Dealing Yet With Illness

Still very ill.  Have to get back to doctor.  Will see a different doctor; they are squeezing in the hermit to only slot left today.  The first antibiotic not effective, or not nearly enough.  On phone the previous doctor wants pricey x-ray, as she said is uncomfortable calling in another round of z-pack.

Devout Catholic, the deputy sheriff, just called. Had been in meetings all day.  Is trying to locate someone to drive sick nothing Catholic hermit to doctor. Otherwise, by the strength of God and the maternal care of Mary, will drive itself the distance to the clinic.

So many people are praying, the bulk the old friends who recall this nothing Catholic hermit from Protestant days. Good people, all of them--and all very upset when this nothing hermit converted to Catholicism nearly 20 years ago. The elderly aunt asked on phone today if surely someone from the hermit's church could help.  Did not want to report how sad a parish, how persecuting, how cold and cliquish. They have been unwilling to as much as help the hermit carry in five pieces of plywood.  Just a handful of devout Catholics in this remote area, says the deputy.  Thank God for him!

No, the Protestant aunt would not understand. It is our human condition and the devil's desire to disrupt.  The devil delights in infiltrating a Catholic parish, for sure, or any Christian church.   Anyway, all is forgiven the priest and parishioners in this far off place, at least from this nothing Catholic hermit's heart.  Must remain in exile, all the same, for now.

The aunt also would not understand the suffering this nothing Catholic hermit has promised to His Real Presence, and the sharing in just a small part of His sufferings.  Even when said to her the Lord is allowing this illness to strengthen and increase the hermit's faith, she said the hermit has plenty of faith, much faith, and so forth.  No, there is never enough faith.  This nothing Catholic hermit has been remiss in focus and discipline--distracted by the sneaky, tedious trials.

When was a Protestant, this now-Catholic-hermit did not understand nearly the depth and breadth of the spiritual realm, of the good of suffering, despite our knowing that Jesus died for us on the cross, and how the Father sacrificed His only Son for our salvation.  But the understanding of suffering is not there--not in the ways Catholics (or at least those Catholics who are plugged in with both prongs in the socket) understand.

It may be that the nothing Catholic hermit will need to get itself in the truck--Precious Blood, its name--and get there, and deal with the x-ray costs and whatever else.  The Lord will give the necessary strength and endurance.  Nothing has been through far worse.

Appreciate all and any and each and every prayer, though, dear readers!  This trial minor in the spectrum of life.  Far worse illnesses do others endure, and terrible accidents and murders and of course, the world terror situation.  But when we are ill and not improving enough, and there are daily, earthly duties, responsibilities, and financial concerns, of course we pray and do all possible to be able to continue to do as we ought--to right our errors and plights in this temporal realm.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Remain in His Love!

Update:

Suffering from heat causing increased radiating back pain and too ill to write more on the death experience. Will attempt it later.  Shoulder very, very painful.  Lots of triggers to pain and the ugliness involved in various injuries, so am doing all the more praying for not only my endurance in this time of sickening pain but also for others--very much so for others.  Plus, what does God will for me out of this life, as it is, here, with much of my body in maimed suffering?  How will I proceed with so much work to be done, and what can I offer Him and others from sickness, in solitude?

I will try to write more about the death experience soon.  It was not so much the peak and ultimate, glorious experience of God, but I suppose my story revolves around the miraculous occurrences involving people and how it all unfolded, that stand out to me.  The death in itself was glorious and profound, but I was not sent to heaven but was sent back.  My experience involves just how easy it is and nothing to fear, and how so much of us remains yet all the more in clarity.

So beautiful and glorious, is death and being with God so directly, without hindrances.

More later.

God bless His Real Presence in us.

A Catholic Hermit's Gratitude

This sharing leans to the personal, always.  I have come to discern it best to remain honest, sincere, genuine, realistic to truth no matter how painful or raw, and am humbled by and with the results.

My prayer is that what I share in some ways helps others, presents reality of charity as well as sinfulness, and ultimately that it somehow glorifies God.  I suppose this latter comes from His grace and my desire to seek Him, always in truth and love, and in loyalty to His Real Presence and His Church, the Body, of which we are members.

Since I'm to be in the Order of the Present Moment, as my religious "order", directed by Jesus to this nearly 19 years ago, what I share are slices of life from the perspective of a Catholic hermit, victim soul, human being and thus a sinner on the stairway to heaven, hopefully, prayerfully, soulfully.  

That my life has been quite challenging with much suffering and hardships--and the greatest from within Holy Mother Church--there have also been many spiritual consolations.  Chronicling as if documenting a case study, seems best.

For awhile I've been reflecting on what criticizing and judging does to a person compared and contrasted to what encouragement and love does.  However, I have presented myself openly, knowing that it will either cause others to judge and condemn, and perhaps a handful not doing so.  


I'm at a point in my life and journey that it seems best to lay the cards on the table upfront, and let whatever  the result to be as it is.   It seems as if Jesus did that.  Each of the apostles did that.  John the Baptist did it, all the prophets.  They did not screen or filter in order to better be accepted or to fit in.   Why try to fool others or, more importantly, oneself?  We never fool His Real Presence, that is for sure!

Today I thank anyone out there who prayed for my right shoulder.  Although it is not healed physically, it is much better.  I also prayed the prayer for Jesus' shoulder wound even though my mind was tired and did not focus heavily on content.  

My intention and need was strong, though.  Faith has it that His Real Presence understands and knows I thought about His shoulder wound while drywall mudding, and I thought about others--internet strangers--praying for me.  My spirits lifted; my shoulder seemed not as painful.  I was able to proceed with the task literally at hand.

Thank you, Jesus!  Thank You, Father!  Thank you, Holy Spirit!  Thank you fellow pilgrims on the spiritual journey, on the stairway to heaven!  God bless His Real Presence in us!

Sharing Experiences, Part Two: God Is So Real

 "‘So have no fear of them; for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known. What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops. Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground unperceived by your Father. And even the hairs of your head are all counted. So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows.'

"‘Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; but whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven.'" 
  from Matthew 10

---

There are other visions and locutions and dreams.  Many were prior to my becoming a Catholic.  There did not seem to be the added fear of oppressive scrutiny then.  In one case, I had just moved back to my hometown, and I had a waking vision of an assassination attempt that was going to happen on a US president.  This is quite a lengthy story with marvelous details; but the end result: the attempt was thwarted.  

I acted on it; I first called Dr. H. to discuss what I'd been shown, and explained my reluctance due to kind of hoping that the visions and such would leave if I got back to my roots.  (They do carry responsibility and courage beyond ourselves.)  He insisted I had to contact the Secret Service, and so I did.  All unfolded in amazing ways, but that is for some other sharing, if even God wants, if somehow helpful or glorifies Him.  Everything we think, say and do must glorify God even if some people may think it does not.

Yet, when I read the above Scripture, I think of all these experiences that are helpful to others in some ways--not just the persons involved, but in helping others realize to not busy themselves to the point of not being utilized by God to help others.  Also, sharing spiritual experiences (at least anonymously) can help others with grasping anew, that God is so real.

But I admit that even as a Protestant, I was selective as to the sharing, for there was way too much self then, and fear of how others would react or think of me.  Dr. H. taught me to live a double life of sorts, but that did not work out for long. When God brings experiences to a perceived mode, hiding is not an option.  One also has to decide if it is better to seem as a fool and risk being wrong, or to share what is shown and be potentially helpful regardless the flack later.

For there will always be those who create flack.  But we are told by Jesus to not fear.  Our souls will not be harmed even if our "bodies" are.  And by bodies, we can in our time assume our temporal reputations, for whatever they are worth, which is not much in the big world.  We have to consider our souls' worth in the spiritual realm, and our reputation in His Real Presence.

One time I was shown danger and a horrible calamity and accident ahead.  It involved my eldest daughter's wedding, of which they were driving in winter to a location to marry, and many family members would be driving, as well.  I could not go, as my pain issues prevented at the time.  But I was shown extreme danger to a point that there was no appeasement within.  It was awkward speaking up under the circumstances, for if wrong--oh my, what a fool I'd be and not be taken seriously again or not for a long time.

But I decided better to be wrong than the risk of such foreboding.  I enlisted many people to pray, for they decided to go on their way.  But one daughter (not a Catholic) took a blessed scapular, and my ex-husband asked my son if this was legitimate.  My son said to take it seriously.  Off they traveled with inclement weather, a kind of "perfect storm" element very strong within.  I had even questioned if this was something more symbolic or was it a temporal event to occur?  No answer other than the strong impulse to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy during the time of the wedding.  Some friends prayed it with me, during that time frame, and others prayed in their faith traditions.

Everyone returned safe and sound.  I can't describe my relief!  My other daughter (not the bride) told me of what could have been horrific on the way back.  The car in which she was riding was caught on black ice, went into the other lane on a mountain curve.  She got out while the driver and other passengers remained in the car, spinning the wheels.  But he pulled it out of the spin, she got in quickly, and a second later a car from the opposing direction came around the curve.

I may never know it that was the foreboding, or if all or one of the prayers averted that or some other calamity.  A few years later when I was shown something regarding my son who was at college, he reacted in anger.  "I should have never told you about that!" he charged.  He thought he had accidentally told me something he and some friends had done.  I said, "No, you never told me.  The Lord showed me in a dream what you were doing, and you had better not do something that risky again." 

He lashed out again.  "You and your dreams and all that stuff!  Well, one time you were wrong!  Nothing happened at the wedding like you thought."  I responded that he was thankfully correct, but that he did not know of all the prayers of others blanketing all those few days.  I also said perhaps I was totally deceived that time, and maybe we will never know.  Either way, the warning signs I received made it worth risking my ridiculous, temporal "reputation."  Better to be ridiculed by family than to dismiss what seemed of God.

I can take this stance with more assurance as being one who has dealt with these situations enough to recognize and sense.  In fact, too often I try to talk myself out of listening and paying attention when God touches, tells, or shows.  I've been battered in life when I ignore His communications.  Yet, it is the easy way out to tune out to God in such situations because we are dealing with the spiritual, the mystical realm.

Somehow the above Word of God has touched me today, and I was reminded of some of these experiences and several more.  I am reminded of many that I did not heed nor act upon, also, or that I downplayed or misinterpreted due to nothing more nor less than fear of being wrong or fear of others thinking oddly or negatively about me.

And all this discussion does not begin to touch upon the many times we could so easily hide our Christianity by not praying, not thinking of Jesus, not sharing how God is so real, not listening nor speaking nor living out a life in which His Real Presence is PRESENT day and night, in everything we do, in thought, word, action--on both the interior and exterior!  Our very souls can show His Real Presence as He has his abode in our souls!  Our eyes and voices are also His Sight and Voice.

All I know is if we give ourselves over to be used by His Real Presence in whatever ways He wills, expect to hear from Him in all manner and types of communication and situations which will require some response on your part, some action as to your own life and also the lives of others.

Don't fear making mistakes.  He continues to teach us. Don't we learn lessons well when we make some painful errors and see how to improve? He tells us by His Living Word that He has sent and given us the Advocate Who will teach us all manner of things.

God is so real!  God bless His Real Presence in us!