Awoke in the middle of the night--once more by my constant pal, Pain. At least pain has loyalty and desire to be with me--body, mind, heart and probably also spirit, after 34 years of pain. Sometimes it is higher level than other times, and now is a higher level time period.
It takes much to get the mind off rather severe pain. The pain makes the entire body feel ill, and now the pain has increased at the point in my skull where the major impact of the head injury occurred, eight weeks ago today. It stands to medical reason that the barometric pressure shifts, now with the change of seasons upon us, that this new area of injury would react with increased pain just as the spine reacts from low back through neck--radiating pain out through the nerves to various parts of the body.
With the pain medicine crisis in the country now, due to people being irresponsible and those who do not have physical pain but want some kind of doped experience, my suffering is on the increase. Before long, I will have to go totally without medical aid for the pain other than if I can once more take "nsaids"--anti-inflammatory medicine which helps minimally. But I accept with gratitude minimal pain aid. Due to the two brain bleeds, I cannot take any medication with nsaids in it.
So we see that this old, pained, consecrated Catholic hermit has pretty much scrutinized the pain situation for years. There is a dread of what will be in a few weeks, without pain medication, exacerbated by how it is in the present moment with pain medication but the shifting pressure fronts that promise to increase with fall and winter upon us.
My recourse in the middle of the night, was to leave off scrutinizing the pain situation and turn to Jesus Christ and His Living Word. He will be my only hope, and frankly has been my only hope, all these years of my life. So I turned on this little window to the world and read today's Mass readings in the temporal darkness of 3 a.m., and lo and behold I found truth and the power of God, as always in the first reading of 1 Corinthians 2:10b-16.
"The Spirit scrutinizes everything,
even the depths of God."
So true! I ask the Holy Spirit within me and me within the Spirit, and I thank the Holy Spirit for scrutinizing all, even the physical pain and the current situation regarding pain medication for those legitimately suffering, as well as the terrible problem for drug addicts and the addicted children they birth, as well as all the crimes and deaths connected with illegal drugs and addiction.
The reminder comes to me from the Spirit to let Him scrutinize all. I don't need to take that task upon me, ruminate or fret. I know the situation, for it is the Spirit that scrutinizes all--lovingly and with perfect understanding, knowledge, and wisdom of God.
"Among men, who knows what pertains to the man
except his spirit that is within?"
Ah, now this is important for all of us humans. How dare we presume to think we know, or to project from our scrutinizing of others, what pertains to that or any person? Only the spirit within that person knows what is within the person. Face it, we don't know, no matter how intelligent we think we are or no matter how we want to twist facts or imagine what is going on in another's body, mind, heart, spirit--in daily life or within the spiritual life of that person?
We don't.
"Similarly, no one knows what pertains to God
except the Spirit of God."
Somehow it seems easier for us humans to accept and live with this truth--that no one knows what pertains to God except His Own Spirit, the Holy Spirit. I must remind myself of this truth when I am unfortunately and quite humanly more in a temporal mode. When I am trying myself to figure out--such as what is God doing--heading me into what will be terrible pain with no medical recourse and worsening with age? What is God doing or thinking, allowing some circumstances and situations of which I do not understand? Well, we all know how we can get into trying to figure out why God allows and does this or that.
But not for long, at least for me. Within moments when I start down that path of trying to figure out from a temporal standpoint, what pertains to God (and not just in why He does or allows or disallows something in the temporal or even spiritual realm), I am thankfully shifted into a spiritual mode--reminded by my angel and transformed by the Holy Spirit to recognize that the Holy Spirit of God knows, and I do not need to take it on or be concerned.
"We have not received the spirit of the world
but the Spirit who is from God,
so that we may understand the things
freely given us by God."
That is, I do not need to have answers if I am in the Holy Spirit; but I fall into the snare if I am in some way or form in the mode of the world. Once I am reminded (if I am caught even by a thread) that I have received the Spirit who is from God, then I am opened to the possibility of understanding the things given of God. And the word "may" is crucial in this section of God's Word. We "may" understand the things freely given us by God. What we are given to understand is God's choice. But what we can always understand is that He will give us what we need, not necessarily what we think we need or what we think would be best, nor what we want.
"And we speak about them not with words
taught by human wisdom,
but with words taught by the Spirit,
describing spiritual realities in spiritual terms."
This is a helpful point. How do we describe or speak about things of God, of the Spirit who is from God, of the understanding things that are freely given us by God? Only by means of the Holy Spirit, only in ways we are taught by the Spirit, can we speak about what we come to understand of that which is freely given us by God. Only in and through and by the Spirit of God, can we describe spiritual realities in spiritual terms.
And this should be quite obvious, for see how many words I've used trying to understand, and think how many more times I might awaken in the night in severe pain, and might slip into scrutinizing what is not mine to scrutinize...until I am reminded that I have received the Spirit of God. And to stay clear of the spirit of the world. Let the Holy Spirit teach me, interpret, comfort, inform, and explain so that I may understand God's will and purpose in all things.
And stay clear of scrutinizing, especially others. Another form of that warning is to stop judging. Do not assume that through any amount of scrutiny, we can presume to know what is going on in the life of another, what is within his or her circumstances, daily life, thoughts, emotions either temporally or spiritually. Only the Holy Spirit of God knows, and it seems to me that we don't need to know. Not our business. At least not mine, lest I forget the times I've thought or been tempted to, or acted otherwise.
I have enough, with myself, to be reminded and know in truth and faith, that I have received the Spirit of God.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
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