While I do not write as often, I think of you readers and also pray that all is well with you. I am yet very much striving in living out my consecrated Catholic hermit vows and vocation, albeit without as many distractions of what had been--to my horror when I added them up--13 years of responding to attacks by a most disagreeable person who cannot grasp the traditional and historical path of Catholic hermits.
I am ashamed that I got sucked into the debate involving legalism pertaining to the most beautiful and humbling of vocations, and simple in beauty and richness, that of a privately professed yet still very much Catholic and consecrated--not by a diocese or by a 1983 canon law, but by God Himself. I have since wondered what it was in me that would bother with such persons who are entrenched in that which is not God's law of love; but whatever, I wasted a lot of time, energy, and emotion reacting to that person, in essence and substance, via my own writing on my blog.
All that was a process by which the Lord taught me much, including of my own weakness in not simply extricating myself from such ugliness, which I eventually did--none too soon. That has been a pattern, I've realized, to stick with unhealthy relationships way beyond what is sensible and also not God's will. Was quite lusciously humbling that I'd allowed myself to not distance immediately; but what a lessons I learned! Praise You, Jesus!
Since I ceased that interaction, my life has been blessed with greater understanding of the richness of the early hermits as well as more recent ones, and the freedom in love of God and Scripture, of the simplicity of life in worship, praise, and love of God above all things and love of others as God loves.
This does not mean that one is not tempted nor even does not fall to temptation to get side-tracked by temporal matters and responsibilities as a religious solitary, a privately professed and consecrated Catholic hermit. But I simply do not dwell at all on what this is or think about my vocation consciously, not much at all. More, I live the life now in a deeper and more unencumbered way, as far as the system of dioceses and parishes, of human-created church laws, or canons, but more of the law of God and the Living Word, the Holy Scriptures, set forth. Living in the sense, and in striving to uphold what the Church has stated in written yet brief form of what is a hermit vocation in the Consecrated Life of the Catholic Church, has enriched this journey and freed me from what was, as one priest worded--what amounts to "shackles."
I also have benefitted from Masses celebrated around the world via internet, and last evening listened and watched one in the native language of Kerala State in India. Not understanding the meaning of the words, there was a depth and beauty as if listening to music of angels, and His Real Presence evident throughout the worship, the Scriptures, the consecration, the prayers. Something broke through my mind and heart to touch and enrich the soul.
As for daily life here in Solus Deus Hermitage (a house in subdivision but with a lovely common area behind with a tiny pond), I continue with the ora et labora made more feasibly by an interthecal pain pump surgery, now healed and able to eat a bit more than I had been for a few months. The knee surgery is past, yet I will have to go in now and then to have fluid drained and cortisone injected, and if I live long enough, a knee replacement is likely.
In the meantime, I am working on the kitchen remodel, and have had a time of it finding workers who are as they say, and have the background needed. But God provides, as always, regardless if other provisions come along by His grace. Finally there is a licensed and insured electrician on board; he is a few years older, and we do well with our shorter work times and slower efforts given our ages. It is about process and the experience and enjoyment of creating a living space that will be lovely for some family or whomever the Holy Family chooses to live here when I'm passed on or before, as I view the hermitages and my life as ever-passing and ever-moving onward and forward. The dwelling is not the focus but is part of the temporal vehicle for the eternal soul, much as are our bodies.
I see a lone mallard out int he grass following a heavy rain during the night. Tomorrow Jean Patrick is arriving for a few days--a break from his studies and hard work, now in his last year of nursing school. He helped me on the island place, and is my spiritual son by his choosing and God's provision. Yet I consider that I am the spiritual child in his joyful and Holy-Spirit-filled presence. He will help me with the manual labor--perhaps create beauty in the small yard, as he loves gardening as do I. It also is an opportunity for me to pay him and well, as he is paying his way through college. I love to hear of his life and struggles as a boy living in Haiti, and how three times in major ways there, God spared his life and brought him to this country. He will be but 25 years old this summer, but he's an old soul. This I know.
After some stressful dealings with a couple of workers, the neighbor man and his son are willing to just come over when they are able and I have need--a hermit remains quite flexible in temporal matters--to do the lifting such as the 2x12" 16-foot long boards which are comprising the window header beam. I have had to redo this beam due to learning more from Craig who continues to coach me on the phone from another state. A wall I thought was load-bearing turns out is not, so the wall of windows in the kitchen that looks out to the beauty of the common area, can have the final window mullioned in with the others, and a header beam all the way across and into the opened up next room.
In this project, compared to past one, I find myself making many more errors that need correction. The Lord is teaching me patience plus to not react much other than perhaps a word of "nitwit" to myself, or "You certainly love to create more work by making these errors!" The latest error is one that I had done correctly with the height of a half-wall between kitchen and dining, but thought it wrong so rebuilt it, only to realizing I need to revert it to how I'd first built it!
All these carpentry and construction and plumbing efforts have spiritual lessons in them and spiritual allegories and metaphors. Often I also find myself asking Jesus and St. Joseph for help, reminding that they were carpenters and stone masons. The entire hermitage and the manual labor within and without, are dedicated to the Holy Family. Each room is dedicated, and Jean Patrick will be sleeping in the Angels' Room--the only one with a bed besides the Resurrection Room where I sleep and rest my painful back.
The intrathecal pump does not take away the upper back pain, and the pain doctor is yet adjusting over time the medication release. All is done via computer--the pump operational aspects. It is truly amazing. I find that technology is a reminder of the mystery of God and the spiritual life ever present but not always understandable nor noticed, nor thought about consciously. But the Trinity remains ever present and guiding us, and attempting to communicate and desiring us to communicate, love, and praise the Three-In-One: God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. And then are the angels and the saints of which the Virgin Mary, the Theotokos--Mother of God and of the Church--always present, communicating with and loving us, as are all the souls on the other side, in eternity of Heaven or any progression therein.
Praise be to God! Thanks be to Jesus! Hallelujah to the Holy Spirit! Bless be All of God and All in God!
We progress onward and forward despite our sins and failings, in humility, patience, continued self-acknowledgement of what we are and Who God Is. We are nothing to His All, yet we are that which He loves very much and desires our love and union with Him forever.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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