(The following paragraphs contain my personal thoughts on the topic of possessions and from the perspective and life of a contemporary, consecrated Catholic hermit--very much in the unfolding process of it all. If you want to get beyond my stream-of-consciousness on possessions, scroll down to the succinct pith in St. John Cassian's writing on the topic of possessions.)
Earlier on in my hermit vocation, I de-possessed. When my late mother was very ill, and I was spending time each day--other than when in a pain siege--with her at the health care facility, I decided to sell "The Anchorage"--the hermitage house. My youngest was going to be entering his junior year in college in the fall. He would spend his summer working long hours and being with friends in evenings; and frankly, my mother's painful dying with her mind clear and not ready to pass, had my attention. Time to sell the 1924 Craftsman style three-story-plus basement abode.
The year prior I'd had a lucid dream in which I was told to prepare for death within a year. These messages take discernment, and I discerned that this was for myself; and spiritually, it was. The actuality, of course, is that I did not physically die. Yet I decided to dispense of the bulk of my belongings, dividing the furnishings and family pieces among the three adult children. I kept the youngest's since he was yet in college. Much did I donate to St. Vincent de Paul's Thrift Shop, and I anonymously gifted various friends with a tea pot collection enjoyed while the children were young. (We had some fun "gypsy" tea parties, inviting friends, costumed.)
But when I did sell, I did not have any mystical message; I just felt it quite deeply that I was to sell. My angel brought a buyer on Divine Mercy Sunday which coincided that year with my birth milestone. I rid out even more, including items of my mother that she'd had shipped not knowing for sure what all she'd want or need, including clothing.
I ended up moving out of the town but not far off; while it was a good time for me and a good time to sell, it ended up not as I thought with the son. He did not want to be in the locale where he went to high school--something I thought he'd be all right with. But it would require driving to his summer job; he ended up staying with friends.
After my mother passed that autumn, I donated more of what few items she had in her health care room. By then, I'd been in and out of two rentals due to the landlords lying about the odors, and while I never prior had trouble with cigarette smoke, I developed a progressive allergy that became severe. After the second situation, I had no place to move and keep up the pace spending time with my mother daily. I lived out of my car during the day and into the evening, and the priest of a parish I'd been attending let me stay in the all night chapel by night. My household goods retained were in storage. I was awaiting the decision of another priest whose parish had a house empty; it had been where two religious sisters had lived until they returned to their Mother House.
So I lived there for over two years; it was ideal being beside a Catholic church. The rent was modest. After a couple years I realized I needed to get settled somewhere, in my own place in quieter area and put down roots. So I got into a house in a subdivision--which shortly after trouble began with a paranoid schizophrenic neighbor who became obsessed with me.
After I moved into the small house, my hermitage "Agnus Dei", I began to accumulate such as appliances since those were provided in the rental. I had to consider landscaping, which I loved and which opened me up to a creative way to glorify God in beautiful trees and flowers. (My spiritual father was quite encouraging in this mode of glorifying God as he, too, was an avid gardener.)
Ever since I realized my 11 months with the hermit community and seeing that wearing a habit was counter to my being unnoticed and "hidden from the eyes of men," I no longer had clothing. I'd donated my clothing when I put on the habit, all but a couple pairs of overalls for manual labor. I'd been wearing a gray jumper rather than accumulate more clothing after I ceased association with the hermit community.
But in the ensuing years, I noticed the gray jumper also acted as a type of habit, yet in a more negative way. So I experimented about the time I was getting settled into Agnus Dei, with clothing that would have me blend in (or so was the wish) with the parishioners of the parish I then attended.
In addition to household items, gardening tools, some bookcases and sofa set, I accumulated some clothing for the four seasons of climate in which I lived. I had only worn a pair of cross trainers that my back could tolerate when wearing the gray jumper garb ( I had sewn fabric suitable for hot and cold weather); now I needed to get some shoes suitable for blending in. Then I experimented with other aspects that would have me as if any other parishioner, commensurate with age and education background. I do think I blended fairly well until the mystical state during Mass commenced late August, 2008.
I had to move again in 2013; the sheriff deputies advised it as my protective order from the insane and life-threatening neighbor was to run out. The protective order was helpful but still had not stopped the harassment and threats. The deputies said the situation was not going to change, and I was alone, and they were not; my vulnerability would remain.
I relocated in a major adventure and ended up on an island--a ferry-ride and highway jaunt from a family member. But my, that was certainly another lesson in being stripped down more in spiritual things than temporal. Yet, I ended up selling off quite a few possessions before I moved a distance to the island; and I sold off quite a few more possessions when there to help make ends meet. Then when I sold that hermitage, "Te Deum," I sold off as well as donated and gifted much.
Here in Solus Deus, I've not accumulated nor rid out. I will be ridding out, though, when I leave here. My spine situation was at a point that I did not have the energy to donate the clothing I'd accumulated but had not worn for nearly six years, plus other items--as on the island for those years, all remained packed and stored in the pole barn.
All this history of possessions and then de-possessing "things", is to me rather shameful but very real and human. I always had reasons for either ridding out or accumulating. I used possessions for purposes, such as in Agnus Dei, I had times when there would be hermitage guests. I showed the best hospitality to my capabilities. On the island, I was simply trying to survive, endure, rehab what was a wreck of a dwelling of which I did not know was as bad as it was when I purchased it. That's life; that's the real world of not all things seeming as they are.
Off and on in life I've wondered about how literally to take the Scriptures such as "If you wish to be my disciple," says Jesus, "give all that you have to the poor and come follow me." The closest I came to that was when I sold and moved from the Craftsman house, "The Anchorage." I was "austere," people later told me. Yet, I know of a woman to this day who is far more austere and not a hermit. Yet I've utilized accumulated items in my creative zest and surges. I love truth, beauty, and goodness--and that means beauty in nature, in art, in music, in objects created such as functional art--in the furniture we utilize, in the dish ware from which we serve others and eat from, ourselves.
I generally allow phases in my life to guide me as to what possessions or not. As I've mentioned, I experiment, as a hermit and as a follower of Jesus. I know I fall short; yet somehow the lessons I continue to learn are marvelous. The lessons seem greater and brought me more effort and sacrifice than had I not experimented--such as trying to wear clothing that had me blend in. I learned that while I blended in, I did not need to be so creative and varied in the blending. I blended specific to a role to play, so to speak; I blended to those who were of similar education and socio-economic background I would be if not a hermit. As I say it worked until the mystical state started, which set me apart as "different" as much as my humble gray jumper or a habit would have.
Now, I am in a phase of de-possessing again, when I am able to orchestrate another move to a necessary downscaling that will eliminate my love of gardening. My future is going to be spine-limited. That is fine. But I as always, what we accumulate and utilize in our temporal lives, eventually we will need to dispense with. I'd be hard-pressed to live temporally as hermits of yore lived. I've had to accumulate some medical "equipment," for example. I still have tools that I'll not need for I will not have a body that should be doing the type of manual labor I have done before.
My whole take on temporal possessions has been "discordant", in a way. Yet it has been "music", all the same--just not conclusive. To me, the greater possessions to give away were my attachments to items. As long as I would use them for some good, it seemed all right, or for an experiment or testing in the hermit life when a good purpose and intentions predominated. That is all right, other than my creative personality would have "flourishes," and my good purposes and intentions would get carried too far. Thus, I'd de-possess--donate or rid out by selling possessions when I was cash-strapped.
Now it's time to assess the issue of temporal possessions. While doing so, the greater de-possessing can be considered. That is the ridding out of what is not holy, what is not leading me to God, what is not needed in practical ways nor prudent in realistic ways such as what I am able to not do or do with whatever possessions. To me, possessions are like tools to provide for a holy means and holy end. The temporal possessions ought achieve a holy means and end; but more so the spiritual "possessions" ought do that even better, to a holy perfection.
The other day I read this from St. John Cassian's Conferences 1, 6, 7. What he wrote in the 4th c. so resonates with me in the 21st c., in the end-run of this evolving, consecrated Catholic hermit's life. See what you think. I plan to apply this to my current and unfolding existence. Even if still mostly in bed--although supposed to try to get up more and walk more--I can consider what temporal items will not make the cut for the next hermitage in which I will not be doing the manual labor I've come to so find delightful.
The truth is--for me, and in all honesty: I yet take great delight as if the child I once was, in seeing or touching or using temporal items that bring joy as well as functional value, that I know when I am finished with them or the temporal life is finished with me, that some other person will find use and maybe, pray God, some joy in the items, also.
When I touch some item that was a loved ones--parents, children, friend--I remember them in some aspect of their personalities, lives, and souls. I gain strength from who they were or are; I gain love and appreciation in the very thought of them. The thought of them becomes a prayer for them.
The other day when in particular bodily pain and a momentary emotional struggle to cope with this lengthy surgery recovery, I parked the walker in front of a wall to secure it for doing a certain leg exercise the physical therapist had recommended. The wall had a framed document, antique, that I'd gotten at an auction a decade or more ago, and then two framed antique photos of my great-grandparents' wedding and of them later with their seven children.
With tears in my voice, aloud I asked them to please help me, to send me the help of their having lived in harder times without the comforts and conveniences I have. Within the "send help" words were the unspoken aspects asking them to send help in stamina, courage, and whatever joys they gained and lived throughout their mostly very long lives-- including strength in each of their earthly deaths.
As for appreciating and also de-possessing temporal things, I all the more consider what spiritual things, what of God and Jesus and through the Holy Spirit--what I am lacking, what I need. There are spiritual items I can appreciate and utilize of ones I have, develop these all the more. I can seek after the spiritual "goods" that I so very much need and desire very much, in order to live as God wills of His Son's follower, and as a hermit in the consecrated life of His Church. Virtues are eternal, holy possessions. The Holy Spirit as my guide and teacher, I'm actually quite excited for this process!
See what you glean for your own bodies, minds, hearts, and souls from St. John Cassian's thoughts on the topic of possessions.
"Offering God our true wealth....
"We see some people who disdain very great riches in this world--and not only large sums of gold and silver but also magnificent properties--being disturbed over a penknife, a stylus, a needle, or a pen.... And when they have given away all their wealth for the sake of Christ's love, but still retain the heart's old affection for the littlest things and are always quickly irritated because of them, they become in every respect fruitless and barren, like those who do not have the love of which the Apostle speaks. Foreseeing this in the Spirit, the blessed Apostle said: 'If I gave all my goods to feed the poor and handed my body over to be burned, but I did not have love, it would profit me nothing.' (I Cor 13:4-5). Hence it is clearly proved that perfection is not immediately arrived at by being stripped and deprived of all one's wealth or by giving up one's honors, unless there is that love whose elements the Apostle describes, which consists in purity of heart alone.
"For what else does it mean not to be envious, not to be boastful, not to be angry, not to do evil, not to seek the things that are one's own, not to rejoice over iniquity, not to think evil and all the rest, (1 Cor 13:4-5) if not always to offer God a perfect and utterly clean heart and to keep it unsullied by any passion? For the sake of this, then, everything is to be done and desired."
Dear Readers: God bless His Real Presence in us! Holy Spirit, send us strength to live and love all that God wills and desires of us on earth and in heaven! Jesus, teach us in our own daily lives, in our own circumstances and vocations, in this time period on earth, how to best follow you!
Earlier on in my hermit vocation, I de-possessed. When my late mother was very ill, and I was spending time each day--other than when in a pain siege--with her at the health care facility, I decided to sell "The Anchorage"--the hermitage house. My youngest was going to be entering his junior year in college in the fall. He would spend his summer working long hours and being with friends in evenings; and frankly, my mother's painful dying with her mind clear and not ready to pass, had my attention. Time to sell the 1924 Craftsman style three-story-plus basement abode.
The year prior I'd had a lucid dream in which I was told to prepare for death within a year. These messages take discernment, and I discerned that this was for myself; and spiritually, it was. The actuality, of course, is that I did not physically die. Yet I decided to dispense of the bulk of my belongings, dividing the furnishings and family pieces among the three adult children. I kept the youngest's since he was yet in college. Much did I donate to St. Vincent de Paul's Thrift Shop, and I anonymously gifted various friends with a tea pot collection enjoyed while the children were young. (We had some fun "gypsy" tea parties, inviting friends, costumed.)
But when I did sell, I did not have any mystical message; I just felt it quite deeply that I was to sell. My angel brought a buyer on Divine Mercy Sunday which coincided that year with my birth milestone. I rid out even more, including items of my mother that she'd had shipped not knowing for sure what all she'd want or need, including clothing.
I ended up moving out of the town but not far off; while it was a good time for me and a good time to sell, it ended up not as I thought with the son. He did not want to be in the locale where he went to high school--something I thought he'd be all right with. But it would require driving to his summer job; he ended up staying with friends.
After my mother passed that autumn, I donated more of what few items she had in her health care room. By then, I'd been in and out of two rentals due to the landlords lying about the odors, and while I never prior had trouble with cigarette smoke, I developed a progressive allergy that became severe. After the second situation, I had no place to move and keep up the pace spending time with my mother daily. I lived out of my car during the day and into the evening, and the priest of a parish I'd been attending let me stay in the all night chapel by night. My household goods retained were in storage. I was awaiting the decision of another priest whose parish had a house empty; it had been where two religious sisters had lived until they returned to their Mother House.
So I lived there for over two years; it was ideal being beside a Catholic church. The rent was modest. After a couple years I realized I needed to get settled somewhere, in my own place in quieter area and put down roots. So I got into a house in a subdivision--which shortly after trouble began with a paranoid schizophrenic neighbor who became obsessed with me.
After I moved into the small house, my hermitage "Agnus Dei", I began to accumulate such as appliances since those were provided in the rental. I had to consider landscaping, which I loved and which opened me up to a creative way to glorify God in beautiful trees and flowers. (My spiritual father was quite encouraging in this mode of glorifying God as he, too, was an avid gardener.)
Ever since I realized my 11 months with the hermit community and seeing that wearing a habit was counter to my being unnoticed and "hidden from the eyes of men," I no longer had clothing. I'd donated my clothing when I put on the habit, all but a couple pairs of overalls for manual labor. I'd been wearing a gray jumper rather than accumulate more clothing after I ceased association with the hermit community.
But in the ensuing years, I noticed the gray jumper also acted as a type of habit, yet in a more negative way. So I experimented about the time I was getting settled into Agnus Dei, with clothing that would have me blend in (or so was the wish) with the parishioners of the parish I then attended.
In addition to household items, gardening tools, some bookcases and sofa set, I accumulated some clothing for the four seasons of climate in which I lived. I had only worn a pair of cross trainers that my back could tolerate when wearing the gray jumper garb ( I had sewn fabric suitable for hot and cold weather); now I needed to get some shoes suitable for blending in. Then I experimented with other aspects that would have me as if any other parishioner, commensurate with age and education background. I do think I blended fairly well until the mystical state during Mass commenced late August, 2008.
I had to move again in 2013; the sheriff deputies advised it as my protective order from the insane and life-threatening neighbor was to run out. The protective order was helpful but still had not stopped the harassment and threats. The deputies said the situation was not going to change, and I was alone, and they were not; my vulnerability would remain.
I relocated in a major adventure and ended up on an island--a ferry-ride and highway jaunt from a family member. But my, that was certainly another lesson in being stripped down more in spiritual things than temporal. Yet, I ended up selling off quite a few possessions before I moved a distance to the island; and I sold off quite a few more possessions when there to help make ends meet. Then when I sold that hermitage, "Te Deum," I sold off as well as donated and gifted much.
Here in Solus Deus, I've not accumulated nor rid out. I will be ridding out, though, when I leave here. My spine situation was at a point that I did not have the energy to donate the clothing I'd accumulated but had not worn for nearly six years, plus other items--as on the island for those years, all remained packed and stored in the pole barn.
All this history of possessions and then de-possessing "things", is to me rather shameful but very real and human. I always had reasons for either ridding out or accumulating. I used possessions for purposes, such as in Agnus Dei, I had times when there would be hermitage guests. I showed the best hospitality to my capabilities. On the island, I was simply trying to survive, endure, rehab what was a wreck of a dwelling of which I did not know was as bad as it was when I purchased it. That's life; that's the real world of not all things seeming as they are.
Off and on in life I've wondered about how literally to take the Scriptures such as "If you wish to be my disciple," says Jesus, "give all that you have to the poor and come follow me." The closest I came to that was when I sold and moved from the Craftsman house, "The Anchorage." I was "austere," people later told me. Yet, I know of a woman to this day who is far more austere and not a hermit. Yet I've utilized accumulated items in my creative zest and surges. I love truth, beauty, and goodness--and that means beauty in nature, in art, in music, in objects created such as functional art--in the furniture we utilize, in the dish ware from which we serve others and eat from, ourselves.
I generally allow phases in my life to guide me as to what possessions or not. As I've mentioned, I experiment, as a hermit and as a follower of Jesus. I know I fall short; yet somehow the lessons I continue to learn are marvelous. The lessons seem greater and brought me more effort and sacrifice than had I not experimented--such as trying to wear clothing that had me blend in. I learned that while I blended in, I did not need to be so creative and varied in the blending. I blended specific to a role to play, so to speak; I blended to those who were of similar education and socio-economic background I would be if not a hermit. As I say it worked until the mystical state started, which set me apart as "different" as much as my humble gray jumper or a habit would have.
Now, I am in a phase of de-possessing again, when I am able to orchestrate another move to a necessary downscaling that will eliminate my love of gardening. My future is going to be spine-limited. That is fine. But I as always, what we accumulate and utilize in our temporal lives, eventually we will need to dispense with. I'd be hard-pressed to live temporally as hermits of yore lived. I've had to accumulate some medical "equipment," for example. I still have tools that I'll not need for I will not have a body that should be doing the type of manual labor I have done before.
My whole take on temporal possessions has been "discordant", in a way. Yet it has been "music", all the same--just not conclusive. To me, the greater possessions to give away were my attachments to items. As long as I would use them for some good, it seemed all right, or for an experiment or testing in the hermit life when a good purpose and intentions predominated. That is all right, other than my creative personality would have "flourishes," and my good purposes and intentions would get carried too far. Thus, I'd de-possess--donate or rid out by selling possessions when I was cash-strapped.
Now it's time to assess the issue of temporal possessions. While doing so, the greater de-possessing can be considered. That is the ridding out of what is not holy, what is not leading me to God, what is not needed in practical ways nor prudent in realistic ways such as what I am able to not do or do with whatever possessions. To me, possessions are like tools to provide for a holy means and holy end. The temporal possessions ought achieve a holy means and end; but more so the spiritual "possessions" ought do that even better, to a holy perfection.
The other day I read this from St. John Cassian's Conferences 1, 6, 7. What he wrote in the 4th c. so resonates with me in the 21st c., in the end-run of this evolving, consecrated Catholic hermit's life. See what you think. I plan to apply this to my current and unfolding existence. Even if still mostly in bed--although supposed to try to get up more and walk more--I can consider what temporal items will not make the cut for the next hermitage in which I will not be doing the manual labor I've come to so find delightful.
The truth is--for me, and in all honesty: I yet take great delight as if the child I once was, in seeing or touching or using temporal items that bring joy as well as functional value, that I know when I am finished with them or the temporal life is finished with me, that some other person will find use and maybe, pray God, some joy in the items, also.
When I touch some item that was a loved ones--parents, children, friend--I remember them in some aspect of their personalities, lives, and souls. I gain strength from who they were or are; I gain love and appreciation in the very thought of them. The thought of them becomes a prayer for them.
The other day when in particular bodily pain and a momentary emotional struggle to cope with this lengthy surgery recovery, I parked the walker in front of a wall to secure it for doing a certain leg exercise the physical therapist had recommended. The wall had a framed document, antique, that I'd gotten at an auction a decade or more ago, and then two framed antique photos of my great-grandparents' wedding and of them later with their seven children.
With tears in my voice, aloud I asked them to please help me, to send me the help of their having lived in harder times without the comforts and conveniences I have. Within the "send help" words were the unspoken aspects asking them to send help in stamina, courage, and whatever joys they gained and lived throughout their mostly very long lives-- including strength in each of their earthly deaths.
As for appreciating and also de-possessing temporal things, I all the more consider what spiritual things, what of God and Jesus and through the Holy Spirit--what I am lacking, what I need. There are spiritual items I can appreciate and utilize of ones I have, develop these all the more. I can seek after the spiritual "goods" that I so very much need and desire very much, in order to live as God wills of His Son's follower, and as a hermit in the consecrated life of His Church. Virtues are eternal, holy possessions. The Holy Spirit as my guide and teacher, I'm actually quite excited for this process!
See what you glean for your own bodies, minds, hearts, and souls from St. John Cassian's thoughts on the topic of possessions.
"Offering God our true wealth....
"We see some people who disdain very great riches in this world--and not only large sums of gold and silver but also magnificent properties--being disturbed over a penknife, a stylus, a needle, or a pen.... And when they have given away all their wealth for the sake of Christ's love, but still retain the heart's old affection for the littlest things and are always quickly irritated because of them, they become in every respect fruitless and barren, like those who do not have the love of which the Apostle speaks. Foreseeing this in the Spirit, the blessed Apostle said: 'If I gave all my goods to feed the poor and handed my body over to be burned, but I did not have love, it would profit me nothing.' (I Cor 13:4-5). Hence it is clearly proved that perfection is not immediately arrived at by being stripped and deprived of all one's wealth or by giving up one's honors, unless there is that love whose elements the Apostle describes, which consists in purity of heart alone.
"For what else does it mean not to be envious, not to be boastful, not to be angry, not to do evil, not to seek the things that are one's own, not to rejoice over iniquity, not to think evil and all the rest, (1 Cor 13:4-5) if not always to offer God a perfect and utterly clean heart and to keep it unsullied by any passion? For the sake of this, then, everything is to be done and desired."
Dear Readers: God bless His Real Presence in us! Holy Spirit, send us strength to live and love all that God wills and desires of us on earth and in heaven! Jesus, teach us in our own daily lives, in our own circumstances and vocations, in this time period on earth, how to best follow you!
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