Catholic Hermit: Already God Answers

 

It was not long before the Lord dealt with my non-sacramental confession regarding this nothing-much of a consecrated Catholic hermit!  After writing about my "escapism" in previous post, the occupational therapist came for a final instruction on showering using all the equipment and safe guards properly.

I was exhausted, but also today decided to definitely increase the pain meds by 2.5 milligrams.  It has made a positive difference in coping with this amount of pain, especially after the shower effort.  So the occupational therapist has come for the last time, and left after a brief conversation.  I mentioned the escapism I atypically was into, using the drama series as a means to not think, to get myself out of this body and place, even, to enter into the scene and place of the fiction-based-on-real-life productions.

She found nothing remiss in this, as she said it is good to do what is available in these circumstances, to get the rest needed and to focus on healing, not on figuring out how you will contend with a more physically limited life, plus the pain involved.  I mentioned that the problem I have with my adopted, lulling, passive activity is that I tend to be very religious (that's enough said), but somehow I'm not able to manage the pain enough to read something worthwhile and spiritually beneficial.

Her response was that she thinks I have an incredibly wonderful attitude considering what I am faced with, and the limited means I have of contending with it.  Well, what is she going to say?  In that compliment I was reminded all over again of how powerful can positive reinforcement be as an encouragement or even if it somehow shames someone who perceives is quite the opposite.

After resting, I read today's Scriptures for Mass.  It was nearly noon--quite late for me to read His Living Word.  But as soon as I read the first reading and the Psalm, I recognized the Lord was responding to my non-sacramental confession of how and why I consider myself a bad hermit, lethargic in spiritual effort, intake, and output.  

In these Scriptures, though I also recognized the increasingly predictable plot lines of the series' segments, the insight came that the Lord understands, knows, and also appreciated the praise and thanks I was giving Him as I read His Living Word.  The drama series was also a gift to me, of which I have benefitted in ways He and I now grasp.  

It was not a negative to be connected with the world through these productions.  God provided a temporal means of resting my mind and lulling me to sleep, off and on for quite awhile. I do need the release, the escape, that was so simple and easy to procure.  I did not have to focus or make effort even in remembering the plots; the music and voices and scenery and bits of humor, the creative cleverness--all are appreciated now as what in this phase I've been in, needed.  It worked.

But also, what was transpiring is the transition that God is providing, also, by bestowing graces.  I happened to also read this thought of St. Augustine:

"When you begin to abhor what you have done, it is then that your good works are beginning, since you are accusing yourself of your evil works.  Your good works is the confession of evil works.  You 'do the works' and 'come to the light.'"  (St. Augustine, Jn 12, 13)  

I'm not suggesting that watching procedural drama productions running the length of several seasons, live-streamed from Amazon Prime, are all that "evil."  But for a consecrated Catholic hermit, privately professed nearly 19 years, spending time (even with pain as a reason or excuse) watching such programs is still not better or best in the spiritual life.  It is not better or best in a daily and nightly horarium even if my hourly schedule is not set in structure even when not recovering from surgery.  My bodily pain has never cooperated with any set plan or structure for 35 years, and increasingly so as years have passed and pain increased.

But I knew when I read what St. Augustine wrote, that the Lord was also talking to me through this saint, now deceased centuries ago.  His soul lives; his writings speak today.  It all connected with my honest confession to God, to myself, and to you readers.  The graces flow; I started to read Vol 1 of St. Teresa of Avila's Letters but found that book more heavy in weight and light in the type of spiritual pith--if not too deep--that my body, mind, heart, and soul need right now.

So I used the grabber reacher tool to get the small volume, No 1, of St. Bernard of Clairvaux' Sermons on the Song of Songs.  With also taking the occupational therapist's adjuration to "listen to the body" and not over do, I hit the too-tired point of the day to read anything, but by God's grace I was not needing to distract by means of the drama series.  Morning will be here afresh, whether or not any of us are called to our eternal home during the night.  

But I'm citing some of the Living Word from today's Mass for you to read if you wish.  You will recognize what I found  to be God's message to me, His answer and counsel, His encouragement and understanding.  

The selection from 1 Thessalonians 2: 1-8 contains snippets of thought that come to fullness in just how gentle is God, especially when we do not deceive ourselves or others, when we do not seek praise (such as in presenting ourselves not as we are, in pretext).  We hermits ought not, as St. Paul says the Apostles ought not, impose our weight by virtue of being in the consecrated life of the Church, living a hermit vocation any more than the apostles did not try to impress by their being apostles of the Lord.

In the Psalm selection (Ps 139:1-3, 4-6) we are reminded of this reality:  God knows us better than we know ourselves; He probes and scrutinizes us.  Yet He still rests His hand upon us, for we belong to Him and are His children whom He loves.

Truly, God has answers for us before we can begin to fully formulate our questions enough to try to figure out with our minds, all that we are trying to figure out.  From Hebrews 4:12, the Alleluia before the Gospel reading, is another God-answer.

 

"The word of God is living and effective,

able to discern reflections and thoughts of the Heart."

From 1 Thessalonians:

You yourselves know, brothers and sisters,
that our reception among you was not without effect.
Rather, after we had suffered and been insolently treated,
as you know, in Philippi,
we drew courage through our God
to speak to you the Gospel of God with much struggle.
Our exhortation was not from delusion or impure motives,
nor did it work through deception.
But as we were judged worthy by God to be entrusted with the Gospel,
that is how we speak,
not as trying to please men,
but rather God, who judges our hearts.
Nor, indeed, did we ever appear with flattering speech, as you know,
or with a pretext for greed–God is witness–
nor did we seek praise from men,
either from you or from others,
although we were able to impose our weight as Apostles of Christ.
Rather, we were gentle among you,
as a nursing mother cares for her children.
With such affection for you, we were determined to share with you
not only the Gospel of God, but our very selves as well,
so dearly beloved had you become to us. ~ 1 Thes 2:

From Psalm 139:

O LORD, you have probed me and you know me;
you know when I sit and when I stand;
you understand my thoughts from afar.
My journeys and my rest you scrutinize,
with all my ways you are familiar.

Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know the whole of it.
Behind me and before, you hem me in
and rest your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
too lofty for me to attain.