Strange Sensations

The spiritual da called last night. The Catholic hermit had written to him, commenting on the hermit's seeming lack of desire for much of anything...except the peace. He said it is nothing other than starting to become a true hermit.

But--not to desire to go to the grocery, not to desire stopping for gas until the last ounces, not to desire to travel or do anything much at all, not concerned with eating? None of it seems to matter.

Yet it is not depression. So, since the regular confessor said it was a grace, and the spiritual da says it is how a hermit should be, the concern must be set aside.

The little guest left this afternoon. The Catholic hermit went to Mass, did the little sacristan tasks. A little time prior to Mass was spent reading another chapter of St.Silouan's teachings; tomorrow, God willing, the nothing can write something about that.

A woman asked the nothingi Catholic hermit, after Mass, some questions. The nothing realizes it does not like being asked questions of which the motives are uncertain, or possibly dubious. These were women questions, for men don't seem to have quite the curiosity, or at least not in this nothing's experience. Or at least they don't ask many questions.

Are you the sacristan since the [gave name] are not here? How did you get the job? Who gave it to you? Did you ask for it? What training did you have?

The nothing answered, simply, although it seemed odd. But, one is to give others the benefit of the doubt, and the nothing was able to sway the conversation elsewhere. The woman spoke of her career in the past. We got off onto that, and that at one point she had been interested in being a lawyer. There were smiles at the end, but not the beginning of the conversation. What did it matter who is sacristan? Why do we seem to need to know things about small matters?

The chapter read of St. Silouan deals with his mode of learning humility, and God gave him the mode. It has to do with placing oneself in hell but not to despair. Marvelous how this chapter came up, when someone had wondered about the misunderstanding that could occur if one seems as if not to appreciate being loved by God. So, St. Silouan's way will help answer far better than what the nothing had written.

These matters of the interior life can easily be misunderstood, for they are difficult to explain.

It is not easy to explain the strange sensations the nothing Catholic hermit is experiencing. There is even an odd sensation that has pervaded for awhile now, which is rather physical and up around the bridge of the nose and into the forehead. There is a strangeness, a sense of being a touch disoriented, of being incredibly relaxed--despite the workout with the tiny guest.

Another woman, after the questioning woman departed, told the nothing that it always seemed so peaceful. Well, perhaps this is a grace God has given for the exterior appearance. The interior has had its ample share of struggles to keep the blessed inner peace.

It is more like floating except for the pain anchoring the nothing Catholic hermit, every moment. If it weren't for the pain anchor, the nothing would float away like a small, dried leaf on Lake Immaculata: float away on the water's surface, to sooner than later, submerge and decompose into small particles, nearly nothing but yet not quite.