I looked after a writing break, and found someone had left a question to the effect, that as a Catholic hermit in the world, do I experience persecution from parishioners [congregants of Catholic parish/local, diocesan church]?
Simple answer is "Yes." And that is for some time, answered as in past tense, "I have been persecuted by parishioners."
In my case, I think the persecution has derived mostly from my mystical experience during Mass. It has not to do with being a consecrated Catholic--but privately professed--hermit. The reason I'm not nor have been persecuted as a hermit, for the bulk of the 24 years I've been a Catholic hermit int he consecrated life of the Catholic Church, is due to the fact that as a traditional Catholic hermit, privately professed, the parishioners did not nor do not know that I am a hermit in their midst during Mass.
On the very few occasions in the early years, I was not involved in parish activities, but for a time I was a sacristan at a Cathedral. Since I did not advertise myself by wearing a religious order habit or one made up by myself that mimics religious order habits of the late Middle Ages of which most habits developed as such, no one knew I was a hermit. I wore clothes that blended in depending on the culture of each parish--meaning, the socio-economic status therein. I'd dress accordingly to pass unnoticed.
But, when a mystical experience known as mystical ecstasy, began at the very end of August, 2008, and increased in substance as I learned through reading on the topic generally becomes a gradually deepening ecstasy with full loss of bodily and conscious mental faculties, my status of not being noticed was altered. I still was not noticed by most in the congregation during Mass, but those in the vicinity where I sat in the handicap pew or tried other areas such as the back pew or off to the side, or in a cry room or even tried choir loft in one parish--people in the vicinity noticed.
A couple of friends with whom eventually I shared what was happening, so they could possibly stop my being touched and harmed, said I not only looked deeply asleep, but the fact of no movement whatsoever became the problem for those who might notice, and what was worse, if they disregarded a sign I was told to wear, to please not touch, and they'd find I could not be roused--that would lead to some trying to move my body which caused a severe neck injury in 2012, and other times persons then would call 911 during Mass.
But as a Catholic hermit, only the four months when I wore a habit of a hermit community that was striving to attain approval by the Vatican and was in its early formation, did people notice, obviously, that something was going on. A parish priest asked me to write about the community and about hermit vocation, which he published in the church bulletin to try to educate people. Prior to that, people had become vicious in gossip and shunning me, as they for whatever reason preferred the detraction than to simply ask me. They wrote hateful, accusatory letters to the bishop, even though I had sent a letter to the bishop and vicar general at the appointed time the prioress of the hermit community advised me to do so.
Frankly, the woman who brain-birthed the community idea, which is an excellent idea but needed more thought and statutes developed, as well as a leader who was not so interested in numbers of hermits but more the substance and quality, and who possessed great humility and obedience to her own vicar general, would have helped the community survive beyond three years.
After four months in the habit and a year in the community, I realized the woman leading the community who lived elsewhere (part of the beauty of such a formation of hermits anywhere developing as a hermit community yet in their own abodes and locales) would not succeed in part due to her pride as well as not having the statutes written nor enough obedience and openness to the ideas of others, including her vicar general who was supervising the project. I dropped it like a live grenade, as is said, realizing also that wearing a habit was not at all providing for a life of being "hidden from the eyes of men" as the Catechism of the Catholic Church states is foundational, among other aspects, of being a hermit int he consecrated life of the Church.
Wearing a habit for those four months taught me a great lesson. I also realized the early desert hermits wore the clothing of their times that represented the poor and simple, as well as the color white or off white, and of flax-woven fabric, to deflect light and not be too hot a color for the incessant desert sun. The fabric itself was the most common of that time. Had they lived in a city, they would have passed as being poor. Since the parishes in the city in which I lived had no parish consisting of those who appeared visibly "poor" in some type of clothing, poor as such--I dressed at first in a simple gray jumper. People did not know I was a hermit since I relocated to a different city and knew no one. But they did find it odd that I wore the gray jumper...daily. So that drew attention as would a habit in a way--the consistency of dress stood out to people and came off as odd. I was thought by some to be an imbecile, by others to be oddly devout, and stood out as too austere.
In my reading of many hermits over the centuries, the point of being humbly hidden and to also live in the silence of solitude--yet in our times in order to attend Mass, one must go to a parish for Mass unless a religious order allows for persons in the community to participate in Masses--the solution to me seemed to dress in accordance to what others in any given locale or parish would wear, and also to dress according to my own educational level, if that makes sense. To have a hermit who has a doctoral degree in one discipline and over half a doctorate in another, and then to wear clothing that belied what words would be spoken if anyone engaged--that would thus make a noticeable inconsistency. So I dressed as did other educated persons of that particular parish.
I also learned that if one does not speak to anyone, yet attends Mass regularly, over time that draws attention, as people are social and communicators. They are also curious and want to strive to greet and meet in parishes, to be welcoming. So I have found in some parishes in the past 24 years, that being cordial and communicative is helpful, also, in remaining hidden. Why advertise one is a hermit?
I learned it is best not to, for as one religious order priest commented to me--and he had been a spiritual director to Mother Teresa in Calcutta for a time, so not a hermit himself but was wise to the ways of the world as well as to the spiritual life: "No one needs to know one is a hermit, of all vocations. God knows, and He's the only One Who needs to know." He thought it fine to write anonymously online, but my writing has been sparse for a couple of years, and my verbal messages even less.
Thus the topic of hermit has dwindled with more desire to write of the spiritual life and of living daily with God, and as a hermit but without the hermit part being necessarily an aspect of the sharing. Being a hermit, at this point, is so much in the background as to not really being in my conscious mind at all. It simply is within the many-stranded fabric of my temporal spiritual vocational beingness. I find it refreshing and freeing to not be thinking nor focusing at all on being a hermit; the vocation has become as did my intense pain became, years ago, at a point that I could no longer remember what it was like to be without pain, nor to recall what my body and mind and heart felt like prior to the spine-ruining accident.
To tell you the truth, for me, it has been quite freeing to have the conscious awareness of "being a hermit" not part of my daily or nightly thoughts. The thoughts have deepened in a way, while at the same time I wonder if they are actually quite shallow! That might make sense to some few of your reading this, and others it might not make sense at all. Hard to describe how my thoughts can be deeper yet seem to me shallow and too much with the temporal world.
I think it has to do with His Real Presence through, with, and in me, yet also in the temporal trials and the temporal responsibilities that any human on earth must tend to regardless of vocation in this time period--including traditional type religious hermits, consecrated fully to and by God while adhering to what the Church stipulates for the hermit vocation.
So back to the question of if I've been persecuted as a hermit by Catholic parishioners? Yes, very much so, way back when I wore a habit of a hermit community for four months; and also, even though they did not realize I was a hermit, when I wore a simple jumper daily. When people could see that I was "something", especially with the religious looking habit, modeled after the Carthusian habit, I drew attention. People asked questions, and word spread.
Once the priest-requested article was written about hermits and the community I was in, then the parishioners began judging based on their own notions of what and how a hermit ought "be". So I took a lot of flack when I attended an 80th birthday party of a person's mother--someone I'd known for a few years and prior to my hermit profession and vows. I stayed about five minutes or so, and comments flew then and there and for days after, that I was not a real hermit because I was at the birtjdau gathering in the parish hall. Or I'd be out getting some groceries--oh no!
I had a hundred or more parishioners and even a priest or two playing novice masters and prior during those four months. And even the bishop had not much experience in what is a hermit, nor the vicar general whose idea of a hermit was shaped by one he was aware of from seminary. Lived in a cabin out in the woods of the seminary's hundreds of acres, and came in on Sunday's for Mass and supplies and some conversations with the other priests. Now, realistically how is a non-priest hermit in our times, who is striving to live hidden from the eyes of men in the silence of solitude, etc.--going to function, get food, find a place to live that is safe and close to medical if one has medical needs?
Today's traditional, consecrated privately professed (or I'd think a diocese hermit, as well) must think clearly and study hermit life, and most of all, ask and allow His Real Presence to guide and direct the hermit. God is my Prior. God determines the vocation and keeps me hidden and in silence of solitude--and God keeps my mind off of "being a hermit in the Catholic Church or in the world."
The vocation diffuses and morphs into the Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul of His Real Presence, including into His Living Word. The temporal keeps passing away with each tax submission and apt rent or house payment made, or with each purchase made for necessities or even now and then for a treat.
I go as God's hermit in hiddenness and silence of solitude, in prayer and penance, to the pain doctor appointments, to get the pain pump refilled every two months, to the ophthalmologist to get glaucoma checked, or to the neurologist to see if it is time for neck surgery, or to the orthopedic who is going to do knee replacement in a couple of months. I go to the bank and pharmacy, to Costco to buy in bulk as I don't like to shop frequently anyway due to the fatigue pain causes.
No one knows, and I don't think about "Oh wow, I'm a hermit." I simply live and be as best a Christian as I can by the grace of God and the love of Jesus, and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, and so forth and so on in whatever aspect of existence I am living in the Order of the Present Moment.
For instance, I have now a couple of dogs in here to force me up and to force me to keep mobile in body, as the pain as progressed to the point I could no longer use the mind to overcome the pain enough, to get up and keep the body moving. My legs began failing which occurs at a certain point in Arachnoiditis, and my intestines began to paralyze. The first dog is so compliant, she lets me stay in bed without a peep on her part. I became ill, and the dog became depressed. It was suggested I her brother from the next litter, so they'd play and exercise together when I was in bed with pain or other illnesses. The brother dog does not let me stay in bed--moans and groans and barks. And they do play together and exercise enough that when I cannot do other than take them out for their toileting and to feed them, so I do not have to take them for walks every single day, or if well enough I can drive them the mile or less to the dog park where they can run and play.
Yes, there are people at the dog park; none know I am a hermit. I do not even think about it when there or anywhere, for my vocation has become format or frame in this temporal life of my existence in His Real Presence in my temporal, spiritual, and mystical life now and eternally.
Yet the Holy Spirit has inspired more deeply spiritual and mystical connections and conversations with people at the dog park, than what I could have fathomed. I've had some amazingly spiritually indwelling encounters at Home Depot and Costco, and wherever else God wills, for there is no temporal showing of my being this or that any more than anyone else. The outer appearances and my own conscious thinking about being "a hermit" is removed; God has taken over my existence to a point that He orchestrates whatever encounters.
God also has allowed this Arachnoiditis affliction as the suffering is so intense that on websites about the rather rare ailment states that social life is negligible for Arachnoiditis patients. I did not need to explain to the knee surgeon why I do not have anyone who can stay with me post surgery, but that I would see if my teen grandson could, or maybe fly a friend here--a very spiritual friend who does not know I am a Catholic hermit and does not need to know nor would it matter or make sense for him to know.
And that is what I've come to understand about being a hermit. No one needs to know nor does it matter if they do know, or does it help at this point if I'm having "hermit" on my mind. Rather, "hermit" draws me from depth to temporal, for "hermit" is a vocation God has for a few, as a means of existing in this temporal life, with the aspects of how the hermit exists being in a way rather temporary for this life, and the pith of the existing lies deeply imbedded and increasingly so when the externals are forgotten or at least do not take up space in the mind. The vocation for me became integral at some point likely a few years ago, despite at time my still writing about "hermit" this or that..
What persecutions I do have comes from people sensing or recognizing in me the spiritual life that must show in some aspects of my allegiance and striving to exist in His Real Presence without a word or sign showing them a thing externally. I assume God allows the persecution in such encounters be it in person or on phone, as a means of humbling me and increasing my faith. I continue to have more trials in life than the usual--and plenty of added sufferings and more surgeries coming up.
The temporal mishaps and wrongs that occur in my life continue to come especially much, this Lent; and God continues to lead me and guide me, and He also wants me to return to more writing and visual/verbal sharing with others of the spiritual experiences and the facts of how real Is God. I strive to do the latter very much so in encounters with people whom God brings together, me with one or more--what we might call "chance" but in reality is the Holy Spirit performing in the action of God and Jesus.
I have had persecutions for awhile, most painful, from those closest. They do not realize, and I am praying to learn to accept the persecutions as they are, and bear them, weep if I am thus moved, then forgive and strive to forget, and move on in love, prayer, and service or help if I am physically able and if they want my help or service. I have been learning to not, in essence, chase after or force my help or suggestions on others, but to wait to see if they desire or ask.
I consider the young man who asked Jesus what he needed to do to enter into His kingdom. Jesus said what was needed, and the young man walked away sad, for he found at least at the time, it to be too difficult for him to do what Jesus said is needed. Jesus did not go running after the young man, begging nor pleading nor offering to make it easier or negotiate down the requirements. We don't know from Scripture, but perhaps later on, that young man (maybe an older man by the time he spiritually matured) was indeed able to enter the Kingdom of God; maybe he was able to let go of his attachments, his possessions.
So I am keeping in mind that just because someone is not interested in my help or service now, or in what I might have to offer in suggestions or encouragement now, they may later, so I must remain open in my love and prayer of others. I must remain open to the help and serve aspect even if nothing desired of me initially or for years.
Of course, I do not have many years left, if any. However, I also do not usually encounter parishioners, either. My body is at a point that I remain in my hermitage with His Real Presence in me, with me, through me day and night. I did join a parish, but I've never been there other than to get the membership form to fill out and sign. Someone else returned it for me, in fact. I've emailed the priest nearly a year ago about having the abode blessed, but he must be busy.
A friend from the past and far away sent some blessed salt and holy water and St. Benedictine medals, which I think one is to bury and repeat a written prayer, to protect the property from evil of all types. I have since come to grasp that His Real Presence has the house and property "spiritually insured" with and by His Holy Assurance of Presence here within.
So persecution by parishioners for being a hermit in the world? No, not other than the months wearing a habit--I do not suffer that. God has removed me from the occasions of any notice as His hidden hermit; yet I am visible one in humanity, and within as His hidden hermit--interacting in the temporal, fulfilling my temporal duties to society and government as we all must.
However, have been ongoing years of persecution from another hermit who writes and whose views and living out hermit life is different from my more hidden, silent, and solitary hermit life. The persecution I think stemmed from the threat I posed as another online Catholic hermit writing and sharing, but our vocations vary due to the manner of our profession. This differences seem to upset the other; or else simply having someone other writing on the topic consistently, bothers the other hermit. My writing is more geared to the spiritual now; the persecution seems to have waned. (Although my writing again in this blog has brought out again the person's issues. So be it.)
Being a "hermit" is a vocation while in usually latter portion of this life, whereas being a Christian is now and eternally.
I plan to increase the writing and verbal sharing, hopefully, prayerfully, of what God wills of me. As to this one detractor, the differences are basic and trivial, mostly external. The other publicizes self whereas I strive for anonymity; the other promotes being CL603 diocese hermit whereas I appreciate the path of historical-traditional, private profession hermit. One works in a public job as associate parish administrator; I am disabled on small pension, and attempt slow, manual labor to remodel a house. (I was able to make downpayment and have a mortgage, from a very modest and dwindling inheritance.) If I were able to work I would seek solitary cleaning or landscaping type work, or income generating writing. My Arachnoiditis pain disability precludes consistency. Now with more serious, constant headache; as readers may notice, my writing is riddled with errors and lacking in concise presentation. In daily life the worsened headache is interfering more, as is knee pain.)
I've written quite a bit here, about this and that related to the question someone left-- and relative to other thoughts and memories of the past. The length of my rambling has mostly to do with the increased pain of the constant headache now for nearly 39 years, and due to the knee pain, and per usual the spinal pain. I distract myself from pain when the laptop keyboard is right here on the bed; the pups, Love and Mercy are asleep in their crates after Lovey had his neutering surgery today.
I am unable to sleep yet. Tomorrow is another day here at Solus Deus Hermitage! (and I do not think of this dwelling consciously as Solus Deus, for truly God Alone is here with me, in me, through, and also very much for me--as God is for you, too! God Alone is through, with, and in you right now! We exist for the glory and love of God Alone!
[I don't consider myself having arrived whatsoever, and I don't know if I'm doing what I am trying to express here. Writing what comes forth...so be it. God bless us all in our strivings]
God bless His Real Presence in us! Love in His Love! My prayers are for and with you, in Him, and I ask for your prayers for me, in Him, so that I can endure increased suffering and surgeries ahead, and that I please, do God's will for His purpose of my life.
I have not fulfilled my purpose that He has for me at this phase; I know I have squandered much of the time He is giving me now. I must turn from that; deeper conversion in doing His will and for that I need discipline, please, and renewed energy of His focus! Thank you!
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