Catholic Hermit: Encounter with Demon

I'm sharing this experience with a demon, as it at least was profound in what I learned and benefitted.  While a reader would need to be at least aware of or somewhat comfortable with supernatural realities, others may not be able.  Such experiences are not new in the realities of demons and how they can materialize or manifest in varying forms and ways, although probably their most clever disguises are in people's minds, words, and actions among us, in tangible signs and within situations.

I will describe this although it is not one of the more "dramatic" attempts of the devil in my lifetime.  Yet I learned much from it which I can apply to daily life and in my prayers and dealings with others and in circumstances.  In another blog post, I hope to describe the effects of sharing such numinous experiences with others, especially with Catholics as they tend to have more inhibiting filters in some ways, than others.  Or perhaps it has to do very much also with how entrenched are certain souls in the temporal as opposed to the spiritual.

Now the experience of a week ago Saturday.

The night before, I had realized that the Lord had allowed the awful "blockade" with a medical clinic with which I'd tried for three days to get a much-needed antibiotic but was too ill to go in person.  Yet the illness did not warrant an ambulance as most would take me to a hospital emergency room, and that would be ridiculous for a simple antibiotic.  The problem seemed to stem from a doctor I'd seen the previous Monday but who neglected to write down my symptoms nor that I asked if I should have an antibiotic then or wait.  She thought to wait a bit; they tend to want to make sure not a virus.

So I realized once the block was breached and with ease, then, I had the antibiotic by Friday night despite being extremely ill by then as the strep had gone untreated for three added days--yes, I realized the Lord had allowed the entire situation.  For one aspect, the doctor is the least likely to neglect making complete notes in a medical chart.

On Saturday morning I awoke, per usual, on my left side.  I can only sleep on that side due to back problems for sleeping on stomach or back, and the shoulder surgeries kept me from sleeping on right side.  There I was, on my left side, and I could not move to raise up.  Something was sitting on me; and I could tangibly sense someone on me and could "see" with inner sight, at first, that it was a youthful, smallish demon.  And I thought the demon was manifesting as a male, although we know that neither angels of light nor the dark, fallen angels, are actually male or female.  They can present themselves, though, in various forms, and any has a reason, a purpose for a visit as well as how they present themselves--and the latter depends upon the ability of the person in perceiving the numinous.

I then was able to physically turn my head slightly enough to see that instead of a male demon, it was a female demon (dark angel appearing as a young, small female).  With that, an insight came.  I had made an assumption, incorrect; it is not good to make assumptions.  Then also came the infusion of compassion and an understanding of purpose.  Not only had I made an incorrect assumption, but I had not considered caring or what good I could do, if there was something more to offer?  I actually felt compassion for that angel of darkness, and as it is in these situations in which infused thoughts are split-second or less, I had love and concern, and knew I could not only learn from the aspects of this demon preventing me from moving, but also could offer a sense of mercy, and even a "sense" or a "thought" is communication, and with God, that is prayer.

I noticed a mournful aspect in the demon's countenance (again, only manifested, but there it was--intended for me to notice as the entire episode was for a good purpose).  Immediately the smallish, female demon dematerialized and was gone.  I could fully move again.  I have long since not been bothered by the various types of demonic assault of this more corporeal form.  Rather, I tend to marvel at how God brings such positive in practical, temporal lessons as well as in lessons for my will, intellect, and understanding.

It was the utter mercy--the compassion that arose in me spontaneously--that caused the demon to depart.  I write "spontaneously" for it seemed not at all of my intellect or will that thought of having compassion and understanding for an angel of darkness--a devil!  That good came from the Holy Spirit; therein was a mercy-filled peace.  And it was the thought spontaneously arisen that even in this situation with the devil, there could be a good that I could offer, a purpose such as to pray and to compassionate with the unimaginable sorrow that would consume a fallen angel, damned for eternity.

Then I considered why God needed to have me experience this demon-paralysis.  Why did He need to get my attention like that?  Surely He knew I'd not be bothered as I've learned over the years to deal with such matters--yet always recognizing that the way in which they were dealt with came not from me but from the Holy Spirit.  So my dealing with the matters is in letting the Holy Spirit show me how, and this is done not by my own doing, either.  Yet, I allow it, such as times when in my inner sight and inner ability to act, a rosary would appear that I could grab without moving a bodily muscle, and holding it out to a demon, the demon would vanish.  Anyway, there are more examples but not needed to share now.

When I recognized the purpose for the demonic visitor, I could apply it to the current situation: the awful illness that was going to have me laid up much longer due to the neglect and dysfunction--ineptitude--of the medical clinic's staff.  Yet, when I saw the power to drive out a demon that could come by not making assumptions but rather by looking at (in my mind) the clinic staff and reflecting upon the various voices of persons I spoke to over the past few days to try to get them to realize I did need an antibiotic and could not physically come in to tell them my symptoms in person, I could see them from a merciful and compassionate point of view.  I could understand that plight of so many people who are very much anchored in the temporal rules and unable to adapt to the occasional situation that requires flexibility in their pattern or logic.

I could also grasp that the Lord wished for me to see in a way, how sorrowful, for they really did not know what they were doing, and the strep could easily cause permanent damage or more, untreated.  Or that they could not believe a patient with records to look back upon, who was not lying about having given the symptoms in person a couple days prior, and not the patient's fault the doctor failed to make notations.  So I could pray for these clinic human beings, and also to realize just as I had mistaken the demon as male instead of female, that I might also be limiting my prayers to medical circumstances in the clinic staff such as their abilities or jobs, but must more so consider praying for souls, and that someone there or several, have great needs in their temporal and spiritual lives, for both are melded even if we humans tend to ignore the spiritual which is immense compared to the portion of temporal.  

(I consider this as is said of the human brain--that we use but 10% of our brains and neglect the vastness of the other 90%.  So, too, do we neglect the vastness of the spiritual of which we will operate and exist fully after our earthly passing.)

With all lessons from God, and seemingly those intended to grab our attention such as a devil sitting on a person tends to do--but more so truly we have lessons in daily life that we tend to "miss"--there is always a test to come.  I was not expecting the test; as I am too distracted, I admit.  Yet the test came the next day.

I awoke with anger toward the clinic staff as I was still very ill and suffering, and I was realizing I'd not be able to do something the next weekend that I felt was a good thing to do, for someone other, a kindness involving some sacrifice on my part.  Ye, no doubt my angel and the Holy Spirit placed the insight within, and I knew I had already lapsed and needed to review the lesson.  Have understanding, compassion--show mercy and love--pray for those who did not realize what they were doing other than from their perspective and set regimen.  

(In general, it is a good thing that doctors do not dispense medications without knowing symptoms, but then there are cases in which discretion is needed, and wise flexibility.  They could have called the doctor the first day wherever she was and asked if I had mentioned my symptoms and asked for antibiotic.  But then, I'd not have had the experience nor the invaluable lessons gained.)

Well, I'm not a concise writer.  My sentences are too long.  I go into detail and repeat thoughts.  Yet I hope what is shared has some use for someone else even though I know, also from experience, that the experiences we have of God's power and grace never quite mean the same or are as profound to others as they are to us.

Consider Jesus, James, Peter, and John in today's Gospel reading for Mass: the Transfiguration of Jesus on Mt. Tabor.  It all occurred on a very tangible and temporal place, a mountain.  There were four human beings there, however with only one being the Man God, the Son of God, the Messiah.  Peter, James, and John each had different reactions to what they saw manifest before their eyes.  They each took with them different experiences, perhaps lessons learned, and no doubt mulled them later on, but were not able quite to glean all from what Jesus told them at the time. 

While the Transfiguration was what we might call a very positive experience as it showed the glory of God in Christ, it also has with it the darkness, the evil that would come later but was already woven into the salvation plan of Christ's suffering and death in reparation for our sins and to secure our salvation, our own transfiguration.

We are evolving souls, and with each experience whether it be something quite tangible or mystical, either way--we have the capability to have our souls transformed, and our souls include so many aspects of our beings.  I suppose the main aspect is for us to be open to whatever the Lord wills to teach us in whatever format and means.

Turn all in our lives to God Who Is Love and Mercy.  All then shall be good even if we might not see just how good and holy.

God bless His Real Presence in us. 

Braving, Battling Birds and Demons

There is a prize for anyone who can figure out where birds get into this hermitage!  Another one greeted this morning.  Perhaps it is the Lord reminding that He cares about the sparrow and certainly cares about us!  Not sure if the little sparrow is outside or not.  Have opened windows and doors, but then it tends to pop up in another area, yet inside.  So be it, little bird.

It has been 44 degrees inside here, and that with the heat pump going non-stop.  Yes, it finally got repaired only to have another power outage.  But this time when the power came back on after a few hours (cold ones, huddled in bed), the circuit board had not blown, thankfully.  It is just very cold.  The heat pump man came when called, and the heater is pumping out heat.  He thinks more insulation will help, and "button up the place."

There is nothing like physical discomfort to be either a motivating factor or a death-knell.  For this nothing Catholic hermit, it is a motivating factor for now.  Hustled as much as a cold, old, pained hermit can hustle, and got more insulation in the wall spaces.  

But it is not as easy as it may sound.  First all the rat feces, remains of nests, and cobwebs are to be swept from between studs.  Then steel wool is jammed down in crevices through which critters can squeeze themselves, amazingly squeeze themselves to find warmth.  Perhaps the cold in here is helping them not desire coming in so much?

Each piece of insulation is cut-to-fit the stud spaces of which no two are the same dimensions in this old domicile.  Woke up in the middle of the night to pain and also to the immediate thought:  Have to remove the insulation between all the studs and toe-nail in 2x4 blocks along the floor line.  Yes.  Surely my angel or some carpentry contractor in purgatory was sent to remind that one must have wood along the floor between studs to which the drywall and baseboards can be screwed and nailed.  

Most construction has what is called a base or toe-plate, a 2x4 that comprises the bottom of a wall.  the wall studs are nailed to the base plate and also to a top plate or ledger plate.  This old farmhouse simply has wall studs that run from the crawlspace to the top or ledger plate at roof.  The studs are 20' long and probably milled at an old lumber yard, early 1900's.

There is work to be done, and the bird of this morning is still not outside.  Saw him fluttering about in the next room.  Opened that window, but it flew downstairs.  Will deal with him later (a him due to the brighter feather coloring).  And will deal with removing insulation and nailing in the wood between studs once the body gets energized and focused enough to tackle the cold downstairs and outside where the power saw is upon its stand.

As to demons, have been battling them, and not as bravely as one would hope.  They attacked Saturday night and did not leave until Sunday night.  This hermit is sick and tired of the annoying spirits, inserting such dark thoughts into the mind and playing upon physical pain and weariness and emotional fatigue.  So decided to defrock the demons, so to speak.  Shame them out, shine the light on them, and enlist a couple of close spiritual friends to pray for this hermit in the thick of battle.

Just put it in writing to the friends, what are the dark thoughts, and how am tired of waking up to them in the wee hours, or having them descend with the dusk.  There is power in prayer; and there is power in laying bare the ugly thoughts that gain victory over us when we keep them held in.  Called the electrician, and said how overwhelmed in here with the cold and the discomforts, the work to be done and the dwindling funds.

He said anyone would be discouraged and overwhelmed with this place!  He said men would be, and men who were able-bodied, at that.  Told him how the other day decided to use the hammer he'd forgotten the last time he was here.  Laughed and said was used as a show of force and strength to get some work done! 

The main thing is to trust the Lord and simply keep going.  One must brave the elements and battle the demons.  Both are aspects of the eremitic life and tradition that are nothing new. 
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A friend sent a video that helped with fortitude and  with outing and routing the demons.  It was of a man who'd been atheist for 44 years and then converted to Coptic (Eastern Orthodox) monk.  He exudes humility in the video as he shares his challenges, of which a main one is the human loneliness and sense of isolation. 

Yes, of course he has God with him; but he mentioned the other monks were in their own culture, had their language, and their families who would visit now and then.  He does not speak their tongue; he has no immediate family living, and if so would be on the other side of the world.  This hermit put it in a fascinating context.  He said the other monks have it much harder because they deal with the demons of the senses as distractions.  They can converse, they can hear and understand, they are reminded of the world in these ways, plus through their family members who are alive and not far away.  

These distractions are needling attachments and cause the other hermit monks more difficulty in arriving at the inner attachments that then need to be revealed and removed.  So, despite how difficult it is for the hermit who is of a different culture and country, he considers himself blessed to have the outer attachments snipped by circumstances. 

Hearing the hermit monk speak of such loneliness and sense of isolation helped this nothing Catholic hermit immensely.  Instead of the challenges here being hardships, or the inner battles being somehow a signal of something wrong or the vocation a failure, it all made sense that all this is a gift.  Being stripped of much human interaction, being in such solitude, braving the elements and battling the demons are signs of progress in the spiritual life and in this eremitic vocation.

The hermit monk also mentioned some phases or categories of which St. John Climacus discusses in The Ladder of Divine Ascent.  There are three ways of the hermit monk.  The first is living in community in a monastery with people about and some level of interactions.  The second is living with two or three others.  The third is living in solitude.  The man in the video lived in solitude whereas others in his community lived in the monastery.


While examples could be given of the shifts God provides in hermit lives, with some living among others more than those living with just two or three, and yet other hermits living in relative isolation from people whether religious or not, God determines each hermit's course--and most often uses circumstances to let the hermit know his or her course.

For the hermit in the video, his mother's death was a factor, as well as a conversion experience while he was traveling the world.  How he ended up in the desert and as one of the monks associated with the monastery built where St. Anthony of the desert built his hut in the 3rd century, was not revealed in the video.  He was there, though, and had been a hermit monk for some years, and was of the solitary type of hermits (of the three general ways).

What impresses, though, is the hermit's humility in candor about his struggles and challenges (at the time of video being filmed).  While he faced mostly inner challenges, still, he said, memories could snag him the most and tempt him to think of external distractions.  When the other monks families visit, he knew they talked with each other; or at other times the monks talked among themselves.  He could feel very alone.  Then, God would remind him that the hermit was with Him, and that the sense of isolation provided God to fill the hermit in ways no other could.

It is true; it is so.  There is purpose for hermits who God takes along the path of stricter, perhaps strictest, separation from the world in silence and solitude, for greater praise of God and in prayer and penance.  Whatever the case for each hermit, we ought be thankful for whatever way God provides.

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Now to go downstairs and into the cold, and try to help the little bird find its way through the door which the hermit shall open for it.  And then, bundle more and measure, cut, and nail some 2x4's.  Praise God for His providence in courage to brave and battle the birds and the demons!  

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another (and all creatures) for God is Love!  Remain in His Love!

[As was finishing sharing, that little sparrow perched above on a coiled wire hanging from the ceiling.  Opened yet another window, but it disappeared in a hole in a wall in the other room.  Aha!  That is its little hermitage within this hermitage.  Eventually that wall will be gutted, and hopefully the bird will have flown out a window before more cold in here.  

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" Matthew 10:29-31.]