Luke 6:45 or thereabout:
"A good person out of the store of goodness in his heart produces good,
but an evil person out of a store of evil produces evil;
for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks."
"Angel" came with the Eucharist: His Real Presence! Ever a blessing is receiving Our Lord in Holy Communion. I so appreciate this woman's desire and delight in serving Christ and His Body in this way. We had an introductory visit, and I think it all went well.
I do realize with the meeting with the associate pastor, that my self-consciousness was stirred. I prayed and tried my best to not be "THIS!"--seeming like a spiritual leper to her. She arrived while I was in the midst of unpacking the marvelous collection of spiritual books--of mystics, saints, spiritual direction, Scripture, hermits, and various Catholic writers of particular gift in passing on what they learned and lived during their lives.
These books have been boxed for about six years--actually, yes--as Nick was my helper in those days at Agnus Dei, and his printing on each box reminds me of him. I feel blessed, thinking of the reality of this good young man's DNA on each book and box, as he packed many boxes and grasped keeping them in order according to which book case. Makes it easier to unpack and put on shelves--using the built-ins here for as much as they will hold. Repair and finish work awaits in the garage with the shelves I've had to move distances. I suppose like all of us with moves and phases in life, we accumulate wear and tear.
The strength and love of Christ tangibly in me, brought through the generous love of "Angel"--what a transcendent joy! The bodily pain seems tolerable. She shared some of her life, and a prayer need for her husband. I'm on it! Thankful to be made aware of the serious health trial he faces daily.
While unpacking, I found a special bookmark that a daughter had created when she was ten years old. Her school picture is pasted to the marker, and she wrote such loving words to me, her parent. God is so good! Always it is best to see a reality of the love that flowed, and to appreciate that the relationships shift and grow and alter over the years when children become adults and marry (or not) and have careers, have families of their own (or not) but extended families through spouses.
There is still love. Love shifts and grows and alters in its externals, but love is always love. Sometimes the love is tested, and at times it remains in the test-lab of life for a long time. But there is always that relationship in love that perdures.
"Angel" told me of a parish course she took; topic of spiritual direction. The attendees read St. Augustine's Confessions over the eight weeks they met. The instructor, a parishioner, I'm sure taught them much. I might ask more, but regardless, it sounds outstanding! I'm quite impressed with this parish from the outset. Her mentioning the course piqued my interest and desire. Oh, how I wish I'd been able to take that course--so went my thoughts!
But no. That is not my life, not my vocational unfolding, not my place to be or do. Yet how easily I had the thoughts, and how readily, then, after Angel left, my own guardian angel, through the Holy Spirit, flash-thought the reality to me not only of my hermit life and my mystic being, but also of my back pain. Oh, yes. I laughed, then asked myself: Just how many times must God remind me that He does not want me being drawn out into the world, and that includes a parish world?
A quick glance at the next box of books to unpack, and my angel pointed out in a flash-thought that I can learn as much or more by settling into reading these books. Be taught intimately by St. Augustine and hundreds of other mystics, saints, holy spiritual directors, theologians, and Scripture! And, no one else can read them for me. This is the opportunity set before me, with time on earth ticking.
My friends--my types, the other spiritual lepers--are on the shelves, waiting to converse and teach me what they learned and lived! They will help me endure the increased pain that comes to an already injured spine but more so as it ages. What more could I ask for from God? I'm blessed to have used some of my inheritance money over a decade ago to collect a rare and fine library of choice spiritual tomes!
Taking a back rest break for some salad, and then will read some regarding Bl. Angela de Foligno's mystical journey. Hope to have good things to share. Pray to have words come from the fullness of my heart, to whomever happens upon my blog site and wants to read what has too often been words tainted by the trials in the world, from emotion or intellect, not the heart so much, not Christ's Heart.
This is a good day, a turning point day for me, a nothing consecrated Catholic hermit settling into Solus Deus Hermitage.
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