Catholic Hermit: 3rd Day of New Life, Rise Beyond

What St. Maximus the Confessor (c. 580-662) writes from Second Century on Theology and the Incarnate Dispensation of the Son of God, nos. 45-47) is exactly what this nothing, extra-pained, Catholic hermit needs on this 3rd day of new life, having risen from my tomb of many flaws and fetters, forgiven and resurrected with Christ on Easter.

"Let us go up with Him to the Father....  Those who think of the Lord only as the creator of things which are generated and which decay mistake Him, as Mary Magdalene did, for the gardener.  It is therefore for their only good that the Master avoids contact with such persons, saying:  'Do not touch me' (Jn 20:15-17).  He knows that those who are predisposed to think of Him in such  mean [basic, earthly] terms will suffer harm if they draw near Him.

"The people from Galilee assembled in the upper room with the doors locked for fear of the Jews (Jn 20:19-20) are those who, having safely reached the height of divine contemplation in the land of revelations, and having shut their senses like the doors for fear of the spirits of evil, receive the presence of the divine Word of God in a way that cannot be conceived.  He is revealed to them without the activity of the senses.  

"Through His words:  'Peace be with you' He bestows impassibility on them, and breathing on them He grants them participation in the Holy Spirit, giving them power to combat evil spirits and showing them signs of His mysteries. The Lord does not ascend to the Father for those who explore divine truth with their faculties as they are in their fallen state; but He does ascend to the Father for those who seek out the truth in the Spirit by means of the higher forms of contemplation."

"The Word came down out of love for us.  Let us not keep Him down permanently but let us go up with Him to His Father, leaving the earth and earthly things behind, lest He say to us what He said to the Jews because of their stubbornness:  'I go where you cannot come' (Jn 8:21). For without the Word it is impossible to approach the Father of the Word." 

Here in my bed in the cell of this room of Solus Deus Hermitage (a subdivision house in quiet neighborhood with some open view behind), the physical pain continues to be a major challenge and deterrent of much spiritual reading and also of manual labor.  I continue to have noise in background--not other than for reason to help provide added pain distraction!  

Had a phone call from banker helping me figure out why it was my mortgage payment was refunded. It is not a gift, of course!  So I had some temporal efforts in getting funds into an account so will not have late payment fee.  Had a phone call from a loved one who updated on a 4-month old infant girl, Belle, who has second-degree burns of over 30% of tiny body, life flighted to a major children's hospital.  So please pray for Belle and her parents and siblings; she is expected to live, but the ordeal and healing will be long and painful and probably surgeries ahead of her. I consider the sheer shock to an infant and the shock, horror, and remorse of the mother and toddler sibling with the home accident.

I can empathize with the sense of wishing had not happened, wondering why the short lapse in judgment and discretion and of wanting forgiveness and of course being forgiven, but the consequences so painful and humbling, and the pain of the one who is suffering terribly.  So I am praying all the more for the mother as well as for the toddler sibling, and for him to not have his life feel the guilt all through, for he, too, is an innocent.  The mother needs the bulk of my prayers in that regard of the tremendous regret, guilt, and anguish.  May she have full knowing of Christ's healing forgiveness; may she be lifted up in resurrection with Christ!  Stay not chained in unintended harm.

In turning over a new leaf, I had an email from someone who I know is weary of my often labored and deeper thoughts, all the more torturous by the ever-earthly pain.  I prayed for discipline and wrote no longer than length of received email.  Mine responded to the writer's succinct sharing which included discovering a book found under bed that had gone unnoticed--probably belonged to the person's late spouse, having been gone over a year.  Holy Spirit!

The person wrote that it is a book of writings by the late Archbishop Luis Martinez, True Devotion to the Holy Spirit.  Did I know of that book?  The person emailing said seemed just right, as if written for the person specifically!  I did not recognize the title.  I have three volumes by the late Archbishop, but the closest title is The Sanctifier [Holy Spirit].  With a little research, I discovered that True Devotion to the Holy Spirit is an abridged and modernized edition, published by Sophia Press, of The Sanctifier.  

I decided that the unusual finding of the book by the friend writing me, is impetus for me to continue reading The Sanctifier.  I'm grasping at any means of rising from my fetters of entombment; I must push my mind to try to read something more than short portions of Scripture or short commentaries of which only a line or phrase or single thought I can grasp and retain for a short while.  I simply wrote that I will try reading the book I have here that will contain that content-plus, and am appreciative of the amazing finding of that book under the bed!  Yes, Holy Spirit!

Also, I wrote the line from St. Gregory of Nyssa's homily for the "Pasch"--The First Day of the New Year--and that I am endeavoring to rise out of the tomb of my flaws, sins, and struggles.  Jesus wants me to rise up with Him; and I do have the ability in Christ to make some changes in my temporal behaviors:  for pity's sake, for charity's sake, and for God's sake.

I did write a lengthier, more personal email to the professor who surprised me with unexpected contact with me a few days prior to last summer's major spine surgery.  John of the Cross scholar-- and had emailed a couple days ago asking for a personal update.  

I did note at beginning of email today, that is lengthier than others, and to skim or delete if preferred.  This is my added effort in charity to a reader.  I also explained my desire to turn over a new leaf in various ways, but that I decided to share more of my thoughts with this person as this morning I considered that the Lord had so kindly brought this scholar back into my life 14 years after the summer course in Avila, Spain.  

I also appreciate the person's education level and interest level--someone I highly regard and who I consider far beyond me in spiritual life, in faith, as well as in personal and professional virtues.  A gift to me, truly, and one from whom I can learn much in ways I need desperately to improve.  What can I offer the other but my prayers and gratitude?

I also shared some of my recent inner thoughts and sensing of the Holy Spirit's guidance, seeking God's will in the matter of the hermit vocation to which the Lord called me over 20 years ago now, but also that of other aspects of that calling and the Lord's guiding and leading me within the vocation, of the hermit ideal, and of others' views of hermit vocation, and crossroads therein.  Always there are crossroads in life both temporally and especially spiritually.

At minimum, the person will pray for me; and the artistry and reminders sent are of the rich Catholic tradition and feast days and solemnities, of the history and realities of the Church over the centuries.  I also consider the sent articles and also book on John of the Cross the professor has authored--providing uplift and promise of a more positive path forward of where I need to focus and depart from my bad habits and sins, and rise into the new life.  

Yes, I remain totally open to whatever His Real Presence desires and wills of me, for His Church, for all His Children, and for His good pleasure.  I continue to pray about the direction of my eremitic vocation and life and mentioned some of this in my correspondence with the professor; and I ask you readers to also pray for deepening of conversions in all aspects, for me and for all of us--one another.

God bless His Real Presence in us!