Just an update of this hermit's situation and life, after an intense period of tremendous suffering in which I was unable to write, and definitely nothing profoundly uplifting due to pain tethering me to stake, or perhaps more so nailed to a cross. I was at the point of mental blackouts, the pain being so great in various ways, but I reached out to God throughout, and called the pain doctor's office, as well, to which the medication was increased. God suffices in any and all trials, for God reminds us to take whatever steps here on earth, as well as in our spiritual linkages, to do what we must to simply keep going.
I'm doing better now that the knee is drained again and injected. The orthopedic surgeon's PA said it was a record of 30cc of fluid drained from my knee. It was very painful process, but they were thorough, and I'm praying it does not fill quickly as the other orthopedic surgeon's place, of which that PA was refusing to drain it sooner and had it set for May 12: the added pain of that knee combined with my spine pain, neck headache, feet, etc.--really put me over the edge of what I could mentally and emotionally bear. Thus the other orthopedic office; however she cannot drain and inject cortisone until July 27--three months. But she can drain it and inject with PRP, which has mixed results for people and can take a couple of weeks to provide a smaller amount of relief. Plus I have to pay $500 for it as insurance will not cover that process. Thus, I am praying that this knee does not fill as rapidly. I am trying to hold off until mid or later October or November for knee replacement. I am bone on bone, but the fluid causes so much pain due to all that pressure on nerves with in the knee. As in the spiritual life, one thing leads to another in vices as well as in virtues!
I have the bad knee due to a terrible fall in a store four years ago this June 2. It was not my fault; a new employee had a hose where it should not have been. They had a video of it; but their insurance company deceived me, duped me, and I ended up with nothing. They also destroyed the tape. I learned much from that such as to not let a manager pull up off the floor, insist call an ambulance, try to have the wherewithal to get witness information (but in my case the manager shooed them all away), and immediately hire an attorney as the insurance companies are very corrupt. The first insurance woman I dealt with even tried to act as if she is a Christian, but she was part of the deception! The world, the world! It is why we suffer and pray and praise God and beseech for people to follow His Son!
So I'm doing better now with less pain than what it was for four weeks, all told. The knee still hurts, but nothing at all compared to the excruciating, gnawing pain of that.
I learned a lesson about a shower tiling task. The man who assists me with heavy efforts or those with overhead lifting, I decided to hire to do the shower tiling to avoid more strain on upper back and the neck which will at some point need a serious surgery--so doing what I can to keep it from worsening more rapidly than usual wear and tear. The man uses a different technique than do I, and he also likes to miter edges rather than use the bullnose trim I had purchased and cannot return. So we did end up in a difference of decisions when the hours kept rising on what I could do using bullnose trim--of which bullnose trim is somehow abhorrent to him as not being as nice-looking as precision cutting of 45-degree angles on 3/8" tile. I had to insist not that way but the bullnose way. We had quite a tiff over it. But I am already way over budget on this project due to needing to hire help more than I had intended, four surgeries ago. in the morning prior to his arrival and what was going to be unfortunately a battle of wills, I heard the Holy Spirit tell me: This is Our Lady's house. I had not had a locution so spiritually endowed in quite awhile, not one direct and totally out-of-blue from what thoughts were in the mind. I shared the locution with the man, and reminded him that our work in this house must be done with good attitude and peaceful effort, and with doing what is cost-effective plus use the materials I already have. I said, this is Our Lady's house, and we must consider how Mary would want us to interact and to do our work. When he was not able to settle down, I offered that he could go home, or he could do the siding and trim around the windows on the back patio. (This task I could do on my own, but I decided to offer it as opposed to his going home the only option; I care about this person who does precision work but was putting too much time in on what was costing too much. There is more to hiring and working with someone that goes into my considering the person's mind, heart, and soul.)
Mercy, my little dog, has had kennel cough from a groomer's facility. She was quite sick but is improving with children's Delsym, a cough syrup, and I add Guafesin, 1/4 tablet, each night. All has to be mixed in peanut butter or she will not even sniff it! She is contagious, so she has not been to the dog park and is tired of just me and no exercise. I will see if I can muster taking her for a walk, but I hate to aggravate the knee or it will fill up faster.
So we are here in this temporal world dealing with our temporal bodies and temporal tasks. I enjoy being a carpenter type to imitate Jesus some in that, but I am very slow, and my body is not so strong, thus hiring Thomas who does various tasks that require lifting. I have decided I will tile the master bath shower when the time comes, or get smaller tile for the task so it won't be harder on my neck and upper back! Don't want more surgeries! The knee replacement I am NOT looking forward to, not whatsoever. The only aspect that is positive is that it is an opportunity for death--during surgery, in recovery, or later from a blood clot. However, I will make a positive of it to offer the suffering and the tedious and painful recovery for the temporal Catholic Church.
I'm increasingly praying for His Real Presence to reveal to me and help me further in the stairway to heaven passageway and to grasp all the more His Mystical Church, of which I belong. The temporal corridor temporal Church is passing away, and I was passed through it--or rather pushed! Pushed through and out! Ha ha ha! But what was next, His Mystical Church, is a vast and glorious, ideal and reality of Christ's Church with Him as Head and no substitutes earthly, just Christ as Head, and souls who love and follow him and believe in God and are baptized and desire to learn to love as God loves--we are the Body of His Mystical Church. There is all truth, beauty, and goodness in His Mystical Church, and all is as Christ instituted in the beginning, and no humankind is allowed for it is not feasible for humankind, to interfere, alter, or adulterate His Mystical Church!
In the meantime, life continues on temporally, spiritually, and mystically. My love of Christ's Church knows no bounds; I was so in love with Catholicism when I converted, that God needed to remind me that I am to be in love with Him above all else. I learned much and was progressed through the passageway of the temporal church, and was led to the stairway to heaven but yet clinged to the temporal church, trying repeatedly to go in and be a part of what God had repeatedly closed the doors. In so many ways God was trying to help me understand that beyond the temporal church is His Mystical Church, and the stairway to heaven is another passageway following the temporal church passageway; all is God's and flows one into the other. I struggled to let go of the temporal and to in faith and trust in His Real Presence, do that letting go and open my body, mind, heart and soul to His Mystical Church of which I sense I'm yet at the very beginning of the stairway shown me, to which I was led 14 years ago this coming August! This does not mean I am not in His Church; it means I am in His Mystical Church now, rather than in the temporal Church.
I must rise and take little Mercy outside for her morning duties, then back in for our simple breakfasts here in the bedroom. Perhaps I will have time to RedGuard the underlayment of the upstairs' bathroom floor before Thomas comes. The manual labor goal is to finish the shower tiling and begin laying the upstair's hall flooring. Yes, I have mentioned to Thomas how good is his work--carpenter and tiler and tasks of all types he is able to accomplish, for Jesus and his earthly dad Joseph were carpenters and stone masons. Thomas can appreciate that truth, beauty, and goodness in his work with his hands, mind, and heart. We also will put our souls into the efforts here at Our Lady's house. I must keep in mind and heart to think and suffer and exist in here with Mary's grace and love of her Son, my Bridegroom and Spouse, Jesus Christ.
God bless His Real Presence in us! Love in His Love!
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