The following by St. John of Karpathos, monk and bishop from 7th century, has provided another reminder and perspective on God's raising up all who have fallen. What he writes particularly helps focus on not only Judas' betrayal of Jesus, but puts in focus the betrayal of Peter to his best friend and Lord, Jesus Christ, Himself! This really helped me pick up and pluck up, from having so hurt a long-time friend from my lack of courage and my subsequent horrible rudeness, disrespect, as well.
"Peter was first given the keys but then he was allowed to fall into the sins of denyingChrist (cf. Mt 26:70) and so his pride was humbled by his fall. Do not be surprised, then, if after receiving the keys of spiritual knowledge you fall into various evil thoughts. Glorify our Lord, for he alone is wise. Through setbacks of this kind He restrains the presumption that we tend to feel because of our advance in the knowledge of God. Trials and temptations are the means by which God, in His providence, restrains our human arrogance....
"It is more serious to lose hope than to sin. The traitor, Judas, was a defeatist, inexperienced in spiritual warfare. As a result he was reduced to despair by the enemy's onslaught and he went and hanged himself (Mt 27:5).
"Peter, on the other hand, was a firm rock. Although brought down by a terrible fall, yet because of his experience in spiritual warfare he was not broken by despair, but leaping up he shed bitter tears from a contrite heart and humiliated heart (cf. Mt 26-75). And as soon as our enemy saw them, he recoiled as though his eyes had been burned by searing flames, and he took to flight, howling and lamenting."
I began this post last night, and here it is early morning, Holy Thursday--finally! What a LENT! All the world over, there has not been a Lent like this for as long as I can remember. I am sure there are many who have had most arduous, individual experiences of difficult Lents over the years; but this one at least for this nothing Catholic, Christian hermit, has been monumental between sickness, pain, sinful wretchedness, repentance, grieving losses of loved ones, and the global COVID-19 pandemic.
The Lord continues to spiritually direct me through the Holy Spirit, my angel, and in daily life experiences. I am gaining faith in the Lord all the more in the tremendously marvelous solitude. I am without advice of parish priest at this time of no in-person Mass or confession, nor have I received personal advice from the one who I thought would be a good spiritual director, for that advice came only in texted clips from writings of the saints and of Scripture. Made all the more clear to me the Lord is amply providing both Scripture and spiritual writings of saints on-going in daily life, already, without intermediary person having to take time to send what was most difficult to try to read on small phone, anyway.
As for my flaws being revealed, the Lord Himself is providing all the in-my-face, mind, heart, and soul revealing of my sins. All the more is the pain and anguish, the tremendous remorse I experience when God shows me my sins through my own fault, my own fault, my own most grievous fault! And then, as in the reading from God's Living Word (cf. John 13:21-33, 36-38), the Lord lifts me up from my grief and self-excoriation by showing me how Peter handled his own most horrible betrayal of Jesus Himself.
Then I am shown, in comparison, the tragic end of Judas whom the Lord would have forgiven had Judas not doubly condemned himself by sin and then despair upon sin as reaction. One lost; the other rose victorious out of ashes of sin, and onward into remorse and repentance, with gift of resurrection and renewal.
And a phone call yesterday morning, I also was shown God's grace and forgiveness, and of His giving purpose to my repented sin. He allowed me to share and advise someone else in similar situation but being the recipient of another person's sin. The person who called was upset and shared how a colleague had written a most negative expose of something the person had written--an initial script that the person had posted with the script to the detractor, that it was a rough copy. But the colleague, perhaps wanting to build up self by tearing down the other, wrote negatively to another two colleagues of how terrible the script and so forth.
But the email went to the person, instead, by unintended error. The person calling me was terribly hurt and also angered by what the detractor had written. And true, the script the caller had written and sent, due to the colleague's insistence on wanting the script early, was not polished. Perhaps the colleague missed that fact which was stated along with the sent script.
More likely in what is a high-stakes and very competitive field of work, in the top echelons of that career, regardless, the colleague had perhaps stooped to some subconscious desire to undermine the status of the person calling by writing to others about the script received. Perhaps the colleague has an inner need to try to rise up by climbing over others, in essence. We don't know other than the hurt caused, the unprofessionalism and lack in courage of the colleague not going directly to the person to complain of that person's script.
I immediately pointed out to the person calling me--in righteous indignation for being maligned like that--how hurtful it was, and that I can fully understand how the colleague was in the wrong, and terribly so. I know, for the Lord had just shown me yet again my own hurtfulness to someone--not even a colleague--but a long-time, close friend! And while I did not at all specify to the person on phone with me any indication of who I'd wronged, not once but twice--so am worse than Peter--that surely the person's colleague had learned a most painful lesson and will not repeat it, or at least not do it again to my caller.
I explained how I think and hope in God that my own remorse and the consequences of it [losing someone dear as well as losing a loved one who has passed] will now have taught me my lesson, and I must go and sin no more in that particular regard, although it is a pernicious, nasty habit. Habits are hard to lose; the devil does all to not let the chains be broken through nefarious temptations and deceptions.
But then I reminded the person of a time early on in the career--a mistake--that so caused the person remorse, could have cost that job and ended the amazing rise career. But it ended up being quite a gift from God! For it was so painful to the person--would never repeat that error. (Yes, we might repeat other of our bad habits and sins, but when we are remorseful enough, it seems, and pay heavy consequences, we do tend to more easily remember to not repeat. Helps, it seems, to be given a goodly scar of remorse and repentance.)
The person immediately remembered that tragic time, and how by grace of God was spared because of humble admission to boss and show of tremendous sorrow, and asking for forgiveness, for another chance. God was gracious and merciful! I pointed out that perhaps the person calling is in that position, now, to show mercy and forgiveness to the colleague who maligned--but who by a wonder of God, was caught in odd way just as I have been caught more than once, with writing going to person being complained about instead of the person who would have otherwise received my complaining and disparagement.
Abruptly the person calling me had to drop the call. That was fine; I figured something important had come up otherwise. But a short while later the person called back. Had had to drop the call with me as the colleague had called to offer an apology for what the colleague had done! And the person who had been maligned and had been telling me about it, took the high road and told the colleague that it was over, done, and no time to do other than to go forward with all the work to be done now and on-going. On to the next major work task--no time for hashing over the wrong done. Learn from the mistake, call or email the person directly if there is dissatisfaction or disapproval; do not complain to others.
The Lord used me, part of my penance and also a gift to show me how good can come out of my repented sins! And while in my wrong doing, there was not mercy nor a continuing on with the one I wronged, and had not been for months and all the more would not be due to my topping it off with yet another wrong--that consequence is not always the case. I trust the Lord that He chooses outcomes for His own purposes and will.
Sometimes bridges will remain open, sometimes they are closed for awhile and sometimes for good in this temporal realm. He knows best and chooses accordingly for us.
All we can do if we injure others is express sorrow, make amends, and take the consequences. If we are the injured one, all we can do is forgive and show mercy, and try to pick up where we left off and continue on with those who wronged us. Jesus speaks of this in the Gospel repeatedly. Forgive others as God has forgiven us. And also, learn to do unto others as we would want others to do unto us: Golden Rule.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
