Catholic Hermit: Hermitage Limbo

I cannot begin to explain how difficult it is for this consecrated Catholic hermit to remain in a type of hermitage limbo.

While I thought it quite challenging to live in the old farmhouse--it needing to be gutted and renovated--being in a guest room while striving to pray and listen to God's will on what and where next, is all the more challenging.

A more seasoned hermit would relate with what I'm expressing in few words.  This living arrangement limbo is DIFFICULT.

While I'm incredibly blessed to have a comfortable room in which to sleep and/or retire to off and on in the day and all night, I am not at all used to nor adept at living among others in proximity--loved ones or otherwise.

And, they are not used to nor perhaps adept at living with me on the premises even if beyond a door and wall, or when I spend hours away, walking such as in a huge store getting exercise in inclement weather, and being anonymous and mostly invisible amidst strangers amiable yet silent other than the occasional verbal exchange.

I've considered quite a bit what St. Paul may have meant by "being all to all people."  There is great sacrifice involved especially for a hermit to live with others, albeit temporarily for me now.  Yet some hermits (and we all might come to this in our later years if we live that long) may have to adopt an other-than-solo hermitage living arrangement when ill and decrepit.  Consider a hermit with Alzheimers, or a hermit with terminal cancer.  No living in solitude for hermits thus afflicted!

Here I must strive to fit in, to be helpful in whatever ways, and also to do my all to be agreeable to whatever the hosts desire and of which they are accustomed.  In other words, I must strive to be the best guest possible, and to live in likeness of Christ yet in the manner in which the hosts live.  This is true especially if the hosts are not Catholic and do not have a grasp of eremites nor of the eremitical vocation as a calling by God.

When tensions arise from having someone else in their midst, I try to leave for a couple or several hours to let them have their home to themselves.  At other times, I strive to be of functional help:  tidy the kitchen and load dishwasher, put the dog out and let him in, assist or supervise the studies of the youngster who is home-schooled when the parents are each at work full time and the other part-time--the part-time parent being the main teacher of the child's academics.  I drive the child to activities when the parent asks.

There has been some conflict of sorts; and all that would occur whether or not a hermit is house guest or someone other, such as exchange student or infirm parent needing care-taking.  Yet, for the hermit, the challenge and calling remains firmly within--that of a consecrated Catholic hermit.  Thus, the call is to live the Gospel Rule and to adhere, for this hermit, to my supportive platform of the Nine S'--minus as much silence and solitude as I've lived prior and will return to after this temporary hermitage limbo.

And this consecrated Catholic hermit is not at all nor close to following Christ in any manner near to perfection.  I am yet more a sinner when in the good and revealing challenge of living in this smallish room with but a few items of clothing, medications, laptop and a few necessities of toiletries and office supplies (bills must be paid, mail has been forwarded temporarily, here).

There is barely room to walk in this room due to the bed taking up the bulk, a dresser and nightstand a bit more, and the blankets and sheets on the floor as my back has not tolerated any mattresses for over  a year now.  A suitcase is partly under bed although not much, as the hosts have used the space under the bed as added storage for their belongings.  The closet shelves and floor are filled with other stored items, and my few items of simple clothing are on the bed, laid in a couple piles, with paperwork and some stationery, bills, items of mail, stamps, and address book in other piles.  

I rely on my laptop of which I write and research while reclining on floor with a couple pillows propping my head.  I read the daily Mass Scriptures on my laptop, and all other spiritual reading I do likewise, from downloading mostly from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops' online site.  I have a book--St. Francis de Sales' writings; but the bulk of my spiritual reading for now is of Scriptures, particularly the Gospels.

Prayer is ongoing, in snippets or longer phases.  The snippets occur off and on when called upon for one reason or another, to be running errands or even while listening to the child or the one parent who is here more often than the other.  Yes, I strive to "go along to get along"--to listen to the various topics of which the hosts have on their minds, and to mention perhaps not wisely-so, thoughts dealing with issues one contends with in being a guest, as well as to update on the seeking of my own habitat.  

Alas, the real estate market is quite slow this month, during Advent.  I have alternative options, though, as it seems most prudent to wait upon the Lord Who will provide what He wills, if I practice what is so pivotal in this Advent Season:  Waiting with patient yet hopeful expectation.  God will provide for us all, even this old hermit.

Options include staying with others elsewhere, who have offered a room if I need to leave, if the hosts here need more space and their domicile back again to themselves.  That is certainly understandable, and I pray to be alert and agreeable to whatever their needs spoken or unspoken.  Another option is to purchase a used camper shell for Precious Blood, my burgundy red pick up truck.  That would provide a space to "be", to sleep, and these camper shells can be quite sophisticated with heat included.  My needs are simple and few.

Optimally, there will be a property that will be just right, God-ordained and at the proper timing.  I'm accepting that this time of hermitage limbo is quite intentional on God's part, for I am learning much in sacrifice and painful humility in the waiting.  I certainly have understood why traditional hermits seek solitary living spaces.  The reasons are on multiple levels--many not temporal but rather are spiritual reasons.  

(I'm aware of some canonically approved hermits who live together--considered all right by their bishops or even hermitages that encourage others to join them in a form of hermit religious order.  But from experience of solitary life as well as now being among three others even if in a separate room or out in the hiddenness of how one may walk about yet remain essentially hidden in the outer world, having one's own hermitage be it a camper or a room or apartment or hermitage dwelling on a property owned--adhering to the wisdom of the desert fathers who had their own huts--is the hermitage path best for me.}

Thankfully for my hosts as well as for this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit, this current hermitage limbo is temporary.  It might be for another day or another month or even two months that the Lord will keep me here--learning and growing in sacrifice, patience, and also, though, in fitting in as a guest in the model of Jesus Christ when He would be invited or would visit people while on this earth.  While none of us knows the day nor the hour that we will pass in death from this world, we really do not know the day nor the hour that our temporal circumstances can change or will change, causing our daily lives to be altered, including our housing situations.

I already know that in mid-February, my hosts will need their guest room back for a few days and including a weekend.  Otherwise I wait and pray, and pray and wait some more, and keep current with the real estate market as well as remain ready to adapt to one of the other options mentioned above, should it be best that I move on to the next place, so to speak, while awaiting a more permanent hermitage, a place to "be" for as long as the Lord desires of me and wills.

God bless His Real Presence in us!