I'm asking Bishop, wherever he is now--purgatory, heaven, wherever--to pray for my shoulder. It is very bad again, and I am concerned I have re-torn the Superior Labrum Anterior Posterior sheath. I have no money for a third shoulder surgery, and I cannot cope with it, pain-wise, even if I did.
I can blame myself, but I was between a rock and hard place. I consulted a Catholic friend at the time who also thought obedience the way. And, perhaps in the spiritual realm, it is. Even I had wondered at times of the mystical state Bishop wanted to test. Was it something within that could be controlled? But it wasn't. Dr. H. concluded it was not of anything but God. Yet Bishop refused to consult Dr. H. who had known me for years and knew far more of spiritual gifts than Bishop did then or perhaps now, wherever is his soul.
I asked then and ask now, "Where are you, Bishop?" I have not had any indication. I truly loved and respected him, even after the fall and the first surgery, even though he never inquired during my convalescence of which I endured without Sacraments. Later on, the neck injury and his abandonment during that, also hurt deeply.
None was as upsetting as a spontaneous visit with Bishop prior to the second shoulder surgery. I went to speak face-to-face, which revealed a shocking state of soul. So distressing, I became physically ill.
Two weeks later, the second surgery was far more grueling than the first. No one but Jesus knows how painful! But He had told me I would feel very alone and must remain strong, had He not? Yes. He knew in advance and braced me for this and more.
A month or so after my surgery, I sensed a renewed foreboding regarding Bishop's soul and repeated my plea of my spiritual Father. Pray for Bishop! Pray for him! He is a soul in trouble! He could be snatched at any time!
A month after that, Bishop unexpectedly learned he was going to die soon. Five weeks more and he was snatched from this earth.
I prayed and prayed and prayed. At the time, a priest elsewhere thought I should write Bishop a note prior to his passing, reminding what he did to me in regard to what he threatened, causing me to be rejected with no recourse due a Catholic in the flock.
But I did not think my writing Bishop would be well-received on earth as it would if I communicated after he was on the other side. I knew His Real Presence was going to have a good Face-to-face talk with Bishop very soon. Then Bishop would know how much I loved him and obeyed, and that I forgive him. For me to write a note while he was yet alive, would be misconstrued.
|This is Bishop and me, in past and better days. We were at a Bishop's Appeal dinner. I didn't realize at the time, but our Crosses were aligned, one with the other. I suppose that was fortuitous! I realize just now how so! Crucifixion!|
I continue to pray for his soul, and I am asking now of him, wherever he is, to pray that my shoulder improve, for I need this shoulder in order to function, especially with all the work yet to do here. God knows. Bishop maybe knows or can be shown from where he is, if that is God's will.
But I ask anyone reading this to also please pray for my right shoulder to have a healing from such pain. I am to mud, sand, prime and paint in the next three days, as my daughter and her husband can come Saturday to help lay flooring and bring in cabinets. Such temporal tasks! Their busy schedules--I appreciate help when it can be offered.
This shoulder pain opens flood-gates of memories. Two surgeries, having to use my late parents' gift money to pay for them--but mostly it reminds of horrific pain along with temporal Catholic world abandonment--including Sacraments. All this now must be for purpose of His Real Presence. Perhaps it has to do with my Letting-Go novena?
This episode among many in my 19 years as a Catholic, stands out as quite the ordeal. I pray for healing not only of the flared shoulder but of my mind, heart and soul which carry great pain, perhaps greater. But the physical shoulder certainly needs temporal healing in order to proceed. At this point, my right shoulder is useless for even minor tasks of dressing without sharp pain.
I'll probably be bashed by some for having written this-- judged or criticized. Is this speaking ill of the dead, or is it expressing the truth? Did not others express truth of John the Baptist's decapitation? I love the person, I forgive the person. He was ordering what he and who he consulted thought would test the mystical state. He apologized immediately after, but he could not grasp.
Why would God allow me to have the shoulder injury? Why did He allow His own Son to have one? And to be crucified with but a handful standing by Him? I had assumed that if I did what Bishop ordered, God would not let me be injured. How little did I understand of the Cross! Even now, am I trying to escape the cross being placed heavily once more on my both my temporal and mystical shoulder?This is a cross to bear, and a tough one; and His Real Presence may not lift it for awhile if ever. But I am asking of Him the favor! I relive and pray be relieved of what happened, and I ask Bishop to help, again--but this time hoping for a response dignified and worthy of his earthly vocation as a Shepherd.
Is not a priest to be a priest forever? A shepherd is not to abandon even one of his sheep.
God bless His Real Presence in us, all of us!