Am having a big set back. Couldn't sleep until 4 a.m. Pain--lots of nerve pain down legs and lumbar on fire. The icy pad under me seems not cold. Nurse was just here and said my back is literally hot. So the neighbor kids' dad will pick up a bag of ice so we can add more ice to the pump with hopes it will make the pad any bit cooler.
My pride in getting up 8 times the last two days has taken a fall. (Pride goeth before a fall.) I am to increase the pain meds today to see if that helps, plus maybe the added ice will help inflammation. She put a dressing back on because there is one area still of the incision that is not quite healed well enough. Not worth taking a chance if it opening and being unprotected. Infection would be not nice.
The nurse thinks that the toilet riser apparatus is at least 10 lbs and maybe 12, so that no doubt was the main culprit as I had to lift it yesterday and walker it to the half bath, then wrangle it into the small space. Being a veteran of pain and pain management for years, I know that one or two days down means three to four days of rebuilding strength. So basically my being up 8 times for two days is going to be lost, and I'll start over carefully after this simmers down. Nurse said might take even four days to simmer down and strained muscles to heal.
It does not hurt to pray that I have not done any damage such as to disrupt cadaver bone fusion areas or the screws into my porous bones. We think not likely, but with me hard to tell due to my very high pain tolerance. But today, this is not easy to manage, and not being able to sleep much the past two nights is also not positive signal.
This morning when I did get up for something to eat, I noticed yet again my breviary over on a low chest. I've noticed it there increasingly, and today I thanked my angel and got the reacher grabber tool to get my breviary. It is here on the bed, and I will add on reading/praying the breviary in addition to my daily Scripture reading. It is not that I will necessarily retain in the conscious mind, much of what I read, but the Living Word is active and fulfilling. The Living Word of God is power and might, truth, beauty, goodness.
Plus, in addition to the power of the "our" in Our Father--the Lord's Prayer--I will be in union of prayer with all those around the world who read/pray the breviary.
I had read online in the middle of the night when could not sleep, of a diocesan hermit who seems quite admirable, although there is one aspect in which I know my spiritual father would not have allowed me to be, as he held charity to be highest in living any vocation. However, I found much to be impressed with this particular diocesan hermit's daily life, and today is the day I will add on to my recovery mode daily life, once more the reading/praying of the Divine Office.
The neighbor's husband will pick up some more ice bags on way home from work. The children will pack this ice pump with more ice in addition to the ice bottles and ice cubes from my fridge's freezer. If that does not make this pad under me colder, then I may need to see about trying to find out how to get a new ice pump, although this seems to be humming along.
Dr. H. called and wants to try clinical hypnotherapy tomorrow over the phone, to help promote healing of bone fusion, nerves, muscles, and whatever else. I'm not super keen, for my path is different than his at this phase of our lives. But I know he is wanting to be helpful, and that is charity. He is into the mind potential of healing, whereas I'm into Christ's yoke being easy and the burden light. I've come into not "working" the brain so much, but rather to rest easily into Christ's loving arms, resting my head upon His Sacred Heart and part of me on His bleeding side.
I have wondered if the Lord desires, in this reconnecting some with Dr. H. over the miles and after the many years, for me to be a witness for him, to share the light of life, the life in Christ, that is so predominate and paramount in my soul and sole existence. Praying on that. Praying for deeper conversion for the both of us. May we see as God sees.
How do I know or not, that Dr. H. sees already as God sees? I don't know; it just seems I'm not so keen on the other--probably because the Lord has provided me with far greater than clinical hypnosis, good as this therapeutic use of relaxation can be in clinical needs. It was with Dr. H. that years ago the Holy Spirit spoke aloud, with supernal messages and visions, of which the locutions Dr. H. tape recorded and at times asked questions. And the answers did come--from God and whomever He sent to speak wisdoms and truths. I've shared some of the wisdoms given, if not in this blog then in some vlogs.
I"ll pray about it. Ask my spiritual father who intercedes for me on the other side now, what to do about this situation. For I am not interested in clinical hypnosis at this phase of my life nor have been for years. I trust in the Lord to heal my spine even though I know already He is not going to remove the pain. That pain is ordained and has been, for years, and prior to the car accident on this very day in 1984, and prior to the pain-defining surgeries back in 1987.
As for my toilet and exterior door handle order that is due for pick up tomorrow at a big box store, the customer service lady called, and I asked for a couple weeks or more extension due to my circumstances. I need to find someone to pick up the order, and the toilets are heavy. But more so, now, I need to discern and listen to God's will, as to what to consider regarding this hermitage, this piece of real estate.
I know selling it is the best, sooner than later; but I'm fine to stay here through the year of healing the surgeon said would be recovery time. But do I hire some things done to help the place sell better, or do I not? If not, then drop the order. However, these old toilets have already failed twice; and it was yesterday's minor stoppage that was my undoing as far as the back strain and pain goes.
God cares about our daily concerns. I prefer counting on God for all matters, and my thoughts on suffering have changed somewhat over the years. Again, I need to remind myself today with the level of pain I'm in, that pain and suffering are not the enemy. See how easily I forget this truth? See how easily my own level of concern and frustration can rise, when I know it is best to simply yoke up with Jesus always and let Him lead with carrying the burden.
But since I am in the yoke, also, I need to at least put forth a little effort, as I am to follow along with Him. Yes, I am in the yoke with Him. I can't be pulling back, or sitting down refusing the budge, or unwilling to do whatever little part would be helpful.
No comments:
Post a Comment