Also and probably more accurately called "Pseudo-Macarius", this saint and monk of the late fourth century left us homilies that lift and assist our spiritual journeys.
From Homily 31:
"So make haste to please the Lord, wait for him in your heart without ceasing, seek him in your thoughts, stir up your will and your feelings to reach out towards him at every moment. Then you will see how he comes to you and makes his home within you."
This tuckered out consecrated Catholic hermit has spent the bulk of the day (thus far) resting on the mattress, now here in the unfinished main room of this old farm house hermitage. Jean Patrick (from Haiti but now American citizen) had some break time between his nursing education school terms. Coming from civilization to help me with some heavier work, it seemed best he spend the night.
Thus, the hermit and hermitage hosted this young guest who is so filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit -- and uplifted the entire process as we made marvelous progress in our work efforts. And each day the Lord provided with some generous contributions to the roadside table's offerings: strawberries, tomatoes, peppers, and bouquets of Zinnias in whatever vases and jars I had on hand.
Jean Patrick earned quite a bit of added (and much-needed) income, and this nothing hermit gained much assistance as we installed some free and lovely cabinets and countertops in the pole barn as well as framed in an additional window. The week prior Jean Patrick and Daniel each came for a day and a half, and we installed the first two windows.
What a blessing to have some help and also to be able to help them with their school costs in the form of payment!
And with Jean Patrick, what conversation was not focused upon our tasks, we could speak of how the Lord has worked in his life--and how good is the Lord to us! We appreciated several miracles in the manual labor as well as I benefitted from hearing about this young man's life in Haiti and his life here in this country, of his family, and of prayer needs for all of them.
After the first day I was in so much pain and so exhausted, that I could feel the tension welling up within the body; I explained to Jean Patrick how pain can get to a point that I feel absolutely grumpy and with less patience, as well as to not remember simple measurements from one moment to the next. And thus, I insisted we take a work break--as I said my becoming grumpy is not worth it!
Jean Patrick loves root beer floats--something he'd not had until coming here to help out a couple times this summer. Such a simple pleasure, and how refreshing to just take time to appreciate a treat--all that the Lord provides us and the wits to take time to refresh and reflect.
Jean Patrick shared with me how he came to this country--after his mother and younger siblings left Haiti prior. He had to remain behind, and he told his mother it was all right--that it was best that the younger children got to leave. Yet, the Lord provided for him in miraculous ways! When his siblings were at the airport in Haiti, readying to depart, the airport and immigration supervisors wondered at these young ones leaving. Wasn't there someone older taking care of them?
Yes! There is their older brother, Jean Patrick, but he had been told only the young ones could leave, that he would need special clearance. The airport supervisor called Jean Patrick; he did not get the message until later that night, but he was told to come quickly to the airport as he should leave, also, accompanying his young siblings of which he'd cared and provided for them for three or four years as their mother had left on her own, earlier.
There was then a series of obstacles always met by miracles in Jean Patrick's efforts to get to the airport within 24 hours, as he had been told if he did not come right away, he'd not be able to leave without much effort, time, paperwork, and costs. A "voice", he told me, had told him a bit prior to all of this to get his passport, even though he thought there was no chance he, too, could come to this country--just the young siblings. Even a stranger offering him a ride--a man who saw him praying as they rode in a taxi in the middle of the night--all fell into place in an otherwise dangerous journey.
It all reminded me of the apostles being released unexpectedly from prison, the angel opening the door and beckoning them to come out and follow to freedom.
Well, there are more miracles from Jean Patrick's young life. Now just 22 years old, he survived three days in the Haiti earthquake rubble and survived a tidal wave coming to tip over his small boat with him in it. He had to earn money to support the young siblings and did so by burning logs down to charcoal, then bagging it, taking it in a little boat to another area where wealthy people would buy the charred wood to use for grilling.
He has dreams and locutions, and he met in me someone who definitely understood. We did discuss the need for spiritual discernment of spirits--and all this not in the terminology I'm using. He has grasped the English language very well, but there are some terms and cultural aspects that are new even though he's been in this country for three or so years.
It is a joy to have a helper who is in touch with the numinous and who loves the Lord so very much! We could praise the Lord and pray, and at night Jean Patrick liked to say his prayers aloud, thanking God for the day.
By the third day, my body was so much in pain that I knew to call upon the Holy Spirit to fill me with joy and perseverance; and so it was that we made it through that day with the bulk of the heavy work requiring two of us, completed! What remains, I will need to trust in God's providence that someone will come along who can help me lift a couple or so items.
What I found, though, in being host to even such a delightfully spiritually endowed helper, is that God has formed me to an extent thus far in my hermit and spiritual life, that I also praised Him for the return to the silence of solitude, to the stillness, the simplicity, the slowness, the serenity of being totally alone with God here. In the night when I awoke with pain, I said aloud, "Lord, I am so thankful to just be here alone with you, and you with me! Thank you for the help, but thank you for the life in you, Lord, alone--solus Deus!"
I suppose I thought of solus Deus for when Jean Patrick and I were re-arranging boxes and tools and earthly possessions on the pole barn shelves, there was the large, refinished wood, antique shutter that I'd hung on my first hermitage, 17 years ago this fall. I printed on the shutter in Old English script: Solus Deus. I explained to Jean Patrick that I had this sign on my front porch years ago as a reminder to me, coming and going to church and what few errands, and to anyone passing by, the value of loving God alone.
So today, my dear friends and readers, I wrote an explanation to a spiritual friend who is reading the writings of John of the Cross as am I, currently, for the friend had emailed wanting some ideas of what the saint meant in detachment from the senses and from things of this world. Then I received a call from a family member, and I listened to what prayer needs and concerns were being expressed from their lives; and then I rested some more, and then ate hoping to build up some energy.
Finally, the body was forced up and out to pick berries for the table and later some tomatoes and figs; and to hook up some hoses to continue the watering regimen here. Yet, I am exhausted by pain itself, from head to toe, and thus I must simply be, not do.
In all things, though, striving to relate all to God and God to all--there is a peace and contentment despite the unknowns. Tomorrow there will be a very large Visa bill to pay in addition to all monthly expenses, and finances will be all the more reduced.
And yesterday, as Jean Patrick and I had a lunch break, he received a call from his boss at the nursing home where he works on weekends, saying he should take the medic training course in this time period between his school terms! So my helper will unlikely return. He was trying to figure if there was some way he could come back, as he loves anything he does, including helping me transform this place to something better for the next person/s. But the priority is his schooling, and I told him so.
God will provide, and He probably wants me to continue doing the work on my own, and for the few things that I definitely will need help doing, somehow someone will be provided to help. My thoughts of finishing sooner than later, though, are now altered with the reminder of the unexpected surprises that come when we exist in the Order of the Present Moment. From one moment of thinking of what we would accomplish the next time he could come next week, to the moment of the phone call--all things of the temporal plans were altered!
Amazing!
Seek the Lord in all things; stir up in ourselves the feelings and will to desire Him in every moment, wait patiently for Him to come in our hearts, seek after Him in our thoughts. Then see how He comes and makes His home with us.
I do know He is here. He was here in the night when I told Him how much I love being with Him alone, and He was here in the day prior--in me and in Jean Patrick--and He is here making His home and being quite at home, right now as I write and reflect and share...and rest on this mattress.
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