Agnus Dei's Tiny Guest

The young guest is visiting Agnus Dei for a few days. "Basket-weaving" has ceased! The physical attention is on the guest. The hermit suffers physically; and per usual, this leads to thoughts of the past and concerns for the future. Thankfully, these practice lessons in guarding the imagination, commence with efforts at halting the thoughts of the past and not considering the future.

The word "efforts" is used. It is an effort to halt the thoughts. Seems to go better when thoughts of gratitude are inserted, and thoughts of how the hermit deserves this time period of physical demand and being unable to spend the hours in spiritual reading and focused prayer and writing, alone and in silence. Jesus did not have the luxury of full-time solitude, externally; He was and still is: our Host. He feeds us, lifts us up and sets us down, watches over us while awake and asleep, holds us when we ask to be held, reads to us, cleanses us, teaches us and communicates with us--mostly by listening. He loves us and thinks we are the darlings of His Eyes and Heart.

No wonder He needed to go off alone to pray! Maybe we should consider this aspect when it seems He has abandoned us! Maybe we should be happy for HIm (although He never really abandons us)--or at least think that He deserves a break after all this time into eternity!

But, Jesus views "deserve" in a different sense than what we think. Today "deserve" means to do something or to show that one is worthy of honor or punishment. The root meaning is: deserve: serve well or zealously. So Jesus chose then and chooses now to serve well and zealously. He serves us!

Jesus is, of course, the greatest and single-most perfect model for the hermit--for anyone! His mother provides a perfect follow-up course!

When the nothing Catholic hermit realized another cold and painful sore throat had arrived, on the day the tiny guest arrived, the nothing wondered why God would allow this a second time? The hermit had thought it could do much better with this young guest if in peak condtiion (that is, the best condition the hermit could hope for, all things considered). Any minor virus settles into the pain areas, and with the added lifting, movement, jostling and responsibilities, the body wears down quickly. When the body slips, the mind and emotions are more vulnerable to the imagination and passions. In fact, tears could have come at one point, when the hermit thought about the struggle of the past in rearing children with the pain disability, and of how it seems now even more difficult with added years. But that had to be nipped immediately. The hermit had to be proactive, load up in the car, go to the drugstore, lift the little guest in and out of the carseat and in and out of a shopping cart, and stock up on over-the-counter cold and sore throat remedies. The little guest seemed to enjoy the outing. The hermit enjoyed it, too, for the freezing car seat acted like an ice pack, formed about the hermit's painful back!

In humility practice, the hermit has considered how it deserves this experience, in that it is very difficult, perhaps mostly in the control of the thoughts, to keep them from exhaustion and despair with such questions as, "How can I endure this? How will I be able to do this again? How pathetic that I can only manage myself--and that, barely?"

No, the hermit deserves this experience, and it is no coincidence that the added virus came along with the guest, just as it had the last time. Jesus took on the cross; He accepted His death in reparation for our care-taking, really. He had the atttitude of "deserving" it--that attitude of self-abnegation, even unto death...death on the cross. Did His back shriek from pain all the way from the sacrum to the neck? Did He have a headache? Did He take on total responsibility for others? Obviously. Maybe his throat was raw from thirsting--the only liquid being swallowed blood.

To consider, now, that the word "deserve" means to serve well or zealously...now, that lends power to this mission here at Agnus Dei. When the Catholic hermit now tells it's nothing self that it "deserves" any amount of suffering in order to care for this tiny guest--in the spirit of true self-abnegation, the deserve becomes zealous service, and service done well. The physical suffering is now turned to a kind of joy, for lifting the tiny guest, feeding it, playing with it, lifting it up to read to it--cleansing and listening and loving this small guest--must be considered the joy of Christ in His approach to Calvary. It expresses the joy of HIs Sorrowful Mother in deserving: in serving well and zealously in union with Her Son, all the children of all the world.

There is someone coughing in the lavender prayer room here at Agnus Dei. Snow has fallen during the night, and someone might like some hot oatmeal, apple juice, banana, milk. Lift high the cross. Lift the darling of Jesus' and the hermit's eyes and heart in and out of bed, in and out of booster chair. Change the diaper, change the clothes, wash the face and hands. Get down on the floor and up and ready for noon Mass.

Does Jesus feel extra loved when we cuddle up to Him, and with a morning-fresh smile and put our cheek next to His?