Catholic Hermit Needs Shoulder Healing

I'm asking Bishop, wherever he is now--purgatory, heaven, wherever--to pray for my shoulder.  It is very bad again, and I am concerned I have re-torn the Superior Labrum Anterior Posterior sheath.  I have no money for a third shoulder surgery, and I cannot cope with it, pain-wise, even if I did.

Some may know the reason my shoulder is not strong after two surgeries and the circumstances.  I chose the path of obedience to my spiritual director, then a Bishop.  I've always tried to be a very good Catholic despite my human flaws, and to took the path of obedience.  I admit at the temporal level, regretting I obeyed.  At a spiritual level, God only knows.

I can blame myself, but I was between a rock and hard place.  I consulted a Catholic friend at the time who also thought obedience the way.  And, perhaps in the spiritual realm, it is.  Even I had wondered at times of the mystical state Bishop wanted to test.  Was it something within that could be controlled?  But it wasn't.  Dr. H. concluded it was not of anything but God.  Yet Bishop refused to consult Dr. H. who had known me for years and knew far more of spiritual gifts than Bishop did then or perhaps now, wherever is his soul.

I asked then and ask now, "Where are you, Bishop?"  I have not had any indication.  I truly loved and respected him, even after the fall and the first surgery, even though he never inquired during my convalescence of which I endured without Sacraments.  Later on, the neck injury and his abandonment during that, also hurt deeply.

None was as upsetting as a spontaneous visit with Bishop prior to the second shoulder surgery.  I went to speak face-to-face, which revealed a shocking state of soul.  So distressing, I became physically ill. 

After my conversation with Bishop and the nastiness, I asked my spiritual Father to pray for Bishop, pray for him!  He is a soul in trouble!  He could be snatched from this earth at any time! 

Two weeks later, the second surgery was far more grueling than the first.  No one but Jesus knows how painful!  But He had told me I would feel very alone and must remain strong, had He not?  Yes.  He knew in advance and braced me for this and more.

A month or so after my surgery, I sensed a renewed foreboding regarding Bishop's soul and repeated my plea of my spiritual Father.  Pray for Bishop!  Pray for him!  He is a soul in trouble!  He could be snatched at any time! 

A month after that, Bishop unexpectedly learned he was going to die soon.  Five weeks more and he was snatched from this earth.  

I prayed and prayed and prayed.  At the time, a priest elsewhere thought I should write Bishop a note prior to his passing, reminding what he did to me in regard to what he threatened, causing me to be rejected with no recourse due a Catholic in the flock.  

But I did not think my writing Bishop would be well-received on earth as it would if I communicated after he was on the other side.  I knew His Real Presence was going to have a good Face-to-face talk with Bishop very soon.  Then Bishop would know how much I loved him and obeyed, and that I forgive him.  For me to write a note while he was yet alive, would be misconstrued. 

This is Bishop and me, in past and better days. We were at a Bishop's Appeal dinner.  I didn't realize at the time, but our Crosses were aligned, one with the other.  I suppose that was fortuitous!  I realize just now how so!  Crucifixion!

I continue to pray for his soul, and I am asking now of him, wherever he is, to pray that my shoulder improve, for I need this shoulder in order to function, especially with all the work yet to do here.  God knows.  Bishop maybe knows or can be shown from where he is, if that is God's will.

But I ask anyone reading this to also please pray for my right shoulder to have a healing from such pain.  I am to mud, sand, prime and paint in the next three days, as my daughter and her husband can come Saturday to help lay flooring and bring in cabinets.  Such temporal tasks!  Their busy schedules--I appreciate help when it can be offered.

This shoulder pain opens flood-gates of memories.   Two surgeries, having to use my late parents' gift money to pay for them--but mostly it reminds of horrific pain along with temporal Catholic world abandonment--including Sacraments.  All this now must be for purpose of His Real Presence.  Perhaps it has to do with my Letting-Go novena?

This episode among many in my 19 years as a Catholic, stands out as quite the ordeal.  I pray for healing not only of the flared shoulder but of my mind, heart and soul which carry great pain, perhaps greater.  But the physical shoulder certainly needs temporal healing in order to proceed.  At this point, my right shoulder is useless for even minor tasks of dressing without sharp pain.

I'll probably be bashed by some for having written this-- judged or criticized.  Is this speaking ill of the dead, or is it expressing the truth?  Did not others express truth of John the Baptist's decapitation?  I love the person, I forgive the person.  He was ordering what he and who he consulted thought would test the mystical state.  He apologized immediately after, but he could not grasp.

 

Why would God allow me to have the shoulder injury?  Why did He allow His own Son to have one?  And to be crucified with but a handful standing by Him?  I had assumed that if I did what Bishop ordered, God would not let me be injured.  How little did I understand of the Cross!  Even now, am I trying to escape the cross being placed heavily once more on my both my temporal and mystical shoulder?

This is a cross to bear, and a tough one; and His Real Presence may not lift it for awhile if ever.  But I am asking of Him the favor!  I relive and pray be relieved of what happened, and I ask Bishop to help, again--but this time hoping for a response dignified and worthy of his earthly vocation as a Shepherd.  

Is not a priest to be a priest forever?  A shepherd is not to abandon even one of his sheep.


God bless His Real Presence in us, all of us!

Spirit of Truth: Remain in His Love

When the Spirit of truth comes, 
he will guide you into all the truth; 
for he will not speak on his own, 
but will speak whatever he hears, 
and he will declare to you 
the things that are to come. 

But the Advocate, 
the Holy Spirit, 
whom the Father will send in my name, 
will teach you everything,
and remind you of all that 
I have said to you.  (John 16:13)

The heat here in the desert of this Patmos, my place of exile, slows the manual labor efforts.  My right shoulder is unusually painful, as well.  Perhaps the sharp pain is from dragging the water hose in attempts to keep trees, shrubs and perennials alive?  I consider Christ's shoulder wound.

Thanks be to God for Raphael, the man God sent like an angel to help me with good work done and fair prices.  Yesterday he allowed Francesco to work with me here; today Raphael needed Francesco for another job requiring all his workers.  Francesco will return, though.  We are going to build a stair landing.

Today I removed more siding before the heat was too much.  I have returned to using my left arm more and am now icing the right shoulder.  So Francesco's assistance with framing in a large window will be most appreciated.  God has "winged" me, and I pray this is but a strain.  No more shoulder surgeries, please, His Real Presence!

 

 But building a new stairway--this excites beyond measure!  I know I will learn more about the Stairway to Heaven in this temporal, construction attempt.  But first the landing to be built under the existing stairway that is too narrow and steep, the risers and treads not to code.

When reading the above Scripture, I had not noticed previously  Jesus distinguishing the Spirit of truth, seemingly, from the Advocate, the Holy Spirit.  The Spirit of truth speaks what he hears and foretells things to come and will lead us into truth.  The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, is sent by the Father in Jesus' name and will teach us everything and will remind us what Jesus has said to us.

It practically seems like two Spirits, but of course, there is One.  I did some research, and else- where in His Living Word, the Spirit of truth and the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, the Advocate, are used inter- changeably for the Third Person of the Trinity:  the Holy Spirit.



However, I truly appreciate the distinguishing points of the Spirit--as one who leads us into truth, who repeats what is told Him and declares what is to come.  I am not sure why the transitional "but", other than we are given more facets of the Holy Spirit.  I am going to ask His Real Presence to enlighten me or guide me to whatever commentary if I am missing something of Jesus' explanation.

Since posting my previous two sharings of spiritual experiences, I have pondered the reasons as to why share these, today?  Why share these particular ones, and what use for me or anyone?

I suppose these particular ones came to mind for a reason I may not know.  They just came back to me when starting to write.  Why share them at all?  Well, I am in the Letting-Go prayer for another which involves my letting go, as well.  I am letting go of some very negative circumstances of which I may yet write as part of the letting go, but it seems quite positive to ponder anew how God is so real.  

His Real Presence, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, is right here, for us, interacting and wanting us to hear and recognize the practical and marvelous ways in which he guides and helps our lives, daily and nightly.  We just ask His help, recognize deeply we need His help, and in faith know He will help.  Then we experience the help and praise Him and all the more know His Real Presence as present within us and us within Him.

This is not for play-acting or to start seeking some kind of unusual occurrences.  It is for real, and not seek--we can expect some kind of unusual occurrences....

By "unusual", I mean that we will start experiencing the loving touches of God in us through some little nudge or thought-flashing or encounter with another person or thing.  We might have some memory or wonderment.  We might have some ache or pain or conversation or daydream.

We should not dismiss these occurrences, for within them there is something of His Real Presence.  Look and listen!  Expect to find Him and hear Him because He is so real and lives in us and us in Him.  Remain in His Love.

 

That was another thought when I checked the outside heat to see if it was low enough to go out and continue watering the thirsty plants--these living, created beauties crying out like Jesus did on the cross, "I thirst!"  Jesus thirsted at various levels.  He physically thirsted for tangible water, but he also thirsted for the salvation of our souls.  And He thirsted to be with His Father in Heaven, to complete the temporal mission, and to assume His Real Presence as God in Three Persons.

Anyway, the thought surged to my mind and lips as I sat on the only "chair" in this place, a step-stool.  I cried it out from deep within where He surely dwells and silently exclaimed:  I am so in LOVE with YOU! 

Somehow, having such intimacy brought up from the spiritual memory and writing--sharing examples of how we learn to be more aware after offering ourselves to be utilized in any ways He desires--gave me a sense of exuberant, expressed love for His Real Presence. 

Despite trials, including the painful shoulder that keeps me from much work, including the heat causing the rods in my back to heat and tissues swell, thus pressing on damaged nerves up and down the spine, radiating throughout this mortal body-- despite traumatic memories of the past and any trials of the present:  
I love Him.  

I am sure that kind of surging expression to Him a bit ago in the silent heat of Patmos exile, was the Spirit of truth, the Holy Spirit, guiding my thoughts and lips, my heart and soul.  The Advocate was reminding me that Jesus said:  Remain in my Love!

What also excites me is remembering what the Spirit of truth told Dr. H. years ago, that the ways in which I experience God is not just for me.  It is for everyone who seeks and loves Him, for those who need help, ask for His help, and believe and receive Him in great faith. 

His Real Presence is for everyone who believes and has faith and who loves Him!   When we love Him so very much, we give over to Him in every way, even though the stripping and painful crosses required in letting go of ourselves can be confusing and painful at times.

There will be the consolations.  There will be the betrothal, the mystical wedding, the consummation of the marriage.  As to the consummation, a priest friend told me it often, but not always, occurs just before or at physical death.  That is something yet to experience and find out.  When will He come to consummate the marriage?

It does not matter when, for every moment is being lived in His Real Presence, true love and true lovers are we.  Yes, this is not just for me but for everyone.  I have prayed to have my joy and delight in His Real Presence return after such oppressive encounters and severe persecutions.  I have prayed that Jesus will be enough for me.  

Remain in His Love!  Let the Spirit of truth speak words of Love to His Real Presence within us and us in Him.  God bless His Real Presence in us: talking, showing, teaching, guiding, consoling, embracing, resting in silence.