Yesterday, the first reading of Mass from James 5 caused this hermit to winch and flinch, inside and out. Just the day before I'd complained about someone to another in some correspondence. My criticism was regarding the person's periodic statements that someone or other "deserves" this or that.
Sometimes it has been focused toward me: "You deserve to have this [item, treat, special favor, etc.]. What got me going again, of which I then in turn complained to another about it, is that the person had said that someone deserved something of which the recipient of such "deserving" has turned away from God and that, for several years.
And that caused me to wonder how it could be said that any of us really deserve much of anything--non-believers and believers alike.
So I complained about the person who tends to repeat the deserve bit for various people and things. And I complained that the person perhaps thinks people deserve this or that because the person who repeats it has a very ordered, boundaried, financially secure, temporal life in addition to be kind to others in gifts and kindliness.
And as I reflected upon my criticisms, Proverbs came to mind. Filled with wisdom about what it is to live a good life of prudence, practicality, security and so forth. So I'm not even sure what basis I had for complaining, but sometimes some people's lives seem nearly too contained and perfect. What a horrible complaint from me, indeed!
As for the repetitive statement of persons deserving this or that tangible item or event, I guess we just differ in our perception and spiritual view. We are of different religious backgrounds, which has something to do with it, surely.
But back to what James succinctly, directly wrote--a difficult but necessary trait to hold is utter Truth. (Jesus adjures us to not judge others, in numerous ways in His Living Word, also.)
"Do not complain, brothers and sisters, about one another,
that you may not be judged.
Behold, the Judge is standing before the gates."
Oh, my! Not a day does not pass that I have not had some critical thought of someone be it a friend or stranger. My opinions spew in my mind and sometimes flow out in my writing or more rarely, in a verbal conversation. (The latter are rare due to my living in the silence of solitude, not speaking on the phone but rarely and not encountering others in person but rarely, as well.
I can see a news article and in thoughts about what the person has or has not done or said, end up being the person's judge by my opinions alone. While I have freed myself of some of my complaining and critiquing, it is as one weed pulled out of a field of weeds. This is particularly startling for a consecrated Catholic hermit to be so snared by this flaw, this sin!
We are not to judge others.
What is so difficult about this simple truth?
Complaining of others, critiquing, criticizing, forming opinions even if we may think they are based on facts. For most often our own perceptions and opinions create tainted facts in whatever way we want in order to validate to ourselves that we are not judging but merely stating some reality. Most often we are actually, at root basis, complaining, criticizing, judging another.
To whom I'd emailed my critique and complaint of the person who keeps saying people (including myself) deserve this or that, I emailed an apology the next day upon reading St. James' admonition to not complain about others, to not judge. Yes, I actually was judging in the form of complaint over a divergence in outlook or viewpoint. Underlying factor is also that the person who repeats the sentiment lives such a privileged life that it seems all the more conflicting that we deserve things.
Yet, in another way to see it, the person may be thinking that since God is good, we deserve all good?
Regardless, I don't need to criticize which is akin to complaining which is judging.
Yes, I know the difference between making critical judgments in a court of law or in my own personal life which requires making wise judgment in choices and situations. But I cannot let myself be deceived, as there is a difference although fine lined, between such valid judgment and the more rampant, slithering epidemic in complaining about and judging others.
It is really inexcusable! Once more, I strive to improve, to pull out more weeds of complaint of others with the desire to rid out all tendencies and temptations to do so! How young was I when my father said, "If you cannot say something good about someone, don't say it at all." And that includes within the mind. If we cannot have good and kind thoughts of others, stop the critical and complaining thoughts before they have a chance to float about the mind.
Not easy, I do realize. I'm up there in years now, a life-long Christian, a student of the Bible, a mystic, a consecrated Catholic hermit--and I'm actually far behind in definitively ceasing this flaw, this sin, this hindering vice. It is such a common vice, so rampant, that expunging it is a most difficult task, it seems. Or if not, I'd have conquered it a long time ago.
I'm praying for a stronger will against thoughts and words of complaining and criticizing and yes--that means to stop judging others. No need to get into a discussion of the good kind of judgements compared to the bad judging of others. We do, deep down if not on the surface, know (if we have a good sense of knowing ourselves and how easily we deceive ourselves to justify our opinions and attempts to hold our perceptions as facts) when we are complaining about and judging others, in the sinful sense.
Lord, have mercy on my soul! Lord, please help me cease thoughts and verbalizations of written or oral complaints and judging of others!
I will try, try again, by the grace and power of God.
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