I've been considering more, my existence from earliest memories. Many of those are clear and sharp, but as an adult so much life has been lived that the present moment is prominent and the past details other than major ones of spiritual import--of the Persons of the Trinity and also some generated and involving the Devil--are faded unless reminded from journals or otherwise. And, in adult life so many visions and other mystical experiences have occurred that other than in the present moment or major events, the others are remembered when His Real Presence brings them to the moment or I happen upon even an long-past blog that in some aspects became the journaling mode.
I noticed some persons had read, in blogspot's statistics, a blog from long ago. I read what I'd written--and the entire noticing and nudge to read I consider the Holy Spirit's action upon my mind to do so, after a concerning realization yesterday when a lovely woman inited me and the pup Mercy to come to her home in same subdivision, to play with her two dogs Jack and Cammie. While the dogs payed, the woman and I had a cup of tea, and got to know one another, with her asking questions more than I, but with my doing my usual in situations, that of encouraging and uplifting the other, genuinely.
I came away, however, with the distinct concern that I have lost an ability which perhaps for years or ever I possessed: that of fitting in with persons who are very comfortable and thriving in the temporal world. And the reality is that I have not other than with great effort, and even then not so successfully, or else as being older (old!) now, I do not have the energy to put on a temporal face, so to speak, but yet still try with what I consider to be unsuccessful results. This is my assessment, anyway, and automatically all is shared with His Real Presence within me, and me within Him.
So this morning I happened to notice the statistical information which I do not often bother with, and there was that old blog that some few had read evidently yesterday or during the night. When I read it, I was comforted, for it related back in summer of 2008 prior to my angel appearing and leading me to the stairway to heaven in a vision, that I somehow had been in similar sense that I was yesterday, recognizing that try as I might, I had botched some attempt to relate, in my estimation, that well with the temporal world. The blog revealed, and then I recalled it--that I'd had a waking vision as I was in my concerns. An ancient hermit had appeared and said simply and firmly: Remember, you are a HERMIT~!"
There was more to that blog, including my thoughts of yearning to be on the stairway to heaven and on my way out of this existence, my longing to be with His Real Presence in eternity of Heaven. Those heartfelt yearnings I had totally forgotten even in the month later when the wish was granted, at least as a beginning, as in August in a major vision and locution that I have not forgotten, my angel led me to the stairway to heaven, took me by the right forearm and literally, physically in that surreal dimension, led me to the base of that vast stairway that seemed to ascend infinitely, narrowing as it went higher to where my eyes even in vision could not see.
Even at the time of that vision, and I do recall that vision with such clarity today, I had not remembered that the previous month I'd yearned to be on the stairway to heaven. I likely had forgotten the ancient hermit standing off to the side of my peripheral vision, telling me to remember that I am a hermit--and thus, of course, to understand why I would have the feelings and notice my awkwardness of sorts, or the effort it took to fit in and interact with the temporal. I was not destined for the temporal world of work and activity and normal interpersonal relationships of a temporal nature, but of the ones and missions that His Real Presence chose for me.
These included my children and grandchildren to the extent that my then adult children desired, of course. Even now, I need to remind myself that my own intrusions and pushing is not what they want; rather, to be for them if and when and how they want. They are busy with their families and careers, their friends and activities! They are taking in big gulps of the air of their responsibilities and vocations, their callings, all of which are temporally deemed. I rejoice in this!
But today I have been refreshed, reassured, and renewed by His Real Presence reminding me through a blog of nearly 16 years ago, and an ancient hermit--now I recall it clearly, in desert father type garment of flowing tunic, off-white to light beige with age and soil, long beard, mostly white, distinctly had been a real person--nothing fantastical about him other than the fact that he was now from the past and came as a corporeal form, in vision, with his verbalized message, loud and clear.
I am again reminded that I am a hermit! I must not let my feelings of how the interaction yesterday felt to me. Feelings can be misleading, not the reality. The woman sandwiched the visit for less than an hour in between her meetings; she sells jewelry in home parties and with Covid, more often giving presentations to people at their workplaces. She feels a calling to empower women, including the jewelry sales which she does not create nor make herself but is a line of jewelry made by a company of which the sales are through the home sales model. But her desire to help women feel confident and to know that if they want, they can do anything.
(Of course, that is relative, for we as Christians also know that much or all is dependent upon if God wills; and I say "much" because sometimes God wills to allow us to try what we want, so that we learn by failure that this or that desire is not His will for us. And that, for those who look to God in belief, faith, hope, and love. I do believe that in general, save if one is called to the temporal, active life, God allows and the person him- or herself finds what their God given gifts and their own desires bring success.)
The sense of my disappointment or feeling of failing to connect as well as I would have liked with the woman, is now put far from me because the Holy Spirit reminded me, or perhaps that ancient hermit did without having to appear in vision, since years ago I also said I would try more to be aware so that they did not have to go to the effort and use energy to whirr down to our temporal level, and to appear in corporeal form. Instead, this time I was nudged to notice the statistics of blogs read yesterday and in the night, and noticed this one from July of 2008 as one of the top read posts for March 29, 2022!
Therein was what I needed to be reminded, and to hopefully not forget for awhile, and to settle down in my eremitic vocation without wasting emotions and thought or even added effort for developing other than a kindly encouragement and relating with someone whose purpose might actually be God's will for our dogs to play with one another on occasion. The woman and her husband's "Jack" is a playful three-year-old and their "Cammie" a 13-year-old dog who at her age does not want to play with Jack. Mercy was more than happy to oblige as a frolicking 6-month-old pup!
And in the night I had a bilocation experience involving women at a workplace somewhere that I obviously did not need to know, but in the United States for the language spoken among the woman and my own self asking some questions and making some comments needed to be made per God's will, is our language, and the time period seemed to be in the latter 20th c. or even could be in our own time. However, it seems to me that it might have been such as in the '60's or '70's based on the building and the women's appearances, plus a male boss. I had a purpose for being there and by asking some questions and verbalizing some observations, fulfilled the mission God gave me to open their awareness of their situation.
That was all, and nothing spectacular as sometimes it seems people think that bilocation is some stupendous event as when German and American fighter pilots in WWII saw a monk in brown habit up in the sky, arms outstretched, which caused the German planes from continuing on in their attack against the American planes. All soldiers were amazed and stunned, and the Germans turned and flew off. Several of the soldiers in the planes, including a pilot, found out who it might have been, for they could not believe their eyes other than they all saw that friar in the sky--a miracle! They then asked about when they landed, as it was in Italy, and were told of Padre Pio, the miracle worker of San Giovanni Rotundo. At least one of them (likely others) then went there when on leave, saw Padre Pio, and validated that indeed was the friar of the skies.
Most bilocations are simple missions which come and go, the words spoken, the suggestions and questions relayed to the persons or person of which God wants the interchange for His will and purposes--always to help in love, others, for their good. I do not know in advance; I do not ask for any of it other than we all pray for God to use as He wills and desires. Most are utilized in the temporal world in temporal interchanges with others, and I try to be cooperative with God's will in these aspects, also But I must not be discouraged or think anything of it when I recognize I am not in the temporal world to be as a "natural" with temporal relationships and really ever was; my purpose and mission God wants of me has more to do with the spiritual, of which yesterday I did bring up in subtle ways, but not anything overt because our purposes and predominant "worlds" are different by virtue of our vocations and God's utilization of each of us.
I will do best to pray for the lovely woman and her husband, to be successful in their loving relationships of the persons they interact with in their temporal work and desires, bringing good, as I hopefully do and will do, but in different venues and modalities. Likely the awkwardness was mine, not the woman's. I certainly had more suffering from the padded chairs upon which we sat; no wood chairs did I see in the living area. One learns to not fuss in a one-off visit! Smile through and distract with chat and trying to listen. And admittedly, I'd not had an in For I must remember: I am a hermit and the aspects God has chosen for me such as mystic and Christian, Catholic, and his child who needs to learn to love to love as God loves.
In this instance, the reminder and the label "hermit" did help me understand yet again the awkwardness I felt and for obvious reasons in what God wills and wants of me in this life. That was a brief exchange and encouragement of the woman's good efforts and desires, and a wonderful and fun chance for the pup Mercy the Goldendoodle mini to have a playdate with Jack the black Lab and a little with Cammie, also a black Lab.
