Catholic Hermit's Heart Best Here

Yet today in upper echelons of physical pain.  The mind and emotions were dipping into the past, having regrets for choices that seem to have not brought blessings from God to the Catholic hermit, nor to others close at heart.  Such dark thoughts, spurred by the devil who is adept at moving in on bodily pain to create upset--vied for inner space.  

This all-the-more-nothing-reduced-by-pain Catholic hermit finally recognized the tricks of the evil one and turned to Him Who strengthens the heart:  Jesus Christ, the Beloved Spouse.  The words across the centuries, inspired by His Real Presence and penned by a man named Thomas a Kempis, seem apt today.  This particular selection, where the hermit had last left off reading, sets straight the mind's path and leads straight to the heart of God's matters. 

The hermit remains downed in bed but not now downcast in spirit. Separating the sentences in the selection below, helps the eyes and mind slow the speed of reading for better absorption of holy wisdom.  Any cares and trials of life--the past, the present, and future unknowns--are answered in the clear light of words that release and lift from deceptive snares.

This Catholic Hermit's heart is best when turned to His Real Presence and reminded of that which is of most importance on earth and in heaven, in all our lives no matter what.  Read the following from The Imitation of Christ, Book Two, Chapter One: Meditation.  Discover for yourselves if your heart is best here, as well. 


The kingdom of God is within you,” says the Lord. 

Turn, then, to God with all your heart.

Forsake this wretched world and your soul shall find rest.

Learn to despise external things, to devote yourself to those that are within, and you will see the kingdom of God come unto you, that kingdom which is peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, gifts not given to the impious.

Christ will come to you offering His consolation, if you prepare a fit dwelling for Him in your heart, whose beauty and glory, wherein He takes delight, are all from within. 

His visits with the  inward man are frequent, His communion sweet and full of consolation, His peace great, and His intimacy wonderful indeed.

Therefore, faithful soul, prepare your heart for this Bridegroom that He may come and dwell within you; He Himself says: “If any one love Me, he will keep My word, and My Father will love him, and We will come to him, and will make Our abode with him.”

Give place, then, to Christ, but deny entrance to all others, for when you have Christ you are rich and He is sufficient for you.

He will provide for you.

He will supply your every want, so that you need not trust in frail, changeable men.

Christ remains forever, standing firmly with us to the end.

Do not place much confidence in weak and mortal man, helpful and friendly though he be; and do not grieve too much if he sometimes opposes and contradicts you.

Those who are with us today may be against us tomorrow, and vice versa, for men change with the wind.

Place all your trust in God; let Him be your fear and your love.

He will answer for you; He will do what is best for you.

You have here no lasting home.

You are a stranger and a pilgrim wherever you may be, and you shall have no rest until you are wholly united with Christ.

Why do you look about here when this is not the place of your repose?

Dwell rather upon heaven and give but a passing glance to all earthly things.

They all pass away, and you together with them.

Take care, then, that you do not cling to them lest you be entrapped and perish.

Fix your mind on the Most High, and pray unceasingly to Christ.

If you do not know how to meditate on heavenly things, direct your thoughts to Christ's passion and willingly behold His sacred wounds.
  
If you turn devoutly to the wounds and precious stigmata of Christ, you will find great comfort in suffering, you will mind but little the scorn of men, and you will easily bear their slanderous talk. 

When Christ was in the world, He was despised by men; in the hour of need He was forsaken by acquaintances and left by friends to the depths of scorn. 

He was willing to suffer and to be despised; do you dare to complain of anything? 

He had enemies and defamers; do you want everyone to be your friend, your benefactor? 

How can your patience be rewarded if no adversity test it? 

How can you be a friend of Christ if you are not willing to suffer any hardship? 

Suffer with Christ and for Christ if you wish to reign with Him. 

Had you but once entered into perfect communion with Jesus or tasted a little of His ardent love, you would care nothing at all for your own comfort or discomfort but would rejoice in the reproach you suffer; for love of Him makes a man despise himself. 

A man who is a lover of Jesus and of truth, a truly interior man who is free from uncontrolled affections, can turn to God at will and rise above himself to enjoy spiritual peace. 

He who tastes life as it really is, not as men say or think it is, is indeed wise with the wisdom of God rather than of men. 

He who learns to live the interior life and to take little account of outward things, does not seek special places or times to perform devout exercises. 

A spiritual man quickly recollects himself because he has never wasted his attention upon externals. 

No outside work, no business that cannot wait stands in his way. 

He adjusts himself to things as they happen. 

He whose disposition is well ordered cares nothing about the strange, perverse behavior of others, for a man is upset and distracted only in proportion as he engrosses himself in externals. 

If all were well with you, therefore, and if you were purified from all sin, everything would tend to your good and be to your profit. 

But because you are as yet neither entirely dead to self nor free from all earthly affection, there is much that often displeases and disturbs you. 

Nothing so mars and defiles the heart of man as impure attachment to created things. 

But if you refuse external consolation, you will be able to contemplate heavenly things and often to experience interior joy.

Spiritual Reading, Spiritual Progress, Suffering

 "It was fitting that God, for whom and through whom all things exist, in bringing many children to glory, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through sufferings" (from Hebrews, Chapter 1). 

This Scripture, from one of this hermit's favorite books of the Bible, spoke sensible reminder this morning, regarding suffering.  Am in such pain!  And while Jesus is the pioneer of our salvation through His sufferings, we bear our sufferings through, with, and in His Real Presence--the Trinity in us, deep in our souls.

Must have stood too long in one spot, rolling the dozens of St. Bernard Love of God Bourbon Balls the other day, despite breaking the efforts into three segments of time, including one segment the night before.  Then yesterday made a first and second batch of Fortitude Fudge and for the first time used the new stove.

Too tired to drive the distance to the post office, but figured out how to schedule a pick up here at the hermitage.  At first, when trying to schedule on line, kept getting a message that the address did not match their records.   Called the post office, and a kindly postal worker took the information, said this has never happened before, would research and call back.

When she called a short time later, she informed that this nothing Catholic hermit (did not refer to me as such, of course) had its own address wrong!  So, explaining the chronic pain was wrestling for top spot in the brain, she took pity and repeated the address so this nothing could write it down.  Have been here nearly two years.  Ah, the ravages of pain.

Today am resting, obviously.  But am reflecting upon the phone book discussion with the young spiritual friend, thousands of miles away.  She has come to the recognition that what the author writes is ultra-intellectual and wordy, and the extended quotes of St. Teresa are more understandable than all the words and explanations of the late author.  Nothing hermit chuckled and admitted it had felt that way, too.  

But we agreed that for those who perhaps had no background at all in the spiritual life nor in the lives of two great saints, the book might be helpful and all the explanations--those of the saints and those of the late author trying to better explain what the saints explain--might be just what those readers need.  The young, married woman and mother did add that her spiritual director said last time they met, that reading St. Teresa's Way of Perfection is next.

Yes.  Why is it that some priests or ourselves (and perhaps mostly us) think we cannot make sense of what the saints write, and thus turn to books that interfere with the one-on-one relationship we could have directly with the saint and his or her own thoughts, put down in writing and available centuries after their earthly passings?

When trying to locate what the late great Adolphe Tanquerey wrote about fortitude, in his section on virtues, in his excellent book The Spiritual Life: A Treatise on Ascetical and Mystical Theology--came upon a section had forgotten.  He writes specifically on spiritual direction as well as why have a rule of life, and what ought be included.  Plus, he advises that we select only the best of the books to read, written by the saints themselves, as well as the Scriptures, of course.

There is always good to be found in books written by others trying to explain what the saints wrote and meant and taught.  And so the young friend and the nothing Catholic hermit, discussed what stood out from St. Teresa's "mansions" metaphor to describe aspects of the soul's progression through prayer, through the purgative (senses), illuminative (mind), and into the unitive (soul united with God) way.

She was uncertain how a person in the 7th mansion--having experienced not only the betrothal but ultimately the mystical marriage, union with the Divine, could still have temptations to despair, struggles, ups and downs.  St. Teresa's excellent description proved useful in answering.  She explains it is like a king who is in his palace, on his throne, secure in his position as king of the kingdom.  

Yet out in the kingdom there can be battles raging, and chaos and despair, hardships and trials swirling about.  (The king might even be called to leave his palace to help fight the foes.)  But all the while, the king is either physically in his palace or otherwise secure in knowing he is the king, and that his chair and seat of power remains secure, as depicted by his throne in the palace.

It is for souls, as well, when the various phases are passed, and the soul has experienced much, including betrothal and some form of raptures and then mystical marriage or union.  Even in the mystical marriage and union, there will be struggles.  One week could be great temptations to despair; the next week there could be blissful peace.  

However, the soul when in this "mansion" or phase of the spiritual life, has arrived at the great and firm awareness that His Real Presence, the Trinity, has made His abode in the soul and remains there, no matter what.  The soul knows this despite battles raging in its daily life, or even battering right up to the "walls" of the soul itself.  Yet, the Trinity, His Real Presence, remains constant and fills the inner sanctum of the soul.

For this nothing Catholic hermit, the reminder has proven encouraging and powerful.  We can judge ourselves (beyond what others may enjoy judging of us) for backsliding or not progressing spiritually.  Shouldn't we have blissful existences, all be a bed of roses, have constantly beaming faces--when we come to union with His Real Presence while yet on earth?

Not so, at least not all the time or even often.  Maybe people think that would be the case, and judge others (or we castigate ourselves) if we do not come to such existence.  In fact, Teresa reminds that if we have what she calls raptures, eventually they can subside.  She explains they occur when the mind fears the unknown, and when His Real Presence takes the soul away with Him for periods of time, in a unitive bliss, yes, it stems from protecting the soul in a way, from such ecstatic love experience with the Divine.  When the soul gradually loses that fear and is more accustomed to His Real Presence in direct embraces of the soul, the raptures may dwindle and sometimes cease altogether.

This, too, is reassuring to nothing Catholic hermit.  There is renewed courage.  And as for salvation being perfected through sufferings--the pioneer of perfecting our salvation through sufferings--we know that all we suffer on this earth is purifying fire, perfecting, when united with His sufferings.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God Is Love!

[Not sure why sometimes the text is on white background rather than the blog post background.  Kind of visually annoying, but what is that little outer battle compared to His Real Presence having His Abode in us?]

One Must Wonder

Late yesterday afternoon, the heat pump, a year old, ceased functioning.  Calls were made to the installer, to no avail.  Called the electrician who has been assisting with the overwhelming work here, re-doing much that the first contractor who cheated, did and did not do well.  Did all the breakers, twice.  Removed batteries and reset the remote for the heater.  Still does not work. 

The cold increased.  Have a space heater trying to keep any bit of warmth.  Found sock hat and today will find the gloves and wool socks.  Got under the covers and tried to stay warm.  Then the power went out totally in this area.  Sometime during the night power was restored, as the space heater turned on again.

Without the heat pump, however, it will be very difficult to exist outside of staying warm in the bed unless wear coat and hat and gloves, and difficult to do work bundled like that inside.  Trying to keep up the attitude, but it is not easy after so much expense and effort, and the memories of nearly freezing to death in here last winter.  Two nights it seemed as if hypothermia would be this hermit's end.  And it would have been all right.

One wonders, or at least this hermit had some thoughts come immediately to mind.  It certainly seems a direct correlation that with the increase in prayerful reading of Scriptures throughout the day and night, the forces of darkness stirred and interfered with the technology of a certain, nearly new, heater.  Then power going out in the area when no winds, was another odd event.

This hermit has had such varied interference with the temporal and especially with electronic items, in the past.  In a lovely home years ago, shortly after converting to Catholicism, the smoke detector would start beeping when the hermit would pray silently.  Seemed to be some direct connection, but in practical wisdom, hired an electrician to check the smoke detector that was near the bedroom, where would pray most, resting in bed or ill in times of pain sieges.

The electrician dismantled the smoke detector and said was not the problem.  He could not figure it out.  With no wires, no batteries in it, he handed the smoke detector to this hermit's hands.  The detector immediately started beeping.  Granted, the electrician was spooked, shrugged his shoulders, said he'd send the bill, and made a quick exit.

On other occasions, when the hermit's children were still young, and the hermit not yet a hermit, at a certain time of intense prayer, the television in another room turned on spontaneously.  There is more to this event, delightfully of God. 

The children were then visiting their father in another state, on enforced visitation.  He had quite a temper, and the children had called to say their father had lost his temper and repeatedly kicked a step-brother.  The police were called by another step-brother.  This hermit's children's father presented himself well to the police, giving them his career and status, and the abused child feared too much to tell the truth.

This hermit had been praying into the night for the safety of the children, far away from home.  It knew the emotional and physical abuse and fear the former husband could invoke.  Thus, in the middle of the night, when the television turned on and quite loudly, this hermit went to that room to figure out, literally, what on earth was going on!

The television was indeed on, a woman psychologist was talking about some child who had been abused by his father.  The psychologist was speaking with a mother on the program, and assured her that the child would be safe and all would be well.  The holy moment was not lost on this hermit who was not a television-watcher; the set had not been on since the children left for their two-week, summer visitation.

On other occasions, this hermit (even as far back as childhood) has had evidence of God's reaching into this temporal realm and utilizing electronic waves to alert and give messages.  Some could term this phenomenon as "telekinesis", or distance movement.  However, these experiences are not the causal effect from a person but rather are of Divine intervention, a telekinetic reaching into the temporal as signals.  Thus, this hermit has for years considered them "signal graces." 

Everyone experiences signal graces.  Not everyone recognizes them as God's reaching into our temporal circumstances as Divine interference, delivering messages or giving reminders of His power and might.  There is always a reason for His reaching in, and since the universe and our bodies are filled with electrons, it makes sense that often the events occur with tangibles of earth, including our bodies.  

In some signal graces that this hermit has experienced over the years, God allowed kinetic interference in ways that allowed the dark angels or forces, to act.  The purpose always seems to be for this hermit to turn body, mind, heart and soul all the more to Him--desiring love, asking for strength and faith, provided as always by His Real Presence.  

The response we must learn to whatever signal graces is to offer more prayer, more praise, more devotion and love--especially love!

When one experiences enough credible and witnessed events of the forces of good and evil interacting through temporal objects and events, there leaves little room for doubt.  The challenge, though, is to remain strong in the midst of difficulties and not to despair.

Last night, the battle was intense; despair was lurking in the cold and dark.  But this hermit endured, and today the dawn breaks, and the prayers must continue, and the body will endure until it cannot endure any longer.  The hermit will call the heat pump installer again and pray he responds. Whatever it takes!

In the worst of the cold of the night and after the area power went out, leaving not even a space heater functioning, the thoughts came that this hermit could not get through another winter like the last one.  The finances are dangerously low now, and the obstacles remain high.  However, thinking one cannot endure another winter like the last is not helpful thinking.  It lacks faith.  It lacks a certain detachment from the physical and from willing what one desires and not leaving all to God.  

Such thoughts do not reflect the Order of the Present Moment which would have the thoughts and the will place all trust in His Real Presence in each moment.  If that moment arrives in which it cannot endure, His Real Presence will be the One to determine that moment--not this hermit.

Even if the hermit has to hibernate like a bear and remain under the covers for the bulk of the days and nights, that is what will be.  "What is the worst that can happen?" keeps all in better perspective, as well as to meditate upon Jesus' nights when he went off to the mountain to pray.  

That became the thought last night, here in Te Deum Hermitage.  Surely Jesus experienced cold.  There was no harnessed electricity in His time on earth.  He had no bed in the mountains, no heavy blankets, no sock hat, no gloves, no flashlight, no bucket, no roof overhead when it rained.

______________

From today's Gospel reading at Mass:

Then he [Jesus] told this parable: ‘A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and found none. So he said to the gardener, “See here! For three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree, and still I find none. Cut it down! Why should it be wasting the soil?” He replied, “Sir, let it alone for one more year, until I dig round it and ! put manure on it. If it bears fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.” ’ 

This hermit must persevere in faith, hope, and love.  The prayers and devotions and efforts spiritual shall continue, as well as whatever work efforts possible.  This soul must bear fruit in each present moment, or at least prepare itself to better possible yields and not "waste the soil" with despairing thoughts.  

Praising God in all situations and thanking Him for signal graces--even in electronic interference reminders of His Sovereignty--will fertilize soil that seems weakened or frozen.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and remain in His Love!

A Post from the Past That Stuns

I was looking for anything regarding being an immolation, as it seemed to me in the wee hours that when the Lord told me to "be an immolation", I had been told that in some way, before.

So here was this description of the odd occurrence in the Cathedral chapel where I used to live, with the host flying up and over and landing on the floor, and my sensing that it would be me--that I was going to be brought very low.  I will reprint it; it is surreal as I have suffered yet again today with the maimed and pained right shoulder.

It was that very chapel floor upon which I fell and was immobile in the mystical state all during a morning Mass, June 13, 2011.  Except I was at the end of the aisle from where the Host had fallen and from where I had kissed the ground.  I was on that aisle, on that ground, humbled and to bear the wound and pain for the rest of my earthly life.  Recently it has been the emotional and psychological pain in addition to the physical pain--of all that transpired.

My cousin called today.  She reminded me, too, of how horrible it was--just that time period and the priest and bishops, plus reminded me of the first surgeon who missed the SLAP tear and was so cruel when I kept going back, saying something surely had to be wrong still.  Finally, he was quite rude, and when I called again begging for any kind of help with the shoulder, his nurse said the doctor refused to see me.  It all is so unbelievable, other than it all happened.  But my cousin does not know the full truth of how terribly crushing and cruel were the priests and the bishop and then the new bishop, and the coldness of people.  She did remind me how some humans can be very mean.

But this past three years prior to my injurious fall right in that very chapel, on that very aisle, at the other end of the altar--this somehow helps my faith tonight, for it was an uncanny prescience and response to that Host that leapt out and over and fell to the hard floor.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

The Nothing Catholic Hermit Sees the Sign

Last evening, in prayer, the loveliness of Ash Wednesday lifted the nothing's soul into joy. There had been a consolation. This seemed to lead to the understanding of the soul, united with Christ, being lifted by the hands of the priest, as the Host is lifted high above the altar--but then inevitably brought down for the immolation, to be broken and shared: the Body and Blood.

This morning, during the Consecration, the nothing was reminded of this image, and that such a consolation as yesterday would be brought to the altar of sacrifice--so to ponder it and offer the soul to God at the point of elevation, and to offer the soul for the Bishop's prayer request.

Just as the priest was preparing to offer the Body of Christ to the extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion, a consecrated Host literally flew up and out of the chalice, and catapulted over the white-linened altar, and tumbled down the other side of the altar onto the black marbled floor where it bounced two or three times and sat immobile. A woman quickly reached down, picked Him up, and gave the Host to the priest who consumed.

The nothing watched that Host flying out, up, over and down. It saw it lying there on the black marble floor--not at the altar height, immolated on the white linen, but at the lowest point of the Sanctuary, where feet tred without consideration of having trod, where priests genuflect after Mass, their feet and knees touching that black marble flooring.

As the Host performed the gymnastic feat, the nothing saw within itself: I am that small species of Christ. I am not brought down upon the altar. No, I am going to be brought down to the lowest point--off the altar of sacrifice, in front of the altar, and on the floor. It is going to be some feat of perpetual humbling.

After Mass, the nothing went back to the Sacristy and shared this with the priest, for less than 24 hours previously he had been one of the three to be asked to pray for perpetual humility for the nothing during Lent--not that any of them must pray for the nothing at all! But the nothing asked him about that Host that flew into the air, and he remarked he'd not had anything quite like that. Then the nothing said: That is to be me.

The nothing explained about last night's prayer, of being elevated by the words of the Bishop, and having a foresight of being brought down upon the altar of sacrifice--but now knowing it would be even lower than altar height, and alone, bouncing and then lying still upon the black marble floor. The nothing said, "That Host is a sign to me."

This priest understood immediately. He said, "You'd better start praying immediately for fortitude and endurance for when it happens." The nothing said it would no doubt fall apart. Again he said, "That is why I say to pray now for fortitude to withstand it." Yes, the nothing is praying, but still, part of the humbling will probably be not handling it well. A chill of fear crept the spine as the nothing departed the Sacristy. Be not afraid. Do not become spooked. It is the Lord Who grants prayer requests, especially for a much-needed virtue.

The nothing returned to the pew, finished the morning office, waited until all had left the chapel. The nothing knew it was to accept whatever is to come. In the silence and emptiness, the nothing walked to the spot before the altar where the leaping Host had bounced and landed, knelt down, kissed the ground.

Lord, whatever it is that will grant perpetual humility, I am willing--even if it is worse than anything You've allowed me ever to endure. Even if it is beyond any expectation and takes me by surprise, which is how the gift of humility usually is given. Even if it is something slow and long-suffering. Now, Lord, I will try not to anticipate or fear, but to lend myself limpid for You this Lent.