I admit to some discouragement in the past day. The pain was starting to get to me, and then some. Always the Lord reaches in with His guidance, His strength, His help in times of trial, small and great.
As to trials, discernment, and temptation, lo and behold! This selection presented itself in one of my online, daily, spiritual readings. From The Catechism of the Catholic Church:
"2847 The Holy Spirit makes us discern between trials, which are necessary for the growth of the inner man, and temptation, which leads to sin and death. We must also discern between being tempted and consenting to temptation. Finally, discernment unmasks the lie of temptation, whose object appears to be good, a 'delight to the eyes' and desirable, when in reality its fruit is death.
"God does not want to impose the good, but wants free beings.... There is a certain usefulness to temptation. No one but God knows what our soul has received from him, not even we ourselves. But temptation reveals it in order to teach us to know ourselves, and in this way we discover our evil inclinations and are obliged to give thanks for the goods that temptation has revealed to us."
Honestly, who'd ever anticipate such a selection at just the time so needed? Yet this happens to us repeatedly: the miracles of our everyday lives! God provides! Yes, I've been dealing with temptation to despair, to give up attempting to keep striving in strengthening muscles that once out of the temptation and cloud of painful trial, I am reminded just how long it can take for bones to heal, plus muscles, tendons, and ligaments that have been cut through on either side of my spine--about 10-12" worth.
But I have not considered all that God has given me, for my soul; nor have I thought through the reality that this trial of immense unknowing of so many aspects physical and spiritual, is a trial that the Lord is gifting me. Temptation to despair over the consistently higher levels of pain I've had to endure for this stretch of time, gives way to my now considering the usefulness of this temptation.
I am knowing myself better than ever. I've been given facts from research that affects those most loved on earth. The Lord has shown me some
As for water over the dam, it is actually " additional flaws and wrongful inclinations that have caused the unfolding over time, of effect on others that in turn, causes others to mirror some of these very wrongs that have come from my flaws.too much water over the dam." I was reminded of this aphorism after situation played out yesterday, quite briefly.
Not quite a year ago, in a locution, my late dad intoned this to me: Too much water over the dam. At the time and now, I know what he was referring to in a relationship situation. I'm now living out the consequences of a flaw in which way back, without realizing the future negativity, my lack of discretion and lack of verbal self-control in venting some feelings did damage into the future of now. Even if valid, when impressionable ears are around, the venting of observations, the criticisms born of frustrations, play out over and over, passed down--the sins of the father, so to speak, repeated in the sons.
The outcome, the consequences, are oh-so-painful to the heart. I praise God for revealing my flaw, my wrong doing, way back and for letting me experience the effects in being treated to the repeated effects, likewise, now. And what is more, the damage is done; too much of the water is over the dam; there is no retrieving it now. I can only accept these consequences, pick up: myself, my evil inclinations, my temptation to despair over the loss--and move on with a few more scales removed from my eyes and a heart pierced through my own fault, my own fault, my own grievous fault.
With resolve to not repeat the flaw and to pray all the more with hope in God for those I've influenced by my past-but-infectious wrong doing, today I took up the goods of the temptation to despair yet again over what I have wrought and now am living out still in that situation. There is only going forward now, and letting go of the other. In fact, I must forbid myself to the temptation to reach in; only God can recapture water that has poured over the dam, and in this situation temporal time has also passed. Too much water and time over the dam.
Although feeling fragile with the trials of this greater time of physical suffering and lengthy debilitation, I knew I needed to try the one phone number I've put off calling. A man's name was given me by the parish secretary, and his phone number, over eight weeks ago. After the unhappy results of the phone conversation with the woman the parish nurse had call me--the volunteer who was not at all a volunteer but rather a person wanting employment at hefty hourly rates--I did not have the courage to call this man, try this other phone number.
Today I did. I left a message on his voicemail. I had no idea if he, too, is someone seeking work beyond what I could afford and beyond what I need. In my message, I tried to explain that I need another person or two for an occasional errand, given my recovery from spinal surgery is not progressing as thought and desired.
Somehow--I have no idea--the message must have concurrently, weirdly, gone through as a text message to his phone number, in addition to the voicemail. I had a response on my phone's text message, a simple "?". So I texted this time, and explained I'd left a voicemail on his phone, but evidently it also alerted his messages, and wrote out a shorter version of the voicemail. I expressed my need, and to please call me if this is something he or someone else he might know, could possibly do.
I have my temporal need down to someone going to Costco for me and loading up on a variety of food supplies so that I'll be stocked for a couple or three months. (I'd also left a message with the older parish couple who went to the grocery and brought some fresh produce, perhaps three weeks ago, by now. Time flies.... But they have not returned the call; they may be on a trip as was the case a couple months ago when I called initially, asking their help.)
This evening I had a call back from the parish man! He explained some his situation. He retired from his work at age 55 with the intention of volunteering full-time instead. He is soon to turn my age, and is quite willing to do a Costco-run for me. In fact, he is coming in the morning to meet me, take my shopping list, and I will also give him my debit card with access to pay for what will be pricey--but the bulk foods will last this hermit for a long time. Of course, I will also gift him with money for his kindness and effort, and I've asked him to let me know any prayer intentions I can delve into.
As it turned out, I did explain why it is that I am in need of a support network--and why it is that I do not have contacts established in this area or in the parish. Regardless, I immediately felt uplifted, as he also spoke of how important it is to keep up the spirits after a surgery such as I've had. He evidently knows the trickiness of spinal operations.
The Holy Spirit has certainly taught me in practicum, the very lessons and truth written in the above Catechism selection. I've been asking the Lord to please help me, I've been asking my late parents and spiritual da to help me, and I had just texted, asking prayers of the couple who were so incredibly kind and helped me in my previous ordeal where I lived for 5 1/2 very arduous years. The phone call from this man came between texts with the couple.
I'm in for another rugged night of higher physical pain, but my spirits are lifted by the amazing power of the Holy Spirit and the power of prayers answered. Yes, when I really needed His touch and assurance in my facing more of my self, learning more to discern between trials, and in not giving into temptation to despair of managing both physical pain and my current temporal subsistence, yet also in accepting too much water over the dam.... That's done; it's gone. Will there be ever new water filling in? Wait and pray.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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