The Cathoic Hermit: Words of Wisdom and Advice from St. John Vianney

 

These words written by the late St. John Vianney struck me as invaluable especially for one or others who might have become years ago, prone to ugliness from the surreptitious viper of pride that can slither about, unsupervised and unknown to those who are to be supervising such a one.  The viper bites the one who seemingly does not flinch due to a numbing desire for self-importance and misplaced hopes of being an authority in something, anything, that to the bitten and smitten appears grandiose.  Such a one might embellish their backgrounds and time lines, exaggerates (cousin to deceive) and then proceeds to demean and detract any other who such a person fears threatens their supremacy even in such a vocation as hermit--the vocation intended for the least of these, the lowly nothings to God's ALL.  

For any of my blog readers who been deceived and demeaned by such a one, you likely realize the poisoned one may be incapable of ceasing. Rather, such a one has become more devious and clever (distinctive trademarks of the devil who is often referenced as a snake), and most all of us do all to avoid such a one by keeping the armor of God on us at all times, including the added layer of humility to strengthen the armor.   These wise words of advice from St. John Vianney are for any of us who have been victim to such a snake-poisoned person, for we know it is by the grace of God that we have not fallen likewise to the viper's poison. We pray never to become like those who fall to temptation to prestige, position, and power--as ridiculous as that would seem for a hermit to succumb to deception in that desire.

For our protection and reminder to not follow in the scandalous, scurrilous words and actions of those who persist in mean-spirited treachery, no matter how cleverly masked or plead false denials of wrong-doing, let us keep these words of St. John Vianney close at hand-and-heart.  Let us re-read often, for as is true of those sad souls, bitten by pride and poisoned by narcissism (and other vices)--we are vulnerable ourselves to the devil-viper of evil, and must do all to protect ourselves from a likewise demise of character.  We know from such examples of those bitten and poisoned, from all the damage they have done to those they chose to denegrate--that before long such ones became or become habitual, poisoned, disordered personalities, transparent to humankind and God alike.   

Likewise we know as hermits of God, we would instead of risking all to the fate of those poisoned by the demon viper, we pray do all to ask God to receive the implanted Tree of Humility, whose roots God implants in our minds and hearts.  We vow and strive by God's grace to nurture God's Tree of Humility so it can sprout up and outward  from our very souls regardless the cost of this Tree of Humility--priceless to any Christian but especially desired by true and devoutly seeking hermits of God.  We pray and never lose hope for those bitten and poisoned by the demon-viper, for conversion and reversal from such ugliness. But we know to practice in earnest the avoidance of what St. John Vianney reminds us that will tear down others--as he states below--and instead to seek words and actions of loving kindness that build up each and every soul and thus uplift the Body of Christ. These uplifted souls of the Body of Christ are given to God Is Love in the Person of Jesus Christ, the Head.  Thereby His Church is elevated.  

Let no one be detracted, attacked, libeled or slandered, meanly criticized, by us.  May we learn from the woes of the evil doers, bitten and. poisioned by the demon-viper; may we pray for them and attempt Chrsitian, fraternal correction.  If that fails, keep praying but stay clear of the evil-doers.  They may be so poisoned they know no what they are doing.  Forgive, take back our peace, shake he dust as testament against them, and move on to the next place which for us is to live the most holy and devout of hermit or other vocational lives we will be graced to live with the Tree of Humility and by the love of the Trinity. 

Saint John-Mary Vianney (1786-1859)

priest, curé of Ars

Sermon for the 11th Sunday after Pentecost

"His ears opened and his mouth opened and he spoke correctly" Mk 7:35

How desirable it would be, my brothers, that we could say of each of us what the Gospel says of this mute that Jesus healed, that he spoke very well. Alas! My brothers, could we not, on the contrary, reproach that we almost always speak badly, especially when we talk about our neighbor. What is the conduct of most Christians these days? Here it is. Criticize, censor, blacken and condemn what the neighbor does and says: these are all the most common, the most universally widespread vices, and, perhaps, the worst of all. Vice that you can never hate enough, vice which has the most fatal consequences, which carries disturbance and desolation everywhere. Ah! May God give me one of these coals of which the angel used to purify the lips of the prophet Isaiah (cf. is 6, 6-7), in order to purify the language of all men! Oh ! How many ailments would be banished from the earth, if we could chase away this backbiting! May I, my brothers, give you so much horror, that you have the happiness of correcting you forever! I finish saying that, not only, it is bad to depreciate and slander others, but also to listen to backbiting and slander with pleasure; Because if no one listened, there would be no sown. (…) Let us often say: "My God, give me the grace to know myself. "Happy ! A thousand times happy, the one who will only use his tongue to ask God for forgiveness for his sins and sing his praises!"

Christian Catholic Hermit Mystic: The Woman Caught in Adultery

JPII in this commentary hits nail on head as to humankind's sins and the males tending to try to get away with their culpability while the women bear much openly, in various types of sins, not only the sexual ones.  Men are far more forceful and have greater voice in blaming, I suppose.  

They tend to have the public mouthpiece more than women do, although some of that is slightly changing...when the point is that God KNOWS the sins of all of us, and we really don't need to be pointing out others' sins unless to the person him- or herself in private, if someone we know who will benefit by the clarification.  This is true for parents in particular who have charge of their children, or teachers, or others such as in families and workplaces--to let others know quietly if they are sinning, if they themselves do not realize it, or even if they do if by some chance one can help them stop. 

This is done often at a price of friendship, though, to those who have much pride in them and cannot cope with fraternal correction or to have their sins pointed out even if the one pointing out acknowledges his or her own sins openly, with the person to try to help the person understand none of us is perfect, but their sin is showing and could be corrected by them if they knew or chose or even to get help in stopping the sin from continuing.

Lord, keep my sins ever before me, and help me to cease the sins that I am aware of and to recognize or have good people inform me of the sins of which I am unaware.  Thank you, Jesus.

Saint John-Paul II

Pope from 1978 to 2005

Mulieris dignitatem, ch.5 (©Libreria editrice Vaticana)

"Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."

Christ is the one who "knows what is in man" (cf. Jn 2,25) - in man and woman. He knows the dignity of man, his worth in God's eyes. He himself, the Christ, is the definitive confirmation of this worth. Everything he says and does is definitively fulfilled in the Paschal Mystery of the Redemption. Jesus' attitude to the women whom he meets in the course of his Messianic service reflects the eternal plan of God, who, in creating each one of them, chooses her and loves her in Christ (cf. Eph 1,1-5)… Jesus of Nazareth confirms this dignity, recalls it, renews it, and makes it a part of the Gospel and of the Redemption for which he is sent into the world... Jesus enters into the concrete and historical situation of women, a situation which is weighed down by the inheritance of sin. One of the ways in which this inheritance is expressed is habitual discrimination against women in favour of men. This inheritance is rooted within women too. From this point of view the episode of the woman "caught in adultery" is particularly eloquent. In the end Jesus says to her: "Do not sin again", but first he evokes an awareness of sin in the men who accuse… Jesus seems to say to the accusers: Is not this woman, for all her sin, above all a confirmation of your own transgressions, of your "male" injustice, your misdeeds? This truth is valid for the whole human race…A woman is left alone, exposed to public opinion with "her sin", while behind "her" sin there lurks a man - a sinner, guilty "of the other's sin", indeed equally responsible for it. And yet his sin escapes notice, it is passed over in silence… How often, in a similar way, the woman pays for her own sin and she pays all alone! How often is she abandoned with her pregnancy, when the man, the child's father, is unwilling to accept responsibility for it? And besides the many "unwed mothers" in our society, we also must consider all those who, as a result of various pressures, even on the part of the guilty man, very often "get rid of" the child before it is born. "They get rid of it": but at what price?

Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Utter Humility

 Utter humility and recognizing oneself as nothing and God as All brings one's soul like Mary who was at the feet of Jesus, her tears washing His feet.  These surely were tears of emotion wrought from the outer and inner view and knowledge of self that being in God's presence elicits:  of the sheer nothingness of our existences except for whatever of us is in God.  

This morning, the only aspect I see of self is what I know to be only that which is as hazy reflection of His Real Presence.

I consider how much of this life I waste, in effect, with emotion and thought on what I see that is disappointing, and that includes mostly and very much of what I see of myself with inner sight, even, but also outer sight. My mind and heart and soul are weary of temporal and long for His Real Presence.  

Yet it does no good to long for what I am yet not given, but must remain here on earth and learn what lessons yet to learn, and to do as Jesus did when yet on earth, of which I most often seeming to waft rather than to be in His lived examples.  I still have much to which I cling of temporal emotions and thoughts, and I do what I can to distract myself so that time passes, and I do not notice the body so much in its ongoing pain.

Today I will continue on with the efforts needed to construct a type of platform on post that can stand on floor and nearly to ceiling to hold up the other end of furring strips of wood--part of the process in putting in planks for a ceiling that will run same direction as flooring, eventually.  None of it matters other than to have what temporal toils are somewhat productive and useful especially for prayer and building the virtues.  Even the encounters, brief as they are, with such as young man who mixed the paint for ceiling planks, ought be that of my soul graced in His Real Presence touching the other's soul.  I do this often with humor and sometimes a story of temporal incident that taught or teaches me (and potentially others) some lesson that includes humility most often.  

So we strive in our bodily-tethered, earthly waiting to be enveloped fully in His Real presence, sans our bodies,  to do our best in seeking Him and reminding others, I suppose, of our seeking--of our desire to be with His Real Presence at all times on earth and forever in eternity. 

In the meantime, we make our errors, slip to some temptations, recognize our flaws, try to pull up and out of them like the effort it can take to rise in the morning and  continue existing within the confines of our bodies.  

I must not ever forget that I do not have to keep my mind, heart, and soul confined to this suffering and limiting body.  Jesus did not let Mary who loved Him with all her being, touch or grab hold of Him when He had resurrected from the body, but still showed Himself in His earthly bodily format.  This is something we all can learn and consider.  God progresses us from dependence upon temporal, for He is Spirit and Truth, and only in faith as we are progressed by God, can we embrace His Real Presence.

That, in part, is why the Lord had my angel lead me to the stairway to heaven in the Mass, and out of body and into His Real Presence in mystical ecstasy during Masses. Even in the religious forms and representations of His Real Presence, to progress one must let go of the temporal and exist increasingly in fullness of faith and spirit.

Love in His Love, and God bless His Real Presence in us!

(Of all things, I've been having to shake off my great disappointment in seeing my neighbor act like a weasel and reveal how cheap and not man of integrity that I had wanted to see him as.  But I repeat to myself and say to His Real Presence how I must "Let go!  Let go!"  I actually started to fall to the temptation to lower to react to cheapness and conniving, and then had to pull up and out of that, knowing what were my obligations for a major repair cost that is the result of the neighbor's tree planted near my property line and roots having rubbed a hole in main water line to my house.  It is all silly other than for the lesson I learned, and how easily and quickly I can be so reactant--and over what?  Let others do as they do, but as for me (and my house), we shall serve the Lord!)

Catholic Hermit: Cardinal Dolan's Message, 3-27-2020

Noticed this interview/pep talk by Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York City, and am sharing the internet link as what the Cardinal says is quite helpful and instructional, encouraging.  He says "It's all about faith...."

https://video.foxnews.com/v/6145317348001#sp=show-clips

#PrayforEasterMiracle

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Padre Pio on Humility

Have always had a special place in my heart and mind for Padre Pio.  Many reasons but mainly just because somehow I do and have, ever since my conversion to the Church years ago.  Am yet amazed that as a Protestant prior, I never had any clue of these marvelous saints, particularly Padre Pio due to the photographs and films and the news of his life and passing--and obviously, the miracle of his stigmata.

I've collected and read much of what he's written including his letters up to the last volume printed, and what is translated into English.  But the following, taken from Buona Giornata, p.21, I don't recall as not in my hermitage library.  I particularly notice his point of recognizing we are, first of his list of descriptions:  nothing.

 "It is of capital importance that you emphasize what is the basis for holiness and the foundation of goodness.  I mean, to talk about the virtue of which Jesus presents himself explicitly as the model:  humility (cf. Mt 11:29*).  Inner humility, more inner than outward.  

"Recognize who you truly are:  a nothing, something quite miserable, weak, full of defects, capable of turning good into bad, to let go the good for the bad, to attribute to yourself the good, and to justify yourself in doing bad, and for love of evil, to despise the One who is the Supreme Good. 

"Never go to bed before having first examined your conscience to consider how you spent your day.  Turn all your thoughts towards the Lord and consecrate to Him your own person as well as all Christians.  Then offer to His glory the sleep you will get, without ever forgetting your guardian angel, who is always at your side."

 This is, also, pertinent and wise guidance for all of us the world over, in our on-going struggle and enduring attempts to STOP THE SPREAD of COVID-19.  

We will need to follow these guidelines and change our way of interacting going forward.  Be considerate of others, wash hands more than we ever dreamed necessary, not shake hands, wash our clothes more often, wash our fruits and vegetables, disinfect store-bought items.  We must now and in future not go out or to work when we have a cold or light case of flu--something many people did without thinking twice about it in the past.

And above all, we all really do need to return to God, or in some cases turn to God when never have prior.  COVID-19 is a call for change.  We are being asked and in many ways forced by God's will and allowing, and the consequences of our actions and mis-actions:  CONVERSION and DEEPER CONVERSION.   

We are showing by our behaviors in this very time period of a couple or three weeks, our characters, our vices, and our virtues.  It does seem woefully obvious that our country and our world are showing a conflict between those with virtues and those with vices.  Globally, we are yet to discover if the virtuous will be greater and more effective in outcomes than those attached to vices.  We are being given an opportunity to discern character of ourselves and of others.  May we do so with honesty and self-truth and reality.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

* Matthew 11:29:  "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS."

Catholic Hermit: Advice for Pandemic Endurance

The daily Mass Scriptures through this Lent and this COVID-19 pandemic are uncanny in their potency of spiritual and practical sustenance for us all.  And from St. Theodore the Studite, monk at Constantinople (859-826), this portion from his Catechesis I also provides, also, spiritual and practical focus for us.

"It is our task and, in our case, an obligation to make of you the oboject of all our care, our zeal, our ministrations, by word and deed, by warnings, encouragement, admonitions and incitement...so that, in this way, we might insert you into the rhythm of the divine will and face you towards the goal set before us:  to give pleasure to God....

"He who is immortal voluntarily shed His blood.  He who created the host of angels was bound at the hands of soldiers, and He who is to judge the living and the dead was dragged to justice (cf. Acts 10:42; 2 Tm 4:1).  Truth was exposed to false witnesses, was slandered, struck covered with spittle, hung on the wood of the cross:  the Lord of glory (cf. 1 Cor 2:8) endured every outrage and suffering without himself needing these trials.  

"How could this have happened to Him who even as a man, was without sin and who, to the contrary, snatched us away from the tyranny of the sin through which death came into the world and falsely took possession of our first father?

"So there is nothing surprising about it if we submit to even one of these trials since such is our condition....  Therefore, we too have to be offended and tempted, afflicted by the cutting off of our wills.  According to the interpretation of our Fathers, there is in this a shedding of blood for this is what it means to be a monk [hermit, lay person, a Christian, a citizen of country and of the world].  And we must gain the Kingdom of heaven in that way by spending our lives in imitation of the Lord....  Apply yourselves zealously to your duties in the thought that by means of them, far from being slaves of men, you are serving God."

In short, and bluntly, let us all humble ourselves and sacrifice at this time.  STAY IN if you absolutely do not have to go out and about.  The person in neighborhood yesterday texted they're going out again and had gone to stores plus out hiking with pets day prior.  Said felt "great--only has runny nose!"  This is after two days over weekend of chills, then sore throat, headache, sore glands and chills. Yesterday list of symptoms to be concerned with, at top of list is:  runny nose.  The person is  over 65 with underlying lung issues; seems incapable of just staying home.

Awhile ago was calling me; I did not answer.  Figured the person was going out yet again shopping, and no, I do not need a thing.  Nor will I.  I have more than enough to make do for a long time, and if my COVID-19 test comes back negative, I will go out on the patio and plant vegetable seeds including greens and radishes that will be edible in a couple or three weeks.  Have canned goods and dried fruit if go through what's in the refrigerator.  

Sure enough, that is what the person was calling about.  My rather pointed text yesterday morning--CONSIDER STAYING IN--did not make a dent nor did it insult enough to get the contacting me to cease.  Given that the virus stays on plastics up to three days and might end up being longer, and  it stays on paper and cardboard for 24 hours, I do not want even more items at my door I'd need to be wiping down from someone with a runny nose or anything else.  

Yesterday I did locate a new doctor, an internist, for future.  But the ER doctor insisted I be rechecked in two days, yet the internist's office had to involve the triage nurse, who needed to determine with others how to accommodate someone who is under COVID-19 test result watch.  They were going to have to develop a protocol to get someone with all the symptoms and ill, into their facility somehow.  In the meantime, I decided there is no way that I have the oomph to go out, nor do I want to potentially infect others with COVID, nor with whatever I have.

Today I called them and said I believe the ER doctor was going by usual ER policy, of the patient needing to get a re-check by doctor in 1-2 days.  If I were worse, I'd return to ER.  I'm not worse.  I am thinking positively that I've turned the corner, but in the night I awoke in a sweat and needed to use the nebulizer.  So I'm not over this, either.  Only two temperature upticks or surges today, which is down from prior.  Third day of the Azithromycin, the cough pills are helping me not cough as much, the lungs still hurt but I'm thinking positively that not quite as much or at least not more.

The internist's office was relieved and appreciative to my decision.  I had the sense at the ER on Monday afternoon, that they were still working through some of their protocol and had not had that many come in yet with the coronavirus symptoms.  I'm sure they'd had some, as the nurse who did the swabs (that go wa-a-a-y up the nose into the sinuses, so not the simple, painless swab test I'd anticipated--and in the throat more extensive than a typical strep swab) said I handled it better than others she'd done up to then.  I tried to insert levity by saying my having to be on pain meds helps. Humor helps.

My main efforts from bed have been to write elsewhere online and communicate with others via email and text, sharing what I'm learning and what I was told to do and not do.  I plan to write a blog post that gives example of what is entailed in wiping off surfaces.  That in itself is quite the chore, and I've not been well enough to have wiped everything fully, once.  The more stamina I gain as I improve, the more I can be up and wiping this and that with antibacterial bleach wipes.  Today I realized need to be disinfecting toothbrush heads.  Soak them in peroxide after each use.

After falling back to sleep from my 3 a.m. wake-up, I awoke this morning with my left eye seemingly infected.  What?  I did rub the heavy matter off before realizing not to touch eyes; was still sleepy.  But I realized that I'd not wiped my glaucoma drop bottle, and more so, I'd not wiped the tip that touches my eyelids when I put drops in at night.  I also had not wiped the inside of the cap which the tip touches when the cap screwed back on the bottle.  Thankfully, I had some antibiotic eye drops and am praying that they are yet viable as had them a couple years ago when got splinter in my eye.

So I think some practical reminders and sharing what I'm learning as I go along, while waiting for the COVID-19 test results, might be useful to you readers.  Even if you are not ill, we could all adopt some preventative measures as we, hope-in-God, are sheltering in place unless vital we venture out--and this for any age group.  

Daily more research is uncovering additional information.  In Italy, Spain, and France there are young people now showing serious symptoms and testing positive to the virus.  These are young people who previously were quite healthy and no underlying conditions.  This virus seems to be evolving, unfolding, and even shifting in symptoms and severity among age groups.

Let us consider--while we do the practical actions to help keep others and ourselves well or not getting worse, not contaminating others--reading over and pondering what St. Theodore the Studite taught his monks and left for the ages his writings that can serve us all well in this global pandemic of which no one has experienced prior.  As is said by the US President's Task Force, the President, and many state leaders and religious figures:  "We are all in this together, and together we will overcome." 

But we will succeed by all of us turning to God and by being willing to humble ourselves and sacrifice our own fears and what can truly seem selfish wants.  Cooperate with what the Task Force recommends.  Stay in unless necessary and crucial we go out, preserve the health of medical personnel and law enforcement, stay calm and trust in the Lord, and PRAY and PRAISE GOD.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Lord, Have Mercy on Us

Well, the Lord is doubling down on humility with me.  Even my attempt to share with the person who admitted to chills on Saturday and was sick with sore throat, headache, sore glands yesterday and wise got into bed, has totally ignored my bother in texting how this illness really does need to be contained, and to stay in!  Even if a person thinks just a sore throat, just chills, might be just a cold or just swollen glands for no reason (?!!), STAY IN.

So I get a text this morning that the person and spouse were heading out the door to go shopping.  Do I need anything?  I was incredulous and texted back asking if the person is well?  No response to that.  But by time I texted, they leaving one store and were headed to another--Walmart.  What? Said could go back to the grocery if I needed anything. 

Lord, have mercy.

No, I don't need a thing.  Nothing has changed since yesterday here other than one less banana and a little less oatmeal but have more than plenty.  I tend to shop at Costco which sells items bulk, and since my hermitage has garage and I'm in here alone with God, solus Deus, I am blessed with room for items that then I don't need to replenish many of them, for a year or more.  Saves money in long run.  

And now with the economy as it is, and will be for awhile, frugality is important for a hermit who at some point could need to pay for nursing home care.  Can't qualify for long term health insurance nor could qualify for any insurance until age 65 when fortunately former spouse had plenty of "points" and legally then could qualify for Medicare.  I certainly did not have enough "points" as have not been able to be viably employed due to inconsistency of severe pain.  

But I have to pay in full for the Medicare, and along with a supplement now which I must have in order to cover what Medicare does not pay for me to remain financially solvent in event of major medical needs, my insurance payments use 1/5 of income before taxes. Just explaining one hermit's health insurance situation and the costs involved, but praise God for having it now for the past nearly four years!

Back to the situation of the person who disregarded all that I'd bothered to text:  this is part of the problem of people not taking COVID-19 seriously.  This goes for the many, especially older people seemingly, who are incapable of staying put for more than a day even when common sense and consideration of others would dictate to do so when having symptoms of illness during a global pandemic.  Or maybe it is pride in thinking they feel fine so why stay in?

A spiritual friend was in contact wanting prayers for infant grandson undergoing five hours of surgery this morning. The friend also mentioned 87-year-old mother with asthma, with walker, insisting on going to grocery today in an area that has seen uptick of cases even though testing has not yet been set up there for volumes of persons to be tested.  With help of a sibling who is in medical profession, they convinced the elderly mother to stay home.  (Very devout Catholics, all, so not a matter of having no sense of virtues.)  But the elderly mother is still going to the hair dressers.

I laughed at the irony, for had read an article of how everyday life needs to be considered, and of the barber and beauty shops in which those washing hair and cutting it, have their heads closer to their clients' heads than in most any other provided service.  Dentists perhaps as much although they wear protective masks and often face shields, plus gloves and use head gear with magnifiers to better see, or use cameras and screens to view detail of mouths, as do surgeons.  I considered the other customers in a barber and beauty shop in close proximity, but the friend said there was going to be no convincing the elderly mother to forego her beauty for awhile even if the friend had offered to wash the mothers' hair and set it.

I guess keep up the spirits by laughing even if very sad that there are so many aspects of our own unpreparedness for a virus pandemic crisis.  The leaders can only advise; we have to do as the experts ask.  Humility and sacrifice, we citizens need to embrace.

I did receive a call back from someone who'd gotten my message Friday evening as to the nearby ER phone number being incorrect on online website.  In meantime some user had written in the correct number to try, even if the print in orange was difficult to read.  I called the ER and did mention my concerns not only of the incorrect phone number but wanting to pass along that patients might have lighter symptoms and not be at death's door.

The person I spoke with said they are starting to grasp that reality.  I mentioned they might not be at point of pneumonia, but have all the symptoms, or not all of them.  We are all in this rapidly escalating learning curve, that is for sure.  And as for my situation, my lungs still hurt a lot, fever down this morning but still slight, still coughing, only one time of some chills, still wiped out, and sinuses still an issue but some better.  There is no reason to go to ER although the person on phone said they are there if I need to come in.  No, but I know to stay in, to stay down.  Praying for others who have symptoms to do so.

Thankful for a woman interviewed on national news who had similar situation.  A nurse probably in early 40's, whose symptoms began with sniffles.  She was told nothing to be concerned about by two providers.  Finally she had husband take her to ER as she as having hard time standing without feeling faint.  (Had also had body aches and as if stabbing muscle pains that had subsided but the feeling of fainting and simply "not feeling good" continued.)  He took her to ER, and she tested positive for COVID-19, and has viral pneumonia.  That had developed over the time she was sick, but did not mention coughing as a symptom.

So we must be vigilant.  I declined ER and will unless my lungs were to worsen.  I absolutely do not want to spread this to others by going anywhere.  The ER person did tell me to reach out to those I'd been around so they'd be aware I likely have it.  Thankfully as a hermit, and being as sick as I was initially, I was not out and about.  But I've alerted those I visited as well as the parent of youngster I'd been asked to transport twice.  Even then, thinking I had sinus infection, I had us roll down truck windows.  Youngster has been fine and incubation period would be over.  Yet the problem is that young persons are more likely to not have symptoms.

So I figure what the Lord wants of me is to keep PRAYING for salvation of the world and souls, for health to be restored, for people to "play hermit" a little and hunker down especially if feeling under the weather, and for me to keep PRAISING Him for all the good that He will bring from this situation.  I'm certainly, myself, appreciating the added humility that comes from not at all being heeded by the person who has been out and about today, even though the spouse could have gone, or better yet, and adult family member much younger could pick up their pet food and human food they wanted--abundance of caution.  We will see how that situation unfolds. 

But we see just the obstacles those trying to lead us through this be it national or state level, or community level or the ER's and the health providers who now are surely becoming aware to not be dismissive of cases that don't fit neatly into their initial criteria for the virus.  Yes, I would love to have such as a nebulizer to breathe in healing and soothing medicated air into my lungs.  I recall my mother using that equipment in her 18 months on earth with a mystifying case of pulmonary fibrosis that killed her gradually.  Never a smoker, not a coal miner!  The specialists said she must have been exposed to asbestos or some substance even years ago, or when young.

However, I don't want to wear myself out further by going anywhere at all, and I don't want to even expose ER personnel.  I can't be sure it was one of the first two planes--could have been Uber driver or virus in his car from some passenger without symptoms, or thinking had but a cold or "sniffles."  We all must do our best, though, to humble ourselves and sacrifice our routines and desires, and to practice the virtues especially of patience, self-control, fortitude, faith and hope in God, and above all, charity!

As St. Padre Pio always told people with concerns:  "Pray, hope, and don't worry."

God bless His Real Presence in us! 

Catholic Hermit: St. Teresa of Calcutta on Humility

Love these thoughts on humility from No Greater Love written by Mother Teresa.  She writes, personally, from a heart of wisdom, grace, and total humility.  Expresses much of what I feel and experience, what so many of us feel and experience.  Know you loving, desirous-of-Christ readers will find the following inspiring, also!


"I don't think there is anyone who needs God's help and grace as much as I do.  Sometimes I feel so helpless and weak.  I think that is why God uses me.  Because I cannot depend on my own strength, I rely on Him twenty-four hours a day.  If the day had even more hours, then I would need His help and grace during those hours as well.  All of us must cling to God through prayer.  My secret is very simple:  I pray.  Through prayer I become one in love with Christ.  I realize that praying to Him is loving Him....

"People are hungry for the Word of God that will give peace, that will give unity, that will give joy.  But you cannot give what you don't have.  That's why it is necessary to deepen your life of prayer.  Be sincere in your prayers.  Sincerity is humility, and you acquire humility only by accepting humiliations.  All that has been said about humility is not enough to teach you humility.  You learn humility only by accepting humiliations.  And you will meet humiliation all through your life.  The greatest humiliation is to know that you are nothing.  This you come to know when you face God in prayer. 

"Often a deep and fervent look at Christ is the best prayer:  I look at Him and He looks at me.  When you come face to face with God, you cannot but know that you are nothing, that you have nothing."

Accept humiliations.  I suppose even appreciate them especially much for the gift of humility that they bring us.  I also appreciate Mother Teresa realizing that God used her (and no doubt still very much utilizes her in heaven) because she was helpless and weak.  This gives me great consolation, for I am so helpless and weak these days, and in actuality have been so all my life, despite the blessings of Jesus' graces and helping me through marvelous and unexpected means, angels, saints, and fellow human beings.

But Mother Teresa's secret is that she prays.  Let us all benefit from her secret and to pray and pray.  And along with prayer, let us praise God always, for praise can be inherent in prayer.  Our prayer can become praise, as much as pain can become prayer.  Can pain, then, become praise?  I will ponder this insight that came just now.  Praise God!

I also love that of knowing that the greatest humiliation is that I am nothing.  We all are nothing and we have nothing.  All Is God.  And that, dear spiritual friends and readers, for whom I pray and thank you for praying for me--for deeper conversions in God's will and to love God and love as God loves--is a truth for which I used to be and just recently again was criticized by someone who struck up a conversation with me.  

Many people do not like me to say or write that I am nothing.  But it is the truth.  Mother Teresa knew that truth and embraced it, and also embraced that we have nothing--all is God's, and if we "possess" any object, person, thing, thought, feeling, or someone, these are actually not "ours" but rather are lent us by God for a breath of temporal time.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Praise God for any and all humiliations given us!  



    

Illegal Catholic Hermit: Hermit Watchfulness and Humility

From the Forty Texts on Watchfulness (nepsis) by St. Philotheos of Sinai, no. 39 and no. 40:

"39.  An unexpected event or misfortune considerably disrupts the mind's attentiveness; and, by dislodging the intellect from its concentration on higher realities and from its noble state of virtue, it diverts it towards sinful quarrelsomeness and wrangling.  The cause of this overthrow is assuredly our lack of attention to the enemy's attacks.

"40.  None of the painful things that happen to us every day will injure or distress us once we perceive and continually mediate on their purpose. It is in account of this that St. Paul says:  'I take delight in weakness, insults, and hardships' (2 Cor 12:10); and:  'All who seek to live a holy life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution' (2 Tim 3:12).  To Him be glory through the ages.  Amen."


My day today has been that of increased pain, but I am plowing through with having prayed and read more of Galatians and some commentaries and writings of saints and popes regarding the intent and meaning of what St. Paul exhorts and explains.  Was up in the night with too much pain, and that remains the effects of this day, thus far. I still hope in God to be able to dress and do a little bit of manual labor.

The sunshine is glorious, and I'm ever grateful for all the good God brings:  many blessings!  My delight in Scripture is noted; as I was praying the Divine Office and reviewing Paul's Letter to the Galatians, I realized just how alive does God's Living Word become within, and how much Scriptures delight me.  It is as God is explaining all, answering any and all of my wondering thoughts, and giving me great peace as well as courage.  Joy and peace are two of several fruit of Scriptures--even if we see an aspect of which we desire to improve our minds, hearts, and souls--and also bodies, for the Lord cares about all aspects of our lives.

The devil did up-end me some upon waking, for I must have been dreaming of some aspect of past, of a most happy time in life when children quite young, and time with them treasured in my heart and memories.  Such a blessing from God to have sent me back to rear my children and fulfill my mission (of which I continue to not know for certain, other than praying that somehow I am in some way fulfilling the mission He wills of me). 

Loving Him, being close in Him, writing of Him and sharing with Him of my life and innermost thoughts through writing and more so of all the other intimacies between myself and God throughout the day--surely that is part of my mission in this life.  My soul increasingly in love and focused on Christ Jesus, my Beloved Spouse, and of my loving God above all else and in Him, loving others as God loves us all: purpose and mission, could be!

As a convert to Catholicism years ago--after resisting for at least ten years prior to my Confirmation--I have always related extra-much with this Scripture selection from the Gospel of Matthew 15.  In writing out this excerpt from St. John Chrysostom's homilies on these Scriptures, especially do I love the fact that the woman is not put off but persists in her selfless request, born of love of her daughter and faith in Jesus to help rid the demon from her child.

"When she came up to Jesus, The Canaanite woman just said these words:  'Have pity on me' (Mt 15:22) and her repeated cries drew a large crowd of people. It was a touching sight to see this woman crying out with such great feeling, a mother pleading on behalf of her daughter, a child who was so severely possessed....  She didn't say:  'Have pity on my daughter' but 'Have pity on me.'  'My daughter is not aware of her plight, but I, I experience sufferings in profusion; it makes me ill to see her in such a state; I am almost out of my mind at seeing her like this.'

"Jesus answered her:  'I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel (Mt 15:24).  Now what did the Canaanite woman do when she heard these words?  Did she lose heart?  Not in the least!  She urged him even more.  This is not what we do when our prayers are not answered:  we turn away in discouragement whereas we ought to be pleading even more insistently.  Who, it is true, would not be discouraged by Jesus' response?  his silence would have been enough to take away all hope....  This woman, however, does not lose heart; to the contrary, she comes nearer to him and bows to the ground saying:  'Lord, help me (v.25)....  If I am a little dog in this house then I am no longer a foreigner.  I well know that food is necessary for children..., but it cannot be forbidden to give away crumbs.  They should not be refused me...because I am a little dog who cannot be pushed aside....'

"It was because he foresaw her answer that Christ delayed to grant her prayer....  His replies were not intended to cause this woman pain but to reveal this hidden treasure." 

Absolutely love the elements of humility and of abject nothingness in these Scriptures.  Jesus loves the lesser, the least of these:  the anawim.  I have been also reading St. Augustine's thoughts on Paul's Letter to the Galatians, as well as other saints and magisterium writers.  The answer within begins to take shape and form; the pleasure of His Real Presence in each of our lives unfolds when we seek and being to find in the silence and stillness within.  All is well and all shall be well; St. Julian of Norwich repeated this from the Holy Spirit.  Yes, all shall be well!

Going to light a candle by Our Lady of Solitude/Suffering here in Solus Deus Hermitage bedroom where I will renew the Vow of Consecration of Suffering I offered, with my late Spiritual Da receiving and witnessing, 20 years ago today.  The vows and offerings made from within our hearts and souls, and prompted in the mind by the Holy Spirit to formulate and then discern with spiritual father, do mean much to God and come from within our depths of intentions and love of Christ Jesus.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  

Catholic Hermit: Follow Naked, the Naked Christ

The Lord has spoken, in this consecrated Catholic hermit's consideration of His hermit having a pet. 

(I love the verses in 1 Samuel in which the young Samuel continues to be awakened, hearing the voice of God calling his name.  Samuel being young and inexperienced in locutions or the Lord speaking directly to him, goes to the priest Eli, thinking it is he who called him in the night.  Finally Eli realizes that it is the Lord calling Samuel; he instructs the youth to answer if called again, saying, "Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.")

So it is that I have, over the years, when faced with a decision or even when not, repeat this line in my inner senses, asking the Lord to speak to me, and that I am listening.  When we ask the Lord to help us in discerning the aspects of our lives, not only may we ask the Lord to help us, to speak to us, to show us in whatever ways the Lord may choose, our major effort then is to listen.

Listening is not easy in the temporal world, and it is definitely not easy in the spiritual sense, as our thoughts and feelings are so aroused and integrated with many of the decisions we face.  Yet, when we persist in prayer and do all we can to still our thoughts and feelings, or at least to list pro's and con's, and seek some input from others, we can then in the silence of our more stilled minds and hearts, hear God's answer in the stillness of our souls.

A few days ago someone had contacted me, wanting counsel on a dilemma faced.  I wrote back, mentioning first of all:  Die to yourself!  Then I analyzed the person's situation, in the way I tend to do, pulling out all bits of realities that may be cluttering the person's viewpoints, and sparing no effort in being honest even to the details of what may be emotionally affecting the person's thoughts and feelings regarding the dilemma.  Yes, in this I risk the person being upset, for often we humans do not want to do deep cleaning and seeking of our inner "houses".  So easy for us to want to stuff feelings down, hide away realities, deny truths and avoid the dying to self of which we Christians are called in following Christ.

The person contacted me, explained dies to self daily in giving of self to family.  Yes, I had prodded the inner recesses, and I soothed some, for there also was a temporal reality in which the person felt there was not time to literally clean out a lot of clutter that had accumulated in their abode over the years, and especially, as I pointed out, in the several years of some major health calamities that their family faced and lived through.  So there are quite valid reasons involved in decisions, and I pointed out the factual aspects, and that it is quite fair enough to make a decision based on the external realities--but that the person knows when asking me for counsel, that there will be a thorough examination so that the person may get to all facets of what may be troubling the person.

The person understood, and we were able to discuss that of dying to self, and of course, that I am called to do that, myself, often.  But in the person's case, other factors helped make the decision needed to be made.  Ironically, though, since our communication, circumstances have changed, and the person has taken steps that were part of the examination of facets of the dilemma the person faced.  Someone is helping to get their abode tidied despite a few days remaining before a type of deadline.  God handles all aspects of our lives when we ask and then listen.  Input from others is helpful in deeper examination of our dilemmas, as trusted others will be honest with us.

Yes, some people seek out those who will tell them what they want to hear and who will support them no matter, not wanting to stir the waters or in some cases, poke a bear!  Each of us, if we tend to be ones of whom others now and then seek counsel, must ask the Lord and listen, what is our role and duty according to His will.  Mine is to die to self even in this role of any seeking counsel:  honesty, intelligence, thorough examination, critical thinking, non-judgment, Scriptural backing, but reality therapy...!  They dying to self on my part includes being willing for those seeking my counsel, to react with upset, denial of the realities exposed, or even deciding to not seek counsel of me again.

We must consider the rich young man who asked Jesus for advice and counsel, with a question as to how he could get into the Kingdom of Heaven.  The young man was not able to accept the reality of the answer nor to do--at least at that time--what Jesus said was needed.  The young man walked away; Jesus watched as he walked away, but Jesus did not call after or chase after, nor did He dilute the reality of what would be needed.  Essentially, Jesus tells us we must die to ourselves, be able to part with the temporal possessions as well as the mental and emotional baggage:  all hindrances.

We must be willing to, able to, and in whatever situations that do arise--over time we must act on removing the hindrances, much as the person who contacted me is now getting help to remove the temporal clutter that had accumulated.  And there is no judgment by God nor should be by us; there are reasons why our possessions in, of body, mind, and heart pile up or accumulate.  And we then have situations present themselves, in which the Lord is asking us, allowing us, the opportunity to address the situations, the dilemmas, and to remove or give away or die to ourselves in some aspect or other, or to walk away from doing so, if we are unable yet or unwilling...at that time.

We do not know from Scripture if the young man who did not follow Jesus nor felt able to get rid of his "possessions" at that time when he asked Jesus what he needed to do to enter the Kingdom of God, that the young man did not later on, or in bits and pieces over course of his life, give away his "possessions" and without hindrances follow Jesus.  After all, we may follow Jesus even if we have many hindrances we are lugging along with us.  After awhile, we become weary or the hindrances too great of obstacles, and we may drop them off, one by one or many or eventually all or nearly so.  What we do not die to in this life, of which the mental and emotional attachments may be more challenging and burdensome than the temporal--we carry with us when we pass over.  Our choice!

So it is, that with my own dilemma of somehow having a latent need, or perhaps it was more a broader, hidden aspect and attachment, an inability to see a reality or accept a current reality--the Lord has definitively helped me let go, die to self, face the reality, make a choice in line with His will for me and of which He did not push nor dictate.  The Lord simply gave me some signals, in the end, as to my idea, my desire for having a pet in the hermitage and in my hermit daily life.

No.  I will not have a pet, nor will I ever in what earthly life is left for me, have a pet.  The Lord has for me a narrower path.  This path He increasingly narrows in my spiritual progression as a Christian, as a soul, a child of God, a victim soul of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, a parent of adult children and grandparent of three adolescent and teen grandchildren, in addition to my consecrated Catholic, eremitic life.

And I accept.  It was not without some mental and emotional pain.  Two persons gave input, suggesting a cat not a dog--unless I have allergies, which I do, and of course cats are not going to provide enforced walking as they do not take to leashes and hiking!  But the one person then was supportive, recognizing the functional and emotional reasons I had openly admitted as would be helpful.  But at the same time, the young woman (and her husband) who have these non-shedding, hypo-allergenic, larger breed pups, texted last night, as I lay in bed again, plenty of burning pain after having been up for awhile, making myself stay up and also increase stamina for sitting despite the pain that causes.

She texted that if I did decide against having the puppy, she would refund 80% of deposit.  Earlier in the day I had found out that there is a family who would really like the puppy, but of course there was no pressure on me.  I had wanted to know if a back-up person, for I have taken this decision seriously and a huge part of it was if the Lord wanted of me or feels of me Himself, that I am capable of the narrower path, the stricter separation from the world, the deeper silence of solitude, the higher points of the hermit vocation ideal, of the following of Christ in a type of utter nakedness.

What comes to mind is the ancient Christian ascetics motto:  Nudum Christum, nudus sequere.  Follow naked, the naked Christ. 

God did take pity on me, by my not having me "pay" a price in addition to facing a deep and intensely painful reality of His desires and expectations for me to detach all the more, to let go of connections to this temporal life as well as roots going way back to childhood.  There was a beloved dog.  I was the one to find him hanging, drowned--and the shock of that was immense for a child of a pet who had filled in some aspects of emotional blessing in the three years "Mel" was my faithful pal and enforcer of my tending and responsible care.  (Way back, I was very spiritual, always symbolic, so the pet's name well thought out by a little kid. Mel was named for Melchior, one of the three wisemen for whom I named him on Christmas Day, 1961.)

The main issue this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has been contending with, the Lord needing me to expose from deep within and in the present moment, is facing and accepting my now consistently higher level of constant pain, the likely cessation of my intestines functioning, and the reality of God calling me to a higher ideal and level of all that is entailed in the hermit vocation, as well as my deeper commitment in following Christ, stripped to my core.

(However, I emphasize that there is nothing written in church documents or would be, that a hermit ought not have a pet.  A hermit having a pet may be a blessing in various ways, depending upon the hermit and in what phase or degree of unique way the Lord is leading the person, the hermit.)

The Lord is my comfort, my constant companion, my ALL.  In fact, throughout my forage into all the positives for my having a pet, the reminder of what has been an innate and Holy Spirit inspired utterance for fifteen years, kept playing in my mind.  My Love, my Love, my only Love!  The cross, the cross, and only the cross!  The Holy Spirit also reminded me that my hermitage is truly that of Solus Deus:  God alone!  This is not the first named thus of a hermitage.  My very first hermitage 20 years ago, had the "Solus Deus" sign hanging on my porch, a sign I will hang here but not visible to public.  I have learned what "hidden from the eyes of men" means within and why this phrase is included in what the Church desires and wisely challenges Her hermits to grasp, become, and remain.  Being hidden, for a hermit, is another dying to self.

(I plan to write about narcissism in hermits, and of how various pernicious disorders may arise when vices go uncorrected in anyone's soul, but how it is especially detrimental to hermit purpose and progression.)

So it is that this hermit will not ever have a pet.  Yes, I had an unexpected emotional reaction when I accepted the Lord's answer, when He nudged the seller to persist a bit, for I suspect they preferred the puppy to go to the family--and of course I think pets are best with more than one person, although I have pointed out the good of service and therapy animals.  To help with my sadness, as there is always some grieving in death, of which dying to self is very much a death, a loss, a letting go of some part of ourselves, I focused on the family last night, who would be--children especially--ecstatic with excitement that they were getting the puppy after all!  To focus all the more, I put into my imaging, my eldest child and her husband and two daughters, and I visualized their joy and excitement as if they were the family hearing the puppy news last night.

I'm praying to recognize my angel's efforts--doing all possible to help me get up and be more mobile physically.  However, I'm also willing to accept that the pain has me debilitated from fatigue.  Tomorrow I meet with the priest, and will find out who he has in mind as a spiritual director. It may work out or not; but we hermits ought remain open to trial and error in all aspects. 

I also will discuss with the priest who is older, wiser, and some knowledgeable of the mystics and more spiritually acute than others, how he views traditional, privately professed hermits as opposed to the publicly professed diocese hermits.  I realize readers continue to inquire, and there is contradictory information being promoted online, elsewhere, including created notions and terminology as if fact.  I will ask if he thinks I should also meet with the bishop, as well, to clarify what seem to be misconceptions and contradictions being promoted and created, online. 

(Perhaps he will think privately professed Catholic hermits ought sign after their names, "erem.cpp" or "erem.tcpp" or some such created designation to distinguish us from the "erem.dio" that has been created and promoted by someone or other in the past few years?  I jest, as attempts to advertise, identify, distinguish, or promote ourselves by creating initials, akin to what religious orders do of necessity due to different charisms and orders, to identify themselves, their group, is not a hermit tradition or practice, nor is it necessary whatsoever for any hermit, no matter if publicly or privately professed.  However, since there is now in the past recent years, the inclusion of publicly professed hermits, attached to particular dioceses, perhaps it is necessary for the two types of hermits to be distinguished, one from the other?  Fascinating and quite temporal topic and question.)

Now, forward and onward in the serious and legitimate focus of my mission and purpose as a consecrated Catholic hermit, a Christian, an eremite striving in following Christ on His narrow path, of dying to self increasingly--and thus not seriously or foolishly interested in adding initials following my name or any title or designation.  Nudum Christum, nudus sequere!

And, with that, also very much:  God Bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Confirmation Saint; Soul School

Yesterday, off and on, amidst the on-going higher level of suffering, I considered with great gratitude and love, the brief life of Sr. Josefa Menendez.  She died nearly 100 years ago in a convent in France where she had been sent from a brief stay at a convent in Spain, her native country.  

Not knowing French, she was otherwise cordoned off, regardless, for she was a mystic and victim soul, as well.  Jesus visited her regularly in her cell, set off from others by a superior who feared the disruption Josefa's mysticism and victim soul sufferings would create with the other sisters in the convent.  

While some might find it quite difficult to fathom how a Catholic religious, let alone a superior of a convent, be so cruel and have perhaps her own envy of Josefa's spiritual gifts and the especial love of Jesus for her, such ignorant and negative, fearful attitudes toward mystics and victim souls persist today, as they have for centuries.  

We human beings can be quite nasty and cruel, even those who profess to be in the consecrated life of the Church, even if claiming some legal status or position, or even some ordained in holy orders.  Mercy, Lord, have mercy on us pathetic creatures when status and legalism, when ignorance of God's law of love and the viciousness of pride and envy bite our very souls themselves, to a point we can no longer see our own hypocrisies.

When it came time for me to be confirmed a Catholic, I had quite the inner debate as to whom to ask to be my confirmation patron saint.  I greatly love and admire Teresa of Avila, for she appeared to me in a vision in broad daylight, in a classroom of adults in our doctoral clinical psychology program of studies.  I had done a rare thing--volunteered for a demonstration by the professor of a technique for use with patients, when instead, this old house appeared, and I was beckoned forth, to enter inside.  

Within, I was drawn to a room in the back right of the dwelling, where sat on a wood stool at a slant-top, old writing table, a woman clothed in dark, simple garment--to me like a robe-like covering, with what I later would be able to label as a religious habit, with veil or covering over her head and across forehead, but her face bespectacled, rimless.  She was an old woman, and she was writing on parchment, a quill ink pen in hand which she'd dip into a container of ink.

She indicated to me she wished to speak.  I relayed this to the professor sitting beside me in front of the roomful of adults in full and astonished silence as I had been describing what I was experiencing in real time, and the professor asking questions and suggesting questions to ask this unexpected person whom I could see clearly, but no others could see or, soon enough, hear her speaking.

So at first, when the woman began to speak, I would repeat as the professor suggested I do so--share what this woman who I could identify as seemingly from the Middle Ages, was saying to me.  But at some point early on, the woman's voice was able to use my throat and voice box, as far more efficient way of communicating her messages which soon enough were clearly great wisdoms and insights.  

Her messages were tremendous helps to me personally, and at first seemed directed to what the others did not know had occurred with me the day prior.  I had been told by a second-opinion spine specialist at Scripps Medical Center, LaJolla, CA, that my then-recent spine surgery and the emergency spine surgery after I'd died in recovery, had caused what the specialists said, would be a life of pain of which I'd have to learn to live a life I never dreamed I'd have to live.

But the old woman's insights eclipsed my personal needs and began to encompass wisdoms of spiritual dimensions beyond normal considerations.  She spoke of suffering in terms sublime and supernatural, and of suffering in conjunction with love, and into Christ's love and light, and of unconditional love, also, as means of union with Christ and of superseding physical pain.

She also, then, at the same time, seem to know the thoughts of others in the room.  She knew one woman in particular was antagonistic to what the woman was sharing, using my voice to do so.  (That in itself was a profoundly strange and unique experience for me: practical, functional, yet surreal!)  Regardless, the woman spoke out and said there is one who wishes to ask me questions, and directed this to the student in the room who had firm new age ideologies, and who was not liking one bit this woman's definite religious and Christian, holy wisdom and insights.

I will say the old woman who sat at her desk, visibly before me, and at the same time speaking through me in her stilted voice, an unfamiliar-to-me accent, but speaking in English, most definitely held her own with the new age woman.  I guess we'd say the old woman "shut her down" by wisdom and logic, if not also with a firmness of authority that astounded me--and I think others in the room, as well.  The professor was certainly speechless with this profound authority of messages elevated and as coming from beyond this world, this life.

No one else, after the new age woman's attempt to disagree with what the old woman had shared, and without a chance of coming close to succeeding against supernal truths, had more to ask.  The woman I could see and who was using my voice, finished, dissipated from view and corporeal presence.  The professor called for a class break; the adults erupted in exclamations and amazement.

So while I had no idea who was the woman in the vision and who spoke profoundly in specific ways to help me (and as it turned out, anyone) deal with suffering, understand suffering as God's perfect purpose and part of His plan, and how suffering teaches, and suffering is as God's love, and to embrace and suffer in His love--I will never forget her.  

About that time I came to encounter some Catholic writings; one such was that of Teresa of Avila's autobiography.  Still, I did not connect her as one and the same woman who appeared and spoke in what remains a first and only public, verbal encounter witnessed by a group.  I would not recognize her until I was given a holy card with a replica time-period, painting of the saint on the card.

Thus when I was deciding upon which of two persons who I wanted to give thanks and ask their patronage in my Catholic confirmation (private instruction, private confirmation), it was between Teresa of Avila and Sr. Josefa Menendez, the mystic and suffering victim soul and relatively little known woman, one of three daughters of a widowed mother who did not want her daughter to leave for the convent, until finally she relented--neither mother or daughter knowing the nuns would send her immediately to one of their convents in Poitier, France, far from her family, never to see them again.

But I had not yet made the Teresa of Avila direct connection from the prayer card image; it had not been given me yet; and I asked Teresa of Avila whose writings I so admired and felt integral connection, to help me decide.  I realized Teresa as Doctor of the Church and canonized saint, a foundress and reformer of the discalced Carmelites, was a powerfully endowed soul, indeed!  

Yet I thought of Teresa's strength of humility, and of her writings so practical and spiritually endowed, both--and figured she'd be pleased if I would take the patronage of this persecuted, misunderstood, victim soul and mystic who died young, just as in many ways my life was truncated when relatively young, my earthly crucifixion from normal life having come at age 33.  I figured Teresa to be pleased I'd befriend the little-known sister whose writings I'd just recently been given to read by the priest who the Lord had directed me to contact in another odd set of circumstances which included a locution telling me "and this is the priest to whom you are to go!"  

Sister Josefa Menendez it is!  When I finally saw a photo of her face, she looked like a dear and lovely young woman who had so willingly helped me and my three young children, following the spine surgeries and after my parents returned to their home in another state, after taking care of us for three months following the surgeries in 1987.  

How amazing is our Lord God, Creator of heaven and earth and of all life, our Teacher, our Savior, our Redeemer, our Love!

While I've shared more about my encountering so personally, Teresa of Avila, I've not shared much of Sr. Josefa Menendez other than she is my confirmation saint, and her death day ad commemoration day, thus, in my heart and mind and soul, is December 29.  I'm not sure where is her process of canonization other than perhaps in the early phase of Servant of God, if that.  It does not matter, not to her, I'm sure, in her tremendous humility and her place in heaven for eternity.  

But what does matter to me is that I have not re-read her diary (The Way of Divine Love) in a long time, and I do not think of her nearly as would be delightful to her and to Christ, and helpful to my mind, heart, and spirit.  And of my spirit--admittedly it is struggling currently in ways difficult to describe--and truly not defensible for someone who is a consecrated Catholic hermit for two decades and a bit more from the first recognition of God's calling me to this vocation.  

Even my excuses of the added abdominal suffering to the spine and tooth pain, and of the specific, strangely sensing of my unknowings in passing over into another phase--these excuses are simply as worn out as is my temporal body!  Not going to cut it in the abundance of spiritual life of faith, hope, and love in God--these excuses!

And yes, it is allowable for one to have a technically non-canonized "saint" to be a confirmation saint, for any who are into legalisms, of which law and order do have their places in our temporal lives as well as the life and structure of the temporal Catholic world, to a certain degree if not ever overshadowing God's supreme Law of Love.

My life increasingly has evolved and been enhanced so much further and beyond the fussings or claims of ones who clasp at authority in some temporal or assumed legalism, fashioned or formed.  There is a blessing in gift of enough suffering to propel one through and onto other, into supernatural realities that pare the mind, heart and soul to a nib of what one has been  (yes, a true has-been) or thought to have been--and still remain quite imperfect yet not imprisoned in ego, or delusion of position or grandeur.  

May God be praised in His gift to us of His suffering, and when we are asked to share in His sufferings of many-facets.  May we persevere in suffering, learning from Him and of His love.  Love to suffer, and suffer to love.  Some learn well in suffering; some such as myself, struggle but yet learn:  Thanks be to God. 

Pain and suffering after a certain extent of its pummeling good, is quite effective in humbling to even the humility of exhaustion.  There seems nothing remaining but God alone.  And this is only the beginning of what is positive potential of God's All, all the more to our increased and ever more increasing nothingness.

When others do not understand this, and when those without knowledge or coursework or hypocritically claim authenticity, or as if promulgating: who is this or not that, legal or not legal, authorized or not, it is only that their paths of learning in soul school differ or are in other-pace and trajectory, or that they have not yet come to grasp some part of all the lessons of mind, heart, and spirit our souls are here on earth to learn.  We are all in soul school here, learning in varying earth-timeliness and modalities.

And not to worry, if souls do not learn what it is we are to learn on earth--particularly learn to love and the various virtues such as graciousness, kindness, and humility.  Our souls will and must, simply yet incontestably, continue to learn what is not learned here.  When we pass over from temporal life to fully spiritual life, we continue our unique yet also universal soul-learning in what some have termed as "purgatory"--as a phase in eternal life of which we are purged of that which hindered us here and we did not learn to overcome or to embrace of what is necessary for great purity and light, to unite with God fully, as One.

I consider Sr. Josefa in her little cell, sewing clothing for children the convent sisters were helping, and while sewing in the solitary confinement, she suffered as Jesus' beloved victim soul, and she was far from alone despite the misguided intentions of her Mother Superior.  Her seeming isolation, yes, caused intrigue and gossip among the other sisters, but Sr. Josefa prepared by the guidance of Jesus and Mary, in her various passings, until her physical passing over once and for all from this earth, no longer relegated to a physical body or a physical cell in a distant corner of a convent in France.

She's rather ideal for this consecrated Catholic hermit, with the added sufferings physical and whatever otherwise, and in this phase of added unknowings of passings over.  God bless Josefa Menendez!  God thank her for her life and humble example of hidden nothingness and bearing suffering and misguidedly, misunderstood persecutions of all types!  God bless Josefa's human imperfections of which she was the first to note, as well!

And God bless His Real Presence in us here and beyond here, in the there that is eternal light and bliss!