Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Another correspondence with a friend

I'll include some of the personal part--more surgery ahead, but at least the neck is not needing surgery immediately! Thanks be to God!

Dear X,

My neck is not good; I saw the neurosurgeon. Neck surgery is not urgent right now, but my thumb is urgent.  I will likely have that surgery done in two weeks or three at most.  It is relatively simple, or so he says. I pray that when he gets in there he does not find it worse, for a surgeon four years ago told me it would be 4-6 months of recovery and disuse those months.  This surgeon said a month; two weeks for external healing, for the concern for infection to be over, and not much use  Another two weeks for inner healing. Not even general anesthetic, but some sedation and local, of course. If I don't get the thumb fixed, he guarantees I will lose use of it and first three fingers which are currently numb and have lost strength, right hand.  He said my hand will become a stiff claw if I let it go, and even now no guarantee I'll have feeling or strength back. 

Then after the thumb, we can think about the neck.  That will involve four levels so 6 vertebrae with the discs between. He went over the MRI with me and explained it with knowledge and clarity and trusted experience.  It is bad, but it is not urgent until my arms and pain down arms and numbness and neck pain become intolerable. He does not think the neck nerves would cause the spatial disorientation, but he cannot be sure since neurology is rather a mystery.  He is Catholic, and said he is a Christian; I know he is a Catholic from research I did on him. He recognized my cross as one like his great uncle had worn, a Jesuit priest, long ago.  

Dr. J. will do the hand surgery.  I pray I can hold out for the neck surgery for awhile yet. But it just depends on the cord as it is rather squeezed with no fluid around it in C-4,5-6 area of neck, and there are very large bone spurs pressing on the nerves coming out of C 2, 3, 4, 5, 6; C7 seems okay as does 1.  He said it is unlikely my headache will be reduced from the neck surgery, but the main issue is to keep my arms and and hands usable.  Neck will lose mobility given it's most of it that would be fused.  I might need to do the knee replacement before the neck.  God will guide in these matters just as His Real Presence worked out that I got in to see this neurosurgeon within a week and without a referral.  Dr. J. said I must not fall or get a whiplash from a car accident as the cord could easily "snap"at the squeezed section.  (My luck I'd be a quadriplegic and not die and be on my way, off this earth!)  I'll be careful on the ladder, although I don't have that much more to do using the ladder--just the kitchen ceiling for now and plan to give in and hire some help as the planks are long and awkward.

I'll see if I get very motivated to work on the kitchen and get my bedroom and bathroom extra sanitary, and maybe have the right thumb/hand done Sept.  7.  Otherwise I will do 14th, but I have things that need to get planted yet this fall so early Oct. here would be  cooler.  Thus the 7th would be good as a month recovery puts me at Oct. 7th, if the thumb is not requiring more invasive type surgery once he gets into it.

Today's Living Word is very important and filled with so much that I could write on and on, feasting on all that is taught us.  Paul emphasizes  that God chooses us, and also what and how those of us with faith can go forth and make a difference for others, being a witness of His Real Presence.  Those were the Thessalonians, and we, of course, can do and be as they were, transformed by the Living Word that:  "[our gospel] did not come to [us] in word alone but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with much conviction."

This is how we may be utilized--to live and "speak" the gospel even without words, for it comes to us also in power and in the Holy Spirit and also with conviction.  This happens when we have the desire, the courage, and the love of God to be and speak and spread and live the gospel. Allow and ask the Holy Spirit to give us this conviction and power to do so.

The psalm's first line is a good one for this desire and faith of the above: Sing to the Lord a new song....

Then the Gospel is so good to think about and act on because Jesus points out and warns about the clergy, in essence, as well as could be any of us-- and how they/we can be hypocritical and false in our words and actions and thoughts: religious and spiritual frauds.  Jesus is quite harsh and honest in what He says will happen to them/us and in describing the types of fraud via priorities and values and false teaching.

It is a serious reminder for me to look within and excoriate my hypocrisy and ways in which I have dropped "the mantle" of my Christian faith and calling, and in what I could have done--and still could do in humility but also in faith, and exhibit the truth of how real is His Real Presence in our lives, and be fully open to His Real Presence in me, living in me as He does, with my not clouding over or smothering His Real Presence with my human ways and selfish thoughts and various sinful habits.

I have read a couple books on Rose of Lima, and one was written after certain documents were finally unsealed at the Vatican regarding realistic details of her life and some of the exaggerations that were used for her canonization.  For one thing, she was popular, and politically for the Church hierarchy at that time, they needed someone from South America, and a female, to canonize to help temporally and spiritually with the Church in the late 16th c. in that region.  I prefer reality and truth of the actualities of people's lives for they then seem more relatable to me, and believable. 

The book can be a reminder that it is other people who get caught up in the frenzy to embellish and sometimes make up myths or legends not true about people for they want to be a part of the excitement and also desire a "king" or "queen" of sorts from their area--spiritual king or queen--and lots of miracles and amazing occurrences fabricated from what in actuality have more humble explanations.  I do not find these revealings to diminish such as Rose of Lima; it more just exposes human nature of others and those higher up who orchestrate what will bring various benefits to the Church in South America or at large.  

I admit some of the details of miraculous occurrences I'd read in the first book I read about Rose, I wanted to believe and did in part!  I am so very, very human, and I too loved the excitement of strange and unusual occurrences, such as that her mother or maybe her nurse saw a rose appear in the air above Rose's mouth when she was an infant, took it as a sign of God and her holiness, and thus they called her "Rose."  But in the formerly sealed documents, released, that was explained to be false; it was metaphoric of sorts, for the mother or nurse or maybe a neighbor (I forget which but the truth was written in the saint investigation process) described the infant's lips or cheeks to be as beautiful as a red rose.  They did call her Rose; that is true!

However, others of her spiritual life and experiences were depicted more honestly.  I don't blame the saints; it's us humans who get a bit carried away; and these holy people did many good deeds and started this or that charity, or accepted suffering and persevered through it.  You mention the reality that Rose did harm her health by the austerities--and explained that people in that time period (and really up until current times and some still have that misunderstanding) felt penances would help them be closer to God or would please God--and that, of course, contradicts Scriptures, His Living Word in that God does not want holocausts and burnt offerings. God wants a humble and contrite heart; God wants our love; God wants our obedience to His will, etc.

I admit it has taken me quite awhile to re-appreciate these holy people who others have made into canonized saints.  Part of my appreciation is in some of their marvelous writings, and of their lives often lived with suffering that came naturally and allowed by God and not self-inflicted, and also because they gave themselves to love of God and prayer and love of His Word and of His Real Presence. Also, I appreciate them for they'd not at all have wanted to be canonized as "saints." 

The realistic book written in early 2000, after a swath of documents were unsealed, did kind of disappoint me at first.  I wanted to stay on the "cloud" of some essence of hysteria and hype.  Truth of John of the Cross' escape from imprisonment by his fellow priests and brothers for 9 months was not that an angel led him out, but rather was his praying and suffering and writing his poems all the while gaining the confidence of one of his "guards", and eventually got him to give him little bits of this and that by which he then was able to be let out for short time periods, and got cloths and sheets and secretively tied them together, and then planned his escape, and one dark night was able to escape in one of those times his guard "let down his guard" for just a few minutes.  (I know John of the Cross was helped by his guardian angel, Mary, and His Real Presence throughout this and many ordeals of his life from birth onward, of course!)  And John fully cooperated with his body, mind, heart and soul to live and die for His Real Presence.)

But the truth to me is better than fiction, for John of the Cross depended on His Real Presence and utilized any number of inner guidances in how to submit and to cooperate with his captors, to use his time well in prayer and suffering and writing his poems, and in picking up inspirations here and there to help him figure a way out of captivity--and none too soon for he was being starved to death. Those nine months shortened his life, and in some physical aspects he never fully recovered.

It is amazing that he later on submitted to another envious superior and another confrere in his religious order. But he maybe sensed within and was so in love with God, that his work on earth was not going to go much further, not with his health and not with his superior and confreres who once again resented him and caused him more ill health and his life.  He desired to go to God by that point! He was exultant!

All that he went through as a child, all very factual, and how he got his education, and even his tiny stature, and his creativity even in a sketch he drew that is beautiful--and writing out the wisdom of the spiritual life and how to grow toward union with His Real Presence--what he left for all of us who follow in our lives centuries later will have this great works of John of the Cross.  Just knowing how he was persecuted and mistreated by his own but how he escaped when he was given the opportunity and also used wisdom and inspirations God and his angel helped with, for it was not yet time for John's life on earth to be finished--these things help me immensely. 

John and Teresa of Avila were spiritual friends, and he was confessor to her sisters for only about 2-3 very momentous years--but that he and she were seen levitating while sitting in their chairs conversing about God--that is amazing and seems to validly have occurred, just as Teresa's heart was transverberated and proof is her heart in a jar to this day.  But the real miracle to me of these holy people is how they spiritually progressed in everyday life and never gave up, and truly they became like Paul said--not I who live but Christ lives in me.  

To mystics, the mystical experiences are helps along the way to give the person strength and endurance, and at times to help guide, and to give insights to share. But phenomenon do not cause the spiritual growth that persevering in suffering promotes, and in such as going into oneself to be honest with who we are-- we can be inspired in His Living Word.  We can discover that any of us can be hypocrites and frauds, and woe to us if we do not recognize our flaws and sins: overcome ourselves and fly above to do and be better, to love and live in His Real Presence and thus love and live among others as He does.

Love in His Love--and God bless His Real Presence in us!

 

Catholic Hermit: So Grateful, 6 Months Post-Op

Today is the 6-month anniversary from the spine surgery.  I'm so very grateful to God for the marvelous ways in which He got me through these months, and for the various persons He made available, brought to help, provided for the intricate and extensive surgery and fusion.  Even that my bones were not as terrible as the surgeon had feared--not as porous as was his concerned.  Well, so many, many aspects of goodness and miracles in the details and in the persons.

I'm grateful to my family, to people from my hometown who knew me years ago--all praying.  I praise God for the way some parishioners signed up to bring meals, and for the neighbors who helped--the children ages 11 and 13 who came twice daily to change out the ice in the ice pump and to keep the flowers, vegetables, shrubs and trees alive with water.

I consider the family member who lives in the area, who brought groceries, and for the couple of parishioners who also brought groceries when needed, for the son-in-law who put together some medical aide items and removed a door so my walker would fit through, for the grandson who stayed the first night, not wanting me to be alone.

Then there were the nurses and aides in the hospital, and the Home Health nurses, physical therapist, occupational therapist, and shower aides who came, assisted, taught me in helping me learn to do basic steps in recovery process and who encouraged by their caring words.  Cousins from the Northeast sent flowers and emails, the Methodists in my hometown sent a card assuring me of their on-going prayers, another relative sent money for a carry-in meal treat, various neighbors helped with added aspects--truck battery replacement, trash cans taken out and brought back into the garage, mowing, getting ice as needed, coming over to help if something had fallen that my reacher-tool could not pick up.

Thankful for Dr. H. calling, encouraging, helping, seeking ways to try to have pain removed and lessened, grateful for the professor amazingly being in contact after 15 years from the John of the Cross course in Avila, Spain.  I appreciate a peaceful place to live, quiet, calm, good people abounding, having the ability to pay the bills and finally qualify for Medicare and be able to pay for it, for the pain doctor and dentist, and all those who help do whatever possible to relieve pain and keep the body as healthy as temporally possible in their knowledge and abilities.

As my new spiritual father mentioned a couple days ago, the Lord is moving in my life now, and is opening up marvelous aspects, with much good to come.  I'm thankful!  Today the hermit-priest texted some Scripture, also some wisdom from a meditation book, and then texted he was going to place me on the altar in spirit, in his celebration of Mass.  I received a couple of emails of persons I've had to encourage in their spiritual lives in the past, and then to encourage to develop friends in their areas and age ranges, in the active life or married life vocations they have.  My spiritual life is being reshaped, refocused, yet still very much malleable in the loving hands of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

While Angel (woman from parish) no longer is needed to bring Communion, her steadfastness in stopping nearly every week with the Eucharist and to encourage and a couple times pick up medication or other for me, I remain ever grateful.  Am thankful for the adult daughter in the area who would pick up medication for me for the first four and a half months when I could not drive.  I consider the kindly and interesting--often prayerful--Lyft drivers who would take me to and from medical appointments--and the family member also driving when available.

Much of the first four or so months seems a blur, but today after resting in bed quite a bit, I went upstairs and removed switch and outlet plates from the walls of a room I am dedicating to all the saints (canonized and the many more who are unknown as saints in heaven, but saints indeed!).  I decided I would on this 6-month anniversary, try to prime one wall.  

I've been wanting to just try to do something of the sort--see if I could possibly manage--as the surgeon told me last visit that perhaps try a half-a-wall, and then said, maybe just get one of those fun paint guns and just squirt some paint on the walls!  I could tell he was being guarded, but it seemed more positive than what the physical and occupational therapist had painted of a quite grim future in which I'd not be able to even get down to the floor unless with a rail to hold onto, keeping the spine straight, and would not be able to use a paint roller above shoulders as would compress the spine above the lengthy fusion.

However, I managed to paint one wall with white primer.  I had the overalls on once again, and I although not easy, I held a tight grip and used a four-step ladder with platform, and I was able to get down on both knees and trim paint along the baseboards, then up on ladder to trim in along the ceiling and down the side edges.  Then I was able to roll the walls--stretching that I've not done, up from kneeling, up and down the short ladder:  a major workout!

While it seems like not much, somehow the return to even a small amount of ora et labora--pray and work--though I was huffing and puffing and was worn out after the one wall was primed the one coat, it seems a major victory in celebration of all the aspects of getting through that type of surgery entails.  And while I realize people certainly go through far worse, knowing that the Lord saw me through to this point, means more than I can express in words or even in of myself to know in feelings from within my soul, to let the Lord know how thankful I am for all His blessings.

Sick with pain now, spinal headache, been back in bed, not sure (as none of us can be sure) what the morning will bring regarding this body, but perhaps I will be able to prime another wall.  Who knows but His Real Presence?  Even my guardian angel who is with me every moment from conception until I hope-in-God enter heaven, waits with me and has, these months, as have all the loved ones including my parents and my spiritual da, ancestors, family, friends on the other side who are here, celebrating with me the graciousness of God.

I'm grateful for the insights the Lord has given me in these six months thus far of recovery, grateful for the lessons I've learned, appreciate His forgiving my sins, some of which have seemed major to me in various ways--and the forgiveness and moving forward, am grateful for God's mercy.

Am thankful for all, and for all you readers who have been praying for me, as well:  Thank you!

I was remembering as I walked up the stairs to attempt to pain the one wall, that there was a time when I could barely log-roll out of bed to painfully make it with walker to the bathroom a few feet away, had to be heavily medicated to a point of sedation, was unable to walk yet to the kitchen, nor able to stand for a shower, and could not begin to walk up the stairs even with physical therapist holding onto my brace.  I remember the first time I was able to walk with the walker, to the mailbox.  Was that six weeks after surgery--just to do that?  How far has the Lord brought this body in six months, even though it seems a couple years or more!

Now, for the next six months: whatever the Lord wills, desires--and prayerfully, that I listen, know, and do His will.

God bless His Real Presence in us!