Tonight will be a week since receiving the blessed and coveted zpack (Azithromycin antibiotic). On Tuesday, vertigo set in. (Read online that vertigo can come with sinus infection: pressure on Eustachian tubes which then affect middle and/or inner ear).
I'm still down on the sleeping bag. The sinuses are starting to drain a little. That will help, but the disorientation is such that getting up and walking about is problematic. I do hope to get to mailbox, though, at some point today, as I ordered some decongestants on Amazon Prime. (I had to pay out the money for Prime for the more cost-effective way of receiving them sooner than later.) Tomorrow ought be a package of expectorant, also ordered via Amazon Prime.
The clinic has stopped their haggling; I now have a reprieve until Monday when I am to go in for the appointment that was the condition given me in order for them to call in a zpack. I'm hoping and praying by Monday I will be able to walk to truck and drive to clinic. We shall see. Only God knows.
The couple from the parish--at least the wife--are/is aware that I am yet down, now with vertigo. They knew as of Tuesday evening when I received a text asking if I had spare shingles; the man is kindly going to repair a neighbor woman's roof after storms did damage. So I had to respond that I think I do, under the house; but I am unable to get up to check due to vertigo. A response gave information that they are going to be away in civilization yesterday and today.
Now, of course, my wondering mind considered why they would not ask if I needed anything? Actually, I had thought that last Sunday when I received a text asking how I was, and then I was yet quite ill with the strep and sinus, so down but could tell improvement would come. But the Lord gives us understanding into how we humans think, or sometimes do not think in what we'd hope would be universal concern.
And so it is that the Lord has taught me this week what I've struggled with in the past: Why others (seems to be especially Catholics, but that might be due to their sharing a church with me and thus maybe more in my expectations) tend not to grasp when another needs something, or what that need is.
Rather, it seems that often enough we humans think in terms of what we think someone might need, or what we want to offer in way of help. So while someone might see my house unfinished and materials and tools cluttered about, and think it should be finished, and want to paint or put in trim even if walls or flooring not ready for trim--someone else might think in terms of what he or she might want or need in a given situation...or not even be able to relate to someone else's situation.
For example, I have previously pondered human idiosyncrasies. So it was no surprise yet an insight, that people who are highly scheduled would perceive others as also being highly scheduled, and thus unable to fit into their schedule easily, to drop off some food or medication. Yet in reality, not everyone is highly scheduled, or they could say they could not do something if asked, and on to the next person.
Or, people who have never lived on their own--and this can be for many people for many years over a lifetime until one of the couple or group dies--might not perceive at all what it would be like to be unable to be up and around or drive themselves if ill. And, people who have not had something like vertigo, might not grasp how debilitating; or if they have had it, they might forget what it was like--much as a mother tends to forget the pain of childbirth once the baby is born.
An adult daughter called the other morning and mentioned how this is not a good situation, my not being able to be up and around and no one to check in or help. I pointed out that I, too, had started to think in that direction, particularly when the one couple who do know my circumstances and who are in a position to drop off some food or decongestants, do not think of that aspect.
For one thing, we humans primarily think of our own needs, such as I have been doing since becoming ill. I thought of how I needed an antibiotic to address the strep throat, and how if I could get to the clinic it would have to be on a gurney. But beside the fact that we tend to think mostly in terms of our own experience and existence, we can learn otherwise. We can think in ways God thinks.
Yes, this is difficult for He is God and we are not. Yet in our striving to love God and to imitate God (So be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect), we can open our minds to other aspects, other views. We can pray and ask God to show us how to see in whatever situation we find ourselves.
Thus I see that when I calm myself and see that while I do not have variety of foods, I have some food to consume. I can become mindful of what is back in the cupboard that can be transformed into more consumable food, such as some old, dried cherries that with water are making a fine, hot drink. And I'd forgotten that cherries are a good source of Vitamin A; boosts the immune system.
I see that I am just fine on my own in here. I assured the adult daughter that I am most careful when getting up off the sleeping bag, and in the bathroom I can grab the side of the tub, and in the kitchen the counters, and I have corners of walls to grip if need-be. The one time I did spin out and fall was when I was not yet off the sleeping bag so not far to drop. And that was enough to let me know to be even more careful.
Above all, the Lord is making His Real Presence known in here. He is with me, and I am with Him. I must depend on Him; and that is what I believe is His main point in this slow, Lenten suffering. I am to simmer slowly in the insight of His Real Presence. The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
Once I realized I do not need the couple to ask if I need anything, my mind cleared to realize that while it costs a bit, I could get Amazon Prime and have maybe not the strongest of the decongestants, but good decongestants and expectorants all the same--in two days. It is in waiting that one possesses one's soul.
I also realized, when a cousin who lives two thousand miles away offered to send--two-day base-rate shipping--that I can order online from Walmart, and in two days I would have such as more chicken broth, tissues, and whatever else of staples they can ship, free if one purchases $35 or more. Yet I do not need anything, really. I have peanut butter, eggs, cheese in freezer, some crackers, the dried fruit, Edamame, and frozen Brussels sprouts. I have a can of black beans, as well, and some protein bars. I have some oatmeal remaining and some frozen, pureed tomatoes from last summer's garden.
Most of all, I have the Lord! I will write otherwise of the visit from a demon last Saturday morning. Although I shared it with the adult daughter as well as my cousin when they called, I'm not sure they could appreciate the impact. But all the same, I added after describing the experience, that where the devil is allowed to visit, the Lord is, all the more. And there are always positive insights following a demon's visit.
Yes, I will write of this recent visitor and of the positive lesson, for it is applicable to any situation. In fact, it summarizes what I have learned this weak, of how to view people and situations in a manner more in keeping with how God views. Makes all the difference to at least ask God to see as He sees, and then to strive to do likewise.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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