Catholic Hermit: Meaningful and Helpful

"So let us 
confidently 
approach 
the throne of grace
to receive mercy 
and to find grace 
for timely help."
     
    

Today, this pained, consecrated, Catholic hermit needed to take the entire morning to get up from the bed on

the floor.  Being here in yet another part of the country is a good test, of sorts, to see how the physical pain is affected.  The pain doctor elsewhere did say it is shifts in barometric pressure that affect the pain; I'm learning that various locations have barometric pressure shifts--even ones that I thought might be better.

Yesterday, I was going to write about the selection from the Letter to the Hebrews 4:16 which includes the above statement.  The precursor to the above quote is this:  "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin." (Hebrews 4:15)

That high priest is Jesus Christ--who is able to sympathize with our weaknesses, who has been tested in every way, although who is without sin.  That is the difference:  we humans are with sin, Jesus is without sin.  All other aspects in our weaknesses and trials, being tested by pain of all types--Jesus is able to relate, to sympathize with us.

My current plight of being "homeless" continues on, with the added reminders each time "Redfin" (an online real estate site) sends to my phone an update of a new listing or of one that is now pending.  My estate agent in the state wherein I am assuming for now I am to have a hermitage and be, is also keeping a look-out, but he does have various clients.  I can more easily and readily see the notifications and know within a brief overview if the place is something to consider.  Thus far, not.  I text my agent asking about this or that property and area, and he advises.  Thus far, he also has said not as good as some areas that thus far have not had houses pop up on the market.

The distraction of keeping up with the real estate listings does not allow for full engagement in other activities, yet there is some engagement, of course.  Perhaps it is like the physical pain that is constant in my body--at times I can distract for some activities and engagement, but not full or total engagement.  A day like today, for example, has the pain in greater prominence; and I must struggle all the more to try to mask the effects of such pain since I am a guest.

And my hosts have quite serious difficulties themselves, with one recently diagnosed with severe exhaustion and major depressive disorder.  Thus, I pushed myself up around 11 a.m. after time on the floor in prayer, in Scripture reading, in dozing, and in mental self-pep-talk to get up and overcome the pain enough to be productive.  I got up on the steep slope of ground cover of which they need help revitalizing the plants, ready to weed, but discovered the automatic sprinklers had not been turned off after days of rain.  Too muddy to weed effectively; the mud caused the weeds' roots to break easily, plus my stepping or kneeling on the slope crushed the succulents.  

Took a walk up a steep hill and back down, asking the one host to show me the neighborhood which hopefully was very good for him, to converse and to guide while we both got some exercise.

Later came an electrical issue in their home--and I called my former electrician to get tips on how to solve it.  We tried all manner of easy fixes; tomorrow while the one host is away at his group sessions, when I can make sure the breaker will remain "off", I will remove the outlet covers and see if a wire has come lose.  Just two outlets are involved, and they share a wall.

Off and on I considered the short quote above--the Word of God--kept simple.  I need mercy.  I need to find grace for timely help.  We all do, actually.  Each of us in this lovely, large dwelling need mercy and to find grace for timely help.  We have been praying for healing for the one stricken recently in an ailment that is quite difficult to rout from the mind and emotions.  Medications can help to a certain degree, but there are other unknowns as to if something other is going on within the mind--some pathology that can afflict especially older persons.

As for my physical pain--yes, it is fatiguing and can be depressing especially when at higher levels.  And on a day like today, trying to keep physically active as possible seems best yet takes more impetus and fortitude than I can express adequately.  And why try to?

Just the turning all the more to Jesus, surely explains.

I brought in from my packed up truck, some camera equipment I purchased over six years ago when in a hermitage prior to the more recent one.  It was the hermitage with the glorious gardens (although I did transplant much of those gardens in the recent hermitage property).  My plan with the camera and various lenses, was to better photograph the gardens and design a book of meditations with the photos.  What to do with the camera and lenses, now?

Wait.  That seems the answer.  Wait to see what is next. In the meantime, I may as well read a bit about the use of the camera, learn how to install the lenses, how to take photos, how to download the photos onto computer.  And even before the practical aspects, pray and discern if my body, mind, emotions and spirit are resonating with the Holy Spirit--seek His will regarding that prospect of venturing into photography...or not.  

The temporal aspects of existence seem awkward with the spiritual of which my mind, heart, and soul longs.  How easily I turn to temporal distractions to ease that intense and even painful longing.  At times it seems as if I am going through the motions externally, to be of use and to blend into the needs and ways of my two hosts--just as I tried to when staying with the small family prior to this shift in location.  I go through the motions of doing the practical necessary for finding a hermitage house while waiting, sifting through real estate listings as they pop up on the internet real estate sites.

All the while, there is the beauty and power of Jesus the high priest who empathizes with all that I am encountering in the temporal as well as the deep longings of the spiritual.  Confidently approach the throne of grace.

I consider that confidence ought include thankfulness, thus the photo I took with my phone camera a year ago this past autumn, when I'd had generous donors all summer, concluding with contributions for a large crop of mini-pumpkins placed on the roadside table of the recent hermitage.  I decided to write the letters to the word thanks on the last remaining pumpkins so that passers-by would know my gratitude.

Within my mind and heart, today and hopefully always forevermore, I will consider thankfulness to Jesus as part of my confident approach to His throne of grace where I will receive mercy.  However desperate I may feel at any given present moment, I need grace--His grace--to find timely help--His help.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for being my high priest.  This is but a short time period, a phase, yet a profoundly foggy unknowing.  Help me to be of loving service yet also to sort through the temporal, and to learn the will of God in the taking up and the giving away of what implements needed or not, in whatever mission and purpose temporal remains to be accomplished in whatever time I have left in this life. 

Confident in gratitude, confident in thankfulness--I'm learning some of what is "grace."  There is grace in unknowing, grace in waiting, grace in being in what is not mine.  We possess nothing, really, that is ours other than Christ's possessing us in His love.  Timely help--aside from His love--seems relegated to the temporal needs that are in "time."  

God bless His Real Presence in us!