Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner. Humility comes in all forms, including facing surgeries and more suffering, and realizing the body is not holding up, but can't get good help. So, what to do? I guess just stay put, as cannot afford rent here and no means to move on my own.
Humility is in the trials of facing one's demise and without help from others.
Humility is accepting one is not on earth much--not regarding where or how temporal-minded people are for most part-- but able to interact very well with a couple of dogs. And knowing that one will have a hard time going on if have to part with them and yet still be alive.
That will be the humility of giving up getting up, for that is their function for me--even this morning, forced me up although unsteady and could not stay out as long as Mercy prefers. Humility is knowing the needs of dogs' body elimination and other needs schedules.
Humility is existing in very basic life, unable to cope with the level of pain, crying out all night O God! O God! Trying to get to bathroom with horrific cramping and pain of what is paralyzed, not moving on its own, so rib cage and lumbar and rest of body automatically and violently forces in battle against intestines. So I will be tests of which I don't want, yet no appt. available until end of December. I noticed with love it is the death death date of Sr. Josefa Menendez, though, and felt better with the added connection to her for Dec. 29.
I'm realizing that humility is not in sticking it out after years of sticking in, when persons were dysfunctional and no one happy; realizing a person in love and wooing the object of love, may not much portray actual self of childhood-into-adulthood dysfunctions.
Humility is letting go, not grabbing hold of somewhat naive or innocent others, for alliance in dysfunction.
Humility is living when one can barely cope with suffering and has nothing really temporal to live for, other than a silly notion that must wait in case someone might need some truth told, when others are not speaking.
And the likelihood of my being in any position to speak to anyone is next to nil, so this is humility: to know one's purpose is over but for suffering, praying, and tending two sweet dogs. Humility is knowing the dogs would be as happy and more so with an active person, couple or especially with children. So humility is knowing that I'm not needed for or by the dogs but a hindrance, yet it is that I need them despite their adding financial cost and using up some of my energy--yet they give to me as gifts from God, the energy of unconditional love and humor.
So, that's my today's Lord have Mercy on Me a sinner; rather basic, nothing profound. I cannot read and absorb anymore, not easily anyway, religious writings, which is also humbling. Too much pain! This is also a symptom of the Arachnoidititis; it begins to affect ability to read, to focus, to absorb content with recall and comprehension. I still have hope that when the house clutter and construction might be complete, and I have neck or shoulder, knee, and intestinal surgeries behind me, I might in more leisure be improved in reading some of the great books I'm blessed to have collected.
Humility is, however, dying to all that one would like or hope in the temporal and even in the spiritual aspects.
What a strange phase of life this is! Humbling all the way around. I'm even dealing with a targeting from neighbor man who three weeks ago harassed me finally in full on sexual verbalization after having been watching me from behind his windows. Then last week, Friday morning early, was waiting for me on his deck and tried to talk, putting his hand on chest and leaning back in the protestation of innocent pleading stance. He called my name loudly, repeatedly.
I had dogs with me and was setting a hose on slow drip to a tree in back. I got to house with pups and just called back to despite his incessant, loud calling my name and saying he just wants to "talk"--exactly what police detective had told me NOT to do nor let him attempt any engagement, manipulation, or interactions. So I gave my three phrases: No contact, no communication, no interaction, and inside I went.
Humility is being targeted and manipulated by his wife, also, guilted into doing others' yard work under guise she cannot see well enough; but oddly, I had to take note that she could see me across a yard and half whether I was i front or back, and abnormal what is called stalking. The man trying to excuse his very inappropriate behaviors, yet just this side of legal; I know these things get difficult with stopping them. I had worse situation in another location. Not easy for a single person, appearing alone and vulnerable to those who want to target.
So humility is accepting I must hunker down and handle matters with the assertiveness of Jesus; the police can do nothing as they point out this former lawyer, even if not a successful lawyer in temporal terms, knows what he's doing and what he can get away with. One must stay clear of those with sick and mal intent even if to them it is their normal way of being and doing.
Humility is accepting that the single person will be as if the odd one out and will be detracted by the two who know they have been caught and cut off for their inappropriate words and actions.
Humility is accepting the temporal world is unjust often enough, but one must be secure in the solitude of truth, beauty, goodness of God's righteousness.
Humility is learning that some people are not good as neighbors, and one cannot involve or interact with them to a point of nil, as they manipulate and want power over, intimidate, and are indecent. Humility is praying for people and that's it, end of what one can "do".
Love in His Love, Love! Maybe today I will be able to get up or not, as in up for more than 5 minutes, but that is an improvement over past mornings. Yesterday was better as able to do some yard work and take Lovey and Mercy to the dog park--which they love to go, as do I. So many loving creatures of God and their happy owners and tenders while on this beautiful earth God has created and given us!
We are His stewards, and that is a humbling task indeed! We must try to bring about change and improvement in ourselves and others as it is humankind that tends to clutter and create crud in our midst.
As for days and nights, I used to love nights to sleep and be unaware of the temporal world, the trials, the sufferings of body, mind, and heart, but now with a month or more in night it is struggle with horrible pain in arm and hand, coming from neck most likely, or the left shoulder. The burning pain is fiery down arm into hand; the entire limb goes numb in odd combination, and tingling adds to the conglomeration of suffering that no one could sleep through.
Humility is recognizing one is whipped bodily, temporally, and needs even a small support network of oner or two, for what surgeries may be needed sooner than later and for the sheer amount of suffering on-going now. Humility is knowing one is last at the banquet table seating, and indeed, that I am not at the table but on bed, reclining, and requires help in variety of temporal ways.
Humility is knowing when time to register at a small church and have the power of the Church-at-large spiritually behind me, undergirding me, around me in spiritual strength against the powers of darkness. A priest emailed some prayers against malfeasance and a variety of invocations to help restore my. mind, heart, and soul with healing and also with forgiveness of so much that has been as if two cement trucks have dumped their loads upon me.
Humility is all these and so many more facets that we all could make mental or written lists during the days and nights of what is humility in the reality of our individual circumstances, and not really run out of examples and points to note and learn from, be lifted up as humility is the threshold of one's faith.
Humility of Christ in us is needed to endure this life.
God bless His Real Presence in us! Love in His Love!
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