Took awhile to get a grip on the physical pain, deal with simply going to an appointment and still getting into a situation in which I need the Holy Spirit to provide wisdom in dealing with it.
Praise be to God that I am beginning to grasp the ability and ease at least in the concept, of experiencing the good and the painful as equals. It is a gift in a level of holy indifference, and also I appreciate the pain as a grace. I'll not continue on this topic but perhaps later on will delve into it as more is clear.
But I thought it would be good to share the statement in the article about the (Faith of) Assurance of Salvation as presented by Dr. Joel Beeke, who represents the Puritan theology or view, but the pain doctor wanted me to listen to a recording of the same as I found online in written form. (I prefer reading before I have my ears listening to what are theological beliefs expressed by people with whom I'm unfamiliar.) This is the statement, and I wonder if any other Catholics have ever been taught this or have read it in any of Catholic Christian theology? I certainly have not.
"The Roman Catholic Church said a Christian cannot have assurance [of salvation] without first having an extraordinary direct revelation from God."
I was brought out of God's protective custody today. But it seems I cannot but be transported from my cell to a doctor's office and back, without a carrot being dangled for me to face either disputing or being distracted and tempted to go into apologetics mode in trying to explain to the doctor why this is not correct. The problem is that he is not likely going to move from his stance as the conversation has been put in other ways and words, on other occasions, and I'm not wanting to debate.
I could offer him my volume of The Catechism of the Catholic Church. There will be more than enough information, or catechesis (religious instruction), in one large and comprehensive volume, whether or not he agrees or disagrees. I will pray about this idea. And I will pray for whatever is God's purpose in the doctor appointments about every two months.
I now realize it was my crucifix that alerted him to my Catholicism a year ago at first appointment. Tonight, researching Dr. Joel Beeke, I see that my good pain doctor's background or interest is informed by Puritanism, which is historically, decidedly anti-Catholic. Lord, how is it I get myself into, such as this--a most tricky situation? Pray, that I might have wisdom and prudence, sorely needed.
It seems strange to me, or a wonderment, why such as Joel Beeke, or anyone, spends time and energy preaching supposedly what Catholics believe when it is not what we believe, instead of fully focusing on what his church believes or on Scripture? I've experienced this aspect in other Protestant churches I was in, years ago, people teaching or preaching what they think and say Catholics believe (but we do not, in actuality).
I cannot begin to plumb even partly all that is in the never-ending treasure chest of Christ and of all the beauty in the Church expressed in part through the Body of Christ in the writings of lovers of Christ from the apostles and saints, mystics, hermits, early Fathers of the Church, on through the centuries. Exegesis of Scripture, theology, spiritual theology, systematic theology, mystical theology, virtues, Trinity, Christ, Holy Spirit, prayer, Sacraments, art, music, poetry--on and on, so much to learn, read, study, discuss, love.
As for Protective Custody, all the more I need God's protection, for I am as a repeat offender who needs to be kept in solitary confinement as much as possible, in my hermit cell. I'm a danger to myself and a potential harm to others, in some respects, and my shelf life is drawing nigh. I must focus on His Real Presence, the Holy Trinity, and deal with my sins and grow in love of God in Himself and love of others as He loves us, His creation, His children.
I am not seeking other in my life than whom God desires for me, and in effect I must consider as a prisoner of the Lord, that He wills me for now to have occasional contact with the prison doctor. May the Holy Spirit guide me in prayer and providence of what it is the doctor is needing, or if concern for my salvation being a Catholic, and the obvious misinformation he is trusting in from writers and speakers he reads and hears who evidently have notions other than what is our faith, then what? I'm open for the Holy Spirit's tutelage and inspiration.
As for other aspects in my temporal and spiritual life, I find the metaphor or comparison of my hermit vocation as it is providentially unfolding, and that of an old prisoner who is on death row, in solitary confinement, and preparing for passing from this life, having opportunity to repent of my sins, being judged, and accepting whatever is next, continuing on in eternity, seeking God the Father, Jesus Christ His Son, and the interflowing divine love of Holy Spirit.
My hermit vocation all the more makes holy sense to me. I am not seeking more solitude for any other reason than it is best, it is God's unfolding of love for me and providing me with protective custody as answer to so many prayers asking Him to help me fulfill my mission in this life before I am to depart my body and live on, continuing the progression in His holy and perfect will.
While I anticipate I will have much yet to learn and much to be purged that is not helpful or hinders my soul, I know temporal time is of the essence, and my being prone to distractions and off into tangents not productive and in fact deleterious to mainly myself, my mind, heart, soul--solitary confinement is a relief, a welcoming school room of one-on-one tutoring.
Of the various mystics and hermit saints I have read and gotten to know through their biographies and their personal writings, the ones with whom I've most resonated, have been victim souls of one sort or other, with much suffering, and relegated to their own forms of solitary confinement, of God's protective custody. My confirmation saint, Sr. Josefa Menendez, is one such inmate sharing my cell, as is currently St. Mary of Egypt.
So when I have communicated with the Lord of my eagerness and readiness, of my grasp of the importance and need for Him to draw me into custody, to place me in solitary confinement with only required leave-taking for requisite needs, we are in agreement that there is no need to fill in with more or others, except to share the cell with whomever of these mystics and saints whom He chooses and brings to my mind to ask their guidance and prayers.
These heavenly souls take up no space such as I do, and I am eager to learn whatever will best prepare me for whatever next, to be better equipped to pray for any intentions and needs of all souls, to live out in what time left on earth, what is set forth for eremitic life, such as devoting my being to praise of God and the salvation of the world, in assiduous prayer and penance, in manifesting to everyone the interior aspects of the mystery of the Church--the personal intimacies of Christ.
And to extend further, I submit these words on eremitic life, found in The Catechism which informs what is desired in essence of hermits within the consecrated life of the Church. Paraphrased and adapted for first person: I must be as if hidden from the eyes of men, and that my life be a silent preaching of the Lord, to whom I have surrendered my life simply because He is everything to me. This is a particular call to find in the desert, in my cell, in the thick of spiritual battle, the glory of the Crucified One.
I particularly take note of my life being a "silent preaching of the Lord." My writing is silent if I keep from being drawn into that which is not my business other than to silently pray for God's will for all souls, for deeper conversions for all souls, for love of God above all things and love of others as God loves us, or for whatever the Lord brings to me of prayer needs.
(The idea of gifting the well-intentioned and seeking pain doctor with my copy of The Catechism of the Catholic Church is a silent preaching of the Lord. It can be a reference for him if he wants to know what the Catholic Church teaches, regardless of if he agrees with the Church, or even if he considers how imperfect we Catholics can be in learning and knowing all aspects or are living well, what we are taught and believe. Or I can also pray silently, and simply live my life loving Christ and His Church and loving others, even if do so imperfectly.)
While not all consecrated Catholic hermits are in protective custody and placed in solitary confinement, at least metaphorically but with as much validity and practicality as possible, temporally and spiritually it is where the Lord has been leading me, offering to me. And in all respects other than my not having until now more fully accepting, embracing, I am realizing profoundly the goodness, purpose, and need for His protective custody at this time in my life and until He wills otherwise.
And yes, in God's protective custody, there will be permission for family visitors, for passing encounters on my lovely "prison" walks, in the brief interactions of necessary outings. The analogy is not exact, but it is a good image and comparison--which is always helpful to me and for which I'm grateful to the Holy Spirit for giving me means to visualize in order to see His wise and needful plans as they come in the different transitions and phases of the temporal-spiritual journey!
God bless His Real Presence in us!
No comments:
Post a Comment