God has chosen this Lent's theme for me, now four times emphasized: A Leper's Lent.
I had told a cousin when she called to discuss a situation in her life, as well as to ask about a term popular these days, when people are too self-conscious to use the word "prayer" or "mental prayer." It is a shame when people are ashamed or uncomfortable to mention "prayer".
How will we move from verbal prayer to mental prayer to prayer of the heart or contemplative prayer--prayer of union with God if we turn from recognizing prayer as conversation in love of God and instead use a trend such as "mindfulness" instead? Where does mindfulness hold us but in our minds? Prayer is an immediate link with God!
We moved on to discussion of Lent and how arduous it can be; but it is meant to strengthen us, strengthen our faith and love in God. The spiraling action of our souls is like a double helix of energy, with trials and challenges along with blessings and surges of God's grace.
I had mentioned to my cousin the three situations in which the Lord used others to introduce me to and remind me of the term "spiritual leper" and that it is a metaphor He wishes me to embrace. I have done so, and I have surrendered to my spiritual leprosy, and have rejoiced in grasping that this large hermitage is full now of spiritual lepers from various centuries whom I've welcomed into this "leper colony," Solus Deus!
My cousin said earlier in the day she'd heard a radio talk show host bring up--yes--lepers! My cousin was immediately intrigued because I'd already told her about how excited and grateful I am--relieved, even--at having a label, an understanding, a metaphor that is perfect for me to grasp and live out as a Catholic mystic in a Catholic hermit vocation. She said while the discussion and metaphor of lepers had more to do with politics, she found herself laughing aloud, thinking of the parish priest wisely introducing me to this gift from God--my spiritual leprosy--without realizing it!
Immediately upon her telling me of hearing another leper metaphor on the radio, I knew God had chosen the leper theme for Lent. And St. Angela of Foligno who had a leper experience in her life is to be my special guest, guide, instructor, and friend during Lent. And if we can manage, we will also include Jacapone da Toda because he was also of her time period or shortly after, and very influenced by her, as I am sure will I be.
I admit, I'm rather beyond excited this Lent! And I'm incredibly happy. I am simply very, very happy. I have not been this happy in a long time, for the Lord had to take me through a few years of total stripping (or so it seemed; I'm sure there is more that can occur--whatever He wills). And I've taken steps to rid out those aspects around me that are simply not God's will nor way He has chosen, good that they might be, or those that are tinged-to-saturated with evil, negativity, and of pointless obstacles in my cleared path now, to resume intently seeking union with God!
The Lord has brought me to this place that I bought because deep within, the sense of it was right and good. It is not otherwise what seems practical, yet it is right. It is a peaceful place, that has prayerful and holy essence from those who built and lived here prior; and now it is filled with the spiritual lepers of God whom I've welcomed, along with my guardian angel and other angels and any dear souls God desires to be remembered.
In fact, I've had moments of overwhelming, intense love for my guardian angel. I've not had such effects for a long time, as when on my own "Patmos" for 5 1/2 years, it was about experiencing death therapy and being stripped in temporal and spiritual ways, and in nearly dying three or four times, with the last major event being the serious head injury. My guardian angel led me, unconscious, out of the farmhouse, out the gate, up the road, where someone who happened to be out in her yard, saw me covered in blood.
When in the trauma unit, in and out of consciousness, and the neurosurgeon said they had to wait to see if I'd need brain surgery for the brain bleeds if they did not stabilize, in a moment of consciousness I recall asking the Lord to please take me with Him. I'd lived a long life already, and I had no earthly responsibilities to family or otherwise. Yet, He had me live, the brain bleeds stabilized, miraculously I had no broken bones or internal injuries, and while I have some lingering short-term memory struggles at times (searching for a word), I'm here to continue seeking union with God and to write of the experiences and knowledge He has given me--mostly of the spiritual realm.
The Lord needs me to be free to anonymously share, and that may include verbally, for some of what I will share of experiences over time, are easier and perhaps more absorbable and helpful by and to others, if I speak of them. I continue to pray for His guidance on format. But anonymity is requisite. Who I am as a person is not pertinent. I am nothing, an old nothing. But I have spiritual matters to share that might help others to grasp how real is God and to help assure some aspects of the numinous.
The chiropractor today did some more adjustments. My body is feeling significantly better (comparatively speaking), given that even a tooth was cracked and had to be ground to correct the bite that was "off" due to the major body and head smack against what was probably the door jam. My feet never touched down to help break the speed, the momentum of my flying from the stairs I was constructing. I'm so grateful for this chiropractor, an unusual soul, a most positive and peaceful soul, with a gift that goes beyond helping bodies that are in pain to feel about as good as possible, with even adjusting the bones in the feet. That in itself has brought significant pain relief even if for a period of time. All is temporary with the body; Only God Is Forever.
And I do not need to return unless I need more bodily adjustments--perhaps a couple weeks or longer, at least. I have no other doctoring I must do until the end of the month, to see the pain MD, unless the surgeon who is reviewing the MRI scans has me come in, if he determines he can operate to correct some spine problems that have developed over the years. He may say there is nothing more that can be done. That will be all right. I'm pleased at least that other than a possible surgeon appointment, I may remain in my hermitage, the leper colony, Solus Deus! And the way of the cross now, for me, is sooner than later coming to its conclusion: the ultimate cross--to be completely crucified with my Beloved, awaits!
Yes, I am deeply, peacefully, joyfully happy. I am elated in my leprosy, to be a spiritual leper, and to be in solitude with other like souls even if not visible to me--or not yet, for they never have to be visible. I sense their presence; years ago I promised the Lord that I would strive to be more aware so that those who so want to help me from the other side, would not have to manifest in forms that I'd recognize. Yet, sometimes, still, He has to break through to me with someone, such as my late mother whom he had come in a dream a few weeks ago, to reassure me that this house is right, and also for me to see that she has come into fulness of light!
God bless His Real Presence in us! I am so very filled with His peace and His joy and have been, as I know, for one thing, it will not be terribly long until there will be consummation of the mystical marriage. I'm in the end run--yet I have to keep striving, keep seeking, keep yearning, keep loving God and others, keep living fully this life He has given me while on this earth in body, but very much climbing, with increasing fervor now, the Stairway to Heaven.
Please pray for me, and please be happy for me, with me. Through, with, and in Him, let us rejoice and love.
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