[Apologies that this is quite lengthy and perhaps in some ways repetitive, but it is a contemporary depiction of one consecrated Catholic's temporal situation with temporally-caused yet God-allowed physical suffering. It also is becoming a national talking point with real-life ramifications for not only those who are opioid addicts and abusers, but for those with legitimate pain, and what the latter must contend with now and going forward. All the more, this hermit must rely on the Lord for miracles in enduring and persevering, and to be willing to accept yet more suffering. I am hoping that a family member who is with a national news organization will present the other side of the reality, and educate the population which might also remind medical providers, of what will be ramifications for what is unfolding as unnecessary and actually cruel suffering--especially for those without high pain tolerance or perhaps more importantly a spiritual connection with God to endure high levels of physical pain. This is all part of my hermit existence, my eremitical journey, my life in the temporal world and my existence as well in the spiritual and mystical realms.]
My higher level back pain continues to fatigue and cause debilitating nausea. This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has had to return to taking what low-dose pain meds I have remaining, on regular basis, as a result. Even so, on some days the pain is too much and radiates through to the stomach and intestines, regardless.
I had an appointment scheduled to see the nurse practitioner of the practice I'd gone to a year ago this month and after for a couple months or so, for the now-requirements to meet in order to be allowed even lowest dose pain medication, even if one has medical records and never any increase in dose over time.
Last spring when the weather shifted to fewer pressure fronts and lower humidity, I went off the pain meds, on my own. I did this with the result of increased fatigue and less productivity and quality of life; but in another sense, I gained freedom from the increasing medical hassles involving these medications. Freedom is worth much and can offset some aspects of pain itself.
Yet, November 2 the weather shifted, and I had a lengthy pain siege and the onset of this wretched, debilitating nausea from the back pain radiating through to digestive tract. For twenty-five days, I could not function other than to get water to drink, microwave some bagged, salty popcorn, and grange eat whatever simple, when the nausea would tolerate.
Well, finally I had enough lucidity one afternoon in a temporary lessening of pain to realize I needed to return to taking the pain meds, of which I had some left from stopping last spring. Within two doses, I was able to get up, the dark thoughts I'd been battling disappeared, and I was able to shim and install center-opening closet doors. Victory!
Then came the day to travel to the medical practice in civilization. Yesterday. But two hours or less before I needed to leave the hermitage, someone from that practice called. I will not go into the untruths they concocted--for who knows what purpose other than to discourage me from coming to the appointment. There were ridiculous notions about Medicare not paying them since they said their nurse practitioner was not on my card, of which I dug out my card and only my name on it, of course, and said so into the phone.... That was just one of several odd claims.
Three times I was put "on hold" while the phone person went to consult with presumably the nurse practitioner. Then back on the phone with yet another bizarre ruse and obstacle. Another one was that since another doctor's name was listed as my primary doctor at the pharmacy, of which I'd started patronizing over two years ago, when that doctor was still in practice, but I pointed out when I came to this medical practice a year ago, there was no problem at all with their receiving payment from Medicare and also no conflict with the other doctor listed at the pharmacy for the several times I'd been to their practice or their urgent care.
So strange. I'd forgotten that the pharmacy had asked back then who was the primary physician, whose practice went out 18 months ago.
Then I was told that even if I did keep the appointment, they would require that I go through another "pain evaluation" of which I went through that ten months ago and paid a high fee for it, to boot. The "pain evaluation" consisted of my placing x's on a basic outline of a human body, front and back, to mark where I have pain. My left arm did not have x's on it....
And then, I was told that even with the pain evaluation repeated, they likely would not refill my pain meds (which have been found to be the only type that takes the edge off the pain and does not have side effects for me, not to mention is inexpensive). All other alternatives I've tried have had awful side effects resulting in my having to immediately get off, and they were very costly and did not take even an edge off the pain.
There are more issues with the two doctors and two nurse practitioners at this facility, of which I had to research the other medications they'd want me to try, prior to buying them; and each time I'd discover either the medications were of the same chemical family that had adverse side effects--of which I had told the doctor; or were not covered by my insurance because they should not be prescribed for persons over a certain age; or they were not to be prescribed for what I needed to be corrected, including one medication to help me sleep. That one caused sleeplessness, and another had a life of four hours so it could help one fall asleep but not to stay asleep. Ataying asleep was my problem because the pain wakes me up in middle of night as the headache somehow increases in intensity during the night.
I was asked again if I still wanted the appointment.... I declined for I asked why would I do all that sitting and driving when I am nauseated from pain that day, pay again for a ridiculously priced "pain evaluation", only to be not given the low dose of medication that actually helps without side effects, and have a nurse practitioner want to experiment on me with other medications, when I have tried all they had to offer or else could not take them due to side effects or not to be prescribed to my age group?
The whole conversation was, in the end, ludicrous. Early on in it, after pointing out one of their obstacles was not founded in truth and proved it, I did suggest that if the nurse practitioner would prefer not having me as a patient, to just say so. But no, they did not want to do that. Odd, the whole thing, because one year ago there was no issue with prescribing refills for the pain medication I'd been on for a long time, no problem seeing me and being paid by Medicare.
But there is one difference, and that is the current climate and increasing shut down of pain medications even for those people who have documented, legitimate pain and who have had corrective surgery, physical therapy, counseling for pain management, and have tried any new medication out there to no avail.
What not having my pain medications refilled means that when I run out of what I have left over, I will not be able to function even moderately as I have done since taking them again. 'Tis far better to be up part of the day and able to be mobile, as back patients decline if in bed more than three or four days. I had been down for over three weeks. Would either start to faint from the pain if I tried to stand to paint some trim, or the nausea would be so limiting that I'd have to be down flat.
I am facing being bed-ridden (and for me that is floor-ridden since the mattress I'd gotten was too soft and made the situation even worse). And I am facing on-going battle of dark thoughts for too much pain makes the mind and emotions unable to cope, to think clearly, or the mind wants to be out of the severe suffering that death is longed for, right then.
(I recall reading in a letter St. Therese wrote when confined to her bed of suffering, that if her medication bottle were to be left on the bed stand, she'd be too tempted to take the pills and die. And then there is shared suffering of Ven. Liebermann who was afflicted with epilepsy, and he confided his suicidal thoughts that he battled for several years prior to his--thankfully so--natural death after yet more suffering. And I've often wondered what Jesus was praying and thinking when in Gethsemane and also on the cross, for we are told of just a few prayers and statements, but there would have had to be far more in the length of time He suffered until his merciful and freeing death.)
Well, this situation of what I could consider to be unnecessary suffering, has one more option to keep it from being unnecessary. I have an appointment with a doctor in another medical practice, of which none of the other doctors will prescribe pain medications. (So many doctors do not want to deal with it because of the increasing societal fear by media-driven stories of those who do abuse and would snort nutmeg or whatever to get "high", or the increasing government regulations--all of which are going to painful extremes, these days.)
I have no idea if this doctor will provide a refill or enough--at least until the weather returns to fewer pressure shifts and lowered humidity and/or I can finish and sell and go where the conditions will hopefully be better for a spine full of arthritis. The pain-ridden back and neck have worsened with age from a surgery 30 years gone awry and requiring a life-saving second surgery--16 hours of surgery in 18 hours' time period.
It has come to a point in which it is most difficult to be prescribed even the lowest dose of pain medication, and people in general hold ignorant opinions of those who take pain medications. Even those close to someone who needs pain medication can hold uncharitable opinions and don't hesitate to offer them. Yet if they had a day of such pain, they'd be wanting any relief, themselves.
Those with legitimate, intractable, chronic and higher level pain are facing a dilemma. My surgeon years ago, as well as a neurosurgeon, explained when I was fearful of taking pain medication before and after surgery, that those with legitimate pain will find that the medication is absorbed by the body and utilized to subdue the pain. They reassured me I would not be addicted, but yes, a person with intractable pain becomes dependent on relief just as someone with diabetes is dependent upon insulin.
Plus, if a person does not have an addictive personality, that is another safe-guard compared to those who do not need pain meds for bodily pain. (They might have emotional or psychological pain and thus wanting a "high"). Mayo Clinic explains regarding those with legitimate and those without, if one feels a sensation of being "high" one will know they do not need pain medication or that amount, at least.
I've never felt "high". I was trained long ago to realize that I will always have pain, and plenty of it; but when it gets to a point as I age that I cannot mentally or emotionally cope with the level of pain, the medication will reduce the pain sensations slightly. Thus, a problem arises for some patients such as those post-operative, who keep wanting more because they think it will take away all their pain. They do not help themselves by thinking thus; they must accept after all has been surgically done for them, after physical and psychological therapy has done all it can, that they are not going to be pain-free. It does not work that way; wanting increasingly more pain medication in those instances is the road to being over-medicated and still pain will remain.
I have been asking the Lord, "What is going on? What is He doing?" If this final doctor will not provide a refill or more to give me time to finish up here, to get my body into better weather conditions and ultimately to sell and move to a more helpful climate--why must I suffer seemingly unnecessarily? My spine and thus pain are only going to get worse with every passing year. Surgeons and neurologists said that years ago, despite my determination to do all to keep me from that reality. And I did not take pain medications for 25 years other than when in a pain siege, in which I'd early on be given an injection of morphine that would knock me out for a day or more and then suffer the remainder with pain medications until rested enough and pain lowered enough that I could get up and be on top of the pain--rather than pain on top of me.
But then for several years after having moved to another location, and doctors did not grasp the severity of the pain, it took quite awhile for one of them to realize on a more personal level, the extent of the pain sieges. And the Lord gave me a locution one night, prior to my conversion to Catholicism, and it was simple, "Mortification." I suffered tremendously through repeated pain sieges, and more than that, my young children suffered by living with a single parent who was in agony as well as in bed for days at a time, over and over, and they had to carry forth, get themselves up and off to school.
Since my life is a struggle with the pain limitations as it is; and I now will need additional supernatural and miraculous abilities to manage this level of pain, especially if without the low dose pain meds to help take an "edge" off. I would like the chance to build up the brain's endorphins; and being too ill to get up and keep active counters back pain management efforts.
And what I know to be true, is that I am not at all alone in this societal and medical climate of extremism in the opposite direction when it comes to pain medications. Just the other day I was told of a mother of teenagers who "accidentally overdosed" from pain medication. She had survived cancer; I do not know more, but either she did take some pain medication with some incompatible other medication, unwittingly, or there was a hopelessness in her life that she could not bear, or there was residual pain that was more than she could handle. I do not know; but those without high degree of intractable pain would only see it as yet another reason to not prescribe pain medications to anyone.
While for me, it does seem unnecessary suffering to be denied pharmaceutical help when I have never abused medication and have learned various means to manage pain. (A doctor from my distant pass who lives where I lived at the time before and after surgery, told me I had an amazingly low dose of medication considering the pain level I had 30 years ago. And I'd rather keep it like that, limit my life somewhat but not totally, for who except addicts really want to have to be tied to pain medication--especially given the hassles along with it?
I'm going to put off the hand surgery, at least for now. The couple who bring me Holy Communion once a week told me of a relative who had a badly broken wrist. The surgeon gave her 10 pills of the lowest dose of pain medication, and that was to handle the pain for five days until her surgery. She could not endure the raw pain and had to take double, so only had five "doses" that barely got her through a little over a day. Thankfully her surgery was moved up three days. But the inhumanity of prescribing ten low-dose pills for an older person in extreme pain--and who was not used to pain--seems harsh if not unwise! Blood pressure raises with pain, heart rate rises. Not good. Strokes cn occur, or cardiac arrest which is what happened to me in recovery room years ago because the rods were not bent properly, and the pain caused massive heart attack. And besides too high of pain, the mind and emotions find it difficult to endure, especially for those not used to pain such as the elderly woman with badly broken wrist.
Regardless, I am concerned that I will not be given adequate pain relief with a hand surgery, on top of my back pain that is at least for now too high. The hand surgery is a four-month recovery; and the severity of my recent, lengthy back pain siege is topping off what I have the ability to handle. I wait in faith for the Lord, and if at all possible to be able to learn to be to function with the higher level of pain which might be the new normal. I will need to be able to manage yet more pain increasingly as I age.
It seems unnecessary to have added suffering when there is helpful medication, even if others who do not have pain have made a mess of matters by taking medication they do not need. The extremism in another aspect is a different type of crisis, and will become over time, more so. I doubt in my lifetime there will be a return to reason and balance, or for truly effective medications to be developed that do not have a host of side effects such as most newly created medications have in addition to not lengthy time periods of trial patient usage. Some medications that I tried years ago that had been developed and touted as helping pain, have been removed from the market. One was found to be devastating for the liver.
So I am praying about what the Lord has in His Mind with all this. Yes, seems an unnecessary suffering to be now snagged in this situation, let alone to face suffering without even slight relief. The Lord will be my light and guide. I will try to have the courage to persevere and endure what otherwise could be handled reasonably, with compassion. It is not as if I have ever been irresponsible or not fully trust worthy. I'm not an addict or dealer, for pity's sake.
For sure, though, I am one of thousands of suffers who've not improved after accidents and surgeries, and for whom all has been tried and found either ineffective or detrimental. Even though medications are tested, they are not tracked for years to see their long-range effectiveness and/or dangerous side effects. A newly touted pain med that was tried on me several years ago caused all-night seizures. Terrible, frightening, and life-threatening, it was! At the time, the pharmaceutical company advertised it as non-addictive. Wrong. But doctors were prescribing (and still do) as preferred to the old pain medications, although it was also extremely costly. People who used it wrote on forums calling it "The Devil Drug" and warning people to not take it if prescribed, for it was indeed highly addictive, with bad side effects, and worse than heroin withdrawals, they said, if one stops taking it. Now, a few years later, that recent drug is listed as a "scheduled" medication. Still has terrible side effects.
I agree that something must be done about those persons who are addicted to pain medications--young people who get started due to partying with friends, or those seeking a "high" for the sake of a drugged sensation, or those who have emotional problems for which they want a "high" to escape those problems, real and awful as they may be.
But yes, it does seem unnecessary suffering, to be effectively penalized due to the abuse of medications by others. I'm sure the Lord is allowing this situation for those many who are caused unnecessary suffering, for a reason. It is humbling, for one thing; and it is making me to endure in aspects I'd never dream I'd have to endure. It is requiring of me more faith than I think I have, more courage, and also to accept whatever God allows or does not allow.
I do hope a medication is developed that people will not be able to corrupt and turn into some kind of dangerous street drug to sell to addicts, and that the medication really does subdue pain and also does not have terrible side effects to other organs of the body, including the brain.
Suffering constant physical pain is quite a journey and a relevant concern; and there is no real means to educate others to not penalize those of us who do not have unrealistic expectations of a medication and who do not abuse or want increasingly higher doses. And another problem for which I must pray, is that medical practitioners have some experience with suffering, themselves, or enough insights into pain patients. For our quality of life is being determined in some real aspects, by medical practitioners who have not experienced, for the most part, or can fathom, long-standing, higher levels of pain.
It is amazing how God does bring a hermit to the world and the world to the hermit, in real and vital ways--such as pain! Yes, so much to pray about, and in this one, I am far from alone with what is going to be quite an unnecessary suffering for many, many legitimate sufferers, and whose pain escalates with age. And the reality is, also, that at any present moment, someone who has not had to deal with the extremism of the across-the-board current reaction in how to handle pain medications, will find him- or herself a rest-of-life pain victim. Then there will be more who will need to somehow endure unnecessary levels of human suffering by the decisions of medical personnel, when a high level could be at least lessened.
Some things just are. Pain is, people in the world are as is , and God Is.
My higher level back pain continues to fatigue and cause debilitating nausea. This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has had to return to taking what low-dose pain meds I have remaining, on regular basis, as a result. Even so, on some days the pain is too much and radiates through to the stomach and intestines, regardless.
I had an appointment scheduled to see the nurse practitioner of the practice I'd gone to a year ago this month and after for a couple months or so, for the now-requirements to meet in order to be allowed even lowest dose pain medication, even if one has medical records and never any increase in dose over time.
Last spring when the weather shifted to fewer pressure fronts and lower humidity, I went off the pain meds, on my own. I did this with the result of increased fatigue and less productivity and quality of life; but in another sense, I gained freedom from the increasing medical hassles involving these medications. Freedom is worth much and can offset some aspects of pain itself.
Yet, November 2 the weather shifted, and I had a lengthy pain siege and the onset of this wretched, debilitating nausea from the back pain radiating through to digestive tract. For twenty-five days, I could not function other than to get water to drink, microwave some bagged, salty popcorn, and grange eat whatever simple, when the nausea would tolerate.
Well, finally I had enough lucidity one afternoon in a temporary lessening of pain to realize I needed to return to taking the pain meds, of which I had some left from stopping last spring. Within two doses, I was able to get up, the dark thoughts I'd been battling disappeared, and I was able to shim and install center-opening closet doors. Victory!
Then came the day to travel to the medical practice in civilization. Yesterday. But two hours or less before I needed to leave the hermitage, someone from that practice called. I will not go into the untruths they concocted--for who knows what purpose other than to discourage me from coming to the appointment. There were ridiculous notions about Medicare not paying them since they said their nurse practitioner was not on my card, of which I dug out my card and only my name on it, of course, and said so into the phone.... That was just one of several odd claims.
Three times I was put "on hold" while the phone person went to consult with presumably the nurse practitioner. Then back on the phone with yet another bizarre ruse and obstacle. Another one was that since another doctor's name was listed as my primary doctor at the pharmacy, of which I'd started patronizing over two years ago, when that doctor was still in practice, but I pointed out when I came to this medical practice a year ago, there was no problem at all with their receiving payment from Medicare and also no conflict with the other doctor listed at the pharmacy for the several times I'd been to their practice or their urgent care.
So strange. I'd forgotten that the pharmacy had asked back then who was the primary physician, whose practice went out 18 months ago.
Then I was told that even if I did keep the appointment, they would require that I go through another "pain evaluation" of which I went through that ten months ago and paid a high fee for it, to boot. The "pain evaluation" consisted of my placing x's on a basic outline of a human body, front and back, to mark where I have pain. My left arm did not have x's on it....
And then, I was told that even with the pain evaluation repeated, they likely would not refill my pain meds (which have been found to be the only type that takes the edge off the pain and does not have side effects for me, not to mention is inexpensive). All other alternatives I've tried have had awful side effects resulting in my having to immediately get off, and they were very costly and did not take even an edge off the pain.
There are more issues with the two doctors and two nurse practitioners at this facility, of which I had to research the other medications they'd want me to try, prior to buying them; and each time I'd discover either the medications were of the same chemical family that had adverse side effects--of which I had told the doctor; or were not covered by my insurance because they should not be prescribed for persons over a certain age; or they were not to be prescribed for what I needed to be corrected, including one medication to help me sleep. That one caused sleeplessness, and another had a life of four hours so it could help one fall asleep but not to stay asleep. Ataying asleep was my problem because the pain wakes me up in middle of night as the headache somehow increases in intensity during the night.
I was asked again if I still wanted the appointment.... I declined for I asked why would I do all that sitting and driving when I am nauseated from pain that day, pay again for a ridiculously priced "pain evaluation", only to be not given the low dose of medication that actually helps without side effects, and have a nurse practitioner want to experiment on me with other medications, when I have tried all they had to offer or else could not take them due to side effects or not to be prescribed to my age group?
The whole conversation was, in the end, ludicrous. Early on in it, after pointing out one of their obstacles was not founded in truth and proved it, I did suggest that if the nurse practitioner would prefer not having me as a patient, to just say so. But no, they did not want to do that. Odd, the whole thing, because one year ago there was no issue with prescribing refills for the pain medication I'd been on for a long time, no problem seeing me and being paid by Medicare.
But there is one difference, and that is the current climate and increasing shut down of pain medications even for those people who have documented, legitimate pain and who have had corrective surgery, physical therapy, counseling for pain management, and have tried any new medication out there to no avail.
What not having my pain medications refilled means that when I run out of what I have left over, I will not be able to function even moderately as I have done since taking them again. 'Tis far better to be up part of the day and able to be mobile, as back patients decline if in bed more than three or four days. I had been down for over three weeks. Would either start to faint from the pain if I tried to stand to paint some trim, or the nausea would be so limiting that I'd have to be down flat.
I am facing being bed-ridden (and for me that is floor-ridden since the mattress I'd gotten was too soft and made the situation even worse). And I am facing on-going battle of dark thoughts for too much pain makes the mind and emotions unable to cope, to think clearly, or the mind wants to be out of the severe suffering that death is longed for, right then.
(I recall reading in a letter St. Therese wrote when confined to her bed of suffering, that if her medication bottle were to be left on the bed stand, she'd be too tempted to take the pills and die. And then there is shared suffering of Ven. Liebermann who was afflicted with epilepsy, and he confided his suicidal thoughts that he battled for several years prior to his--thankfully so--natural death after yet more suffering. And I've often wondered what Jesus was praying and thinking when in Gethsemane and also on the cross, for we are told of just a few prayers and statements, but there would have had to be far more in the length of time He suffered until his merciful and freeing death.)
Well, this situation of what I could consider to be unnecessary suffering, has one more option to keep it from being unnecessary. I have an appointment with a doctor in another medical practice, of which none of the other doctors will prescribe pain medications. (So many doctors do not want to deal with it because of the increasing societal fear by media-driven stories of those who do abuse and would snort nutmeg or whatever to get "high", or the increasing government regulations--all of which are going to painful extremes, these days.)
I have no idea if this doctor will provide a refill or enough--at least until the weather returns to fewer pressure shifts and lowered humidity and/or I can finish and sell and go where the conditions will hopefully be better for a spine full of arthritis. The pain-ridden back and neck have worsened with age from a surgery 30 years gone awry and requiring a life-saving second surgery--16 hours of surgery in 18 hours' time period.
It has come to a point in which it is most difficult to be prescribed even the lowest dose of pain medication, and people in general hold ignorant opinions of those who take pain medications. Even those close to someone who needs pain medication can hold uncharitable opinions and don't hesitate to offer them. Yet if they had a day of such pain, they'd be wanting any relief, themselves.
Those with legitimate, intractable, chronic and higher level pain are facing a dilemma. My surgeon years ago, as well as a neurosurgeon, explained when I was fearful of taking pain medication before and after surgery, that those with legitimate pain will find that the medication is absorbed by the body and utilized to subdue the pain. They reassured me I would not be addicted, but yes, a person with intractable pain becomes dependent on relief just as someone with diabetes is dependent upon insulin.
Plus, if a person does not have an addictive personality, that is another safe-guard compared to those who do not need pain meds for bodily pain. (They might have emotional or psychological pain and thus wanting a "high"). Mayo Clinic explains regarding those with legitimate and those without, if one feels a sensation of being "high" one will know they do not need pain medication or that amount, at least.
I've never felt "high". I was trained long ago to realize that I will always have pain, and plenty of it; but when it gets to a point as I age that I cannot mentally or emotionally cope with the level of pain, the medication will reduce the pain sensations slightly. Thus, a problem arises for some patients such as those post-operative, who keep wanting more because they think it will take away all their pain. They do not help themselves by thinking thus; they must accept after all has been surgically done for them, after physical and psychological therapy has done all it can, that they are not going to be pain-free. It does not work that way; wanting increasingly more pain medication in those instances is the road to being over-medicated and still pain will remain.
I have been asking the Lord, "What is going on? What is He doing?" If this final doctor will not provide a refill or more to give me time to finish up here, to get my body into better weather conditions and ultimately to sell and move to a more helpful climate--why must I suffer seemingly unnecessarily? My spine and thus pain are only going to get worse with every passing year. Surgeons and neurologists said that years ago, despite my determination to do all to keep me from that reality. And I did not take pain medications for 25 years other than when in a pain siege, in which I'd early on be given an injection of morphine that would knock me out for a day or more and then suffer the remainder with pain medications until rested enough and pain lowered enough that I could get up and be on top of the pain--rather than pain on top of me.
But then for several years after having moved to another location, and doctors did not grasp the severity of the pain, it took quite awhile for one of them to realize on a more personal level, the extent of the pain sieges. And the Lord gave me a locution one night, prior to my conversion to Catholicism, and it was simple, "Mortification." I suffered tremendously through repeated pain sieges, and more than that, my young children suffered by living with a single parent who was in agony as well as in bed for days at a time, over and over, and they had to carry forth, get themselves up and off to school.
Since my life is a struggle with the pain limitations as it is; and I now will need additional supernatural and miraculous abilities to manage this level of pain, especially if without the low dose pain meds to help take an "edge" off. I would like the chance to build up the brain's endorphins; and being too ill to get up and keep active counters back pain management efforts.
And what I know to be true, is that I am not at all alone in this societal and medical climate of extremism in the opposite direction when it comes to pain medications. Just the other day I was told of a mother of teenagers who "accidentally overdosed" from pain medication. She had survived cancer; I do not know more, but either she did take some pain medication with some incompatible other medication, unwittingly, or there was a hopelessness in her life that she could not bear, or there was residual pain that was more than she could handle. I do not know; but those without high degree of intractable pain would only see it as yet another reason to not prescribe pain medications to anyone.
While for me, it does seem unnecessary suffering to be denied pharmaceutical help when I have never abused medication and have learned various means to manage pain. (A doctor from my distant pass who lives where I lived at the time before and after surgery, told me I had an amazingly low dose of medication considering the pain level I had 30 years ago. And I'd rather keep it like that, limit my life somewhat but not totally, for who except addicts really want to have to be tied to pain medication--especially given the hassles along with it?
I'm going to put off the hand surgery, at least for now. The couple who bring me Holy Communion once a week told me of a relative who had a badly broken wrist. The surgeon gave her 10 pills of the lowest dose of pain medication, and that was to handle the pain for five days until her surgery. She could not endure the raw pain and had to take double, so only had five "doses" that barely got her through a little over a day. Thankfully her surgery was moved up three days. But the inhumanity of prescribing ten low-dose pills for an older person in extreme pain--and who was not used to pain--seems harsh if not unwise! Blood pressure raises with pain, heart rate rises. Not good. Strokes cn occur, or cardiac arrest which is what happened to me in recovery room years ago because the rods were not bent properly, and the pain caused massive heart attack. And besides too high of pain, the mind and emotions find it difficult to endure, especially for those not used to pain such as the elderly woman with badly broken wrist.
Regardless, I am concerned that I will not be given adequate pain relief with a hand surgery, on top of my back pain that is at least for now too high. The hand surgery is a four-month recovery; and the severity of my recent, lengthy back pain siege is topping off what I have the ability to handle. I wait in faith for the Lord, and if at all possible to be able to learn to be to function with the higher level of pain which might be the new normal. I will need to be able to manage yet more pain increasingly as I age.
It seems unnecessary to have added suffering when there is helpful medication, even if others who do not have pain have made a mess of matters by taking medication they do not need. The extremism in another aspect is a different type of crisis, and will become over time, more so. I doubt in my lifetime there will be a return to reason and balance, or for truly effective medications to be developed that do not have a host of side effects such as most newly created medications have in addition to not lengthy time periods of trial patient usage. Some medications that I tried years ago that had been developed and touted as helping pain, have been removed from the market. One was found to be devastating for the liver.
So I am praying about what the Lord has in His Mind with all this. Yes, seems an unnecessary suffering to be now snagged in this situation, let alone to face suffering without even slight relief. The Lord will be my light and guide. I will try to have the courage to persevere and endure what otherwise could be handled reasonably, with compassion. It is not as if I have ever been irresponsible or not fully trust worthy. I'm not an addict or dealer, for pity's sake.
For sure, though, I am one of thousands of suffers who've not improved after accidents and surgeries, and for whom all has been tried and found either ineffective or detrimental. Even though medications are tested, they are not tracked for years to see their long-range effectiveness and/or dangerous side effects. A newly touted pain med that was tried on me several years ago caused all-night seizures. Terrible, frightening, and life-threatening, it was! At the time, the pharmaceutical company advertised it as non-addictive. Wrong. But doctors were prescribing (and still do) as preferred to the old pain medications, although it was also extremely costly. People who used it wrote on forums calling it "The Devil Drug" and warning people to not take it if prescribed, for it was indeed highly addictive, with bad side effects, and worse than heroin withdrawals, they said, if one stops taking it. Now, a few years later, that recent drug is listed as a "scheduled" medication. Still has terrible side effects.
I agree that something must be done about those persons who are addicted to pain medications--young people who get started due to partying with friends, or those seeking a "high" for the sake of a drugged sensation, or those who have emotional problems for which they want a "high" to escape those problems, real and awful as they may be.
But yes, it does seem unnecessary suffering, to be effectively penalized due to the abuse of medications by others. I'm sure the Lord is allowing this situation for those many who are caused unnecessary suffering, for a reason. It is humbling, for one thing; and it is making me to endure in aspects I'd never dream I'd have to endure. It is requiring of me more faith than I think I have, more courage, and also to accept whatever God allows or does not allow.
I do hope a medication is developed that people will not be able to corrupt and turn into some kind of dangerous street drug to sell to addicts, and that the medication really does subdue pain and also does not have terrible side effects to other organs of the body, including the brain.
Suffering constant physical pain is quite a journey and a relevant concern; and there is no real means to educate others to not penalize those of us who do not have unrealistic expectations of a medication and who do not abuse or want increasingly higher doses. And another problem for which I must pray, is that medical practitioners have some experience with suffering, themselves, or enough insights into pain patients. For our quality of life is being determined in some real aspects, by medical practitioners who have not experienced, for the most part, or can fathom, long-standing, higher levels of pain.
It is amazing how God does bring a hermit to the world and the world to the hermit, in real and vital ways--such as pain! Yes, so much to pray about, and in this one, I am far from alone with what is going to be quite an unnecessary suffering for many, many legitimate sufferers, and whose pain escalates with age. And the reality is, also, that at any present moment, someone who has not had to deal with the extremism of the across-the-board current reaction in how to handle pain medications, will find him- or herself a rest-of-life pain victim. Then there will be more who will need to somehow endure unnecessary levels of human suffering by the decisions of medical personnel, when a high level could be at least lessened.
Some things just are. Pain is, people in the world are as is , and God Is.
No comments:
Post a Comment