As those for whom I've asked prayers (mostly saints, mystics, Holy Spirit, angel, those on other side), their prayers are being answered in the grace I've needed to buckle down more in the spiritual life, in the seeking Christ and love of God in Himself, and His love flowing in my imperfect love of others.
Today, in rekindling memory of St. Mary of Egypt, early century, Egyptian desert amma and hermit, patroness of penitents, I asked Mary of Egypt to befriend and mentor me. She was quite austere; the only similarities in externals are that I do not get my hair cut but rarely. The sitting to drive, the sitting in a chair for the hair cut, and the added cost and hassle, is my reason, actually. Plus, long hair can easily be pulled back out of the way; it is simple and can go without hair cuts indefinitely.
I anticipate that there will be actual, further formation of my hermit life in whatever details, but the important aspect is that this alliance is bound to be promising in interior, spiritual ways. This will be positive; this will be helpful; this will be interesting.
As I was thinking of my comforts and thankfully, finally having some financial stability if I remain fiscally prudent, I realized I used to give away and donate far more and more to parish and church organizations as recipients of my almsgiving. So I appreciated reading these comments within a sermon on love for the poor, written by St. Gregory Nazianzen, Bishop and Doctor of the Church, 4th century.
"God lavishes spiritual benefits on us if we are willing to receive them: don't delay to come to the help of those in need. Give especially to whoever asks you and even before he asks, making an unstinting alms of spiritual doctrine...."
This view of almsgiving is not one I'd considered--to make an unstinting alms of spiritual doctrine. For in this phase of my life, age-wise and health-wise, I have to be careful financially as Catholic hermits are self-supporting, and that reality hits home all the more during the unknowns of what degree of mobility and pain I will have when the spine surgery recovery year is complete.
Thankful to have health insurance now, having reached the age in which I can pay for Medicare and a supplemental insurance--as otherwise a physical mishap would wipe out my finances--I must be careful with low monthly income and not dip into savings, for long term health care or even assisted living facilities are quite costly per month.
I've found my monetary charity as of late, has followed along with the aphorism: Charity begins at home. I've needed help and have paid for the help. I've had neighbors do very kindly deeds that were beyond what in time, effort, and expertise could be called minor. So I gift them monetarily or in essence in gift cards. Charity includes justice; now and then one will absolutely refuse, but I am not in a position to be able to help them physically in return.
So other than the item donations of which there was an abundance prior to my relocating, such as to thrift stores, the parish rummage sale, and St. Vincent de Paul, my almsgiving in tangibles will be when I can manage to load the truck and drive some clothing and other items I do not need and have unpacked to be able to sort to rid out.
Thus, I'm grateful for this point, which is most helpful to hermits who in our time period must think responsibly and also in charity to relatives or friends who might otherwise be put upon or feel required to provide for us in our last months or years--and who may not be able to well afford that themselves. If a hermit becomes ill and near life's end, whatever is not going to be needed for health care and a nursing facility, can then be given to the poor.
I realize this is not in the faith or spirit of which I lived in years past, when I lived on my low monthly disability and gifted monetarily all that was left over each month. And yes, God did provide; I made it through, but by other assistance such as inheritance. And I learned how fluctuating can be the economy, and that costs rise when my disability is scant increase. My medical insurance which I must pay out of pocket each month, as I did not have enough Social Security points so that I did not have to pay fully, quarterly--the insurances are a fourth of my monthly income before taxes.
I'd be penniless without the insurance with this spine surgery alone! So the inheritance regained after the previous debacle when I was naive and vamboozled in buying a house for my hermitage which needed far more than the inspector stated, and all went into what is termed "a money pit" house--the inheritance was regained by the grace of God giving me divine assistance and through kindness of others. That is invested in part in this hermitage of which I had the blessing to be able to learn from my ignorance and know what's what when it comes to home inspections.
Thus I will continue with my almsgiving in gifting those whom I presume upon to help me in this time of physical dependency, and will tip the costly Lyft rides that I need for doctor appointments since I cannot drive yet myself, and will make unstinting almsgiving of prayer and whatever spiritual uplift and charity to others, living and dead.
For that, I need to up the ante on my own spiritual life and prayer life, so that what I am gifting is good, not cheap, not tainted by my imperfection, my sins. My almsgiving of spiritual doctrine must be sound in Scripture and the Church, in solid Christian theology, and in wise discernment of spiritual insights of the Holy Spirit. It must come from my penitence, as well, from genuine humility and knowing of myself, as I am: nothing to God's ALL.
And in the meantime, I have few needs for myself, as I have plenty and all that I require for warmth, food, medication, and so much comfort. In that, I am blessed. And I am well aware that I could have terrible spinal damage and be born in a third world country, living in a hut without running water, and also, long-since dead as I'd not have had the luxury of back surgery years ago.
So I also then, give monetary donations when specific needs arise of which God makes me aware. And in my gifting those who spend time and effort (and their gas costs them in running errands for me), if they fuss about accepting the monetary gift, I tell them to please take it as they then can donate it to a charitable cause or someone they know in need. That works.
And if and when my body heals and strength is regained, and I am able to manage the pain to a point that I can physically help others, that I will offer, as well, in the hidden way of the consecrated Catholic hermit, in quiet ways of which I hope in God that in a year or less I might be able to write about the little physical works of charity a hermit can gift to others while yet in stricter separation from the world, in the silence of solitude (or nearly so), and hidden from the eyes of men, or most!
Perhaps, too, there will come to me an assurance of faith to give all my possessions to the poor as St. Anthony of the Desert felt called to do; but I've written of this before of the reality I had to face of being a hermit in this time period, in this particular country, with my given physical health problems and age. However, I certainly read in St. Teresa of Avila's letters of her illnesses and then borrowing a saddle to ride a horse to the next of her foundations!
In the meantime, I give myself to the Holy Spirit, to the Gospel and teachings of Jesus my Lord, to the tutelage of the Virgin Mary and my angel, to the direction and writings of the Christian saints and mystics, and of holy hermits such as Mary of Egypt, in progressing in the spiritual journey, the spiritual life, so as to have something of worth to offer in making unstinting alms of spiritual doctrine and prayer.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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