Another selection from The Catechism of the Catholic Church this morning prods me yet again, "What is my very soul's real love?" The following points out how to assess degree or level of faith by the simple question anyone can ask...but answer in truth and humility.
"2732 The most common yet most hidden temptation is our lack o2732f faith. It expresses itself less by declared incredulity than by our actual preferences. When we begin to pray, a thousand labors or cares thought to be urgent vie for priority; once again, it is the moment of truth for the heart: what is it's real love? Sometimes we turn to the Lord as a last resort, but do we really believe He is? Sometimes we enlist the Lord as an ally, but our heart remains presumptuous. In each case, our lack of faith reveals that we do not yet share in the disposition of a humble heart: 'Apart from Me, you can do nothing.'"
The recent Catechism I've pondered have prompted me to face that I too easily turn to distractions that while not bad at all, are not best. While I am not innately inclined to functional and technical aspects, such as my reposting of past blog writings in regard to what the Church has written regarding the hermit vocation, thankfully my inner inclinations (and outer, I suppose) are with God's law, which is love.
Thus in having been praying for deeper conversions for myself and others, I can only respond with any definitive results, on my own progress, how the deeper conversions have been occurring. Too many to relate, but one very important deeper conversion is in my prayer life and now, as we can see how the theological virtue and gift of the Holy Spirit--faith--undergirds prayer. Faith also undergirds most all of our soul's longing to be one with Christ, to remain in His Love.
How is my faith doing, these days? Well, it is about that of my prayer life. I am victim to distractions, or at least in most instances, the temptation of distractions. Distractions begin as temptations, just as I am learning from the above citation, a hidden temptation can be lack of faith.
So temptations are just that, and temporary they may be if we make choices before temptations become an actuality, a fact. So when we are tempted by a distraction, we can choose to turn back to Christ in whatever mode--prayer, of course, but underneath prayer, we can turn back to Christ in faith.
Simply ask: What is my real love?
Is Christ my real love, or do I first turn to seeing some news headlines to distract me from pain? Instead I can choose to turn to the day's Mass Scripture readings that are being proclaimed all over the earth in Masses celebrated in cities, towns, villages--in parish churches, cathedrals, monasteries, and even hospital chapels.
Is Christ my real love, or do I distract with some project that I convince myself must be done right then, or do I take actual time out (and time is God's creation) to silence my many thoughts, to not flee from the bodily pain that seems more intense if not distracting my mind, and just rest in the Lord even though we might on a cross of suffering all the more. If I embrace Him and just wait and see, go into the pain, what will I discover?
I will find Him in my pain, even though my mind does not want to feel the pain consciously. What will pain be when facing it within Christ's suffering on the cross? Again, what is my real love? If it is Christ, then all of Him is my love, and that includes the suffering Christ as well as the victorious-over-suffering Christ.
My mind can think of many reasons why not to drive to the church and sit in the day chapel, and to endure the mystical state (a spiritual gift, yes, but also a type of affliction as ecstasy does have physiological effects despite the spiritual depths being profound, but it is a type of crucifixion itself)? What is my real love? Yes, if the pain is truly too much, I can remain here on the floor, but choose to remain in Him, in the silence of solitude, in the silence of suffering.
What is my real love? What are my choices that reflect my real love?
Granted, I do need to tend to the daily responsibilities. Pay the temporal piper, so to speak. Live and breathe the virtues all the way to the pinnacle of faith, hope, and charity. As a consecrated Catholic hermit, I must do my main work which is prayer; and yes, I can pray while I do the various responsibilities and daily tasks. Yet I can also pray in segments of physical rest, of pain management rest, but choose what is best from what I know is best from the Holy Spirit and the Living Word.
I can choose what best exemplifies and engenders union with Who Is my real Love.
This is nothing to be forced, or to then become an imbalanced, ungrounded person--body, heart, mind, and soul. It is just to make simple choices which include disposition within, of love of God even when interacting and interchanging such as picking up the interior doors from the store, or with the neighbor boy and girl who will help organize the garage, set up the saws, help lift heavy items.
If His Real Presence is my real love, and God is love, and Christ says to remain in His love, then the answer and what I must choose always, is in essence and substance: love.
Love might have me remain on the floor, embracing suffering with the suffering Christ. Or love might have me pushing the body some, in order to do physically what I must do to maintain an earthly abode or to go to store to purchase some groceries. But all in love, that is the answer. All in love, with Love, with His Real Presence, with God Is Love.
But in choosing God Is Love, along the way there are many temporal choices to be made, of choosing what it is or how it is that will be best over better or good and definitely over bad or worse or worst. In the daily details of life, I must make choices of action and thought that are best. God Is Love is best, and His Real Presence will guide, along with the Mother of God, in my deeper conversions.
Nothing forced, nothing intense, nothing strained. When I choose better or good or worse, then simply try again. Learn to discern what might be best in any given situation. Perhaps some laughter is best in a situation, even when alone with Jesus, to just laugh at myself, or smile, in humble joy.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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