The Catholic Hermit, or Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Prayer Asking St. Joan of Arc's Intercessions

 

A spiritual friend gave me this prayer; I've asked St. Joan of Arc to pray with me and all of us, this prayer.

The Prayer of invoking St. Joan of Arc: In the face of your enemies, in the face of harassment, ridicule, and doubt, you held firm in your faith. Even your abandonment, alone and without friends, you held firm in your faith. Even as you faced your own mortality, you held firm in your faith. I pray that I may be as bold in my beliefs as you, St. Joan. I ask that you ride alongside me in my own battles. Help me be mindful that what is worthwhile can be won when I persist. Help me hold firm in my faith. Help me believe in my ability to act well and wisely. AMEN

Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Do I Experience Persecution from Parishioners?

I looked after a writing break, and found someone had left a question to the effect, that as a Catholic hermit in the world, do I experience persecution from parishioners [congregants of Catholic parish/local, diocesan church]?

Simple answer is "Yes."  And that is for some time, answered as in past tense, "I have been persecuted by parishioners."

In my case, I think the persecution has derived mostly from my mystical experience during Mass.  It has not to do with being a consecrated Catholic--but privately professed--hermit.  The reason I'm not nor have been persecuted as a hermit, for the bulk of the 24 years I've been a Catholic hermit int he consecrated life of the Catholic Church, is due to the fact that as a traditional Catholic hermit, privately professed, the parishioners did not nor do not know that I am a hermit in their midst during Mass.

On the very few occasions in the early years, I was not involved in parish activities, but for a time I was a sacristan at a Cathedral.  Since I did not advertise myself by wearing a religious order habit or one made up by myself that mimics religious order habits of the late Middle Ages of which most habits developed as such, no one knew I was a hermit.  I wore clothes that blended in depending on the culture of each parish--meaning, the socio-economic status therein.  I'd dress accordingly to pass unnoticed.  

But, when a mystical experience known as mystical ecstasy, began at the very end of August, 2008, and increased in substance as I learned through reading on the topic generally becomes a gradually deepening ecstasy with full loss of bodily and conscious mental faculties, my status of not being noticed was altered.  I still was not noticed by most in the congregation during Mass, but those in the vicinity where I sat in the handicap pew or tried other areas such as the back pew or off to the side, or in a cry room or even tried choir loft in one parish--people in the vicinity noticed. 

A couple of friends with whom eventually I shared what was happening, so they could possibly stop my being touched and harmed, said I not only looked deeply asleep, but the fact of no movement whatsoever became the problem for those who might notice, and what was worse, if they disregarded a sign I was told to wear, to please not touch, and they'd find I could not be roused--that would lead to some trying to move my body which caused a severe neck injury in 2012, and other times persons then would call 911 during Mass. 

But as a Catholic hermit, only the four months when I wore a habit of a hermit community that was striving to attain approval by the Vatican and was in its early formation, did people notice, obviously, that something was going on.  A parish priest asked me to write about the community and about hermit vocation, which he published in the church bulletin to try to educate people.  Prior to that, people had become vicious in gossip and shunning me, as they for whatever reason preferred the detraction than to simply ask me. They wrote hateful, accusatory letters to the bishop, even though I had sent a letter to the bishop and vicar general at the appointed time the prioress of the hermit community advised me to do so.  

Frankly, the woman who brain-birthed the community idea, which is an excellent idea but needed more thought and statutes developed, as well as a leader who was not so interested in numbers of hermits but more the substance and quality, and who possessed great humility and obedience to her own vicar general, would have helped the community survive beyond three years.  

After four months in the habit and a year in the community, I realized the woman leading the community who lived elsewhere (part of the beauty of such a formation of hermits anywhere developing as a hermit community yet in their own abodes and locales) would not succeed in part due to her pride as well as not having the statutes written nor enough obedience and openness to the ideas of others, including her vicar general who was supervising the project.  I dropped it like a live grenade, as is said, realizing also that wearing a habit was not at all providing for a life of being "hidden from the eyes of men" as the Catechism of the Catholic Church states is foundational, among other aspects, of being a hermit int he consecrated life of the Church.

Wearing a habit for those four months taught me a great lesson.  I also realized the early desert hermits wore the clothing of their times that represented the poor and simple, as well as the color white or off white, and of flax-woven fabric, to deflect light and not be too hot a color for the incessant desert sun.  The fabric itself was the most common of that time.    Had they lived in a city, they would have passed as being poor.  Since the parishes in the city in which I lived had no parish consisting of those who appeared visibly "poor" in some type of clothing, poor as such--I dressed at first in a simple gray jumper.  People did not know I was a hermit since I relocated to a different city and knew no one.  But they did find it odd that I wore the gray jumper...daily. So that drew attention as would a habit in a way--the consistency of dress stood out to people and came off as odd.  I was thought by some to be an imbecile, by others to be oddly devout, and stood out as too austere.

In my reading of many hermits over the centuries, the point of being humbly hidden and to also live in the silence of solitude--yet in our times in order to attend Mass, one must go to a parish for Mass unless a religious order allows for persons in the community to participate in Masses--the solution to me seemed to dress in accordance to what others in any given locale or parish would wear, and also to dress according to my own educational level, if that makes sense.  To have a hermit who has a doctoral degree in one discipline and over half a doctorate in another, and then to wear clothing that belied what words would be spoken if anyone engaged--that would thus make a noticeable inconsistency.  So I dressed as did other educated persons of that particular parish.

I also learned that if one does not speak to anyone, yet attends Mass regularly, over time that draws attention, as people are social and communicators. They are also curious and want to strive to greet and meet in parishes, to be welcoming. So I have found in some parishes in the past 24 years, that being cordial and communicative is helpful, also, in remaining hidden.  Why advertise one is a hermit?  

I learned it is best not to, for as one religious order priest commented to me--and he had been a spiritual director to Mother Teresa in Calcutta for a time, so not a hermit himself but was wise to the ways of the world as well as to the spiritual life:  "No one needs to know one is a hermit, of all vocations. God knows, and He's the only One Who needs to know."  He thought it fine to write anonymously online, but my writing has been sparse for a couple of years, and my verbal messages even less.  

Thus the topic of hermit has dwindled with more desire to write of the spiritual life and of living daily with God, and as a hermit but without the hermit part being necessarily an aspect of the sharing.  Being a hermit, at this point, is so much in the background as to not really being in my conscious mind at all.  It simply is within the many-stranded fabric of my temporal spiritual vocational beingness.  I find it refreshing and freeing to not be thinking nor focusing at all on being a hermit; the vocation has become as did my intense pain became, years ago, at a point that I could no longer remember what it was like to be without pain, nor to recall what my body and mind and heart felt like prior to the spine-ruining accident.

To tell you the truth, for me, it has been quite freeing to have the conscious awareness of "being a hermit" not part of my daily or nightly thoughts.  The thoughts have deepened in a way, while at the same time I wonder if they are actually quite shallow!  That might make sense to some few of your reading this, and others it might not make sense at all. Hard to describe how my thoughts can be deeper yet seem to me shallow and too much with the temporal world.  

I think it has to do with His Real Presence through, with, and in me, yet also in the temporal trials and the temporal responsibilities that any human on earth must tend to regardless of vocation in this time period--including traditional type religious hermits, consecrated fully to and by God while adhering to what the Church stipulates for the hermit vocation.

So back to the question of if I've been persecuted as a hermit by Catholic parishioners?  Yes, very much so, way back when I wore a habit of a hermit community for four months; and also, even though they did not realize I was a hermit, when I wore a simple jumper daily.  When people could see that I was "something", especially with the religious looking habit, modeled after the Carthusian habit, I drew attention. People asked questions, and word spread.   

Once the priest-requested article was written about hermits and the community I was in, then the parishioners began judging based on their own notions of what and how a hermit ought "be".  So I took a lot of flack when I attended an 80th birthday party of a person's mother--someone I'd known for a few years and prior to my hermit profession and vows.  I stayed about five minutes or so, and comments flew then and there and for days after, that I was not a real hermit because I was at the birtjdau gathering in the parish hall.   Or I'd be out getting some groceries--oh no!   

I had a hundred or more parishioners and even a priest or two playing novice masters and prior during those four months.  And even the bishop had not much experience in what is a hermit, nor the vicar general whose idea of a hermit was shaped by one he was aware of from seminary.  Lived in a cabin out in the woods of the seminary's hundreds of acres, and came in on Sunday's for Mass and supplies and some conversations with the other priests.  Now, realistically how is a non-priest hermit in our times, who is striving to live hidden from the eyes of men in the silence of solitude, etc.--going to function, get food, find a place to live that is safe and close to medical if one has medical needs?  

Today's traditional, consecrated privately professed (or I'd think a diocese hermit, as well) must think clearly and study hermit life, and most of all, ask and allow His Real Presence to guide and direct the hermit.  God is my Prior. God determines the vocation and keeps me hidden and in silence of solitude--and God keeps my mind off of "being a hermit in the Catholic Church or in the world."   

The vocation diffuses and morphs into the Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul of His Real Presence, including into His Living Word.  The temporal keeps passing away with each tax submission and apt rent or house payment made, or with each purchase made for necessities or even now and then for a treat. 

I go as God's hermit in hiddenness and silence of solitude, in prayer and penance, to the pain doctor appointments, to get the pain pump refilled every two months, to the ophthalmologist to get glaucoma checked, or to the neurologist to see if it is time for neck surgery, or to the orthopedic who is going to do knee replacement in a couple of months.  I go to the bank and pharmacy, to Costco to buy in bulk as I don't like to shop frequently anyway due to the fatigue pain causes.   

No one knows, and I don't think about "Oh wow, I'm a hermit."  I simply live and be as best a Christian as I can by the grace of God and the love of Jesus, and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, and so forth and so on in whatever aspect of existence I am living in the Order of the Present Moment.

For instance, I have now a couple of dogs in here to force me up and to force me to keep mobile in body, as the pain as progressed to the point I could no longer use the mind to overcome the pain enough, to get up and keep the body moving.  My legs began failing which occurs at a certain point in Arachnoiditis, and my intestines began to paralyze.  The first dog is so compliant, she lets me stay in bed without a peep on her part.  I became ill, and the dog became depressed. It was suggested I her brother from the next litter, so they'd play and exercise together when I was in bed with pain or other illnesses.  The brother dog does not let me stay in bed--moans and groans and barks.  And they do play together and exercise enough that when I cannot do other than take them out for their toileting and to feed them, so I do not have to take them for walks every single day, or if well enough I can drive them the mile or less to the dog park where they can run and play.  

Yes, there are people at the dog park; none know I am a hermit.  I do not even think about it when there or anywhere, for my vocation has become format or frame in this temporal life of my existence in His Real Presence in my temporal, spiritual, and mystical life now and eternally.  

Yet the Holy Spirit has inspired more deeply spiritual and mystical connections and conversations with people at the dog park, than what I could have fathomed.  I've had some amazingly spiritually indwelling encounters at Home Depot and Costco, and wherever else God wills, for there is no temporal showing of my being this or that any more than anyone else.  The outer appearances and my own conscious thinking about being "a hermit" is removed; God has taken over my existence to a point that He orchestrates whatever encounters.

God also has allowed this Arachnoiditis affliction as the suffering is so intense that on websites about the rather rare ailment states that social life is negligible for Arachnoiditis patients.  I did not need to explain to the knee surgeon why I do not have anyone who can stay with me post surgery, but that I would see if my teen grandson could, or maybe fly a friend here--a very spiritual friend who does not know I am a Catholic hermit and does not need to know nor would it matter or make sense for him to know.

And that is what I've come to understand about being a hermit.  No one needs to know nor does it matter if they do know, or does it help at this point if I'm having "hermit" on my mind.  Rather, "hermit" draws me from depth to temporal, for "hermit" is a vocation God has for a few, as a means of existing in this temporal life, with the aspects of how the hermit exists being in a way rather temporary for this life, and the pith of the existing lies deeply imbedded and increasingly so when the externals are forgotten or at least do not take up space in the mind. The vocation for me became integral at some point likely a few years ago, despite at time my still writing about "hermit" this or that..

What persecutions I do have comes from people sensing or recognizing in me the spiritual life that must show in some aspects of my allegiance and striving to exist in His Real Presence without a word or sign showing them a thing externally.  I assume God allows the persecution in such encounters be it in person or on phone, as a means of humbling me and increasing my faith. I continue to have more trials in life than the usual--and plenty of added sufferings and more surgeries coming up.  

The temporal mishaps and wrongs that occur in my life continue to come especially much, this Lent; and God continues to lead me and guide me, and He also wants me to return to more writing and visual/verbal sharing with others of the spiritual experiences and the facts of how real Is God.  I strive to do the latter very much so in encounters with people whom God brings together, me with one or more--what we might call "chance" but in reality is the Holy Spirit performing in the action of God and Jesus.

I have had persecutions for awhile, most painful, from those closest. They do not realize, and I am praying to learn to accept the persecutions as they are, and bear them, weep if I am thus moved, then forgive and strive to forget, and move on in love, prayer, and service or help if I am physically able and if they want my help or service. I have been learning to not, in essence, chase after or force my help or suggestions on others, but to wait to see if they desire or ask.  

I consider the young man who asked Jesus what he needed to do to enter into His kingdom.  Jesus said what was needed, and the young man walked away sad, for he found at least at the time, it to be too difficult for him to do what Jesus said is needed.  Jesus did not go running after the young man, begging nor pleading nor offering to make it easier or negotiate down the requirements.  We don't know from Scripture, but perhaps later on, that young man (maybe an older man by the time he spiritually matured) was indeed able to enter the Kingdom of God; maybe he was able to let go of his attachments, his possessions.  

So I am keeping in mind that just because someone is not interested in my help or service now, or in what I might have to offer in suggestions or encouragement now, they may later, so I must remain open in my love and prayer of others. I must remain open to the help and serve aspect even if nothing desired of me initially or for years.

Of course, I do not have many years left, if any.  However, I also do not usually encounter parishioners, either.  My body is at a point that I remain in my hermitage with His Real Presence in me, with me, through me day and night. I did join a parish, but I've never been there other than to get the membership form to fill out and sign. Someone else returned it for me, in fact. I've emailed the priest nearly a year ago about having the abode blessed, but he must be busy.  

A friend from the past and far away sent some blessed salt and holy water and St. Benedictine medals, which I think one is to bury and repeat a written prayer, to protect the property from evil of all types.  I have since come to grasp that His Real Presence has the house and property "spiritually insured" with and by His Holy Assurance of Presence here within.

So persecution by parishioners for being a hermit in the world?  No, not other than the months wearing a habit--I do not suffer that.  God has removed me from the occasions of any notice as His hidden hermit; yet I am visible one in humanity, and within as His hidden hermit--interacting in the temporal, fulfilling my temporal duties to society and government as we all must.

However, have been ongoing years of persecution from another hermit who writes and whose views and living out hermit life is different from my more hidden, silent, and solitary hermit life.  The persecution I think stemmed from the threat I posed as another online Catholic hermit writing and sharing, but our vocations vary due to the manner of our profession.  This differences seem to upset the other; or else simply having someone other writing on the topic consistently, bothers the other hermit.  My writing is more geared to the spiritual now; the persecution seems to have waned.  (Although my writing again in this blog has brought out again the person's issues.  So be it.)  

Being a "hermit" is a vocation while in usually latter portion of this life, whereas being a Christian is now and eternally.  

I plan to increase the writing and verbal sharing, hopefully, prayerfully, of what God wills of me.  As to this one detractor, the differences are basic and trivial, mostly external.  The other publicizes self whereas I strive for anonymity; the other promotes being CL603 diocese hermit whereas I appreciate the path of  historical-traditional, private profession hermit.  One works in a public job as associate parish administrator; I am disabled on small pension, and attempt slow, manual labor to remodel a house. (I was able to make downpayment and have a mortgage, from a very modest and dwindling inheritance.)  If I were able to work I would seek solitary cleaning or landscaping type work, or income generating writing.  My Arachnoiditis pain disability precludes consistency.  Now with more serious, constant headache; as readers may notice, my writing is riddled with errors and lacking in concise presentation.  In daily life the worsened headache is interfering more, as is knee pain.)

I've written quite a bit here, about this and that related to the question someone left-- and relative to other thoughts and memories of the past.  The length of my rambling has mostly to do with the increased pain of the constant headache now for nearly 39 years, and due to the knee pain, and per usual the spinal pain.  I distract myself from pain when the laptop keyboard is right here on the bed; the pups, Love and Mercy are asleep in their crates after Lovey had his neutering surgery today.  

I am unable to sleep yet.  Tomorrow is another day here at Solus Deus Hermitage! (and I do not think of this dwelling consciously as Solus Deus, for truly God Alone is here with me, in me, through, and also very much for me--as God is for you, too!  God Alone is through, with, and in you right now!  We exist for the glory and love of God Alone!

[I don't consider myself having arrived whatsoever, and I don't know if I'm doing what I am trying to express here.  Writing what comes forth...so be it. God bless us all in our strivings]

God bless His Real Presence in us! Love in His Love!  My prayers are for and with you, in Him, and I ask for your prayers for me, in Him, so that I can endure increased suffering and surgeries ahead, and that I please, do God's will for His purpose of my life. 

I have not fulfilled my purpose that He has for me at this phase; I know I have squandered much of the time He is giving me now.  I must turn from that; deeper conversion in doing His will and for that I need discipline, please, and renewed energy of His focus!  Thank you!

 

Christian Catholic Hermit Mystic: The Woman Caught in Adultery

JPII in this commentary hits nail on head as to humankind's sins and the males tending to try to get away with their culpability while the women bear much openly, in various types of sins, not only the sexual ones.  Men are far more forceful and have greater voice in blaming, I suppose.  

They tend to have the public mouthpiece more than women do, although some of that is slightly changing...when the point is that God KNOWS the sins of all of us, and we really don't need to be pointing out others' sins unless to the person him- or herself in private, if someone we know who will benefit by the clarification.  This is true for parents in particular who have charge of their children, or teachers, or others such as in families and workplaces--to let others know quietly if they are sinning, if they themselves do not realize it, or even if they do if by some chance one can help them stop. 

This is done often at a price of friendship, though, to those who have much pride in them and cannot cope with fraternal correction or to have their sins pointed out even if the one pointing out acknowledges his or her own sins openly, with the person to try to help the person understand none of us is perfect, but their sin is showing and could be corrected by them if they knew or chose or even to get help in stopping the sin from continuing.

Lord, keep my sins ever before me, and help me to cease the sins that I am aware of and to recognize or have good people inform me of the sins of which I am unaware.  Thank you, Jesus.

Saint John-Paul II

Pope from 1978 to 2005

Mulieris dignitatem, ch.5 (©Libreria editrice Vaticana)

"Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."

Christ is the one who "knows what is in man" (cf. Jn 2,25) - in man and woman. He knows the dignity of man, his worth in God's eyes. He himself, the Christ, is the definitive confirmation of this worth. Everything he says and does is definitively fulfilled in the Paschal Mystery of the Redemption. Jesus' attitude to the women whom he meets in the course of his Messianic service reflects the eternal plan of God, who, in creating each one of them, chooses her and loves her in Christ (cf. Eph 1,1-5)… Jesus of Nazareth confirms this dignity, recalls it, renews it, and makes it a part of the Gospel and of the Redemption for which he is sent into the world... Jesus enters into the concrete and historical situation of women, a situation which is weighed down by the inheritance of sin. One of the ways in which this inheritance is expressed is habitual discrimination against women in favour of men. This inheritance is rooted within women too. From this point of view the episode of the woman "caught in adultery" is particularly eloquent. In the end Jesus says to her: "Do not sin again", but first he evokes an awareness of sin in the men who accuse… Jesus seems to say to the accusers: Is not this woman, for all her sin, above all a confirmation of your own transgressions, of your "male" injustice, your misdeeds? This truth is valid for the whole human race…A woman is left alone, exposed to public opinion with "her sin", while behind "her" sin there lurks a man - a sinner, guilty "of the other's sin", indeed equally responsible for it. And yet his sin escapes notice, it is passed over in silence… How often, in a similar way, the woman pays for her own sin and she pays all alone! How often is she abandoned with her pregnancy, when the man, the child's father, is unwilling to accept responsibility for it? And besides the many "unwed mothers" in our society, we also must consider all those who, as a result of various pressures, even on the part of the guilty man, very often "get rid of" the child before it is born. "They get rid of it": but at what price?

Christian Catholic Hermit Mystic: What Is Humility in My On-Going Sojourn

 

Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner. Humility comes in all forms, including facing surgeries and more suffering, and realizing the body is not holding up, but can't get good help. So, what to do? I guess just stay put, as cannot afford rent here and no means to move on my own.  

Humility is in the trials of facing one's demise and without help from others. 

Humility is accepting one is not on earth much--not regarding where or how temporal-minded people are for most part-- but able to interact very well with a couple of dogs.  And knowing that one will have a hard time going on if have to part with them and yet still be alive.  

That will be the humility of giving up getting up, for that is their function for me--even this morning, forced me up although unsteady and could not stay out as long as Mercy prefers.  Humility is knowing the needs of dogs' body elimination and other needs schedules.  

Humility is existing in very basic life, unable to cope with the level of pain, crying out all night O God!  O God!  Trying to get to bathroom with horrific cramping and pain of what is paralyzed, not moving on its own, so rib cage and lumbar and rest of body automatically and violently forces in battle against intestines.  So I will be tests of which I don't want, yet no appt. available until end of December.  I noticed with love it is the death death date of Sr. Josefa Menendez, though, and felt better with the added connection to her for Dec. 29. 

I'm realizing that humility is not in sticking it out after years of sticking in, when persons were dysfunctional and no one happy; realizing a person in love and wooing the object of love, may not much portray actual self of childhood-into-adulthood dysfunctions. 

Humility is letting go, not grabbing hold of somewhat naive or innocent others, for alliance in dysfunction. 

Humility is living when one can barely cope with suffering and has nothing really temporal to live for, other than a silly notion that must wait in case someone might need some truth told, when others are not speaking. 

And the likelihood of my being in any position to speak to anyone is next to nil, so this is humility:   to know one's purpose is over but for suffering, praying, and tending two sweet dogs.  Humility is knowing the dogs would be as happy and more so with an active person, couple or especially with children.  So humility is knowing that I'm not needed for or by the dogs but a hindrance, yet it is that I need them despite their adding financial cost and using up some of my energy--yet they give to me as gifts from God, the energy of unconditional love and humor.

So, that's my today's Lord have Mercy on Me a sinner; rather basic, nothing profound. I cannot read and absorb anymore, not easily anyway, religious writings, which is also humbling.  Too much pain!  This is also a symptom of the Arachnoidititis; it begins to affect ability to read, to focus, to absorb content with recall and comprehension. I still have hope that when the house clutter and construction might be complete, and I have neck or shoulder, knee, and intestinal surgeries behind me, I might in more leisure be improved in reading some of the great books I'm blessed to have collected. 

Humility is, however, dying to all that one would like or hope in the temporal and even in the spiritual aspects.

What a strange phase of life this is!  Humbling all the way around.  I'm even dealing with a targeting from neighbor man who three weeks ago harassed me finally in full on sexual verbalization after having been watching me from behind his windows.  Then last week, Friday morning early, was waiting for me on his deck and tried to talk, putting his hand on chest and leaning back in the protestation of innocent pleading stance. He called my name loudly, repeatedly.  

I had dogs with me and was setting a hose on slow drip to a tree in back. I got to house with pups and just called back to despite his incessant, loud calling my name and saying he just wants to "talk"--exactly what police detective had told me NOT to do nor let him attempt any engagement, manipulation, or interactions.   So I gave my three phrases:  No contact, no communication, no interaction, and inside I went.  

Humility is being targeted and manipulated by his wife, also, guilted into doing others' yard work under guise she cannot see well enough; but oddly, I had to take note that she could see me across a yard and half whether I was i front or back, and abnormal what is called stalking.  The man trying to excuse his very inappropriate behaviors, yet just this side of legal; I know these things get difficult with stopping them.  I had worse situation in another location.  Not easy for a single person, appearing alone and vulnerable to those who want to target.

So humility is accepting I must hunker down and handle matters with the assertiveness of Jesus; the police can do nothing as they point out this former lawyer, even if not a successful lawyer in temporal terms, knows what he's doing and what he can get away with.  One must stay clear of those with sick and mal intent even if to them it is their normal way of being and doing.  

Humility is accepting that the single person will be as if the odd one out and will be detracted by the two who know they have been caught and cut off for their inappropriate words and actions.  

Humility is accepting the temporal world is unjust often enough, but one must be secure in the solitude of truth, beauty, goodness of God's righteousness.

Humility is learning that some people are not good as neighbors, and one cannot involve or interact with them to a point of nil, as they manipulate and want power over, intimidate, and are indecent.  Humility is praying for people and that's it, end of what one can "do".

Love in His Love, Love!  Maybe  today I will be able to get up or not, as in up for more than 5 minutes, but that is an improvement over past mornings.  Yesterday was better as able to do some yard work and take Lovey and Mercy to the dog park--which they love to go, as do I.  So many loving creatures of God and their happy owners and tenders while on this beautiful earth God has created and given us!  

We are His stewards, and that is a humbling task indeed!  We must try to bring about change and improvement in ourselves and others as it is humankind that tends to clutter and create crud in our midst.  

As for days and nights, I used to love nights to sleep and be unaware of the temporal world, the trials, the sufferings of body, mind, and heart, but now with a month or more in night it is struggle with horrible pain in arm and hand, coming from neck most likely, or the left shoulder.  The burning pain is fiery down arm into hand; the entire limb goes numb in odd combination, and tingling adds to the conglomeration of suffering that no one could sleep through.  

Humility is recognizing one is whipped bodily, temporally, and needs even a small support network of oner or two, for what surgeries may be needed sooner than later and for the sheer amount of suffering on-going now.  Humility is knowing one is last at the banquet table seating, and indeed, that I am not at the table but on bed, reclining, and requires help in variety of temporal ways.

Humility is knowing when time to register at a small church and have the power of the Church-at-large spiritually behind me, undergirding me, around me in spiritual strength against the powers of darkness.  A priest emailed some prayers against malfeasance and a variety of invocations to help restore my. mind, heart, and soul with healing and also with forgiveness of so much that has been as if two cement trucks have dumped their loads upon me.

Humility is all these and so many more facets that we all could make mental or written lists during the days and nights of what is humility in the reality of our individual circumstances, and not really run out of examples and points to note and learn from, be lifted up as humility is the threshold of one's faith.

Humility of Christ in us is needed to endure this life.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love in His Love!

Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Another correspondence with a friend

I'll include some of the personal part--more surgery ahead, but at least the neck is not needing surgery immediately! Thanks be to God!

Dear X,

My neck is not good; I saw the neurosurgeon. Neck surgery is not urgent right now, but my thumb is urgent.  I will likely have that surgery done in two weeks or three at most.  It is relatively simple, or so he says. I pray that when he gets in there he does not find it worse, for a surgeon four years ago told me it would be 4-6 months of recovery and disuse those months.  This surgeon said a month; two weeks for external healing, for the concern for infection to be over, and not much use  Another two weeks for inner healing. Not even general anesthetic, but some sedation and local, of course. If I don't get the thumb fixed, he guarantees I will lose use of it and first three fingers which are currently numb and have lost strength, right hand.  He said my hand will become a stiff claw if I let it go, and even now no guarantee I'll have feeling or strength back. 

Then after the thumb, we can think about the neck.  That will involve four levels so 6 vertebrae with the discs between. He went over the MRI with me and explained it with knowledge and clarity and trusted experience.  It is bad, but it is not urgent until my arms and pain down arms and numbness and neck pain become intolerable. He does not think the neck nerves would cause the spatial disorientation, but he cannot be sure since neurology is rather a mystery.  He is Catholic, and said he is a Christian; I know he is a Catholic from research I did on him. He recognized my cross as one like his great uncle had worn, a Jesuit priest, long ago.  

Dr. J. will do the hand surgery.  I pray I can hold out for the neck surgery for awhile yet. But it just depends on the cord as it is rather squeezed with no fluid around it in C-4,5-6 area of neck, and there are very large bone spurs pressing on the nerves coming out of C 2, 3, 4, 5, 6; C7 seems okay as does 1.  He said it is unlikely my headache will be reduced from the neck surgery, but the main issue is to keep my arms and and hands usable.  Neck will lose mobility given it's most of it that would be fused.  I might need to do the knee replacement before the neck.  God will guide in these matters just as His Real Presence worked out that I got in to see this neurosurgeon within a week and without a referral.  Dr. J. said I must not fall or get a whiplash from a car accident as the cord could easily "snap"at the squeezed section.  (My luck I'd be a quadriplegic and not die and be on my way, off this earth!)  I'll be careful on the ladder, although I don't have that much more to do using the ladder--just the kitchen ceiling for now and plan to give in and hire some help as the planks are long and awkward.

I'll see if I get very motivated to work on the kitchen and get my bedroom and bathroom extra sanitary, and maybe have the right thumb/hand done Sept.  7.  Otherwise I will do 14th, but I have things that need to get planted yet this fall so early Oct. here would be  cooler.  Thus the 7th would be good as a month recovery puts me at Oct. 7th, if the thumb is not requiring more invasive type surgery once he gets into it.

Today's Living Word is very important and filled with so much that I could write on and on, feasting on all that is taught us.  Paul emphasizes  that God chooses us, and also what and how those of us with faith can go forth and make a difference for others, being a witness of His Real Presence.  Those were the Thessalonians, and we, of course, can do and be as they were, transformed by the Living Word that:  "[our gospel] did not come to [us] in word alone but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with much conviction."

This is how we may be utilized--to live and "speak" the gospel even without words, for it comes to us also in power and in the Holy Spirit and also with conviction.  This happens when we have the desire, the courage, and the love of God to be and speak and spread and live the gospel. Allow and ask the Holy Spirit to give us this conviction and power to do so.

The psalm's first line is a good one for this desire and faith of the above: Sing to the Lord a new song....

Then the Gospel is so good to think about and act on because Jesus points out and warns about the clergy, in essence, as well as could be any of us-- and how they/we can be hypocritical and false in our words and actions and thoughts: religious and spiritual frauds.  Jesus is quite harsh and honest in what He says will happen to them/us and in describing the types of fraud via priorities and values and false teaching.

It is a serious reminder for me to look within and excoriate my hypocrisy and ways in which I have dropped "the mantle" of my Christian faith and calling, and in what I could have done--and still could do in humility but also in faith, and exhibit the truth of how real is His Real Presence in our lives, and be fully open to His Real Presence in me, living in me as He does, with my not clouding over or smothering His Real Presence with my human ways and selfish thoughts and various sinful habits.

I have read a couple books on Rose of Lima, and one was written after certain documents were finally unsealed at the Vatican regarding realistic details of her life and some of the exaggerations that were used for her canonization.  For one thing, she was popular, and politically for the Church hierarchy at that time, they needed someone from South America, and a female, to canonize to help temporally and spiritually with the Church in the late 16th c. in that region.  I prefer reality and truth of the actualities of people's lives for they then seem more relatable to me, and believable. 

The book can be a reminder that it is other people who get caught up in the frenzy to embellish and sometimes make up myths or legends not true about people for they want to be a part of the excitement and also desire a "king" or "queen" of sorts from their area--spiritual king or queen--and lots of miracles and amazing occurrences fabricated from what in actuality have more humble explanations.  I do not find these revealings to diminish such as Rose of Lima; it more just exposes human nature of others and those higher up who orchestrate what will bring various benefits to the Church in South America or at large.  

I admit some of the details of miraculous occurrences I'd read in the first book I read about Rose, I wanted to believe and did in part!  I am so very, very human, and I too loved the excitement of strange and unusual occurrences, such as that her mother or maybe her nurse saw a rose appear in the air above Rose's mouth when she was an infant, took it as a sign of God and her holiness, and thus they called her "Rose."  But in the formerly sealed documents, released, that was explained to be false; it was metaphoric of sorts, for the mother or nurse or maybe a neighbor (I forget which but the truth was written in the saint investigation process) described the infant's lips or cheeks to be as beautiful as a red rose.  They did call her Rose; that is true!

However, others of her spiritual life and experiences were depicted more honestly.  I don't blame the saints; it's us humans who get a bit carried away; and these holy people did many good deeds and started this or that charity, or accepted suffering and persevered through it.  You mention the reality that Rose did harm her health by the austerities--and explained that people in that time period (and really up until current times and some still have that misunderstanding) felt penances would help them be closer to God or would please God--and that, of course, contradicts Scriptures, His Living Word in that God does not want holocausts and burnt offerings. God wants a humble and contrite heart; God wants our love; God wants our obedience to His will, etc.

I admit it has taken me quite awhile to re-appreciate these holy people who others have made into canonized saints.  Part of my appreciation is in some of their marvelous writings, and of their lives often lived with suffering that came naturally and allowed by God and not self-inflicted, and also because they gave themselves to love of God and prayer and love of His Word and of His Real Presence. Also, I appreciate them for they'd not at all have wanted to be canonized as "saints." 

The realistic book written in early 2000, after a swath of documents were unsealed, did kind of disappoint me at first.  I wanted to stay on the "cloud" of some essence of hysteria and hype.  Truth of John of the Cross' escape from imprisonment by his fellow priests and brothers for 9 months was not that an angel led him out, but rather was his praying and suffering and writing his poems all the while gaining the confidence of one of his "guards", and eventually got him to give him little bits of this and that by which he then was able to be let out for short time periods, and got cloths and sheets and secretively tied them together, and then planned his escape, and one dark night was able to escape in one of those times his guard "let down his guard" for just a few minutes.  (I know John of the Cross was helped by his guardian angel, Mary, and His Real Presence throughout this and many ordeals of his life from birth onward, of course!)  And John fully cooperated with his body, mind, heart and soul to live and die for His Real Presence.)

But the truth to me is better than fiction, for John of the Cross depended on His Real Presence and utilized any number of inner guidances in how to submit and to cooperate with his captors, to use his time well in prayer and suffering and writing his poems, and in picking up inspirations here and there to help him figure a way out of captivity--and none too soon for he was being starved to death. Those nine months shortened his life, and in some physical aspects he never fully recovered.

It is amazing that he later on submitted to another envious superior and another confrere in his religious order. But he maybe sensed within and was so in love with God, that his work on earth was not going to go much further, not with his health and not with his superior and confreres who once again resented him and caused him more ill health and his life.  He desired to go to God by that point! He was exultant!

All that he went through as a child, all very factual, and how he got his education, and even his tiny stature, and his creativity even in a sketch he drew that is beautiful--and writing out the wisdom of the spiritual life and how to grow toward union with His Real Presence--what he left for all of us who follow in our lives centuries later will have this great works of John of the Cross.  Just knowing how he was persecuted and mistreated by his own but how he escaped when he was given the opportunity and also used wisdom and inspirations God and his angel helped with, for it was not yet time for John's life on earth to be finished--these things help me immensely. 

John and Teresa of Avila were spiritual friends, and he was confessor to her sisters for only about 2-3 very momentous years--but that he and she were seen levitating while sitting in their chairs conversing about God--that is amazing and seems to validly have occurred, just as Teresa's heart was transverberated and proof is her heart in a jar to this day.  But the real miracle to me of these holy people is how they spiritually progressed in everyday life and never gave up, and truly they became like Paul said--not I who live but Christ lives in me.  

To mystics, the mystical experiences are helps along the way to give the person strength and endurance, and at times to help guide, and to give insights to share. But phenomenon do not cause the spiritual growth that persevering in suffering promotes, and in such as going into oneself to be honest with who we are-- we can be inspired in His Living Word.  We can discover that any of us can be hypocrites and frauds, and woe to us if we do not recognize our flaws and sins: overcome ourselves and fly above to do and be better, to love and live in His Real Presence and thus love and live among others as He does.

Love in His Love--and God bless His Real Presence in us!