A bit of written thought from St. Irenaeus of Lyons (2nd c.) provides this hermit help. This time, this day, I read across the centuries what helps my mind, heart, and soul formation in current unknowing of on-going, spinal pain predicament. The saint's words are a reminder to me of what the Lord in the past has asked, among other short locutions: Be an immolation....Let go, let go, my poor gray dove....
"Man is a combination of soul and body, a body formed in the likeness of God and fashioned with both his hands, that is to say the Son and the spirit. It was to them that he said: 'Let us make man' (Genesis 1:26)....
"But how are you to become divinized in the future if you have not yet become man? How are you going to be perfect when you have barely been created? How are you to become immortal when you have not obeyed your Creator in your mortal nature?....Since you are God's handiwork, wait patiently for your Artist's Hand bringing all things to pass at their proper time. Offer him a malleable and docile form this Artist has given you, having that water in you that comes from him and without which, by becoming hardened, you would reject the imprint of his fingers.
"By letting yourself be formed by him, you will rise up to perfection in that, through his art of God's, the clay in you will be concealed; His hand created your substance....But if, being hardened, you reject his skill and show yourself displeased with what has made you man, you will have rejected, through your ingratitude to God, not simply his handiwork but life itself. For to fashion belongs to God's goodness and to be fashioned is proper to man's nature. If, then, you abandon yourself to Him by giving Him your faith in him and submission to him, you will receive the benefit of his skill and will become God's perfect work. But if, to the contrary, you resist him and flee his Hands, then the cause of your incompletion will remain, not in him, but in you who have not obeyed."
(Against the Heresies IV, Pr4; 39, 2 (cf. SC 100 rev.)
I turn to my Artist who is forming my body and soul in on-going fashion. I accept His Handiwork in humility--in that malleable and docile form God has given me and desires of me--full and actually effortless cooperation. Abandon myself to God, trust in Him, submit myself to Him. I will be and will become what God wants of my body and soul.
It is a process, after all, the formation of our bodies and souls throughout this earthly life and far into eternity. We are God's to make of us as He wills--but we must let go, in full abandonment of our will and designs, to His.
I bent the legs, keeping back straight, and picked up a notebook that had been unpacked from some box when I was able to do such unpacking. It was on a pile of paperwork on the coffee table in living room. It opened in the process, to a page in which I'd written an "Act of Oblation." I think it is taken from a book titled Guide for Victim Souls of the Sacred Heart, compiled by a Fr. Kreuter, OSB (1939), for on the notebook page prior to the oblation I'd written out, this is the citation.
I will share this oblation in another post. For some readers, it will seem too much, perhaps repugnant. I'd offered myself in this oblation years ago. I tend to make offerings to the Lord--either of one or other I've come across in reading Catholic books or write out or offer myself of my volition, to be for God whatever He wills. Then, of course, when the formation comes, also comes the suffering involved when the Lord is merely shaping me in the way He desires--as Artist, such as St. Irenaeus so positively states the process.
Already today, after a third night of decent, blessed sleep, I rose after resting and writing some this morning, and headed out into the lovely sunshine of this day. I took the shovel that is propped by the house--not a large one, but one with long blade, and used it as a cane to walk out where some grass had been growing into the tree and shrub beds. I dared push that shovel blade, into the soft soil and loosened with careful movement of my arms, some of the encroaching grass and a few weeds.
What a victory it seems! What encouragement, for this morning I decided to adopt the attitude of not giving in to pain, of trying to do what tiny aspects of movement, brace cinched tight, that could be a declaration of my intention to persevere even in miniscule and nonessential ways. The bit of exercise invigorated this body and encouraged the mind.
I decided to text the man whom God had sent to help with the Costco food run, and I stated that if he'd only do so by accepting payment, would he consider helping me get even some of the remaining small tree and shrubs in the ground? I emphasized that I am fine if he is not interested, for my detachment has been that if they survive the winter fine, and if not, that is all right, as well. I will slide them into the garage for attempted over-wintering if unable to get them in the ground.
I did not mention that the joy I've received from time spent in the glorious landscape nursery has been sheer give from God and worth whatever spent monetarily, as money does not have the same grip--probably also influenced by the fact I did not spend much and also had no inkling that I'd be in for such a long and limiting recovery.
I've not heard back from the one whom God sent, and I may not. But the giving over of my self to God's Hands in handling whatever my body can do or not do, is liberating and invigorating. Such small and limited little movements in releasing weed roots from the soft earth has lifted my spirit. Tomorrow, if the pain is unbearable, I'll praise God for my ceasing the pain med martyrdom.
God has provided, and the good of more physical movement counters what is available to temper resultant pain. As long as I do not make wrong movements--twist, bend, or to lift much weight--the exercise is beyond bounteous potential. He is yet forming my body until time for the body to die to this world and my soul to take over fully for eternity. Rejoice in whatever He allows in His Artistry.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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