Catholic Hermit Continues Efforts

That is the bulk of the vocation: to continue in efforts to live the life consecrated and set out for each Catholic hermit.  Living the life involves more than adhering to one's Rule of Life, or to explore all avenues the Lord provides in the intimate communication with Him, known as prayer.  

Living the spiritual life within the structure of the eremitic vocation requires following the momentary unfolding of the Trinity's love and will in our temporal and spiritual existences and circumstances.

I'm ill today with pain, despite the human efforts to minimize the suffering through temporal means. Thus, it is truly through the Lord, through supernatural means, that I turn, in faith, and through which the present moments pass.

Last evening I was particularly struck by some correspondence.  A person with a psychologically and emotionally abusive spouse who controls all but the inner workings of the soul.  At times I wonder if even the soul has been at least breached to imprison.  

I had resolved to not react to the drama and details and acute upset that comes quite frequently in emails.  The control mechanisms are so ridiculous that one would not think could be actualities!  But I did react this time, as my guard was down after a trying time of tedious re-working some leveling in a threshold.  (Had to remove 8 rows of hardwood flooring I'd installed and carefully shave and level the subflooring in the threshold area of the room am hoping to complete.)

So here comes an email of the ludicrous and latest manipulations, threats, and control mechanisms the spouse was going to enforce.  And I addressed it with unfiltered honesty--of which in the past I'd asked the person to stop writing me of the awful, upsetting details.  Both spouses are steeped in the unhealthy cycle of a quite-diseased relationship.  It has gone on for years and years.

I prayed to a deceased loved one of one the spouses, asking that mother to please help carry the load as I needed respite from the unhealthy relationship, and nothing much changes other than the specific details.  It is always something; although the one spouse thinks it is incumbent to remain with and in the abuse in order to pray for the other person's soul.  

And the victim spouse does not contradict or rebel against what is imprisonment and belittlement in various aspects of daily life, including custody over the victim's spiritual freedom to read, pray, go to Mass other than on Sunday, and to not go to adoration--of which the victim does steal a few minutes on way home from work--only a few minutes so as to not upset the abusive spouse.

I was rather disgusted with myself for having fallen for the temptation to react to the latest bullying, involving some health tests which thus far showed nothing serious.  I had laid out the options, yet again, including that the victim spouse would benefit by therapy in order to help understand why that person would allow the abuse for so many years, learn techniques in how to not to react to the bullying--although I know the person will not go to counseling, not spend the money, and also not face what could be revealed.  

The victim spouse thinks can learn to not let it be upsetting; and this path means increased submission and loss of human dignity and freedom, and thus far, yes, it always is upsetting.  Typical reaction of a victim mentality include various forms of denial and all that goes with the cyclical and dual-involvement of both parties when there is abuse.

Through the night I prayed, as I had to address my own involvement--of being included in the mess, and of my failing this time to my own determination to not react, to not be a victim as well, which can happen easily enough.  I knew I had to remove myself other than to simply reply that I am praying.  And, to more often use the delete button when there is initial evidence of yet another unhealthy episode.  I did reflect and mentioned, that the victim spouse, in choosing the path of handling it without counseling or removal from relationship or putting a stop to it by breaking the abuse cycle--that there will at least be freedom when the abuser passes or when the victim passes, whichever occurs first.

So this morning came a very brief email from the victim spouse.  Had been taken to hospital with severe pain, has a ruptured spleen, is being taken to a hospital in larger city, and uncertain as to if surgery to occur or not.

Yes--the Lord was bringing to a head the months of abdominal pain issues and various tests--all negative to any cause other than gastritis or possible hernia--and the accompanying bullying of the abuser spouse who would declare what it was that the victim spouse was doing wrong, eating wrong, down to even saying would throw out all supplements and not allow herbs like thyme, oregano, and parsley to be used on the victim's food.  Decided it was the victim's fault that the abdominal issues and pain were occurring--and of course, as a bother to the abuser spouse.

A ruptured spleen releases blood into the abdominal cavity.  It can be fatal.  I ponder how matters are unfolding in ways that point directly to God's omnipotence and omniscience!  The victim spouse is against medications and surgeries--particularly removal of organs even if no longer functioning properly.  And in this case, there will be no choice given; it is life or death with the ruptured spleen.  And while the abuser spouse will somehow come up with blame--upon the victim spouse usually or maybe will direct it toward the doctor who performed the colonoscopy if that ends up the cause (and which is accidental, of course, and listed in paperwork as a possibility when one signs medical papers prior to such procedures).

But I see it all as great and marvelous movement in the realms of God's love, and of answered prayers, for this event will offer a time of interruption in the cycling of a sick relationship.  There is always hope for more self-awareness through suffering.  Or if the victim passes, there will be the glory of such a beautiful and peak experience of dying--of passing from this temporal world and into the realm of glory, to exist with souls rejoicing in freedom to love and be with God without hindrances that some fall prey to on earth.  

Not everyone has the courage to remove oneself from abusive situations.  Thus, God can intervene, as He did in this consecrated hermit's life, over three decades ago.  Plucked me out of an abusive relationship of which nothing that I attempted seemed to stop it--be it submit or rebel, communicate one-on-one or in joint marital counseling.  Many abusers are not interested in facing that they are abusive.  It tends always to be, to a bully, the other person's fault and flaws.

I'm also marveling at how the victim's mother has stepped in. I have felt the release from such intense duty--of which the intensity is no doubt my own weakness in not staying more detached from the emotional aspects of frustration and outrage at the temporally-never-ending cycle of abuse in that relationship.  And I knew that I needed to bow out other than to pray, and to cease accepting the details of the mess.  Hinders spiritual progression in the victim and in those who are enlisted to listen or read or asked for advice.  

Nothing more to read or to advise.  It has all been said many times over.
The options mapped out in writing, more times than I ashamedly admit to having written as well as when called a couple of times (and that stopped because the spouse abuser monitors phone calls).

We shall see what unfolds in the next day or two.  I may not know for awhile the outcome, given the emergency nature of the crisis.  Whatever unfolds, I know that God is handling all matters; and it will be rather an irony--but I can see how God might consider it utmost wisdom and charity--if the victim spouse passes, and the abuser is thus all alone and will have at least another opportunity to face the sick behaviors.  Abusers are rather lost without someone to control and manipulate, to blame, to bully.

Prayer for the abuser comes to fruition in such a situation.  Sometimes it takes being isolated out, for a soul to progress.  The abuser is extremely obese and with diabetes and heart problems; it was always considered that the abuser would pass first.  Well, we do not know what is going to transpire in this particular crisis, come to a head.  Either way, or any way, the Lord is present in obvious and assuring ways! 

Yes, there are far worse things in life than death.  And it is in life that we must continue our efforts through all the pitfalls and our own follies, our weaknesses, and our lessons to learn.  And it is in eternal life--we continue our efforts but far less impeded for love supersedes, as well.