gotten or will get better. The reality is, the only true way we have a chance of betterment, is that of which relates to our love of God and our progression--the progression that is toward Him, to be in Him, increasingly so until full union--our souls forever in permanent union in God.
In the meantime, I will pray for fuller surrender and more of the everything to be what He means to me, and for more hiddenness, and of more of the silent aspect of preaching and of whatever of preaching to be of the Lord. So much as it pertains to our temporal lives, as consecrated Catholic hermits, is not of the Lord. But that is within our striving and will, to aim our preaching to be silent, and then also to be of the Lord. Immersing more in His Living Word can provide what one can write in silence, of encouragement and pointing others and ourselves in the best direction of temporal and spiritual solutions to our unhealthiness and ills--to what Scriptures can give to us in answers and how to proceed with others and ourselves in our lives here on earth.
I'm sure, as I hope in God always, that He will let me know about remaining as comfortable as possible on the icy pad, or in going for walks despite the added pain. Perhaps, as in our spiritual lives often unfold, there is positive over time in progressing through what brings more pain, in eventually passing through pain. My elderly 96-year-old aunt does not realize that she and I are in the same "boat" currently, and our bodies are for the most part, the least of us. Yet if we allow them, they can dominate without making a noise or being seen.
This is already quite lengthy. But I appreciate this selection from Letter 137 of St. Therese of Lisieux's collection--this letter to her sister Celine. I'm sure you can draw various points of relationship with what I have been attempting to express, above, plus will find aspects in the young saint's letter that are helpful in your own processes and progressions. (I note as will you, that she does write "of the Lord."
"Celine, what a mystery is our grandeur in Jesus. This is all that Jesus has shown us in making us climb the symbolic tree about which I was just talking to you. And now what science is He about to teach us? Has He not taught us at all? Let us listen to what He is saying to us: 'Make haste to descend, I must lodge today at your house.' Well, Jesus tells us to descend. where, then, must we descend? Celine, you know better than I; however, let me tell you where we must now follow Jesus. In days gone by, the Jews asked our divine Savior: 'Master, where do you live?' And He answered: 'The foxes have their lairs, the birds of heaven their nests, but I have no place to rest my head.' This is where we must descend in order that we may serve as an abode for Jesus. To be so poor that we do not have a place to rest our head. This is, dear Celine, what Jesus has done in my soul during my retreat. You understand, there is question here of the interior....
"What Jesus desires is that we receive Him into our hearts. No doubt, they are already empty of creatures [this is "no doubt" not the case for most of us], but, alas, I feel mine is not entirely empty of myself, and it is for this reason that Jesus tells me to descend. He, the King of kings, humbled Himself in such a way that His face was hidden, and no one recognized Him, and I, too, want to hide my face. I want my Beloved alone to see it, that He be the only one to count my tears, that in my heart at least He may rest His dear head and feel that there He is known and understood!"
Thank you, St. Therese, for having written this letter which helps me yet again in the writing it out to share with whomever of others stumbling upon this blog post, over 100 years after your youthful passing from this temporal earth. You bless us yet, in the Lord.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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