Well, dear readers, I had previously mentioned pondering "stability" which is one of the Nine S' of the platform in my hermit Rule of Life. My Rule of Life being the Gospel Rule--the Nine S' are ways in which I strive to incorporate the aspects with living out the Gospels.
Silence. Solitude. Slowness. Suffering. Selflessness. Simplicity. Stability. Stillness. Serenity.
As soon as I focused thoughts on stability--what it is, the various facets both temporal and spiritual, physical, mental, emotional and of the soul--I found myself in a situation in which I had to do exactly as I'd not hoped to have to do. I had to physically remove myself from my temporary living situation and travel to another location where I am currently staying in a guest room with ensuite bath in a large home of a family member and long-time friend.
This time here is temporary, as well, while my real estate agent and I keep in touch long distance--both sets of eyes on the real estate listings in the locale it seems best for me to purchase a hermitage (dwelling) and live for however long God wills.
I always keep hoping for a place to remain, but then I consider St. Benedict who went out into the desert for solitude, and it was not long before many others followed him. Then he was called upon by God to create a rule of life, and a religious order had its inception and roots developed, still growing after many centuries. St. Benedict thus was called out of hermit mode of silence of solitude.
It might be hard for us to accept that the hermits we may consider--or have our own perceptions thereof--must face the reality that many hermits have had to uproot and shift locations off and on for centuries. Other hermits, perhaps most notably ones of yore or who became hermits while having been in a religious order, were more stabilized in location. Still, when they aged, often enough they had to uproot and come back to the "mother house" or such, to be tended until they passed on.
Here, I've had a dream. It is the first dream in seemingly months; and it is a dream that is helping me grasp and have faith and trust, that the uprooting from the other location that was temporary in itself, will all work out over time. Sometimes when one must leave a place, there can be misunderstandings, or it can be that the one leaving knows it is time and for the best, yet not know for sure what is ahead or why it had to be that one must leave.
Not long after arriving in the current situation, I realized the good God has for me to do here. My cousin is recovering from deep depression brought on by extreme fatigue as well as facing what can be difficult for anyone--shift in life from full-time work to retirement. He is still exhausted but there is hope for recovery even if it might take a long time. There are tasks here that he needs help accomplishing, so yesterday I was up on a steep embankment, aerating the soil with a pronged tool as he and I then mixed soil amendments to be worked as best possible, into the soil.
It was hard work for one who has not had manual labor to do for 3-4 months. I so needed it! Yes, am sore today, but there is yet more to be done once weather permits. He got engaged in the efforts, and we have seen him smile more in three days than what was reportedly any time before since the exhaustion and depression up-ended his body and mind, and shocked his and his wife's lives.
I've become used to more or less living out of a small suitcase with supplies of all types in my truck. I had intended to drop off some of the truck "stuff" at storage when I left where I'd been staying, but the storage facility did not open its gates until 6 a.m., and I was up and on the road before 5 a.m. I had not slept the night before, as it was not easy for me to leave where I had been staying. Lots of aspects about that which kept me awake, but I did need to leave, to give my hosts a break and have their household back more to usual.
Of course, I had no idea that I'd be of such usefulness here. Even getting the cousin to ride in my truck as we went to a nearby Home Depot to load up on peat, steer manure, garden soil (which we don't need after all), and a special aerating/soil churning hand tool, was fun for him and yes, a victory to claim for the Lord! I did not know the way to the store, and he verbalized the directions to me in detail. I've been told he is conversing far more than previously. Praise the Lord!
Another person here for now--this Catholic hermit, a known cousin--who can talk and laugh, and listen, also allows his wife to tend to other matters. We all three have become a team of sorts. Yet also, I have most of the day during the weekdays, for silence and solitude, for prayer in quiet as well as when we are striving in some task they need help with--to pray in activity.
We are all in same age range and have suffered various trials in life. Another cousin calls and texts from across the country, and she has had to go through severe medical trials in these later years. It all helps the cousin here to be encouraged, to be reminded that we persevere, that we will keep going, and that there is progress and hope. God provides!
I have no idea how long I will be here. There is another town not too terribly far that I can drive and see some friends I've not seen in nearly three decades. We never know how the Lord will use us or why, until we allow ourselves to do, sometimes, what we otherwise would think not at all the best to be doing. It was an absolute miracle that I was able to drive as far as I did, praying all the way.
The prayers were driven by the situation I was in, by the unknowing of waiting in blind faith for the Lord to choose--and let me know, as well, His will--for the hermitage He wills for me. Other aspects and distractions made the sensing and discerning increasingly confused. However, it came time and perhaps past-time, for me to depart for a time of which I know not how long.
I tell you, I've never in my life been in such a space of temporal time period in which there was such unknowing! Driving along roads in states I'd not driven in previously, I encountered snow and freezing rain; then came the dense fog as my small truck followed semi-trucks down lonely stretches of highway, from higher elevations into low lands. We could not see more than 20 feet ahead, yet the experienced truckers led the way, and I followed in a type of faith that taught me much spiritually.
All in our daily lives teaches us; and when we place our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls into God's will, we can only go along in a type of blind faith, through fogs and dangerous conditions, through sun and vast spaces of wonderment and beauty, through darkness with bright lights, from rare headlights to thousands of lights whizzing on multiple lanes of frenetic, fast traffic-flow.
By that point, I recognized all the more that my angel Beth, as well as my parents, my long-time friend's parents, and her husband--my cousin's parents--were all guiding and essentially driving my pick-up through the final phase of the journey and safely to this large home perched in hills above valleys wherein live masses of humanity, as far as eyes can see.
Stability? Physical stability--I'd have to say not at all for this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit! But interior stability--yes, it is settling down to that after some time of tumult in various aspects, within and without. I'm reminded that much of tumult has to do with my sensing and feeling and loving so deeply. Depth of feeling, sensing, and loving can stir that which perhaps needs to be stirred. Then the slow simmering comes, and the peacefulness of inner and outer stability assures that all is well and all shall be well. God has all in His providence and will!
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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