The person with spleen troubles, lives yet on earth. God chose, and the perforation is very small requiring no surgery. The spouse was true to typical form: others there had to calm the rants and angry foolishness. There will be no lawsuit; agreements had been signed prior to colonoscopy, and all potential problems listed prior to the procedure. The blame is also being placed upon "oatmeal"; the victim spouse is going to lose freedom to eat oatmeal. Someone who intervened in the carrying-on tried to suggest that oatmeal is not the cause.
And I realized that the couple is so used to these traumatic dramas, that there is a type of contentment with what is familiar, once the ranting edicts and resultant upset in the victim, plays out over varying lengths of time.
I remind myself of Padre Pio's way of dealing with people who came for prayers and advice, and of course, confession. And, I should know better from clinical psychology training in this hermit's earlier coursework. I could use the excuse of being fatigued with pain, that I thus slip into the snare of unhealthy situations. But I admit I simply fell into it--that which I know intellectually to remain detached and spiritually to remain in prayer, only.
We all are learning through our interactions. I'm gaining perspective and am striving to extricate myself and to be alert. Wise as serpent, quiet as a dove? Worth effort to learn this as autonomic way of being.
When people do come to me with concerns and prayer needs, there is much discernment needed. And also, a strong sense of humor benefits--along with not allowing dependency or the transference/counter-transference conditions that easily occur in any therapeutic or counseling relationship. While most people who contact me might not recognize it boils down to basic counseling, that is what it is, in fact. And I will do well to remind myself of that and turn to more professional stance on my part. And always, to pray for compassion, love, and to monitor my own pain and fatigue at the moment.
And, my own life experiences, particularly that of the beautiful death experience, make my own perspective perhaps at odds with what most people would view. I pray that my perspective is guided by God's view; but I know well that the human in me interferes! I tend to consider that God's view of our temporal lives and death, and our spiritual existence lives forever. This makes all the difference when dealing with people and their problems and behaviors.
Suffering takes on an entirely different format and purpose. Death is a means of unblocking souls who are stuck and unwilling to progress in the temporal realm; death also provides freedom and reward for those who have progressed to a point that temporal experiences no longer assist in yet more progression. Death can also be a means for God to spare souls from damnation, as He can pluck us out if we are going to do something that will condemn us for all eternity. And death also can be a means of affecting those souls around the person who dies--a wake up call, a conversion enhancer.
As for those who seem to need or desire my input into their lives, I do not encourage dependency. In fact, I do not like it. Yet, it is not always easy to see it sneaking in, and that is when the Lord signals in various ways so that I know to mend weak boundaries that are breeched.
In another aspect of my progression as a hermit--in regard to how the solitude and silence is forming my temporal-spiritual life reality and experience--I am increasingly content with remaining quiet and still, with what might seem extreme slowness by those who have active lives, who have important things to do and of which time seems to be in their control.
For me, time is only in God's control. And thus, I am increasingly detached from time. I may write more about this; but for now, that is how it is. I am learning it the more I feel pressured (my own pressure) to have aspects finished in here so that a lovely person who wants to help with manual labor, can come and actually have something to accomplish. There is work involved in providing space and materials and readiness for simply painting a wall....
So a specific afternoon can be set by a kindly person as the time available, but I invariably have an unexpected complication with some task in current process. Then I cannot do the work needed to get walls ready for the kind person to help paint. Then pain can increase on the day prior to the set afternoon time frame, and I'm unable to make much progress yet on the current task in process. So the kind person suggests an afternoon two days later, and still I know that it will be unwise to set that time frame, so soon. Better to take whatever of God's time given me, to get to the preparation work done in advance, and accommodate the kind person wanting to help by my not simply finishing it myself.
So sometimes, it becomes our own act of service and charity to accept help. And in my hermit life, I must remember how others who might have a more organized or controlled view of "time" as belonging to them to be calendared and charted in segments throughout each week--to understand how they can be frustrated by my understanding of time. I have come to grasp that time is God's to mete out, and that I am but a leaf floating in a stream of time, my way is to allow God's time to set the current flow of existence. It can be most frustrating--even irritating--to others who do not share this.
In fact, it is most difficult to explain for others to understand. Frustration ensues when I do not intend it at all. I suppose a contemplative mystic is a conundrum, and add consecrated Catholic hermit to it, and there we have downright confusing. Not even easy for the contemplative mystic Catholic hermit to embrace how it is, sometimes!
No comments:
Post a Comment