I should not be surprised at how easily the devil can punk me, and I presume can do the same to others--but not all others. No, I'm sure there are many with strong faith and discipline who are not taken by surprise by a demon or gang of them, robbing us at gun-or-knife-point, of our inner peace. The devil and demons with the devil, try all sorts of means to commit crimes upon unwitting and unsuspecting victims.
Last night I got devil-punked. Way too much pain; not helped by realizing I had only been off the floor or sofa maybe 2 hours if that much, total--more likely 1 1/2 hours up and 22 1/2 down. The pain got so awful in the night I had to take more meds and combinations to finally help me get a grip and fall asleep.
Praise God! But it was not after much battling with despair and a sense of hopelessness on this pain situation from a surgery being delayed.
This morning--shouldn't have I been alert to it and expecting?--I got a call from the osteo PA's helper--a different one this time, not easy to understand, who had something extra in latest test I took last week to appease the young PA's inquisitive mind. I'd gotten the test report back via email, but it did not include a number for PTH score (ParaTHyroid level/calcium level in urine and/or blood, depending on test). I've had both.
Now he wants yet another blood test to recheck it, as he wants to confer (finally?) with an actual medical doctor plus endocrinologist, this Thursday.
It was equivalent to my brain being pistol whipped. All this inanity and young man literally not being able to see the forest for all the trees he's examining and re-examining--none of which is life or death crisis if on operating table.
I tried to calmly explain that the PTH in blood test two weeks ago likely high but yet in normal range, due to my having increased calcium in diet to try to help bones that way. The low result in the urine test last week obviously due to my having been scheduled for surgery that did not occur on Friday, and on Monday having been told to go off all supplements, including calcium. And, I also had cut back on the added calcium I'd been ingesting due to my level being on high side of normal.
Logical, cause and effect of the here and now.
But I added that last night I was at the point of psychologically not being able to manage the high level of pain due to the increasing problem with my spinal cord and major nerves coming from closed off facet joints. I mentioned that I need the surgery, but that Cody is now causing a further delay due to wanting another test that I'd have to be driving to go somewhere to get blood drawn, and that his wanting to consult with what is not a crucial issue nor anything that simple logic explains, and that "consultation" on Thursday, means I have more suffering to endure that I really am losing the ability to manage.
I asked why I do not have this part of the test results in what was in my medical chart as of last night? She did not know. I asked, "Is not the low PTH what is wanted?" She said it seems "too" low. Well, would not that be due to my not having taken any supplements as I was told not to for surgery that did not happen, but instead the added test last week? She seemed not able to answer but said she'd ask Cody my question.
I did not mention that I have a referral in to actual doctors who specialize in bone issues, elsewhere.
Of course, that could take quite some time.
Back to the focus: Single-minded focus on the will of God, on serving Jesus Christ! How long, O Lord, must this continue? My work is to pray, praise God, keep humor, remain humble, and do my best to suffer without going crazy from pain. It got very bad last night around 1 a.m.
Angel brought Communion a bit ago. Angel, as in the person's given name--lovely person. Her husband has her kidney now, as waiting for one was frustrating and going no where, so she donated one to her husband who is now dealing with hassling to get monthly anti-rejection medication that he will be on for life. I offered my life for his troubles, but I've made that type of offering many times in the past three-and-a-half decades, and God has not desired that.
No, to suffer well or even better--and to fulfill my mission in which I am or was to write, to share, and to "teach" in a way, of matters of the spiritual life. I will keep trying to gather whatever left of my wits to share whatever I can in any type of readable or listening fashion.
At the end of the Communion readings, a statement was said from what Angel read, pertinent to serving Christ with single-minded purpose. That is crucial--probably as crucial as humility.
I'd best try to get up and see if I can be mobile and even plant something, or get up some more of the dreadful, impervious barrier that had been installed years ago. Water cannot drain properly nor can one plant without cutting through the barrier--which is not so easy, not at all. Yes, I can use this as a metaphor for how we cannot cut through various other barriers in the temporal world--ones that the Lord Jesus through the Holy Spirit, is "preventing" us from breaking through or doing.
I need to be praising God for the PA's and all involved. Just got a call from the surgeon's office of the other surgeon my pain MD has called to see if I can get a second opinion. Can't get in until June 10, as he is away for awhile. Who knows by then what will be the situation with this temporal body? And to think, this is but one body among millions of bodies inhabited by souls all around the world, and many with far worse, that is for sure.
So don't let ourselves be devil-punked. I've been ambushed far too easily and often in the past week or so. Even mention of the C-word (Cody the young osteo PA) can cause a trigger motion in me, just waiting for what intriguing possibility and test for further discovery he might desire, that causes yet more delay. At least I did make the clear statement that they all are not in this body, trying to manage pain that is way more than what already I must manage.
And that--dear readers if you've coped with my ranting about this and being not at all diligent in thinking of that which is above--is necessary. We must manage to bear the crosses we've been given and not take our eyes and heart and mind off the King of all Cross-bearing: Jesus Christ, Risen Lord and Savior! Love of our lives, love of our hearts, minds, and souls is Jesus! And from Him comes the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, as Jesus is from God the Father, and the three are in union, the Trinity of His Real Presence.
Remain in Christ's Love! God bless His Real Presence in us: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! There is no room for devil punks in our lives, so just wise up to the ambushes, I must.
(I'm actually amazed that there are more readers than fewer, given that I was kind of devil-punked in another way, recently. Someone let me know that another consecrated Catholic hermit of the public profession type {canonical] has advised on his/her blog to steer clear of mine--something to do with my being false, twisting around what I've written to make it seem otherwise. So logically it would seem my blog views would be fewer, not more. I'm used to this type of devil-punking, nothing new from that angle; no surprises there.)
I am sure the devil will hardly be miffed by my recent writing about suffering and my ridiculous obstacles with physician assistants and my surgery being prevented due to non-life-threatening suppositions of a good-hearted but overly zealous PA. As in some other hermit dissing a fellow hermit, the PAs or whomever in our temporal lives, seemingly to create obstacles even thinking nobly so, do not wield power in the spiritual reality, not in what matters. For God is the all-powerful, the One running our show, so to speak. His reasons and ways defy often what we or others think logically ought be.
So for my own little, ol' consecrated Catholic Hermit self: Get my spiritual act together! Strive for spiritually worthwhile writing, other than I guess these life-examples of being devil-punked in various ways, can teach us how easily ambushed we can be, causing us to take our focus off Christ's view. Being devil-punked can disrupt our prayer and distract our cooperating in deeper conversions to Christ, and can cause ourselves to block our single-minded purpose in serving God.
Yes, God bless His Real Presence in us! Take joy! Take heart! Be of good spirits and claim the love and peace Jesus bequeaths us in every present moment! We humans aren't in charge other than of our own desire and choices of disposition of mind and heart and spirit. Just accept all the love God bestows upon us, remain alert and not scattered by devil-punking, and reflect all God's love back to Him!
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