Been confronted with events and situations, including those of others, in which I am pondering what is the worth and value of some or most temporal battles. Of course, I view this from my vocational standpoint as a consecrated Catholic hermit, espoused to Christ, and also as an imperfect human being in this pained body, in this temporal realm, yet a mystic with heart and soul intended for the mystical realm.
Had a raging spinal headache yesterday, on the heals of going into civilization to a knee specialist. (Still dealing with the pain from the smackdown fall on concrete nearly two weeks ago.) At the appointment, x-rays of the knee, specifically were taken, despite my mentioning the ER took x-rays of the leg from just above knee down. Nothing broken; my pain is coming from within the knee as well as a nerve pain "hot spot" near a very large fully numb area on the leg.
As it ended up, I did not see the specialist but rather a physician's assistant, rather young, and the visit became problematic when I mentioned the low dose pain medication I'm on and have been for several years. The PA had a most false notion and expressed it; and I kept my tongue as I was not prepared for the ignorance yet again, of research. No lived experience with higher level intractable pain for years, and not much medical experience, and the equivalent of a Master's degree, if that. And obviously she had not read the abstracts of research in which what she was convinced, is simply not supported by various studies and deals with a different sample group.
But it was upsetting, for she had assumed wrongly of me, and it happens often these days when it comes to medical practitioners not necessarily knowing the meds nor the side effects, or have false ideas about, especially, pain medications. I had not gone there for that; I am concerned about my knee, as it is interfering with my efforts to keep on here, trying to finish, as well as to determine if there is something longer term with my leg.
Later in the day, as the spinal headache increased to the point that I could not physically function by the time I returned to Te Deum Hermitage, I checked email and an area site in which people mostly post items to sell. This time, on that site, someone had posted photos of another person's car which was parked partly sideways in a handicap parking space and taking up part of another space. People in the store knew which customer, and others notified the deputy who arrived but after the customer had left, finished with his shopping.
But the comments continued on the site, with people becoming increasingly rude, nasty, vindictive, and impassioned in negative and forceful thoughts. One person pointed out that this is not who we should be, and to keep it in perspective. Was a mistake with a parking space, odd though the car was parked, and the proper authorities were contacted and would talk with the man and perhaps give a warning ticket or a ticket with fine requiring payment.
Yet the people commenting then attacked the person who was trying to bring the nasty tenor of the comments to a recognition point--to remind that it was getting out of hand and unreasonably mean-spirited. I rarely comment on such matters, but I supported the person trying to bring people to seek the high road, and of course as a Catholic hermit, I included mention of handling matters as Christ would, but through example, perhaps subtle teaching without causing irritation to those who are not prone to Christianity nor religion at all.
This was a distraction from the sickening headache, and also allowed my soul to ponder love and kindness, and being supportive of the other who was being attacked for doing right, for speaking up, pointing out the wrongs of public shaming to such a negative degree (or at all, as I mentioned we never know why someone makes a mistake, nor how one will react to such public shaming over making a mistake in parking in an odd way in a handicap spot and another spot.)
One or two major attackers then attacked me, of which I simply responded with kindness and sound reason, still supporting a charitable approach and one of understanding, as well as defending the person who had the initial courage to try to put a stop to the "devilry"--as it was coming to that if not already had.
I suppose had I not been so ill with the spinal headache that I was seeking any diversion to help cope, I'd not have responded at all. There have been numerous such postings on that site, where people then get carried away in negatively attacking and public shaming someone who's made an error. It is like the chickens who try to peck to death one among the flock who is at disadvantage.
By morning, the moderator had thankfully removed the entire posting and all the many, increasingly vicious comments and inter-commenter attacks, as well. It was mentioned that the person who parked like that is himself elderly and going through a very rough time recently. Yet, some of the commenters continued on, not caring, and declaring public shaming the way to approach those who do wrong in their midst.
Well, there are many battles in this temporal realm that are not worth fighting. Today I prayed for the one woman, handicapped herself, who had an impassioned vengeance and took it on as her duty and obsession to confront and attack and report anyone who parked his or her vehicle in a handicap spot if they did not have a placard or license plate designating them as handicapped. She did it no matter where she'd be, and if she could verbally assault the person, in person, she felt it even more successful to stop this heinous problem.
So she was and is focused on this as her life's work. I wondered about her own suffering to carry such a vengeful sense within her in trying to right the wrongs of the many who park in handicap spots, out of the thousands who do not do so. What good is all that fire and fury within, to her health? She views it as a terrible wrong for someone to want to go shopping or otherwise, and not be able to park close, causing inconvenience and she expressed--also can be life or death for the person if trying to pick up prescriptions from a pharmacy. So in her passion, this her mission, is of high importance.
I thought about the several times I've tried to explain the facts of pain medications as well as the misconceptions and falsehoods. While perhaps in a handful--most likely less than that!--I have made some sense to them, but most often if there is education to be gained on the topic, it has come through the other or others having some terrible ailment or someone close to them, and thus they learn for themselves about the difference between those who take pain medications who do not have pain or who desire a high and become addicted, and those who are responsible but genuinely benefit for the very qualities for which the medication has proven to be beneficial for a very long time.
I'm not going to win the battle; and I don't think it is my mission nor even much a part of the teaching or witnessing I'm to be doing in my life. For one thing, the more one tries to present facts and research, a medical practitioner might all the more decide to dig in and be convinced of errant facts. They aren't used to patients knowing the meds, the side effects, nor the research. But patients often do know--particularly those who have lived with some affliction for some decades and who keep up with potential treatments and new medications in trial and development phases--as well as follow up with side effects that often cause more problems than the simple and older medications.
In trying to finish this place, I've been thrust more into the temporal world especially back when I had money enough to hire those with contractor "licenses". I found out that many people in the area have these licenses or have business cards printed out stating they do. But most of them were not as they purported; or other problems would develop such as the major hassle with the bad kitchen cabinets being sold knowingly, and battling two years to get the wrong righted.
That was a battle that needed to be fought simply because it was a major wrong that an employee did, and also the cost of the cabinets, for faulty ones, was reducing my finances in ways not supportive of truth nor justice.
Yet I did not like the battle. I did not want to fight it, I was wearied of the ordeal. That is the way of it in this phase of five years--and how I am now discerning the battle with medical practitioners who will cause more harm if I don't research anything they suggest prescribing, or if I let them be convinced of some wrong notion of pain medication--if, and only if, their ignorance is going to adversely affect my medical care, such as the other day. So if my knee is not better in a month, then they will do an MRI. Why not one now, and be done with it either way?
I'm really not interested in temporal battles. Not even most medical ones involving tenaciously held misconceptions. I don't have any temporal "cause" that I am called to right the wrongs. My purpose is to glorify God, and my motto is to "just adore Him." He has given me my heavenly name, over two decades ago. If I think about it, and the meaning, I am reminded of my path; and it is not the temporal sledge.
It seems as if all the more, though, there are obstacles in my efforts to finish the place. One such obstacle was an error I made in not factoring in the width of the risers that will go on top of the stair treads, to the back. So I ripped 13 treads down 7/8", and thankfully kept the scraps to each tread. I needed to trim off 3/16" from the scrap 1" pieces I'd cut off, sand and finish the wood with wood conditioner and several coats of clear Varathane. Now I am one-by-one gluing and clamping those cut pieces back to each stair tread.
Mea culpa!
But in other ways, the obstacles are coming from odd situations such as the unexpected fall at a store that would be the last anyone would think would have a negligence obstacle, causing a customer injury. In all my years, I've never had any incident at any store or business. This was as if it came out of nowhere.
Well, I have an inner reason why that happened and the other obstacles especially in the past couple of months, seemingly forces trying to prevent me from finishing, selling, and entering into yet a new phase of my Catholic hermit existence. But I might write about this in some future blog post. I'm dealing with it within, mystically, and I've written to my spiritual father for his input and prayers, as well.
But as for discerning temporal battles, I'm at a point in which there would be few if even one or two, that I would find worth battling. I'm just at that point in my vocation and spiritual life, that there is not much worth battling in comparison to the efforts in the spiritual witness and the spiritual battles that come along for me and for others.
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